I’ve been patiently waiting to blow. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Tehol Beddict show. Greetings! I had to take a two week sabbatical to put in major work on my favorite charitable cause, “Beddict’s Single Mothers Project.” This charity was founded by myself, Tehol Beddict, in Jaunary of 2007 and takes aim at really solidifying the home life of abandoned or widowed mothers. The inspiration for this incredibly rewarding project came from none other than my idol/role model, Ernie McCracken, and his “Fatherless Family” sponsorship program. I devote a full 24 hours to single mothers that are deemed “worthy” by my assistants. By allowing them to make me 3 full meals with dessert plus two pipings and a tossed salad, they get to feel alive and appreciated again, helping them breakout of their funk and letting them live life to the fullest again. I’ve found that blowing these women’s backs out truly helps them become better mothers and for that I’m thankful. On NFL Sundays, doggystyle is a must, so you can both watch the game. I wasn’t the only prime-time performer on Sunday though guys. Alshon Jeffery, Josh Gordon, and Erik Decker also went balls deep on the opposition. Were you lucky enough to have one of these legends? Did anyone have all 3? If so I need to hear about it in the comment section. For those of you wishing to donate money to my “Beddict’s Singe Mothers Project,” please DM me on Twitter and we can work something out on paypal. Thank you so much. Now let’s get to what I witnessed last weekend. Take Heed!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I swear, players with names like this were made for Razzball. Do you know how many puns I’m gonna squeeze out of this down the stretch with him? Trust me, you don’t even know. But more to the point, we here have been all over this guy this week. This isn’t an ‘I toldja so’ but I do hope you all listened to the Razzball Podcast on Tuesday when I said you should pick up Chris Rainey. Then I hope you read the first comment on the Podcast post where I clarified who I was talking about. Anyone out there picking up the 5th string RB for the Steelers…mea culpa. Hopefully you read my BUY column on the following day and made sure it was Bobby Rainey. Sure, I didn’t tell you to start him but Tampa Bay said Leonard was starting. And clearly Tampa Bay never lies…wait, what? Neverthewho! Finally, as if we didn’t treat you like a baby seal enough, we clubbed you over the head on Friday with J-FOH making Rainey the lead in The Handcuff Report. All this to say, unless you were in a coma for the last week, we got you in early on this gem. And if you’re reading us first after coming out of a coma, thank you! Now you should really put life in perspective if we’re the first thing you think of upon waking from something like that. But now that we’re done slapping each other on the ass for the good call over here, let’s get to the numbers: Rainey carried the load in Tampa with 30 carries for 163 yards and 2 TDs on the ground while chipping in 2 for 4 through the air and another score. Yes, that’s three TDs from a guy who’s 23% owned as of mid-day Sunday which probably means he was owned under 10% prior to games starting. Seriously guys, put it at automatic waivers when Sundays start. Cheaters! But more about Bobby: that boy ain’t right…to opposing defenses. There was a lot of concern about his size holding him back from being a lead RB but all I have to say to that is Warrick Dunn. Bobby (5-8, 212) and Warrick (5-9, 180) have a little in common in that area. Everyone wants to pick on the little guy back there but little doesn’t mean these guys can’t carry the load when presented. Looking forward, Rainey had a nice matchup against a Falcons team that has given up plenty on the ground to fantasy backs on the year so I’m not going to anoint him straight away. I’d like to see a little adversity before I do that but I do think if you nabbed him, you’ve got a mid-tier RB2 right now with explosive upside and the potential to make up for all the RB heartache you’ve no doubt suffered to date. Here’s to Rainey making you into the Reigning champion this year. See? We got this for days, people. In other news from Sunday of week 11 for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Truth be told, this lede was supposed to go to Megatron. I mean, c’mon, how could it NOT go to him, right? Well, special days happen that make you evaluate your lede and sometimes life when a guy that’s 20% owned in yahoo leagues scores 4 touchdowns on 8/122 on 8 targets. I’m gonna admit to you that I am still looking at Marvin Jones like an alien right now. I mean, the kid only had 16/247/3 coming into week 8 so this outpouring of fantasy goodness had to be a surprise even to Bengals fans and those 20%’ers out there. But second year wide outs coming alive midseason has happened before…right? Eh, it’s not as common I know. Marvin is probably more of a keeper pickup if he’s anything at this point but if you’re in a deeper league with enough bench depth to give him a shot/time, he’s worth the gamble. Not a question of talent with Marvin, just a question of opportunity. Well, I think you have that now, Jones. Take advantage. In other news from week 8 for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings! Tis I, your servant, Tehol Beddict, here to talk some fantasy football and stimulate your minds. It seemed like Alshon Jeffery was untouched during the Bears losing effort against the Saints of New Orleans. I know what you’re thinking: ” Tehol, an attractive young man not being “touched” by a “Saint” is an oxymoron!” I know this to be true. I’ve dug oh so deep into the dark, crusty annals of our worlds history, and rarely have I read about a supposed “Saint” that wasn’t either a sexual deviant or just a disgracefully foul human being in general. If you doubt me, send your boys to Sunday school with no parental vision, just make sure they wear a wire. Does anyone even read my column? After this opening I’m guessing my readers just went from 2 to zero. Sky don’t edit this or I’ll show up at your front door with Bishop Eddie Long in tow, and you know what that means: A nice friendly game of “Butts Up.” Anyway, I know Jeffery didn’t follow up his record breaking performance this week with anything special, but the fact remains he is now heavily targeted and was missed on a few bombs last night against the Giants. This young bull has undoubtedly been blessed by the Elder God’s with immense size, talent, and stature. I can only imagine what he’s packin and I’m not speaking of weaponry. Although I suppose that could be considered weaponry as I’m sure it’s deadly when he uses it’s deep impact capabilities. Jeffery’s stat line from last week you want? Here it is: 10 receptions for 218 yards with a TD on 13 targets. Yea, he truly went Berzerk, and I’m not talking the horrific, embarrassingly bad, new Eminem song produced by that dirty old man, Rick Rubin. I’d start every week at the WR 3 spot or flex if I were you. But If I were you, then you’d be me, and you’d be betting oiled up with banana cream pudding with two female midgets licking it off for a hot new advertisement in Bangkok and telling me what to do with my fantasy roster. Again, nobody is really reading this far, right?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! DraftKings is back, and if you haven’t won it big in any of the bigger DraftKings contests with a big field, there’s always tournaments running every Sunday with smaller prize pools and a better chance of winning. DraftKings has given us a contest this week for Razzballers to double up in a $10 Double Up Contest where only 20 players enter and 10 leave with $20. They’re obviously not making a profit on this one as it’s a lot like the Razzball exclusive contests we had this past year on Baseball. So be sure to sign up and talk some smack come Sunday!Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was a nice return to Philly for the Walrus, Andy Reid, as his Chiefs took down his former team. The team that has been a talk of the NFL despite starting 1-1 with a defense made of wet paper with holes big enough to make Jenna Jamison blush has overshadowed Reid’s new team. You know, the one that has flown under the radar to a 2-0, now 3-0 start. This isn’t fantasy relevant, says the casual reader. Well, CR, I have news for you. Entering the 4Q, Jamaal Charles had 10 carries for about 26 yards. He ended the night with 20 carries for 92 on the ground and a touchdown. You getting the fantasy relevance yet? With how quickly the Eagles offense could strike, Reid went to the drain the clock well down the stretch, leading to what was a decent but boring fantasy night and turned it into fantasy gold as Charles finished with 27 total touches – 7 for receptions – for a total of 172 yards and a score. He could’ve another one in the 4th but real football got in the way of our fake football dreams and dashed it. Moving forward, Jamaal’s still the man in KC and still looks to be a top 3 back in the making. Given Smith’s game managing ways, Charles should see plenty of check downs and yardage the rest of the way. To put it in Beatles terms, ‘Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday’. Hrm, well I give up. There’s zero ways to make a drug-induced song by the Beatles relevant to tonight’s game other then the title. Goo-Goo-G’Joob! In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from week 3…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Holy injuries Batman! The number of concussions, questionable statuses, and long-term injuries has been staggering this year. Thought you could count on Roddy White, Eddie Lacy, Larry Fitzgerald, Malcom Floyd, Andre Johnson, Reggie Bush, Ray Rice, or any number of fantasy-relevant stars without worrying about their health? Think again. It looks like most of those guys will still play next week, but you better keep an eye on their status as the week goes on. For some, the matchup may be a good one, but concerns about targets/carries may not merit the start. Fantasy Football is all about weighing your options and there has already a lot more of that necessary than there has been in past seasons.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In an interview with some guy somewhere, Kurt Cobain explained that his song ‘Penny Royal Tea’ was ‘…about a person who’s beyond depressed; they’re in their death bed, pretty much.’ I’m pretty sure that describes most of Kurt’s songs, but that’s beyond the point. As I begin to look at the fallen – like ‘dola – or the barely theres – like Roddy – ya have to start looking around for someone out there to fill the void before you start trying to make your own fantasy abortifacient (word of the day!). Well look no further for a shot at that as Eddie Royal just can’t seem to avoid the end zone right now. After having a 3 catch, 2 TD performance last Monday night against the Houston Texans for a measly 24 yards, it was pretty easy to write him off as a one week fluke; the Kevin Ogletree of 2013, if you will. But then he went and did this: 7 catches for 90 yards to go with 3 more scores. That’s a monstrous games no matter what angle you come at it from. But there is one angle I’d like to mention here: that Eagles secondary is bordering on non-existent. I thought their defense would get a chance to bare down and take apart this Chargers offense after their own offense turned the tides quickly on them but they held their own most of the day and it was in no small part thanks to Royal on that front. Moving forward, Eddie is looking like an immediate pickup but faces a fairly tough challenge in the Titans next week (I can’t believe I typed that). If I’m scrambling for WR depth and have been sitting on upside that has been turned upside down, here’s your chance at redemption. It’s time to make your team feel like Royalty. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from week 2…Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not gonna lie to you, this is being typed drunk. How drunk you ask? Well my man Chip Kelly has finally gone from Pinocchio to real boy and most of the next game I had to write up while trying to read the keys through nacho vomit, if that gives you any indication. TMI? Prolly, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that my alma mater’s former coach put on a bit of a ‘yes we can’ response to the ‘you can’t do that in the NFL’ response to the naysayers tonight and I celebrated…maybe a bit too much. How many fingers am I holding up? Yes, yes imaginary reader I’ll admit it looks a bit blurred but no more then the Eagles offense did tonight. What I do see is one finger. Namely the middle. Because that’s what I expect to see from all of you after I tell you to be cautious of your Eagles components, in particular Michael Vick. I’m not a person who always aims for the negative but let me be the developer to your photographer here and point out that – as glorious as Vick’s night was – he spent more time limping then holding his arm up in victory. Vick took a lot of shots tonight and that needs to NOT go unnoticed. Chip’s never been kind to his QBs in terms of abuse received and for all that is great about Vick, his stats tonight (15/25 for 203 yards passing with 2 touchdowns, 9 for 54 yards and a TD on the ground) might be a swan song. I saw a lot of limping and a lot f big hits tonight. Now I’m not here to tell you to sell right off the bat but just be weary that the guy you drafted as a potential QB1 – and Vick really is that – just might be injured too soon to pan out. Next week is San Diego at home and though I do expect a different play out from the Eagles sideline, it’s good to note that Vick is awesome when healthy but unsellable when dead. In other news from Monday Night Football for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Coming into the draft, I was happy to end up with the 7th overall pick. So happy in fact I poured myself a pre-draft scotch, passed out in the 12th round and drafted Kendall Wright. Damn you Maker’s Mark.Please, blog, may I have some more?