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Welcome back everybody to this week’s edition of “Derp Imprints”, our recurring series at Razzball where we take a look at our favorite merchandise with Eli Manning’s dopey face printed on it. First, let’s gaze into Eli’s post-interception eyes on a nice t-shirt… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will instead by another installment of Deep Impact, and also that I shouldn’t make fun of Eli since he can’t help the fact that he looks like that. For those of you who haven’t been following along, well why haven’t you been following along? Are you too good to read some fantasy advice?? How’d you wind up on this site to begin with then? Well while you’re here, might as well check out these recommendations for deep league starts and stashes that are less than 10% owned in Yahoo. Or, click the banner link to find out more about Marie Callender’s pot pies, if that’s something you would rather do with your free time. But before we jump into names, allow me to share a brief story that I promise is relevant to this week’s article.

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Welcome back everybody to this week’s edition of “Deep Implants”, our recurring series here at Razzball discussing the history of American spies planted overseas during war. This week, we’ll take a look at the exploits of Edward Bancroft, a Massachusetts-born scholar who was a key provider of intelligence from London to Ben Franklin during the Revolutionary War. Before diving into his espionage, let’s start with his studies that showed eels use electricity to capture their prey… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that BANCROFT WAS A DOUBLE AGENT THE WHOLE TIME! NO, BEN FRANKLIN, STOP GIVING THIS MAN INFORMATION!!! As a refresher for those of you who missed the first regular season piece in this series, this is for fantasy football players who like to hang out in the deep end. Metaphorically speaking, of course; I don’t go into the actual deep end as I’m not a strong swimmer and the kids are really judgmental these days. Floaties are for adults too, dammit!

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Before his trade from the Tennessee Titans to the Philadelphia Eagles on Tuesday, Dorial Green-Beckham was a late round WR4/WR5 flyer, at best. But DGB was also somebody that people just couldn’t seem to agree on. His average WR ADP was around 50, with some experts ranking him as high as 31 and other ranking him closer to 90. Some touted his untapped potential (and 6’5”, 235 lb frame) and the talent he has flashed in the past, while others have pointed out his overall lack of production and his tendency to disappear (see weeks 1, 5, 7, 10, and 16 last year, when he had exactly zero catches).

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Overall, it was a disastrous week in Fantasy Football, let’s face it. We saw injuries galore, some upsets, and some uninspiring performances from fantasy stars. We saw some major injuries, potentially major injuries, and that is what will be dissected in this post, to make sure you guys are making all the right moves as we move that more closely to Fantasy Football playoffs. If you’ve been following and reading my Benchwarmer’s series, you probably are first in your league anyway, but for those just joining us for this special Waiver Wire edition, let’s get to it!

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Who are these guys? I’ll tell you exactly who they are. These guys are the players that no one else wants. The players that just sit on your waiver wire week after week, ignored for the hot play of the week. I bet more people picked up Thomas Rawls, James White and Dorial Green-Beckham last week than any of the following undesirable players. But that begs the question, what is your definition of “desirable”? Do you find 189.16 points desirable? If you don’t, I think you might need a new TI-84 and dose of reality. I currently sit in first place in the Razzball Writers league with a record of 9-1. Over those ten games I have averaged 133 points with a margin of victory of 26.8 points. 189.16 points is a little more than 56 points more than my weekly average. These half ass lineups that most of us wouldn’t consider starting even if we were told included players that were going to have a good week, are practically unbeatable.

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History has been made. If you watched yesterday’s game between the Chiefs and Broncos, you saw Peyton Manning achieve an amazing feat, one that could only be done in a robust and tenured career. That’s right folks. There hasn’t been a quarterback in the modern era that has done what Manning did. And that’s throw for five or less completions with at least four interceptions and less that 40 yards, something that hasn’t occurred since 1977, and he’s only the sixth quarterback to ever hold this prestigious monument to futility. Oh, and he also broke the all-time passing yards record held by Brett Favre. The man is a true record breaker folks. To be fair, Gary Kubiak, post-game, stated his regret in starting Manning due to major foot and rib injuries, leaving me to believe that Gary Kubiak is a pretty bad football coach, but we already knew that. No matter what it was, Manning has had a truly great career, probably the best quarterback in the history of the NFL. But instead of remembering the game for a truly remarkable moment, we’ll be remembering the game for a truly remarkable moment. Peyton Manning was benched in favor of Brock Osweiler… I honestly can’t see how this can get any worse. Oh, what’s that, Tim Tebow is still alive? This is gonna be good

Here’s what else I saw during Week 10’s Sunday games…

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So after a Sunday night game that saw the quick dismantling of a fading dumpster fire of a team, we were able to see the exact same thing for Monday Night Football. How charming! It’s times like this when you really wonder if your investments into the local liquor stores are paying off like they should. There was certainly plenty of derp that became easily accessible from Matt Sanchez starting, but despite throwing what should have been an interception early in the game, he was able to do some interesting things with Carolina’s gift-giving. Speaking of which, there’s gift-giving, and then there’s “Here, have my house and everything that’s in it”. Hint, the Panthers did the latter. With a chance to move back into first place in the profoundly terrible NFC South, the Panthers instead allowed Darren Sproles to do whatever tiny things he does. And while the Eagles and Cowboys seemed to be playoff bound, the entire NFC South probably needs a flotation device to keep from drowning. For context, the 1-8 Buccaneers could win three straight and theoretically, based on what the division did, be a lock for the playoffs. That’s some scary sh*t right there.

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What a mess. This position has officially become Highlander because there really can be only one. You know exactly which one, don’t even bother asking. Writing this list is gonna make me hate Tight Ends more than any man should. It wasn’t even a Tale of Two Cities because even at the best of times, it was the worst of times. For all the promise of talent, I’m not certain many lived up to it. Don’t make me even talk about Zach Sudfeld…but I’m already depressing you and we haven’t even started. If there was ever a position to stream moving forward, TE would be the place. Though I haven’t done the numbers, I’d bet there were way more ‘out of nowhere’ top 10 TE finishes in 2013 than at any other skill or QB position. It’s all about matchups save for a few of these guys so my stance of not overspending on TE still stands, but hopefully I get myself roped into the right late rounder in 2014. Ugh, let’s just get this over with. Here’s the Top 20 Tight Ends from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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I guess this question is really a two parter because there’s a yang to this yin. But to be honest, it’s Monday after week 16 has almost concluded. Losers need not apply. *Hears readership heading for exits*. Wait, wait, wait, did I say losers? I meant Lugers! Yeah, that’s it! You know, people who luge? Yeah, get the eff out, winter Olympic sports people! And take that Jamaican bobsled team with ya! Now where was I before I was rudely interrupted by a buncha sore Lugers…oh yeah, we were talking Fantasy Football, of course. The kind of Fantasy Football that wins championships, i.e. the bestest kind. For all the talk of JC Superstar and Knowshon this year, it’s kinda been lost in the shuffle that LeSean McCoy has been beasting all year. Ok, it’s hard to say that about @CutOnDime25 but when you think about it, it’s kinda true. Everyone talked about how he could be a fantasy stud in the off-season when Chip came to town but really, everyone was talking about Chip not him. Then Vick started the year off hot, so Michael Vick was the point of discussion. Then Vick sucked and that, of course, was the point of discussion. Then in waltzed Nick Foles who started running Chip’s offense at full steam and then he was the point of discussion. It’s odd that a guy can lead the NFL in rushing yards and be a bit of an afterthought in this game we play but that’s what happens when you’re consistently good but rarely breakout great in this game. Everyone wants week 15 JC Superstar, week 8 Megatron, week 13 Josh Gordon (will someone PLEASE give that man a nickname). But Shady has just ‘been there’. He’s had some big rushing days, don’t get me wrong as his 133 yards on the ground Sunday were his 6th 100+ yard effort of the year and he does have a 200+ yard snow game to his credit. I don’t know, maybe I’m Chris Collinsworth’ing this whole shizz and creating a narrative that doesn’t need to be made but I swear I’ve heard more about other players of this caliber over the course of the season than LeSean. Here’s to you, Shady, and the joy of the championships you brought to all those peoples out there who aren’t Lugers. In other news from week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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I’m not gonna lie to you, this is being typed drunk. How drunk you ask? Well my man Chip Kelly has finally gone from Pinocchio to real boy and most of the next game I had to write up while trying to read the keys through nacho vomit, if that gives you any indication. TMI? Prolly, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that my alma mater’s former coach put on a bit of a ‘yes we can’ response to the ‘you can’t do that in the NFL’ response to the naysayers tonight and I celebrated…maybe a bit too much. How many fingers am I holding up? Yes, yes imaginary reader I’ll admit it looks a bit blurred but no more then the Eagles offense did tonight. What I do see is one finger. Namely the middle. Because that’s what I expect to see from all of you after I tell you to be cautious of your Eagles components, in particular Michael Vick. I’m not a person who always aims for the negative but let me be the developer to your photographer here and point out that – as glorious as Vick’s night was – he spent more time limping then holding his arm up in victory. Vick took a lot of shots tonight and that needs to NOT go unnoticed. Chip’s never been kind to his QBs in terms of abuse received and for all that is great about Vick, his stats tonight (15/25 for 203 yards passing with 2 touchdowns, 9 for 54 yards and a TD on the ground) might be a swan song. I saw a lot of limping and a lot f big hits tonight. Now I’m not here to tell you to sell right off the bat but just be weary that the guy you drafted as a potential QB1 – and Vick really is that – just might be injured too soon to pan out. Next week is San Diego at home and though I do expect a different play out from the Eagles sideline, it’s good to note that Vick is awesome when healthy but unsellable when dead. In other news from Monday Night Football for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard that lead in title before. Whatever, you don’t really come for weekly rankings for the jokes do you? You do? Fine, a guy goes to the doctor and tells him ‘Doc, ya gotta help me. I keep having weird dreams. Last night I dreamt I was a Wigwam and the night prior I dreamt I was a TeePee. What’s wrong?’ and the Doc says, ‘That’s easy. You’re two tents.’ RIMSHOT! Ok, jokes over kids time for the meat and potatoes and the first week of the rest of your 2013 Fantasy Football lives and I only have one question for you that I won’t even type, you’ve just got to click the link. I have put Jamaal Charles as the top RB for week 1 because it’s against the Jaguars. Is that me betting on KC or betting against Jacksonville? I’d say the latter. Though every year is different and we can’t assume Jacksonville will finish in the bottom 5 in yards allowed to opposing running backs again, I think KC does well enough to give JC Superstar his touches and he’s got a good shot to torch JAX for week 1. Outside of that, I wouldn’t say my rankings go too crazy. I have little belief that either Ryan can turn around that Saints defense enough not to rank the two big wideouts from the Falcons in the high at wideout. My surprise pick this week might be Celek in the top 12 TEs for the week. His preseason was fairly under the radar but he was used a lot in the passing game. If that keeps up, he could be your first TE stream for the year and maybe more. But enough of all that, let’s get this party started. Here’s the weekly rankings for week 1 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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