Contrary to most people, Fantasy Football actually reinforces my belief in a higher power. Because in my opinion, the statistical probability that the Bears would be so uniquely irrelevant for such a long amount time is far less likely than a giant vengeful sky man wanting to live with you when you die. And if we are talking in terms of fantasy (something we do from time to time), it doesn’t seem that long ago when Jay Cutler was doing his best impersonation of Jay Cutler, but with a cast of Matt Forte, Martellus Bennett, Brandon Marshall, and Alshon Jeffery. Sure, they were still full of derp, still kinda bordered the line between mediocre and hilarious, but they had an offense. More importantly, they had an offense that you wanted to draft on your team. Now all that’s left is Alshon Jeffery living in Hoyer Country. (If he throws a Hail Mary, what shall they do about their papist neighbors?) So whats wrong with the Bears offense? Is it: A) Hoyer can’t throw the ball, B) Kevin White doesn’t know what a Route Tree is, C) The offensive line can’t block, D) Alshon Jeffery hasn’t cared since they shipped Marshall off to the Jets, or E.) All the above? And sure, lets give some credit to the Cowboys. Ezekiel Elliott had a terrific game on the ground (kudos to Zach for calling it in his Start ‘Em/Sit ‘Em post), and Dak Presscott looks pretty legitimate. I mean, let’s be honest, drafting a good quarterback by accident is just about the most Cowboys thing ever. But while I deal with my own feelings as a Chargers fan (alcohol is involved), I have to wonder why the Bears even exist right now, but then I remember that the Cleveland Browns are still a thing and it all makes sense.

Here’s what else I saw in Sunday’s Week 3 games…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome back to this week’s “Depp Impact”, where we analyze famous Johnny Depp cameos and how they affected the films he appeared in. Let’s start with 21 Jump Street, a surprisingly funny romp in which Depp, wearing more prosthetics than an amputee convention, joined Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will instead be another Deep Impact, our weekly look at those options deep league players should be targeting. We’re entering the stretch run for drafting, so let’s take another look at some players you should be looking to scoop up in the last rounds before Week 1.

Hey speaking of drafts, there are still some spots left in our RCLs! Get in there quick before it fills up, so you can all compete for second place to yours truly. Now that the shameless plug is out of the way, let’s get to some names. Keeping with last week’s format, we’ll look at guys currently going after pick 180. If you’re only playing 10- or 12-team leagues, these players are at best people you should keep an eye out on. I caught flak in some corners of the internet last week for mentioning Jay Cutler’s name because mouthbreathers struggle with reading comprehension, and didn’t understand that if you’re late in the draft of a deep league, there is at least one glaring flaw causing these guys to be available…

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Hey! It’s our first episode of the year and it is ghetto as f*ck. Weeeeeee wouldn’t have it any other way. Trust me, if you like Rice Krispies (who doesn’t?), then I know you’ll appreciate the random snap, crackle, pops that occur, Tehol’s up-and-down noise-making, and the sound of my voice, which makes it seem we recorded this pod in a small empty closet. I cannot really confirm nor deny this, but I can say is that we covered a lot of topics from the offseason and went over our Razzball mock draft, with quite the crew assemblage. Zach, Jenn, Kevin, and Tehol all joined me during this amazing celebration of low-background static. And honestly, I can say it’ll get better from here as we’ve ordered new equipment and some editing software. We’re entering the big time folks. Or medium time. Small big-time? Yeah, let’s go with that one…

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Another week, another handful of big injuries in fantasy football. We saw Jimmy Graham go down for the season with a knee injury, Rob Gronkowski go down with a knee injury that isn’t too serious, but still potentially a multi-week injury, and also Chris Johnson suffer a fractured tibia. As the season progresses, more and more injuries will pop up and determining who to keep, who to pick up, and who to drop becomes crucial for those vying for playoff spots. Hence, the Benchwarmers and yours truly is here to save your Fantasy Football season.

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Welcome to Reservations For Six where everyday the specials are touchdowns. Party of five, no problem. Come in, sit down and let’s talk about six point plays. And don’t forget to tip your server. Touchdowns are the cherry on top of your Sunday fun day. The icing on the cake. And sometimes a touchdown is the only thing that can salvage a shitty stat line. When your receiver only has two receptions for 20 yards with only a few minutes to go and he reels in a 12-yard touchdown you are able to breathe a little easier. Instead of just 4 points in your PPR league, you now have 12.2 and are that much closer to a win or further from a loss if you’re the glass half empty kind. But touchdowns just don’t grow on trees. If they did, I have at least one in my backyard right next to my row of money trees. Unfortunately I have neither. Receiving touchdowns begin with targets. If the ball’s not thrown to you, then you can’t catch it. And if you can’t catch it, you can’t score a touchdown. At least not without a comedy of errors and a handful of luck. Let’s take a look what’s going on inside the red zone when the ball is thrown. Who’s being targeted? How do those targets translate to touchdowns? Who’s making the most of their red zone targets? How about the least?

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This was the only game highlight worth showcasing. Seriously.

I could have watched Fear Factor re-runs and come away with the same general feelings that I left with at the end of this game. In true Thursday Night Football fashion, I wasn’t quite sure what I was watching, and at what approximate time the 49ers actually showed up. I’m pretty sure it was around the third quarter, but my memory of that moment is fuzzy at best, and they must have left quickly thereafter. Maybe they were never there to begin with? (Not that it would have made any difference.) I think it’s fair to say that the Seahawks problem still exist, but lucky for them, teams like the 49ers exist to allow a reprieve comparable to a bye week and the almighty sports term “momentum” to be built. Now, that won’t solve Seattle’s long-term problem of their away jerseys looking like they accidentally washed them with their home jersey’s, but a win here is a start. And look, Jim Tomsula may not be the best rookie coach out there, but I swear to God, he did an absolute fantastic job cleaning my windshield the other day… (And by the way, that was three Pearl Jam songs CBS played last night, for those keeping score at home.)

Join me and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Want to win a Razzball T-Shirt? Try out our new Fantasy Football Team Name Generator and post your favorite below in the comment section. We’ll select a random winner next Thursday!

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Last week The Dillon Panthers, my team in the Razzball Writers League, scored 168.64 points, making quick work of Jay’s team and elevating me to an astounding 6-0 record. Out of all the RCL’s, there are currently only thirteen undefeated teams remaining. Yours truly is fired up to be a member of that list and will look to keep rolling this week. But before we step ahead into the future, let’s jump in our DeLorean DMC-12 and go back in time to last weekend and see what lineup would have been strong enough to have knocked me out of the ranks of the unbeaten.

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When asked for a list of players that would have outscored 168.64 points, Biff Tannen opened his Gray’s Sports Almanac and muttered, “How about these buttheads” as he rattled off the following list of players. “Together they combined for 173.81 points. Now why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here.”

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Well, I guess someone forgot to remind us that Jamaal Charles bi-annual end-of-season injury was due. Looking to go up 24-3 in the third quarter against the Bears, the Chiefs drove into the red zone, and on a seemingly normal (and patented Andy Reid run-up-the-middle with one of the best outside-the-number runners in football) play, Charles twisted his knee moving left to right (as shown above). And that’s the moment the Chiefs season ended. Based off of initial tests, it appears that Charles has suffered a torn RCL in his right knee. And if that wasn’t enough, the Bears were able to mount a comeback and win the game 18-17. If I didn’t know any better, I would say this was probably the Chiefs at their most Chiefiest moment. While many would look to Knile Davis to try and fill in for what was essentially 90% of Kansas City’s offense, Charcandrick (his stripper name, I’m sure) West will look to be Alex Smith’s new check-down artist. Yes, starting 1-4 is pretty bad. And losing your star player who handles the bulk of your offense is devastating. But hey, it could be worse… you could be the Detroit Lions…

Here’s what else I saw this past Sunday in Week 5:

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Greetings! After witnessing Peyton the redeemer, AKA Peyton the Elder, DECIMATE the once proud hearts of Kansas City Chiefs fans, I have two questions for you fine people: 1) Can we now put a stop to doubting Manning in the regular season? The old geezer may live off of Papa John’s and Chicken Parm, but on Thursday Night Football, he served nothing but grizzly tube-steak, force feeding the veiny meat down the throats of the Chiefs secondary. And 2) Are we going to stop complaining about the quality of TNF games? The battle started out limper than Stephen Baldwin’s career, but when that whistle blew, I find it difficult to believe ANY of you were questioning the quality of entertainment you just witnessed. Yes, I was once a detractor of TNF games, but with the inclusion of many more inter-divisional games and the upgraded ability for teams to prepare on a short week, going back to last season, it’s actually been quite solid. Enough of tonguing Peyton’s taint, though I know many of you would like to dive further into the discussion, the purpose of this post is to inform you of my most inner thoughts and dark secrets regarding Sunday and Monday’s games.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take heed!

You can check out my rankings here, for all your roster needs.

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One of my favorite things about fantasy football is the tracking of average draft position (ADP). I don’t care that it’s only mid May and the NFL draft is only a couple weeks in the books. I am always interested in seeing were the mind of the so called “experts” and the “average Joe’s” (me) are at when it comes to valuing certain players. I believe it’s never to early to being able to spot trends among players or positions that will be of valuable information come your draft or drafts. Now that we got that out of the way, I would like to talk about one trend that seems to have caught my eye in early drafts. It has to do with the wide receiver group, in particular, the older players and them being undervalued that is looming large at the moment.

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