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As Grey pointed out yesterday, I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday of the year, mostly because I cook, drink, and football the sh*t out of it. And, of course, it’s a day of thanks, so what better thing is there to do than to thank you, the Razzball community? Well, now that I think of it, I should probably thank your mom for that one thing at that one position that happened multiple times… But seriously, the truth is, I’ve been lucky to be given the opportunity to entertain, help, and interact with all you, and I love it. And all I have to do is fart and d*ck jokes all day long. That being said, after enjoying my extravaganza of a feast (I’d be happy to share my recipes in the comments if you’re interested), I will admit… I may have napped too long. When I woke up and saw the ending of the Eagles-Dallas game, I thought I slept right into December. In fact, Romo actually saw his shadow yesterday, confirming that Romocember has arrived early. There was also a Bears-Lions game that was captivating for about a quarter and then there was a Seahawks-49ers match-up featuring Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll. And I’ll admit, I hadn’t seen an interaction between two assholes like that since I watched Requiem for a Dream

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DeMarco Murray is no longer on pace to break the single season record for rushing yards. He is, however, on pace to finish the season with 1,973 yards on the ground. To do so he will have to maintain his average of 123 yards per game. Dallas’s remaining opponents are NYG, PHI, CHI, PHI, IND and WAS. The only team that isn’t giving up at least 100 rushing yards per game in that list are the Colts who fall just below at 98.1 yards per game. The New York Football Giants are ranked the worst in the league giving up a league high 144.7 yards per game. These remaining teams combined are allowing 696.2 yards per game. That’s an average of 116 yards. I don’t see Murray maintaing the 123 yards per game pace, but I could definitely see him averaging 85. That would close him out for the season with 1743 yards which would be the 2nd most in a season in the last 5 years behind Adrian Peterson who racked up 2097 yards in 2012. His current pace has him at 390 carries for the season. That number concerns me…

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Well, that was interesting. But only if you’re a Packers fan. Ben Roethlisberger? This is Aaron Rodgers, and he just escalated the situation by scoring 6 touchdowns and NOT losing to the Jets. Which seems like an insurmountable escalation right there. If you missed it (you probably should have), the Bears once again confirmed that they are a terrible football team. If they didn’t come out after half-time, already losing 0-42, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. I doubt the Packers would have noticed, that’s for sure. But who doesn’t want to make history? So for the first time in 90 years, the Bears have now given up 50 plus points in consecutive games. And the funniest saddest realist part of all this? Oh yeah, that’s right, this is the Bears coming off a bye. Silly Jets fans, and you thought the 2015 first overall draft pick was yours for the taking…

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About a week ago, all the buzz in Seattle was about how the decision makers had grown tired of Marshawn Lynch’s antics and that they were ready to chase to him out of town with pitchforks. Apparently, Lynch has a very tense relationship with head coach Pete Carroll and they have little to no communication. You’re kidding me, right? Those two seem like they’d be two peas in a pod. I just had a great idea for a reality show. Lynch and Carroll have to live together in a college dorm room! Every time Pete comes back to their room Marshawn has one of Pete’s ties around the doorknob. Why would Lynch want to be bothered with his head coach when he could care less about the nation’s president? Lynch’s decision to be a “no show” to the team’s Super Bowl victory celebration at the White House did not go over well with many. Sorry Obama, but Marshawn had better things to do than pay you a visit…

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I mean, you do have the Arizona Cardinals with the best record in the NFL. The Miami Dolphins suddenly look like they can be competent for certain stretches of time. One of those times including a game against my Chargers. Both the Colts and Eagles (depending on Nick Foles’ status) seem competent enough to being contenders. Even the Steelers have figured a few things out behind Ben Roethlisberger treating the last two games like he met them in a dive bar bathroom. But I think it’s fair to say that the Broncos and Patriots, fulfilling a narrative wet dream on a continual basis, had to have been considered the two best teams. At least until the Patriots destroyed the Broncos yesterday afternoon. While I’m a constant palm-facer when it comes to Peyton Manning’s “cold-weather” narrative, it seems that his “can’t beat the Patriots” narrative may have something to it. Also, there are way too many narratives. Please no more narratives. That being said, despite having their own problems early in the season, the Patriots have seemingly maintained their status as one of the top teams in the NFL, if not the top team. Now that you’ve figured that part out, for the love of god, can you give the ball to Shane Vereen more? Is that too much to ask?

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The Stats Machine and I are still riding our Halloween highs. Pro tip: Don’t get low. Also, TSM would like to point out the following:

Based on average score per game, here are some lesser owned running backs in the top-25 TSM rankings. With an average score of 19.86 Jerick McKinnon is someone that should definitely own.I have him in both of my leagues. He is ranked ahead of the likes of Jamaal Charles (19.61), Eddie Lacy (18.41) and Lamar Miller (18.76). Ronnie Hillman comes in at number 18 with a score of 18.09 and is another guy TSM sees as a potential must own. The way he’s been running the ball and the way Montee “wasn’t running the” Ball makes me think Denver would be crazy to give the job back to Montee Ball-less. Other backs of note include Darren McFadden (17.26), Joique Bell (16.47), Shane Vereen (16.09) and Mark Ingram (15.33).

TSM would like you to keep Anquan Boldin (18.59) in mind when considering trades as a great player to try and get added into a deal. I doubt he’s available in your league, although it looks like he’s owned in only 76% of Yahoo! leagues. Right now he’s ranked ahead of Brandon Marshall (18.11), Roddy White (17.98) and Kelvin Benjamin (16.61). And as usual I’d like to give a shout out to my boy Andrew Hawkins (18.15).

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I’ve made some changes to the Stats Machine (TSM) this week in hopes to present more accurate data. While this is a weekly post that highlights the previous week’s top performances, TSM also provides a year-to-date report to help you identify valuable players. Until now, this has been based on the players’ total score for the season. The problem with that is that it punishes players that have already had a bye, as they will have had one less game than players that have not. Until all teams have had their bye week, this list will be powered by each players’ average score per game. Got it? Good.

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Last week, I had success with Trent Richardson over Bishop Sankey selection, but unfortunately the wide receiver battle was a dud for both sides. That’s just fantasy football and sometimes, you we have to just deal. I could go on and on about what this game means, and how hard we take our losses, but I want to give you something that we should all know and accept: That no matter how much we think we know about a player, it all comes down to what his team does as a unit. Or in the case of the Rams secondary, what they didn’t do on MNF when they went with the “let’s leave them wide open and see if they drop the ball” approach. Just Shameful!

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In what was a pretty subdued game for most of the night, there were plenty of opportunities for the Rams to take advantage of, but they managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory multiple times, with the 49ers capitalizing on those mistakes. While you could probably point to the Gruden curse having a huge effect here (comparing Austin Davis to Drew Brees is nothing short of… questionable, we’ll call it), it was probably a bit much to count on him to drive 90 yards for a game-winning drive. So the pick-six to Dontae Johnson saved everyone the trouble. But, on a lighter note, it was 1999 throwback night to celebrate the “Greatest Show on Turf”. Obviously having Marshall Faulk and Kurt Warner on full display was fantastic timing on a night that saw Zac Stacy run up the middle for a few yards at a time and Austin Davis… not be Kurt Warner. But hey, two dollar hot dogs and three dollar beers seems like a wonderful way to get people to watch the Rams. Because you can’t really do it with just the Rams.

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Those of you in your 30’s shouldn’t have a hard time remembering George Michael’s Sports Machine. Running from 1984 to about 2007, and airing on Sunday nights, it was a 30-minute television show dedicated to providing the highlights of the past week’s sporting events. I did a quick search on Ancestry.com, and it turns out the Sports Machine and Stats Machine are very distant relatives. I hope George’s estate doesn’t sue me. Now that I have cleared that up, let’s move on.

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