Smokey Says: Converting Someone into Kelvin Benjamin

August 24, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 6 Comments

With preseason, there are always injuries. It just always sucks from a bitter standpoint when it is an actual usable fantasy product. The loss of Kelvin Benjamin to the Panthers is crushing because they aren’t really quite the offensive juggernaut without him. So what do the Panthers do from the standpoint of making it better for you as a fantasy player? Well, personally, I would like some sort of card or maybe a gift basket laying out their complete intentions about the situation at hand. Unfortunately, I actually requested these things and haven’t heard back from the Panthers’ front office. I don’t blame them… really I was probably asking for a lot. So from my perspective, I am going to explore what the they will do to replace the basically irreplaceable at this point of the build-up to the season, which is only two weeks away.

Take me on in the Razzball Commenter Leagues here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Sleeper: Jeff Janis

April 20, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Sleeper | 6 Comments

by: Jay

The easy thing here would be to a drop a Janis Joplin pun, but I’ll just allude to it and leave it there. Why? Because I’ve been through all of my Janis puns, and I’m pretty sure whatever you come up with will be better than what I have. So there we are… Jeff Janis may be unfamiliar to most in a America, except for those of you who reside in Wisconsin. All nine of you. Granted, his prospects as a productive receiver looked a bit better with Randall Cobb’s status up in the air, but as it stands now, the Packers depth chart at receiver stays essentially the same with Jordy Nelson, the aforementioned Cobb, and both Davante Adams and Jarrett Boykin coming in ahead of Janis. Lucky for him, overtaking Boykin on the depth chart is something my great grandmother could do, and she’s been dead for roughly three decades.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Pace, Week 5: Touch Donnell

October 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 27 Comments

by: malamoney

In hockey, three goals is called a hat trick. In basketball, three 3-pointers is 9 points. In baseball, three home runs is a monster day. In football, three touchdowns is now known as a touchdonnell! Surprisingly, there have already been 6 touchdonnells through the first 4 weeks of the NFL season. Julius Thomas in Week 1, Antonio Gates and Brandon Marshall in Week 2, none in Week 3, and Jamaal Charles, Matt Asiata and Larry Donnell this past week. Congratulations to all fantasy owners that reaped the rewards of these players’ performances, and my condolences to those that had them on their bench.

Those of you that have read some of my other posts will know that I am not a big fan of projections. At their core, they are the fantasy sports version of fortune telling, and I don’t know about you, but I consider anyone that claims to be able to look into a crystal ball or use tarot cards to predict the future, to be full of sh*t. I have studied the art of sleight of hand since I was about 13 and I can guarantee you that what a few might think is “magic”, is not. It’s the result of countless hours of practice, routining and misdirection. With that said, it might surprise a few of you that I am about to shuffle a deck of cards and make a few predictions of my own. However, instead of pulling some numbers out of my a** hat, I am going to use current stats to project future stats. It’s a little trick I like to call “on pace”.

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2014 NFL Draft Review: Filling In the Blanks

May 13, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 NFL Draft, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 8 Comments

by: Fantasy with Dase or Days

The following post has some of my thoughts for the first three rounds of the draft. You can catch Jay’s thoughts on Round one here. I will be covering the players (either drafted or the players affected by the new draftees) that weren’t covered in-depth by Jay, and what this does to their value for the upcoming season in redraft leagues. All of my views will be for that of a standard (Non-PPR) scoring.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sawbones Scribings Week 15 – Gronk Hurt. Gronk Done. Gronk Sad.

December 13, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Injury Report | 12 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

Doc is back and has another room full of patients after last week’s spate of season-ending injuries.

Rob Gronkowski was lost for the season after tearing two ligaments in his knee. Arizona lost safety Tyrann Mathieu to a torn ACL and LCL which ends his strong rookie season. Baltimore wide receiver Brandon Stokely suffered a concussion and is done for the season. Green Bay put seldom-used receiver Myles White on IR with a knee injury and it leaves the Packers few options in the passing game. Brandon Jacobs of the Giants is done after getting a cartilage graft in his left knee.

You get the idea. People are dropping like flies at the end of the season but most of them aren’t fantasy-relevant which makes it easier to sift through the impacts of said injuries.

Gronkowski being done makes Danny Amendola and Julian Edelman better options, especially in PPR formats. When you factor in Kenbrell Thompkins (hip) being questionable for this week, it makes both of those wide receivers Tom Brady’s top targets. Shane Vereen is also back there too but when it comes to deep passes he really has two choices.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last Second Decisions – Avoiding A Thanksgiving Hangover

December 1, 2013 | Last Second Decisions | 131 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

I hope everyone in Razzball Nation had a nice Thanksgiving! I decided to buck the trend and roasted up Tehol’s chicken for my centerpiece. Fingerlickin’ good!

So we’ve already had our three Thanksgiving games, and you’re all set with a round of leftovers for the rest of week 13. You’ve got gravy all over one hand and turkey grease from the wing all over the other, and you’re just not worrying about looking at you line-up. No one is on bye right?! But with all teams now in action, it gives you a lot more line-up decisions. A lot more “last second decisions.” Hey, that’s the name of the article! Yeah, I had nothing else better to run with in my Thanksgiving hangover. My stomache feels like an ever-expanding mushroom [gravy] cloud of stuffing. But I’m ready to go for today, ready to help you get into the playoffs, and ready for one last turkey sandwich while my Panthers wipe out da Bucs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Three Servings Of Thanksgiving Night Football

November 29, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 84 Comments

by: Sky

I am not gonna lie, I’m doing this the lazy way. I just spent the day watching football, cleaning house, watching more football, taking the dog for a walk, watching more football, drinking, watching, more drinking…well, you get the point. I’m gonna recap that which is recappable and ignore that which is recrappable. And sadly, there was much that could’ve gone in the pie hole today and instead came out another one. But that’s for the reviews and we ain’t there yet, we’re still talking in the opener soooo…um, welcome to your Turkey hangover I guess? I don’t know what else to say. I’m typing this pre-podcast with the crew over at Revelation Sports. Little to their knowledge, they’re getting me three beers in. Ok, I fib, I’m at about five and really I still have an hour to get a couple more in. I pray for all involved that I don’t say something stupid like ‘start all Green Bay Packer wide receivers’. That would really make me look drunk, right? Ok, I’m foreshadowing. Let’s antishadow and get this going. Here’s the three servings of Thanksgiving Night Football for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last Second Decisions – Who Needs Fantasy When The Panthers Are This Good?!

November 24, 2013 | Last Second Decisions | 102 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

As a life long Panther fan, it’s usually been fantasy that’s carried me through the season, but flippity floppity and look at em go! In the midst of their 6-game win streak I’ve seen my fantasy teams go to way of the Nick Capozzi David Wilson hot tub. But I had decent starts in my leagues – I’m mostly around .500 on most teams (and mostly come out at night! mostly…) – so there’s a few weeks left to cross my fingers and hope my Writer’s League team can make the playoffs after starting 8-0. Because it’s looking really, really bad…

What’s great about the fantasy football season is that the pivotal weeks go down the next few weeks, and if I suffer a ridiculous Thanksgiving showing (something as nuts as say, Michael Floyd getting a bajillion points), I can just eat my pity away with Thanksgiving leftovers. I’ll go into the day like Shawn Kemp as a rookie and leave it like Kemp as a Cav. Except minus all the baby mamas! Tryptophan isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac… I hope you all have a great week 12 and Thanksgiving, and hope Razzball Nation crushes towards a 1st seed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – On The Upswing, About To Get My Golden Ticket

November 20, 2013 | DraftKings | 6 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

DraftKings is back baby! And we’re one week closer to that HUGE WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE, and while I’m still struggling in my attempts to win my ticket on the cheap, I’m slowly improving. Last week I was 234/862 and with another 233 players worth of improvement, a ticket is mine! I’m sticking with the $2 Fantasy Millionaire Qualifier to try and win the Ticket with just a few peanuts. That said, I’m feeling better about my roster than any other week, so I might branch out into some other contests for a nice payday. Bring it in the Millionaire Qualifier, Razzball Nation!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hard Targets: John Carlson Returns Like Jesus

November 15, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 24 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

MFer I’m a monster in this game, similar to the Lochness. My writing’s nappy rooted, all my pieces have a process. Greetings all! Tis I, Beddict, back with more fantasy football goodness, and boy am I excited tonight. No, not because Chris Johnson scored 2 TDs on Thursday night football, but for the reason that more biblical fairy tales are being turned into movies. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been hungrily awaiting a Passion of the Christ sequel. We aren’t receiving that YET, but it’s bound to happen some day right. We can always count on Uncle Mel to deliver us the classics. Instead we get my main man Russell Crowe in the blockbuster, Noah, and man does it look scrumptious. While it doesn’t have Gibson’s maniacal touch, it does reunite Crowe with Jennifer Connelly as they, with God’s help, wipe the face of the earth of all other human life. The Elder Gods laugh hysterically about these children’s tails but one has to wonder how Hollywood has waited so long to turn these fascinating works of fiction into billion dollar hits. This is only the beginning as we should soon expect big budget pictures about Peter walking on water, the Ethiopian in the desert, the stoning of Stephen, Moses and the parting of the Red Sea, Daniel in the lion’s den, and the aforementioned Christ sequel. I for one am praying on a trilogy depicting the battle of David and Goliath, Hobbit style. Peter Jackson would be a perfect fit in bringing these storybooks to life and if the Gods will it, Elijah Wood could even play the role of David. Hollywood is sitting on a goldmine and we are the main benefactors. Rejoice!

I should probably now write something regarding football since that’s why they pay me the big bucks. Let’s lead off with John Carlson since he seemingly returned from the dead like Jesus Christ himself. Take heed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Austin-tatious

November 11, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 151 Comments

by: Sky

Ostentatious. Adjective. Definition: Characterized by vulgar or pretentious display; designed to impress or attract notice. Welp, it sure worked. We saw it all, Tavon Austin, and we’re all impressed. The 98 yard punt return? Flashy. The 81 yard TD catch and run? Swank. The 57 yard bomb? Razzle-Dazzle. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m using synonyms here for that ‘o’ word you can’t pronounce. It’s ok, it’s the internet, you only need to know context, you don’t have to know how to actually say them. Well here’s where I’m supposed to say ‘Tavon has arrived’ or ‘look for Austin to test his city limits’ because we pun like that around here. But I’m not gonna. Not even close. NOPE. Sure, it was an impressive day but here’s what doesn’t impress me: the number 2. No, I’m not talking about the polite way to say you’re taking a crap. I’m talking about his receptions in the game. Sure, he had 138 yards receiving but c’mon this game screams fluky. Further problems with the ‘pick up Tavon’ mantra or ‘Tavontra’ if you will? The number 7. That’s the number of drops he has on the year heading into the weekend. That’s tied for the league lead and of the 4 others he’s up against in that category, he has the smallest amount of targets. Third? Kellen Clemens is still throwing to him. That’s, to say the least, not a positive. Look, I’m not saying this kid can’t be good some day but that day isn’t today. In deep leagues, I can see getting interested but if I own any shares I’m looking to move on from Tavon. In other 2013 Fantasy football news from Sunday of week 10…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MORE Vikings In Prime Time!? THE TERRORISTS WON!

October 28, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 6 Comments

by: Jay

Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me it’s time to watch Josh Freeman again already? Oh wait, he’s out with a concussion. Nice. So instead we get… Christian Ponder? Sigh.

the drinking game I played

Take a sip of PBR in a wine glass…

…whenever Mike McCarthy called a totally worthless run play.

…every time Christian Ponder completely whiffed on an open man.

…whenever Christian Ponder looked totally confused about life.

…every time Cris Collinsworth gushed over BJ Raji.

Chug a wine glass full of PBR…

…every time Mason Crosby shanked a kick.

…whenever I felt like it, because Christian Ponder, bro.

Please, blog, may I have some more?