Highs and lows. Yup, that about sums it up. Both the running backs from 2013 and how I view my medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Today I’m typing on trilacridopaprylocine. The current effect is everything I’m typing looks like its in Wing Dings. I’ll keep you up to date on how the rest goes…but let’s get back to the first part of this. It wasn’t just my top 10 that got blown up by injury, ineptitude or both. There were plenty of assets that made their owners go mad given their price this year and I can promise you the result from this year is going to make me take a hard look at how I evaluate RB rankings in 2014. As the NFL slowly moves onto being a passing league moreso than a running league, having a lead back – or at least the original definition of it for fantasy – looks like its becoming a dying breed. Truthfully, there was very little value in drafting an RB high this year when we compare the peaks and the valleys and how much gold came much later in the draft. You’ve heard of the scrub QB theory, we might be well on our way to working one up for RBs in 2014. But of course that’s a topic for another time. For now, instead of looking forward let’s look at our behinds. Here’s the Top 20 Running Backs from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m not gonna lie to you, I don’t know where I am right now. I just came back from the bars at 4 am to have a breakfast of waffles and scotch and I forgot to make the waffles. If you’re reading this then it probably means Sky’s lazy ass is somewhere ‘with family’ or some shit and I got a chance to step in and take over and give out these ridiculous Fantasy Football awards ‘in the spirit of the season’. First off, I guess I should preface this: I cuss a lot. Then again if you didn’t know that from the first couple of sentences, you’re either drunker or stupider than me. Secondly, WTF are you doing reading this on Christmas? Don’t you have some damned family around to make you sandwiches or something? Kid, my liver is the size of a Baleen Whale at this point so don’t be pretending you give a crap about what I’m writing unless you mean it. I’m what they call ‘an angry drunk’. I’m also an angrier sober so keep me socially lubricated. Now WTF were we talking about? Yeah, Fantasy Football. In a 12 team league, there are 11 people who’ve have their heart ripped out of their dong hole at this point except for those lucky few who do championships in week 17. And why are you doing that, exactly? Seriously, the JC Superstar owner is pretty much boned out of contention by that nonsense. Get your shit together. If you wanna include week 17, make it a two week championship then. Oh what, my harsh words gonna make you cry? You gonna tattle to Sky on me? What are you, five? Well if you are, let me tell you something: Santa’s not real. Yup, you guessed it there’s just a bunch of drunk arseholes like myself dressed up like this during the holidays and mommy and daddy are putting you on my lap to get your stupid picture taken. Reality bites, kid, get used to it. But enough school of hard knocks lessons from me, let’s cover who’s been naughty, who’s been nice and other fantasy football awards for the 2013 season before I throw up, get naked, and pass out (and not necessarily in that order)…

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I guess this question is really a two parter because there’s a yang to this yin. But to be honest, it’s Monday after week 16 has almost concluded. Losers need not apply. *Hears readership heading for exits*. Wait, wait, wait, did I say losers? I meant Lugers! Yeah, that’s it! You know, people who luge? Yeah, get the eff out, winter Olympic sports people! And take that Jamaican bobsled team with ya! Now where was I before I was rudely interrupted by a buncha sore Lugers…oh yeah, we were talking Fantasy Football, of course. The kind of Fantasy Football that wins championships, i.e. the bestest kind. For all the talk of JC Superstar and Knowshon this year, it’s kinda been lost in the shuffle that LeSean McCoy has been beasting all year. Ok, it’s hard to say that about @CutOnDime25 but when you think about it, it’s kinda true. Everyone talked about how he could be a fantasy stud in the off-season when Chip came to town but really, everyone was talking about Chip not him. Then Vick started the year off hot, so Michael Vick was the point of discussion. Then Vick sucked and that, of course, was the point of discussion. Then in waltzed Nick Foles who started running Chip’s offense at full steam and then he was the point of discussion. It’s odd that a guy can lead the NFL in rushing yards and be a bit of an afterthought in this game we play but that’s what happens when you’re consistently good but rarely breakout great in this game. Everyone wants week 15 JC Superstar, week 8 Megatron, week 13 Josh Gordon (will someone PLEASE give that man a nickname). But Shady has just ‘been there’. He’s had some big rushing days, don’t get me wrong as his 133 yards on the ground Sunday were his 6th 100+ yard effort of the year and he does have a 200+ yard snow game to his credit. I don’t know, maybe I’m Chris Collinsworth’ing this whole shizz and creating a narrative that doesn’t need to be made but I swear I’ve heard more about other players of this caliber over the course of the season than LeSean. Here’s to you, Shady, and the joy of the championships you brought to all those peoples out there who aren’t Lugers. In other news from week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Sure, you got a few points out of him last week, but if you want to win your league championship game, you need to bench Jamaal Charles.

Oh good, you’re still reading.

Benching a player just because someone told you it’s the right thing to do is the fantasy football equivalent of jumping off a bridge because your friend told you to. If you even considered benching Charles after reading that first sentence, you need to get outside more. This is your team. As I’ve said all season, if you have a good feeling about someone, start them! Sure, Adrian Peterson is coming off an injury and has a tough matchup in Cincinnati, but are you going to bench the guy you likely drafted in the first round or traded some serious talent to acquire? Of course not! Sure, Zac Stacy has a tough game against Tampa Bay this week, but he’s done great things against tough defenses before and the Rams are handing him the rock often so there’s no way you can bench him now.

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It’s here.  Finally.  The Finale.  The big tamale.  The Carne Asiata.

The ginormous 2013 Fantasy Football Millionaire Grand Final is this weekend, where the overall winner is going to win a million bucks.  A thousand thousands.  A million… ones…  Imagine making it rain that much, Pacman!  In a futile attempt all year, I unfortunately did not win a satellite ticket into the tourney, so I’m playing in a cheapy and not in line for the million.  But hopefully you have enough to enter the contest or have won any of the several satellites to get in there.  And if a member of Razzball Nation becomes a millionaire, maybe you buy me a couple crown and cokes?  Yup, I’m gonna be “one of those” if you’re a winner!

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Razzball Nation!  I’m filling in for Sky this morning in the football recap, as Sky was called by Al Davis for a possible CB job opening.  That would be scary for multiple reasons!  Man Oakland was brutal.  Long live the Chiefs offense!  Jamaal Charles had a historic game (6th highest fantasy output in non-PPR since 1960), making the Raiders D look worse than some of those Raiders costumes.  The real Rocky Horror Picture Show was the pass D, as JC Superstar enlightened fantasy owners with 8 catches (on 8 targets) for 195 yards and 4 TDs.  Plus an extra 20 on the ground with a score there.  Straight video game numbers!  “RB screen, X, X, X!”  Actually that sounds like a porn title.  I’ll have to ask Tehol about that one.  Charles has been effing fantastic this year, and I think easily the fantasy MVP.  Sure you could argue Peyton Manning, but if you have JC and you’re somehow not waltzing through the playoffs than you only have yourself to blame!  Is he fantasy’s #1 pick next year?  I don’t see how you could resist.  If someone really wanted Adrian Peterson, I’d turn to them after that pick ala the 1,000-year old dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and go “he chose poorly…”  While some teams had their dreams melt away, others are marching into the finals with the rest of the week 15 happenings…

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So maybe we got off on the wrong foot last week. I can’t take all the blame, of course. You’re the one who said you had a third leg because you put a sock on your woo-ha. That’s the wrong foot with me every day of the week. But what I mean by this is explaining what the funk ‘Thinking Forward’ means. You’re in the playoffs so your lineup is already pretty good and so is your bench, most likely. So all I’m trying to do is give you some ideas on future week pickups because you’ve already got your lineup set for this week and since this is the time I’d normally be telling you to buy/sell for trade purposes, I figured I might as well tell you what you can tuck away for the following week instead. Ahem, I did say tuck it. Couldja do so with said foot apparel right now? It’s distracting…but now that we’ve got the premise set up, let’s take a giant leap forward into week 16. For all intents and purposes, the Colts aren’t really playing for much down the stretch besides maybe trying to figure out how they can be 8-5 with such a terrible team on hand. Oh wait, they play in the same division as the Jaguars, Texans and Titans and are 4-0 within it. Yeah, that’ll do it. I don’t know how they won earlier in the year vs the 49ers, Seahawks and Broncos given the team we’ve seen over the last 5 weeks. And before you get angry, Colts fans, this team’s point differential on the year is -3…yes, they’ve scored three less points than their opponents as a whole on the year and still have 8 wins to show for it. That’s a fishy line if I’ve ever smelled one. That’s just your upper lip! I told you, Colts fans, don’t be angry. Just realize there are 5 teams in the plus as of this typing that might not make the playoffs and be thankful. All this to say, I don’t think the Chiefs are gonna have a tough week with Indy at home and think Knile Davis will have himself a solid fantasy day. The Chiefs are the second best team in the AFC right now by record and the only way that even matters in terms of seeding is if Denver reels off 2 losses in the last 3 weeks and KC wins out, which makes it all the more likely we won’t see a huge amount of the starters in the game for the Chiefs on week 16 Sunday. Am I telling you to be scared to start Jamaal Charles? Hells to the no, children. But I do think Davis has a sneaky shot at reproducing his week 14 line or better: 47 total yards on 12 touches and a TD. Sure, its flexy sexy but nothing great but you never know when injuries might strike. Just ask AP owners. If your main RB goes down week 15 and you still manage to make the Shiva Bowl, having Knile on speed dial is a nice consolation prize in my book. And with that, let’s move on. Here are some other suggestions for week 16 pick ups for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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For many fantasy football leagues, this is the week that decides whether or not you’re in the playoffs. The good news is that a lot of the top tier talent has fantastic matchups. Adrian Peterson, Jamaal Charles, Matt Forte, and Frank Gore were likely all taken in the first or early second round at the beginning of the season and if you were smart/lucky enough to draft them then, they are sure to guide you to victory this week. There are exceptions to that, of course, but you didn’t draft them quite as early.

Knowshon Moreno only gained 79 yards against Kansas City two weeks ago and this week he faces them again, this time nursing a bone bruise somewhere around his ankle. The injury doesn’t sound serious, but the matchup is. If you’re comfortable with 8 points from your RB2/3 then go ahead and start him, but don’t count on a huge week from the Denver feature back.

Le’Veon Bell is in a very similar position to Moreno. In week 7, he had less than 10 fantasy points against Baltimore’s tough run defense. This week he travels to Baltimore to face them again. He’s clearly the workhorse for the Steelers so he’s difficult to sit, but he’s unlikely for a score in a crucial week for fantasy teams.

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Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules:

  • You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with. You may join in any week.
  • You can wager on the spread or Over/Under for any NFL game, so long as your pick is made by kickoff of that game. The Yahoo Sports Odds page is a good place to get betting lines: you may use the best line you find available when you make your post, but revisions to wagers are not allowed.
  • Your wager must be in an increment of $10.
  • You must beat the House: Therefore, you only receive 90% of your wager for a win ($9 on a $10 bet), but lose 100% of your wager on a loss.
  • Your wager may be any amount between $10 and your full bankroll.
  • New this year: If you lose your entire bankroll, you are allowed a re-buy for another $1,000. Unlimited re-buys are available.
  • New this year: Bet the Farm staff will keep track of the full leaderboard for all participants. However, any player who has taken a re-buy will be listed below all players who have not taken a re-buy – even those with lower current balances. It’s always better to not lose all your money. Players with two re-buys will be listed below those with one re-buy, and so on.

Standings After Week 7:

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