After two straight Superbowl appearances, the NFC South is coming up faster than that lady from The Leftovers and this past season of Fargo.  Yes, I know her name is Carrie Coon, I didn’t have to google it, and she’s become my favorite actress.  Some of you already know that I think that the Leftovers is the best show ever made, but I’m also impressed that Fargo was able to pull off another good season for the third straight year.  Fargo has a built-in setting, but coming up with a different cast, story line, and ending every year and doing it well blows my mind.  To put it in perspective it only took a second season for True Detective to suck at the same format.  Well, I guess it didn’t “suck”, the acting was awesome.  I’m one of the few who bought into Vince Vaughn in his role.  The story was a snoozer, I can’t defend that part.

Before we get into our second division preview, be sure to check out Zach’s preview of the AFC East.  Zach will be covering the AFC while I cover the NFC.  Also, we must rejoice that Jay has returned to give you his rankings and predictions for the 2017 season.  Zach and I are going to try and record a podcast every week to get you ready for the football season.  We plan on having a few surprise guests, but most of it will just be us two talking shop.

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Welcome to the very last Beyond the Numbers! of the year and also one of the most important. I, and everyone here at Razzball, have put in our best efforts this week to get you closer towards your goal of making the fantasy Super Bowl. Sorry I had to go with another overused Blount pun as the title, but I spent too much time reviewing games to come up with a more clever one. Hell, I’ve been watching so much game tape my NFL Game Pass Replay asked me if I was a robot. To that, I of course sarcastically answered yes and it somehow let me continue watching. I guess my TV is also a robot and vouched for me or something. Let’s just say I definitely did my homework this week. There are way too many scary matchups to not be prepared. That and figuring out the value of injured players’ backups are the most crucial items on the docket. For fantasy owners in just about any situation in the playoffs, I got you covered.

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Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. The monotony of repetition quickly bores me. For the last ten weeks I have been writing the same post. Different players, same game. Well today I’m saying f-ck it and I’m zigging when I normally zag. They’ve sent in a run play, but I’m calling an audible and throwing the ball down field. If I’m putting my cards on the table, the last four times I’ve done this I’ve thrown three incomplete passes and an interception.

For those that are actually looking for my weekly waiver wire lineup of misfits, I’d hate to disappoint. These guys combined for 177.94 points. I was going to say that they combined for 206.24 points and see if any of you actually bothered to check my math. I’m betting that no one would have caught on.

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If you’re like me and you’re not into the current political talk, boy have I got a great read for you. I promise the most election-like references I’ll make in the entire post have to do with locker room politics. Instead, let me focus on the cause of what’s wrong with football lately, Roger Goodell. The man in the high castle seems to be too busy counting all the TV revenue money and player fines to worry about how bad ratings are. But don’t we, the public, deserve more from one of the most influential sports in America? I can’t be the only one eating member berries and thinking back to the good ole’ days. Remember when players were free to take cheerleader pom poms for a dance and pull out phones to call and tell their buds they scored? Hell, if Goodell is afraid of “sportsmanship” maybe he ought to implement a more stringent policy on performance enhancing drugs. You know, like the HGH policy that hasn’t caught a single player since the rule’s inception. Hopefully, we can make football great again someday soon and start the fun again. Till then, I guess dancing at home when your sketchy Flex play scores is going to have to do. I’ll do my part and give you a few names to help get you to that victory dance.

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One is an underrated story that fell apart under it’s own depressive weight and the other is the movie 28 Grams. For those who are wondering why Mark Ingram (3 CAR, 5 YDS, 1.7 AVG, 2 LONG, 1 FUM) did his best impersonation of Toby Gerhart, behold:

New Orleans Saints running back Mark Ingram lost a fumble for the second straight week during Sunday’s win over the Seattle Seahawks. …After that, all of the Saints’ handoffs went to Tim Hightower and rookie Daniel Lasco. Ingram was not available for comment in the locker room after the game. “He wasn’t carrying it loose,” Payton said of the fumble against the Seahawks. “They were able to just pull it free. We’ll be back to work with him.” Payton said not fumbling had been a point of emphasis for Ingram after the previous game, which explains the quick decision to go to Hightower.Source.

I just want to add that Tim Hightower fumbled in the same game AND Ingram has five career fumbles. Five. You know, it would really screw up my week if I have to drive all the way out to New Orleans to punch Sean Payton in the d*ck. Anyhow, we’re here to get ready for Halloween by eating a copious amount of Twix bars to talk about Sunday’s games and Fantasy Football, so let’s get started!

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Few things make me excited to wake up. Haha, I mean, I love life, but I also love my sleep. And I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think I’m alone in that. However, one day a week I am genuinely excited to wake up the moment my alarm goes off. And it’s not because doing the grown up in the morning (although always fun).

Nope, it’s Tuesdays. Because Tuesday means I can check the updated standings in my fantasy football leagues, see the new point totals within the standings (the true measure of how well you’re actually doing), start setting my lineup for the next week, and give my first glance at how I need to work the waiver wire. Does that make me weird? I’ll vote no. And I’ll imagine that a lot of you feel the same. Tuesdays…the best non-football day of the week.

This Tuesday was no different from any others. At first. I woke up before the sun, walked over to grab my phone and began scrolling through all my leagues to see the updates now that we’re four weeks in. So much anticipated joy was shortly replaced by an increasing disappointment. Sure, I didn’t do wonderful in Week 4 (went against Julio Jones in 3 leagues, and Matt Ryan in another 3…including one where my opponent had both. Ugh.), but the real cause for disappointment was found in the LACK OF ANYTHING TO WORK WITH ON THE WIRE! Haha, ok…now I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s examine just whom is actually worth targeting, and see if any deserve a dope emoji next to their names. Here’s how you can work the wire for Week 5.

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Hello everybody and welcome to “Drape Impost”, Razzball’s weekly in-depth look at international tax policy for home décor. Let’s take a look at Norway, who charge an exorbitant 18% on imported tapestries… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will actually be another Deep Impact article, and also that “Drape Impost” will be a podcast series on NPR this fall. Slight change to go over for those of you who have been reading regularly: I will no longer be limiting the “Start” section for running backs to less than 10% ownership in the interest of covering players who are actually worth starting. For running back starts, we’ll increase the population to look at low-owned guys who are more likely to already be on deep rosters but are unlikely to be every week plays. I’m figuring it out as I go, folks, and I will still cover backs under 10% ownership in the “Stash Target” section for all you players who are scouring the wire for adds. For those of you who haven’t been reading, you should try reading some time. It doesn’t even have to be about football, expand your horizons friends. Well, expand them after checking out these names, of course.

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I always thought AI stood for artificial intelligence, especially with my background in engineering. Little did I know that it shared its abbreviation with the deliberate introduction of sperm into a female’s uterus or clitoris for the purpose of achieving a pregnancy. I think that is the procedure they are currently performing on both Jay Cutler and Tony Romo. The facts are a little fuzzy, but that sounds about right. I believe Marcus Semien and Trevor Siemian are the donors, but it could also be Danny Woodhead, Wendell Smallwood or even Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. To be honest, however, I don’t think anyone cares. On the other hand, what they might care about is the following list of jabronies. I think if you tried setting your lineup as such, the web app might just reject it on principle. Let’s take a closer look.

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I’m no sage. And, as Jay always points out, I’m no expert. I can’t see the future, and I can’t accurately predict the outcome each week. One thing I can do, though? Look to the past to determine what may happen in the future. That’s called wisdom. And in fantasy sports it’s one of the best possible things you can do. Trends and trajectories, consensus and conjecture. It’s all a part of the game, but if you read it right you can get a step up on the competition. Which is why we’re here. Well, I’m here, at least…

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Welcome to this week’s edition of “Dope Imports”, our regular series evaluating the foreign drug trade in the United States. This week, we’ll take a look at drugs coming from Mexico, and hoo boy folks that Donald Trump character may have a few good… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will be yet another installment of Deep Impact, and also that I am a garbage human being. For those who haven’t been keeping up, this is the series for deep league players seeking fliers so far below the radar that LOOK OUT THEY FLEW RIGHT PAST YOU. Man, that was a close call. For those of you who have been reading, of course you have; look at how intelligent you are and how great you look in a bowtie. Why don’t you wear it more often?

As you’re aware if you live near a TV, computer, radio, newspaper stand, or town crier, Week 1 of the NFL season is upon us. Our previous editions of this series have focused on some players to target in deep formats. Now that the season is beginning, we’ll focus on two types of players: ones to consider playing this week that are very low owned (10% owned or less in Yahoo leagues), and players to consider stashing for later use (using the same 10% threshold). If you want standard league guidance for Week 1 streaming options refer to yesterday’s post by the Unbreakable MB, which had some quality players to choose from, including some below our threshold. Here, we’re going for the deepest cuts only. If you play in standard formats, I’d advise just keeping an eye on these guys for the time being. If you’re wading in deeper waters and have some early season injury issues or matchup concerns, get ready to take the plunge…

Please, blog, may I have some more?