Something you didn’t know you wanted until now… I didn’t even know I wanted this until it was made. Much like your mother. You can find Razzball’s Quarterbacks Preview here. You can find Razzball’s Quarterback Rankings here. And Razzball’s Visualized Tiers for Quarterbacks (probably the best draft accessory you can bring as part of your ensemble) can be found after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Razzball’s Fantasy Football Preview series, where yours truly will guide you, caress you, perhaps even coddle you through your draft preparations and processes. Mmm, processes. And while none of this may be legal and I’ll end up with multiple restraining orders, rest assured that we’ll all be the better for it. Maybe. We’ll go in depth (that’s what she said) at every position… well, the positions that actually count (I’m looking at you Kickers and DSTs…), going over some analysis, the tiers, and any illuminating observations I might have. Because light bulbs are just the coolest thing. Said everyone from the 1800s. Before you get settled down, please refer to Razzball’s 2017 Fantasy Football Draft Rankings, and specifically for this post, refer to our Quarterback Rankings

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Hello everyone, and welcome to another post in our Razzball Divison Preview series. Today I’m taking a look at the NFC North, which, in my opinion, is one of the most interesting divisions in fantasy this year. There are so many storylines and moves that occurred over the offseason that have made this division incredibly relevant fantasy-wise (not that it hasn’t been in the past though). This could either be a great division, or a frustrating one, but we’ll have to see how it shakes out during the regular season itself. But we can’t wait forever, right? So let’s get started now and talk about these four interesting teams.

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2017 Rankings: Top 200 (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | QBRB (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | WR (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | TE (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | K | DST

IDP Rankings: Top 100 | DL | LB | DB

Dynasty Rankings: Top 200QB | RB | WR | TE | Top-50 Rookies

2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112

Even though I’m not one to pat myself on the back (actually, I am), Razzball has been on an upward curve, bringing some sort of conglomerate synergistic metamorphosis (as they say in the corporate world), providing you an ever-improving ranking accuracy year after year. How do we do it? No clue. It could be dark wizardry. It could be indigestion. It could even be your mother. But I have to admit, this year is going to be daunting, if only because the expectations we’ve placed on ourselves here at Razzball Football are at an all time high (just like my college years). Going from 31st overall to 22nd in Weekly Fantasy Football accuracy is one thing. But going from 22nd to the top-10 in the entire nation last season is quite another. And then on top of that, to finish third overall in our Draft Rankings last year… well, it’d be folly to try and say “Yes, we’re going to try even more, (more better if you believe in remedial English)”, but yeah, I’m going to say it… We’re going to do more better. (My English teacher just placed a bounty on me.) With that said, and my parentheses key broken, here are your 2017 Fantasy Football Quarterback Rankings

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Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor aren’t the only ones getting overpaid to disappoint us this upcoming fall (More on this and much more next week when Tehol graces us with his presence on the Razzblitz podcast).  Jeremy Maclin, who was recently released by the Kansas City Chiefs, has been signed by the Baltimore Ravens to a 2-year deal that will pay him 6 million this upcoming season.  The other team involved in the sweepstakes, the Buffalo Bills, either couldn’t or wouldn’t match.

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Pittsburgh Steelers tight end Ladarius Green (80) warms up before an NFL football game against the New England Patriots in Pittsburgh, Sunday, Oct. 23, 2016. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

For the last fourteen weeks or so I have proven that even a team that looks like absolute hot garbage on paper can prove the old adage true, never judge a book by its cover. That’s easy to say with the benefit of hindsight. It’s not like I’m predicting who these players will be a week in advance. I would, but I can’t seem to find my copy of Gray’s Sports Almanac. Each week I have tried to pick the players for the upcoming week, but if I said it was an easy task, I’d clearly be lying. Many weeks I have gotten a player or two correct, but my low batting average is nothing to write home about. George Brett? Tony Gwynn? Wade Boggs? More like the Mendoza Line for me!

If you are still reading this post that most likely means you have made the playoffs. Congratulations. But you are a long way from hoisting that championship trophy. And if you’ve made the playoffs, it is even more unlikely that you are going to be looking for under owned players that “might” have a good week. At this point you need high floor players.

If you have not made the playoffs and just enjoy reading my banter, rock on!

However, in the spirit of this post I’d still like to present to you last week’s crop of crapshoots…

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While the Chargers fan in me wanted this Sunday Night Football game to be a lazy Father’s Day gift (a tie!), the football fan in me just wanted to do a bit of scouting on Tony Romo’s new team next season. But it was hard to do either with the most boring first half of a football game in the history of the NFL, since last Thursday. Though drinking games usually help, instead, to match the theme of this weekend, I went with an eating game. If a first down happened, I ate turkey, and if not, ham. Worked out pretty well, I have to say. And don’t get me wrong, there were some positives last night. Al Michaels’ continued sabbatical is one. (Kinda like February in Palm West, because it’s all about an old man drying out.) There was… okay, so there was one positive. Which really wasn’t a positive at all with Cris Collinsworth trying to speak with Roger Goodell’s balls in his mouth. Just remember, the NFL flexed this game because they honestly thought that it would be more entertaining than the Jets and Patriots. Which would have been futile anyways, unless they happened to flex Westworld instead…

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Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. The monotony of repetition quickly bores me. For the last ten weeks I have been writing the same post. Different players, same game. Well today I’m saying f-ck it and I’m zigging when I normally zag. They’ve sent in a run play, but I’m calling an audible and throwing the ball down field. If I’m putting my cards on the table, the last four times I’ve done this I’ve thrown three incomplete passes and an interception.

For those that are actually looking for my weekly waiver wire lineup of misfits, I’d hate to disappoint. These guys combined for 177.94 points. I was going to say that they combined for 206.24 points and see if any of you actually bothered to check my math. I’m betting that no one would have caught on.

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Look people, you try to make a pun out of “Ark”… Regardless, it appears that the top AFC teams coming out of the halfway point in the 2016 season are the usual New England Patriots and the… Oakland Raiders…? I honestly wish I knew why this was happening. I… I think the sun is starting to set on where I live, and I mean that in the most figurative way possible, because, you know, daylight savings time. But this is indeed a strange world we live in. The Oakland Raiders, led by the one Carr brother that’s actually not bad, Amari Cooper, and Latavius “I’ll always be 3/4 of an elite back” Murray, have managed to find themselves in first place in the AFC West with an impressive 5-0 record on the road. Because honestly, the only things that do well in Oakland are bails bondsman, and, you know, gentrification. Progress I guess. But wouldn’t it be great if the Raiders could be added that list? As a totally-not-biased-at-all-trust-me Chargers fan (and I’m throwing up a little in my mouth right now typing this), but it’s a shame that the Raiders have a solid chance to have a pretty great year, and it’s being overshadowed with rumors of the team possibly moving. And we’re talking about a post-Los Angeles not being able to be used as leverage timeline that we’re in, and Mark Davis is still able to do this. Maybe they’ll move to a magical place… called Houston. I don’t think there’s a team there… Listen, my life receives no benefit for suggesting such a radical idea as rooting about a specific aspect for a franchise that, at times, was the black eye (literally too!) of the league, but I did it anyways. A Chargers fan speaking kindly of the Raiders? Truly, the end is nigh.

Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s Week 9 Sunday games…

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When I saw that Jay Ajayi (28 CAR, 214 YDS, 7.6 AVG, 1 TD, 53 LONG and 1 REC, 2 YDS, 2.0 AVG, 2 LONG, 1 TGTS) broke the 200-yard rushing barrier yesterday, I assumed it was a career-total type of thing… I mean, what kind of timeline have we been transported to where something like this could happen? We went from:s: It’s Arian Foster, it’s Jay Ajayi, it’s I think I’ll take a pass, to whatever we call this. Arian Foster (3 CAR, 5 YDS, 1.7 AVG, 3 LONG and 1 REC, 4 YDS, 4.0 AVG, 4 LONG, 3 TGTS) is probably safe to ignore now (though I might hold if possible, just because the Dolphins are a weird team that does weird things whenever they can). So now, one has to tackle (see what I did there?) the possibility that we’re seeing Devonta Freeman 2.0. True, the Bills probably wouldn’t be able to tackle Rex Ryan standing still if they tried yesterday, and yeah, the Steelers run defense has somehow morphed into the Colts run defense from the 00’s (zeroes or oh’s?… I have no idea), and that shows up in the numbers: Ajayi has broken as many tackles on 54 handoffs over the last two weeks (13) as Ezekiel Elliott has on 148 touches this entire season. But it’s hard to ignore two 200-yard games in a row, even with caveats. Only three other players have done that: O.J. Simpson, Earl Campbell, and Ricky Williams. Granted, you probably want to most be like Cambell here, in terms of the law (Simpson) and career longevity (Williams). Don’t kill people and get high, maaaaan… But how do we really know that this is legitimate? Well, since the majority of us didn’t see Freeman’s 2015, we can certainly see some similar parallels with Ajayi forming. In 2014, Freeman was one of the top running backs in the draft (like Ajayi was in 2015), and as a rookie for the Falcons, he was relegated to third string duty, totaling just 65 rushes and 30 catches the entire year. He was unspectacular, and his potential finally forgotten en masse when Tevin Coleman was drafted. The exact same could be said with Ajayi last year, as Lamar Miller’s presence limited him to just 187 total rushing yards and 11 catches. And then, Kenyan Drake was drafted and Arian Foster was signed. While it’s hard to say if Ajayi can sustain RB1 numbers for an Adam Gase and Clyde Christensen run offense that has never drawn up a sh*tty play that they didn’t love and do over and over again, it’s certainly apparent that when you make the lazy comparison that Jay Ajayi is the next Devonta Freeman, it might actually turn out to be right. And then you find yourself wondering, can Devonta effing Freeman be the next Jay Ajayi?… And then you wonder how the NFC West didn’t win a game yesterday, even though the Seahawks and Cardinals played against each other… and then you wonder why your head hurts so much.

Please, blog, may I have some more?