The news hit my twitterfeed like there was a cure for cancer. Arizona trades for Carson Palmer! Finally, Larry Fitzgerald has a real quarterback throwing to him! It’ll be just like old times for Fitzy! And this is much longer than twitter will ever allow for one tweet! It must’ve been broken up over like 5! And I can’t stop using exclamation points!!!…!!! It’s true, the Cardinals finally got their man in Carson to do away with the 3-headed dreck of Stanton, Hoyer and Skelton for the season and it’s also true that Carson will most likely be successful in his stint in the desert. But let’s do like your mother did when you said you’d grow up to marry a Super Model and create a sock that never loses its elasticity: lower your expectations. It’s true that Carson is an upgrade over all those guys – and even Kevin Kolb who’s now with the Bills – but the upgrade that’s still needed hasn’t truly happened. Unless you think being a quarterback in Arizona is linked to the world’s oldest profession, you realize a QB can’t do their job while lying on their back. The Cardinals had either the worst or at least bottom 5 among offensive lines in the NFL last year according to most metrics. Don’t worry, Americans, you don’t have to understand the metric system to get how bad these stats are. The Cardinals line gave up the fourth most sacks (49), had the lowest ‘adjusted line yards’ mark at 2.92 and the team as a whole averaged 3.4 yards per carry on the ground. Those stats are like a surgeon performing a transplant: disheartening. However, the good thing we can say here is the Raiders line was not leaps and bounds better so there’s hope for a reasonable season to come from Carson and from his receiving crew. Just don’t go crazy with the twitter love and exclamation points about it. In other 2013 fantasy football news…
Please, blog, may I have some more?Colin Kaepernick
We’re back for the championship round of the Bet the Farm Playoff Challenge! Which is… what, exactly? The perfect chance for all you degenerates to get your fix without hurting your wallet! Here’s how the game is played:
- Each week we’ll list the current point spread and total for each playoff game when this goes live.
Please, blog, may I have some more?// Given the feedback I’ve received on the playoff rankings so far – i.e. minimal – I’m assuming not many of Razzball Nation actually reads these but that’s ok. I don’t mind having myself a little alone time on the internet. It allows for me to kick back and relax. Take my shoes off. And then my socks. And then my pants. It’s quite liberating to run around in only what your mother gave you, I strongly suggest you try it. But enough about birthday suits, below are the rankings for the conference championships. Clearly Colin Kaepernick proved his Harbaugh right and I’m here to prove him righter. Remember when I said Colin Kaepernick won the job and should keep it? Well now we know why. In other news, we’ll get to rolling out some off-season content in the near future. In the meantime, if you really miss me, you can find me over on the fantasy baseball side of the world as well, rolling out sleepers and team previews. What can I say, I’m fantasy ambidextrous. So with that, let’s get on with the final rankings for the 2012 fantasy football season…that somehow bled into 2013.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re back for Week 2 of the Bet the Farm Playoff Challenge! Which is… what, exactly? The perfect chance for all you degenerates to get your fix without hurting your wallet! Here’s how the game is played:
- Each week we’ll list the current point spread and total for each playoff game when this goes live.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Unlike a real champion, I’m mad and not going to re-trace my steps for this awesome open I wrote. Friggin’ Word crashed when I went to save! Typical. It’s as if I was going against Matt Ryan, Roddy White, and Calvin Johnson last night. I just feel defeated. Let’s just get into my picks:
Here’s five guys not started in enough leagues and five guys started in too many leagues that should be benched, along with their % started in ESPN leagues and Yahoo leagues, respectively. And remember, these picks are not always suggestions for direct 1-for-1 swaps if you own players in both sections, but merely picks for guys not started enough and started too often.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
NBC asked Obama to speak last night just so sports fans would switch to the NBC Sports Network for the first time ever. Also, judging from the timeslot, I’m guessing the President didn’t have any of the Patriots or Niners on his fantasy team. I think we’ve had a rough couple of days, as a nation, so I will only bring up two points– First, watching all the news, hearing all their names, listening to the speeches… it’s been the opposite of fun. And secondly, I think my ceiling fan was making my eyes water. Maybe kicking up some dust-mites? Now, let’s get back to talking about football!
I previously called this game Waterworld, due to all the rain. I am now referring to this game as ‘New Year’s Eve’, because everyone dropped the ball. What was the rain made out of? KY Jelly? Wait, wait, is it too late to call it the Boston Turnover Party?
Here was my drinking game of choice last night:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Playoffs baby!
In a stunning late push in the Razzball Writer’s League, I was able to sneak into 6th place. And what do I get for my late season surge? A one-catch. 7-yard performance from Brandon Myers…
The march into the playoffs is great in fantasy football, but nothing is more frustrating than your key, consistent guys bombing in the game that matters most.
Please, blog, may I have some more?I know I had a million other people I could’ve made the lead out of from yesterday’s games but I think you’ve already heard of them and you already know how good they are and what they do. Don’t worry, I’ll be able to talk about them below. What you need to realize is for all the accolades being shined on Luck and RGIII, Russell Wilson is putting together a strong year, both in real and fantasy football. The Seahawks took it slow with him to start the year, keeping the playbook simple which limited both his upside but also kept the ball in the hands of Marshawn Lynch and relied heavily on their defense. But as the month of November has passed and we head into December, it’s time to recognize that playbook is opening a little bit more for Wilson’s arm. After his 293 passing/71 yard rushing performance on Sunday to go with 2 touchdown passes, Wilson has put up 878 passing yards to go with 9 passing touchdowns in his last 4 games, not to mention 170 yards on the ground. Unlike the other two big name rookie QBs, Wilson landed on a very solid team. It’s rare he’s going to get a shot at a shootout due to his defense getting worked over. It’s also unlikely he’ll get as many shots at rushing touchdowns when you have a workhorse who can go for 87 and a touchdown against a stingy Bears defense like Lynch did yesterday.
Please, blog, may I have some more?In many fantasy leagues, the playoffs start next week, making this the final regular season game and the final shot at hope for fringe teams. The last week of the regular season is the biggest week for me if I’m not a lock at the top – all the scenarios and following other matchups, needing this team to lose and that team to score less than 40 than me – it gets pretty hectic.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Bet the Farm is Razzball’s weekly wagering column. Josh Carey and Zorboss compete against your picks in the comments. The rules?
- You start off with $1,000 (and can start playing along in the comments any time you want – even now)
- Every bet must be an increment of $10 up to your full bankroll ($1,000 or maybe more)
- You can bet on the over/under or spread for any NFL game (Yahoo Sports’ Odds page is a good place to pick your lines)
- Win, add $9 to your total for every $10 bet (you have to beat the rake).
