Welcome to the new off-season series, aptly named ‘Final Fantasy’. In this series, Razzball will be focusing the spotlight on certain players that either exceeded or fell-by-the-wayside of our expectations, and we’ll briefly touch them with our thoughts, legally. Despite rumor (and the series name), we will not be discussing anything +5 to magic missile. Unless there’s actually a NFL player that shoots missiles. And has, like, an amulet to vitality or something like that. Michael Vick’s -98 amulet of dog-caring will be excluded in this particular instance. Regardless, let’s get to the spotlight for today, and that’s Jordan Cameron.

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F#ck if your favorite writer dies, to me that’s my spot. I’ll celebrate his burial and eat at Ihop. Greetings ya’ll! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, Razzball’s resident mankini model and fantasy savant. Just because I get paid to flex my toned glutes, doesn’t in any way mean I can’t guide you to glory on the fantasy football field. It’s understandable that one would think there’s no way I could find the time to analyze each and every player in the NFL due to the fact I spend 6 hours a day doing Bobby Brown pushups and another 4 flexing in the mirror, but it is so. Having spare wenches around to massage my ass with warm milk while I watch game film is a major plus and without those Beddict groupies I’d be useless. We are now in crunch time and there is no time to waste my friends. I can only write about my bronzed buns for so long. Once your erection finally withers away move on to some in depth playa talk. Take heed!

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As a Jets fan, I can only imagine the magic, turbulent carpet ride it’s been this year. Start the year 1-0 with a nail-biter against the Bucs, then turn around and lose a similarly close game to the Pats. Follow that up with what looked like maybe a statement game against the Bills only to get trounced by the Titans in week 4. Maybe New York is just gonna have to kick back and enjoy this roller coaster ride. Either way, Geno Smith will be the person getting you set up. Are you buckled in? Is the bar secure? Ok, go! Geno finished the night with 199 passing yards for 3 TDs, and a win to go with zero INTs. The interceptions have been the biggest bugaboo so far with Geno as he came into the night with 8 INT but tonight he looked very comfortable in the pocket and was able to make his quick reads and get the ball out fast. He still needs to work on his general pocket awareness but given the Falcons’ general defensive rush problems, he didn’t have to worry about that as much tonight. If we’re talking fantasy relevance with Geno, I think we’re either talking late season or for keeper/dynasty leagues because he’s still not on my pick up radar at this point but in terms of relying on him, he’s slowly gaining my fantasy stream trust. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

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Greetings Razzballer’s, before we run down the jammer crammer’s that could save your fantasy season, please join your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru in the Fantasy Hot Tub Time Machine as we take a short spin through the space-time continuum back to the year 1962. *wavy lines wavy lines* What the hell’s going on here? Hey, look out for that iceberg! Oh, it’s 1912, my bad. I’m king of the world! *more wavy lines* I want to welcome you all to the King’s X Cocktail Bar in Oakland, California. Grab a Manhattan and watch as three Mad Men types – Raiders part-owner Wilfred “Bill” Winkenbach, Raiders “public relation” guy Bill Tunnell and reporter Scotty Stirling – create something that will frustrate and anger all of us for the next 50 years…Fantasy Football. Anytime you combine a wealthy owner with a private dick, a headline fabricator and a pitcher of Tom Collins’ “brilliant” ideas are bound to spring up. Thus, that’s how the Greater Oakland Professional Pigskin Prognosticators League turned into this frustrating game we devote more time and energy to than it actually deserves. Now raise a glass to Bill and the boys, lay a few sawbucks on the ’62 Packers and get your fanny perpendiculars back in the hot tub. *yet more wavy lines* It’s time to jam it or cram it.

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Week 2 of the NFL season was like a visit to Bizarro World in the old Superman comics or, for those not comically inclined, the Seinfeld episode where Elaine meets Bizarro Jerry. She had man hands! Those not familiar with the term please note what the scholarly website Uncyclopedia says: “Bizarro World is a situation or setting which is weirdly inverted or opposite of expectations.” In Bizarro World, Bizarro Budweiser tastes like Heineken, Bizarro KFC is made from real live chickens and Bizarro Tim Tebow is a right-handed-pot smoking-antichrist that actually completes passes. What in the name of Lex Luther occurred in our Bizarro Fantasy Football World last week? Philip Rivers played like a de-bearded Dan Fouts, Eddie Royal was catching passes like a goggleless John Jefferson and James Starks morphed into Paul Hornung on a hot streak. If you suffered through an unearthly Sunday, you’re not alone. Half of the top 6 fantasy scorers last week are less than 50% owned across most leagues. If you were one of the 2% that started Charles Clay on Sunday, I surrender my turban to you. Maybe you should be writing this, Bizarro Guru. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

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With the recent explosion of tight end production, fantasy football enthusiasts including dynasty owners are now concentrating on a position that would normally be disregarded in the past. On top of their emergence as legitimate fantasy targets, many leagues are transitioning to a tight end friendly scoring format assigning up to a half a point more per reception for tight ends than other positions. Predicting the future success of NFL tight ends has proven to be extremely difficult such as top tight end Jimmy Graham who was drafted in the third round of the NFL draft and Kellen Winslow II who was drafted as the sixth overall player in the 2004 draft and both players, although separated by nearly two rounds, couldn’t have had different careers with Graham emerging as the elite pro bowler and Winslow basically dropping off the face of the earth and literally becoming fantasy irrelevant. So how do you decide who to pick? Experience doesn’t seem to matter as much as athleticism and raw ability and in this draft there are plenty of elite athletes at the tight end position, in fact this year’s NFL draft, although it lacks the elite quarterback or running back, really produced some great long-term options at tight end. Lets take a look at my dynasty tight end rankings and their short-term and long-term outlook for 2013 fantasy football and beyond.

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As I’m typing this, Ahmad Bradshaw and the Colts are in ‘heavy negotiations’ for Ahmad to be in Indy for 2013 and it makes me ask the question ‘what exactly does heavy negotiations mean?’ Are you all just farting around the rest of the time having light negotiations? We weren’t really serious the two days prior. In fact, we were really just here for the bottled water and muffins but now we’re, like, totally into it. In either case, I’m gonna live dangerously and say that this deal will be done before I’m finished typing this paragraph and if it isn’t, well I ain’t deletin’ $hit cuz I do believe Bradshaw will officially be a Colt prior to training camp which officially means Vick Ballard will go slide, slide, slippety slide in our 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings this year. Not that I was high on him to begin with but I will admit he felt like a safe RB2 type this year when I wrote my Vick Ballard Fantasy over the off-season. With Ahmad’s eventual signing, we now have an embarrassment of riches at the RB position to start the year and I’ll admit it has me giddy like a school girl and no doubt you as well. Wanna braid hair together? Eh, I said ‘LIKE a school girl’, imaginary reader. Oh, so I guess going to the little girls room to talk is out of question now… Indeed it is, I.R., indeed it is. But where was I? Oh yeah, Ahmad on the Colts makes sense. Just realize Ahmad has only played one full season over the course of 6 years so you’re gonna need to handcuff him with Ballard or possibly Donald Brown if something goes awry in training camp. But enough about that, let’s take a look at some other news that’s happened for the 2013 fantasy football season…

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There are literally thousands of sources of rankings, sleepers, busts, breakouts, and burnouts on the internet. The vast majority of them will be focusing on 10-team leagues with the “standard” roster setup of the site in question. But who are they to say what’s standard in the fully customizable world of fantasy football?

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So the story goes, when I started my top 20 tight end rankings for 2012 fantasy football, I decided ‘I’ll write about a few guys that weren’t in the top 20 but deserved some words’.  Looking back, instead of defending my lack of love for Kellen Winslow or Martellus Bennett, I wish I’d spent a few moments with the youngster set to be the starting tight end in Minnesota – Kyle Rudolph.  

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