Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of “Dap Impacts”, our recurring series here at Razzball analyzing the most important fist bumps in history. This week, we’ll highlight Barack Obama, a man who has dapped more world leaders than all other human beings combined. And who could forget the time he dapped his own wife when accepting the Democratic party’s nomination for President, in a heartwarming moment that Fox News lovingly described as a “terrorist fist jab”… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that Fox News did not mean that as a compliment. For those of you who haven’t been reading (looking at you, Sam Hinkie), this is for fantasy football players who like to go rummaging through the Dumpsters looking for hidden treasures. Not literally, Steve, get out of the trash and for the love of all that is holy please take that out of your mouth. For everyone who has been reading this series from the beginning, wow that’s a great haircut, very sharp. And is that new cologne I smell? Well, someone is really out to impress. Here are some plays this week to reward you for being so dapper…

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Fantasy Football can be amazing really. One week you’re riding high and the next, you’re losing to somebody who didn’t set a lineup in previous weeks. That’s where Justin Mason found himself in Week 3… “SAD” to quote presidential hopeful Donald Trump. I mean look at this kid; the only thing he dominates is a box of mini donuts, and HE knocked off the league leader after two weeks by the second-largest point differential – after yours truly doubled the score of Andy Singleton. Justin’s fellow Dream Leaguers didn’t hesitate to point out just about a week ago he was lauding how weak the league was, the lack of competition, and his overall dominance. Now he’s back in the pack, trying to rebuild his once proud reputation.

Meanwhile, Sauce celebrates the good times after moving to 3-0 with a strong win over the DFS king himself, Motown Mauler. Stacie had her way with Lord Beddict (something under circumstances different than fantasy football I’m sure he’d be more than alright with) which set up an epic exchange with Ralph Lifshitz for this upcoming week. Pull no punches, Ralph did (a little Yoda impression for you there) in this week’s episode. So much more of what the Polo Rican had to say was left out of the video because the FCC has about 50 rules against his content.

So sit back, getcha popcorn ready, and enjoy the latest installment of the Dream League… The Dwazy Awakens.

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Greetings! Young Lords and Lordettes, we are almost a quarter of the way through the NFL season! I cannot believe it. I haven’t fully enjoyed the sport as I usually do, for I’m dealing with many intense personal issues, while also trying to grow as a human being. Some things must come before this incredible game we all have come to lean on for entertainment, and in my case, develop an unhealthy obsession with. So, I ask you this, as your trusted Lord; Put your phone down for a few minutes and kiss your loved ones. Close Twitter for an hour and toss your mate’s salad. Throw the ball to your dog! Go on a hike! For the love of the Gods, I beg of you, don’t become like me, for I have a screen addiction. Oh, it’s real folks. I seriously need to have it taken away from me on Sundays and pretty much every day of baseball season. There are more important things in life than professional sports. Not many, but some. I am here to serve.

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

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What’s up fans of American Football!? It’s your good buddy Honcho back to walk you through the AFC North. Yuck. That was my first reaction when I was assigned this division. I mean, can you think of four teams that deserve each other more than this group of franchise swapping,  Super Bowl gloating, bad chili pushing tough-guy wannabees? Yeah, me either. This division is tough to love. I mean truly it is. But I’m here to give you the tour so let’s proceed.

Our first objective is to identify the participants. Let’s start with the Cleveland Browns. Okay, cool. So you’re feeling good about the NBA season, but guess what LeBron’s not under center…..And that’s probably a bad thing. They hired a baseball analytics specialist to ruin –  errrrr I mean run things. The Dodgers thought so little of him they ran him out-of-town. What could possibly go wrong? So here’s the thing…I think they’re on the right track, accumulating draft picks and athletes – but this isn’t the year. Heading south, but still staying in Ohio we find the Cincinnati Bengals who have a better than average team, but just can’t win a playoff game. They’ll give it another shot this season and will probably challenge the Steelers for the top spot in the division. Speaking of the Steelers….Is there a more insufferable fan base in football? I’ve been to Pittsburgh more than a few times and you know what? Every Steelers’ fan looks the same. How is that possible? The jorts say it’s summer, the tucked in jersey says it’s football season, but the waistline says you gave up a long time ago. Ha! Just kidding Pittsburgh, I love your city! Mostly due to Primanti Brothers but hey, gotta start somewhere, right? This year you’re the team to beat in the North. Don’t mess this up. Finally we have the Ravens. Flacco’s back. That’s good. They signed Trent Richardson and then proceeded to release him shortly after. He didn’t even stick around to try Ray-Ray’s famous “Deer-Antler” spray. That was rude. Anyway, the Ravens are staring 8-8 right in the face, but if any team can luck box their way into the playoffs it’s this bunch.

So, with all that said the fantasy relevant information awaits. Per usual, I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish. Here we go!

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Hey! It’s our first episode of the year and it is ghetto as f*ck. Weeeeeee wouldn’t have it any other way. Trust me, if you like Rice Krispies (who doesn’t?), then I know you’ll appreciate the random snap, crackle, pops that occur, Tehol’s up-and-down noise-making, and the sound of my voice, which makes it seem we recorded this pod in a small empty closet. I cannot really confirm nor deny this, but I can say is that we covered a lot of topics from the offseason and went over our Razzball mock draft, with quite the crew assemblage. Zach, Jenn, Kevin, and Tehol all joined me during this amazing celebration of low-background static. And honestly, I can say it’ll get better from here as we’ve ordered new equipment and some editing software. We’re entering the big time folks. Or medium time. Small big-time? Yeah, let’s go with that one…

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Breaking: The Rams have just traded for the first overall pick from the Titans for picks 15, 43, 45, 76 and a 2017 first round and third round pick. Holy sh*tballs that’s a lot of stuff. But look on the bright side, Robert Griffin can’t be drafted twice… (right?) There are a lot of repercussions, and an interesting storyline at work here (a reverse RG-III trade, if you will). My first instinct is, wow, that’s pretty expensive. My second instinct is, if this doesn’t work out, the Rams probably have another solid decade of mediocrity ahead for them. And thirdly… say what you want about the Rams, but they sure knew how to build a defense, mostly with the bundled picks they received from Washington several years ago. Then again, they haven’t really done much without a quarterback, something that high draft positions certainly allow for, and this seems to be their response. Zach will be analyzing the trade more in-depth later today, so stay tuned! All I’ll say is, you do some crazy things sometimes when playing with house money. Seems apt here… Now, back to your regularly scheduled program!

We’re about to jump back into the “Early Rankings” next week, but for now, we do have some leftovers to take care of. Nothing too big has happened (that’s what she said) since our free agency-focused podcast was released, but there are a number of smaller news items that are there for consumption. Mainly because I’m hungry. You can tell because I used the words “leftovers” and “consumption” in the same sentence. I should also add that I’m sleepy. These represent my normal life-state, I think. Regardless, if your biggest wish is to get Razzball’s take on the NFL’s recent day-to-day minutiae, I am here to grant that wish. And to also state that you need to make a better wish. I mean, seriously… I can probably name at least twenty-eight wishes off the top of my head that are better than this one, and they all involve 1990’s Rachel Weisz. They also include 2000’s Rachel Weisz. In fact, the entire epoch of Rachel Weisz is included here…

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Is the phrase, “Back in Black” work here? I’m currently wearing a white t-shirt, but oh well. This is the first of a weekly series I’ll be writing about arguably the most underrated part of anyone’s quest to winning their Fantasy Football league: their bench. You heard me, your Fantasy Football team’s bench players. What happens when you suffer an injury like Dez Bryant, have a suspension like Le’Veon Bell (no, not Tom Brady) or just your starters aren’t cutting it? Your bench plays a pivotal part in helping to make sure you are well prepared for when anything may arise. Often times, the teams and owners that win their leagues at the end of the season are those who pick up the right players and drop the wrong ones. This is what this weekly series will address, figuring out who to add, who to drop, and who to keep. So those of you who still have Josh Gordon on your bench, for example, it may be time to drop him (the first tip is on the house). So kick back, open your eyes wide, and enjoy the ride.

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While last week marked the end of the fantasy seasonfor many of you, this week will mark the end of the real football season (and I guess also the end of some fantasy seasons for leagues that forgot to set their playoffs correctly). The great tournament is just about set (sans the seeding), with only the Panthers and Falcons deciding who gets to wear the dumpster fire crown (which, believe it or not, is also on fire) for the NFC South title, and just the Chargers, Ravens, Chiefs, and Texans vying for the last wild card position in the AFC. The Chargers path is the least treacherous, (win-and-you’re-in), which probably means you should prepare for their usual bed-sh*tting. That being said, the three other teams have their own mountains to climb. The Ravens need to win against the Browns combined with a Chargers loss. The Chiefs need a win against the Chargers combined with a Ravens loss at home and a Texans loss. And for the Texans to make the playoffs, well… let’s just say they need Conner Shaw, Chase Daniel, and Case Keenum to lead their respective teams to victory. So… yeah. Good luck with that Texans!

Week 17 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Don’t know who to start due to it being the last Sunday of the season? Here’s some Week 17 roster strategy for the AFC and NFC.

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I know, I need a bath now too. Here it is, week 17. The final slate of games and it’s actually a full one; no TNF or MNF or TNF on SN where the ‘S’ is for ‘Saturday’ which they can’t use because that’s for ‘Sunday Night Football’. Yup, 16 games ripe with intrigue and I lead off with talking Colin Kaepernick. I guess my new year’s resolution is to lose readers. WELP. I know it’s hard to get with the idea of this. Honestly, it’s hard to feel comfortable making the call for me too but here I am looking back on why I liked Russell Wilson last week and nothing has changed about the why. Both are QBs who can run and Arizona rarely leaves a spy on the backfield to stop that from happening and don’t look now but Kap has now rushed for over 40 yards in back to back games and rushed at least 7 times. Methinks the O-Co finally figured out that a Colin stuck in the pocket is a Colin wasted. Not like crunk wasted, more like ‘not used correctly’ wasted. It’s been a trying time for his seasonal owners. Trust me, I know, I suffered through him in one in a two QB league. Guess what? I picked up Kyle Orton and he never saw the light of day again for my team. But this is probably a Harbaugh swan song and I think he goes out and lets his guys do what they do and what Colin can do is run as showcased last week when he racked up 7/151/1 on the ground on his way to a 31.7 DK fantasy point night. What was the passing line you ask? Ehhhh…let’s not talk about that. The point is, his rushing game was worth 24.1 alone. I can’t say he’ll replicate but for a GPP go, I’m about to pop a Kap in dat and he has a cheap pairing partner that will also go under the radar…what, I ain’t tellin you now. This is the epic last DK post for fantasy football of the year, I’m gonna make you suffer. So strap in – or strap on, we won’t judge you – as we slide through this final go. So with no further ado, here it is: my final hot take on 2014 fantasy football DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Jay’s updated his Week 16 Rankings for tonight’s games: the Eagles vs. Washington, and Chargers vs. 49ers. Check them out here!

It’s fantasy championship week.  I hope that you have made it to your respective fantasy finals, and that you’re in line to win major candy bars with a victory this weekend.  With the holidays next week, there won’t be a start and sit article for Week 17.  However, as the offseason approaches, there will still be plenty to read on the site, and within the coming weeks, I’ll have a way-too-early top 100 for 2015 posted on the site and numerous other strategy, draft and other articles to hold you over.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

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