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Hello everyone, and welcome to another installment of our Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em series.

Hopefully all of you had a fantastic Thanksgiving holiday full of great family, friends, food and hockey! Can’t you believe that the Canadiens clawed out another close win against Carolina, and now they are 15-4-2! If only they could start Carey Price every game…. oh, and the Cowboys are 10-1 I guess. I dunno.

We are now one week away from being one week away from the fantasy playoffs, and I hope most of you (hopefully all?) are looking good for some fantasy postseason action, and if you aren’t, hopefully you are close! And if you are at the bottom of your league… well, there is always next year.

I can definitely say that I have greatly enjoyed my time here at Razzball currently over these past two years, and I believe this is a direct result of how awesome some of these writers are here. One of which being my good friend Tehol. Over these past two weeks, Tehol has finished 4th and 2nd out of all of the other experts in the FantasyPros rankings challenge, and I want to give him some mad props for it. If you are feeling good about your team, double-check some of your crucial week-to-week decisions with the Lord himself to get the edge on your competition. You won’t regret it.

Alright, enough jabber. Let’s get to Week 12!

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Look people, you try to make a pun out of “Ark”… Regardless, it appears that the top AFC teams coming out of the halfway point in the 2016 season are the usual New England Patriots and the… Oakland Raiders…? I honestly wish I knew why this was happening. I… I think the sun is starting to set on where I live, and I mean that in the most figurative way possible, because, you know, daylight savings time. But this is indeed a strange world we live in. The Oakland Raiders, led by the one Carr brother that’s actually not bad, Amari Cooper, and Latavius “I’ll always be 3/4 of an elite back” Murray, have managed to find themselves in first place in the AFC West with an impressive 5-0 record on the road. Because honestly, the only things that do well in Oakland are bails bondsman, and, you know, gentrification. Progress I guess. But wouldn’t it be great if the Raiders could be added that list? As a totally-not-biased-at-all-trust-me Chargers fan (and I’m throwing up a little in my mouth right now typing this), but it’s a shame that the Raiders have a solid chance to have a pretty great year, and it’s being overshadowed with rumors of the team possibly moving. And we’re talking about a post-Los Angeles not being able to be used as leverage timeline that we’re in, and Mark Davis is still able to do this. Maybe they’ll move to a magical place… called Houston. I don’t think there’s a team there… Listen, my life receives no benefit for suggesting such a radical idea as rooting about a specific aspect for a franchise that, at times, was the black eye (literally too!) of the league, but I did it anyways. A Chargers fan speaking kindly of the Raiders? Truly, the end is nigh.

Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s Week 9 Sunday games…

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The day you got report cards in school was always probably the worst day of the month for most people. Regardless of whether or not you did well, it was always stressful waiting for your judgment to be handed down to you in the form of a single letter. While I’m not going to give players a letter grade for their performance on the year so far, I think it’s about time to check in on what they’re doing for your fantasy team. A fourth of the season is finished and it’s time to start making moves if your team isn’t producing. This week, I’m taking nearly 20 of the year’s most intriguing players and letting you know how they should be viewed for the rest of the season. With some trade targets and waiver wire names to grab for “failing” players, let’s get to it in this week’s edition of Beyond the Numbers.

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What a great week of football last Sunday, huh? For me, Sunday turned into a six-hour RedZone session, and truth be told, it was fantastic. A definite 10-out-of-10. I also had a pretty fun time in fantasy last week, behind the great efforts of Brandin Cooks, DeMarco Murray, Eli Manning, Blair Walsh, and the Minnesota Vikings D/ST. But this is a new week, a new set of matchups, and a new sets of games to analyze and pick apart to get the most out of our fantasy matchups.

One of the most intriguing matchups this week comes back to Denver, for the Broncos-Colts game. We have two very efficient (albeit, in their own ways) offenses combining with one very stout defense. Regardless, this game one of the most interesting games on the slate, as we get to see one of my favorite running backs have the possibility field day against a very weak Indianapolis defense.

So let’s get to it!

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Welcome back, my horde, to the first official hit it or quit it for the 2016 season!  Sure, I teased you all a little bit with some of my draft and preseason action, but this is the real thing, baby!  Hopefully, you all made it through week 1 without my “Black Widow Curse” taking out your first round draft picks?  I know I made it unscathed this week.  I think I am finally getting the hang of this thing and embracing the evil that is this curse rather than trying to fight it.  I know a couple of you lost some people, and for that, I wish I could say I was sorry, but I am embracing the evil, remember?  So, at least I can make it up to you some way by maybe giving you some people to target this coming week.  Because, after all, I am not a girl who just takes.  I know the importance of giving as well as receiving, especially if we are going to make this love affair last.  So, without further ado, here you are my loyal creeps, weirdos, perverts, geeks, convicts, inmates and overall degenerates, Hit It or Quit It, Week 2.

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Well, on a day where Jim Nantz called a pregame 9/11 memorial a 9/11 celebration, there really isn’t anywhere to go other than down… Or maybe I’m just talking in the context of the Chargers. And yes, I think I’ve written this before, but as one of the few Chargers fans in the industry (there are dozes of us, dozens!), I actually try really hard not to wax poetic about this team, an anti-bias if you will. (Except for Philip Rivers, he’s a flower.) Though, it could also be because injuries and disappointment have been a yearly routine for the Chargers, so plugging in a fork is probably more preferable than writing about them. Regardless, I only try to focus on them when it is absolutely necessary, because, believe me, I’d rather not write about how they lost yesterday despite having a 24-point lead at the half, nor would I want to mention that the Chiefs had the biggest comeback in franchise history, especially since both of those things would probably put someone like myself on suicide watch… But I do probably need to discuss Keenan Allen‘s non-contact knee injury that occurred before the half, which required a cart and hospital visit. It has now been confirmed to be an ACL tear, and based on my extensive health knowledge and degree in orthopedics (haha, my mother wishes!), I can come to the determination that this is bad. Like, season-ending bad. Also, knees continue to be a weak point in human anatomy. Also possibly groins. And this will not only cause ripple effects in football, but fantasy football as well. I think it’s fair to assume that Allen will be out the rest of the year, and here’s who will be affected positively by it: Travis Benjamin, Tyrell Williams, and Dontrelle Inman. To a lesser extent? Antonio Gates and Danny Woodhead. Here’s who will be affected negatively by it: My liver.

We’ll go over it a bit more along with all the other news and notes from yesterdays games after the jump…

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Week 1 is upon us internet friends and that means real, live American Football! Let us rejoice. With that, it’s time to crush our opponents and begin the systematic take down of our fantasy leagues. The focus of this article each week is to bring you the best passing and rushing matchups along with a few interesting notes and stats pertaining to QBs, WRs, RBs & TEs. After you’ve processed the information you’ll be ready to make the right lineup decisions to help you win . As the season progresses, we’ll have a bigger sample of data to draw on. But for this week we’ll stick to some historical trends and numbers that will help us better identify the top plays of the week. So what I’m basically saying is…..This article will definitely dig deeper and be more complete as the season moves along. So without further hesitation, let’s dig into some numbers that might help you win your match up this week. But……before we dive in I should probably offer up some sort of lede which ties into the catchy title. Right? Okay, well Kirk “You Like That” Cousins has a delicious match up with the visiting Pittsburgh Steelers. Pittsburgh ranked 22nd in TDs allowed last season and 30th in passing yards allowed. That’s not optimal for a defense. In fact, that’s pretty close to orange cone level. Add those numbers to the fact that he’s at home this week (which we’ll talk about below) and you have yourself a QBILF!? Anyway, here’s a look at some other numbers to guide you through Week 1:

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At this point if you are reading this post and you don’t instantly know who Ricky Vaughn and Willie Hayes are then you should probably just close your browser, punch yourself in the face and go watch Major League. Seriously, do you live under a rock? I guess that’s a rhetorical question since anyone that could answer should have already stopped reading. If you missed me telling you to close your browser then go back to the first sentence. Otherwise I’m guessing reading comprehension is just not your thing. If you’re still here because you’re being stubborn and refuse to leave, there’s not much I can do. But if you just want to find out what I’m going to say next, I can live with that. However, if you’re still here because you like listening to Brewers games on the radio so you can enjoy some Harry Doyle, then we’ve got something in common. Juuuuuust a bit outside!

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What’s up fans of American Football!? It’s your good buddy Honcho back to walk you through the AFC North. Yuck. That was my first reaction when I was assigned this division. I mean, can you think of four teams that deserve each other more than this group of franchise swapping,  Super Bowl gloating, bad chili pushing tough-guy wannabees? Yeah, me either. This division is tough to love. I mean truly it is. But I’m here to give you the tour so let’s proceed.

Our first objective is to identify the participants. Let’s start with the Cleveland Browns. Okay, cool. So you’re feeling good about the NBA season, but guess what LeBron’s not under center…..And that’s probably a bad thing. They hired a baseball analytics specialist to ruin –  errrrr I mean run things. The Dodgers thought so little of him they ran him out-of-town. What could possibly go wrong? So here’s the thing…I think they’re on the right track, accumulating draft picks and athletes – but this isn’t the year. Heading south, but still staying in Ohio we find the Cincinnati Bengals who have a better than average team, but just can’t win a playoff game. They’ll give it another shot this season and will probably challenge the Steelers for the top spot in the division. Speaking of the Steelers….Is there a more insufferable fan base in football? I’ve been to Pittsburgh more than a few times and you know what? Every Steelers’ fan looks the same. How is that possible? The jorts say it’s summer, the tucked in jersey says it’s football season, but the waistline says you gave up a long time ago. Ha! Just kidding Pittsburgh, I love your city! Mostly due to Primanti Brothers but hey, gotta start somewhere, right? This year you’re the team to beat in the North. Don’t mess this up. Finally we have the Ravens. Flacco’s back. That’s good. They signed Trent Richardson and then proceeded to release him shortly after. He didn’t even stick around to try Ray-Ray’s famous “Deer-Antler” spray. That was rude. Anyway, the Ravens are staring 8-8 right in the face, but if any team can luck box their way into the playoffs it’s this bunch.

So, with all that said the fantasy relevant information awaits. Per usual, I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish. Here we go!

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After one week feeling under the weather (in which I mostly slept and watched the 1972 AFC Divisional Game), I am back covering Week 15 in the Daily Fantasy Football scene. Well, being off the grid for a week, what did I miss? Did Thomas Rawls, Andy Dalton, Tyler Eifert, T.J. Yeldon, Vincent Jackson and Jonathan Stewart all suffer injuries, some season-ending? Yeah right!

You’re kidding.

Let’s review the hectic week.

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As many of us know by sifting through the waiver wire (and many of us not being Gronk owners), the troublesome times of being a “1-B” tight end owner have become very apparent.  For soothe!  The streaming tight end Acropolis of Justice has arrived and peered it’s shallow head.  Alas, it is Sir Eric of Ebron riding on his trusty steed of Cooter.  It’s funny I wrote that without any implications of it being sexually charged in any manner, and when I reread it out loud in front of my church choir, it elicited several “lord have mercies!” and a few “oh my’s!”  It’s Fantasy Football, fellow church pundits.  There is no sexual being in the house of Jay(Wrong), because the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by pass-catching tight ends. And you will know my name is the Lord when I strike my YAC on thee.  So I am glad that religiousness is all omnipresent up in here, because last week instead of getting Wilson’d, I should have Nae-Nae’d and said Conley… my bad.  Alex Smith is the Judas of fantasy quarterbacks, and my coin said tails to his Conley heads.  I will atone thee this week with the bye week and future tight end love through my tagging of Eric Ebron as the salvation of the usually blah-flotilla known as the fantasy TE.  Intrigued?  Of course you are, I just used 3-4 hidden quotes directly from the bible in that first paragraph.  Seek further for the divinity of knowledge within!

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Last week. The Stats Machine had a chance to rest its algorithms and recharge its data structures. This week, it’s ready to pinpoint last week’s top performances. Looking back is always easier than looking ahead, but it’s important that when looking back, to ensure we are examining the right stats. The Stats Machine does that for us. Let’s see what it saw last week.

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