I am BACK! I apologize for my absence last week, as I had some personal issues come up. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Tehol would. Man, the Cardinals looked so good then they go ahead and lose to the Rams and Roethlisberger-less steelers. I was hoping they could give the Packers a run; lets face it, the Falcons and Panthers are pretenders. They are the Broncos of the NFC. I see the Pats, Bengals, Packers, and healthy Steelers as the only real contendersn. The Cards and Seahawks always have a sneaky chance if they can get it right. Today we’ll talking about the Cardinals offense! I’m sure you could have guessed that. But first, let’s look at how extremely accurate I was at predicting the Post Ben injury Steelers…

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Good god, what was that?

In what, dare I say, was a pretty good football game for a majority of the time (let’s just agree to not include a very morose and slug-paced fourth quarter), the Patriots continued their trend of deflating balls, cheating, receiving biased officiating, beating the Colts, which, based on recent history, was really no surprise. However, as I mentioned in last night’s Sunday Night Football Live Thread, this game really had no business being close, and it’s a testament to either Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis offense playing competently or the New England defense not being as good as we thought. In this case, it might have been a little of both (not including fourth downs, as shown above). But eventually, nature was able to drive the score to it’s most natural environment when mistakes from the Colts started to stack, all with a heaping side of LeGarrette Blount to help drive it all home. Which leads me to wonder, when the Colts draft defensive players, do they make sure that they can’t tackle first? Haha, just kidding, the Colts only draft wide receivers. With the win, the Patriots continue, along with the Bengals, Broncos, Packers, and Panthers to be the only unbeaten teams through Week 6. I’d say half of those teams are mediocre and the other half deserve their record. I’ll let you figure out which team gets the 0.5 left over from that equation…

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firerivers

Well, despite my completely abnormal and masochistic homerism of my Chargers, I do try (really!) not to focus them unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. That allows you, the reader, not to be inundated by Chargers analysis and commentary ad nauseam (nausea also works here) and also allows me not to look so terrible when I say something positive about my Chargers and them going ahead and doing what they do best, and that’s sh*t the bed. This week though, I don’t really have a choice with the Late Games Live Thread, seeing has how the Ravens and 49ers game would have been more entertaining if it didn’t involve either the Ravens or the 49ers, and while the Seahawks certainly have a level of popular notoriety, only about 10 people live in Carolina (either one) and I’m sick of watching people throw fish. I lived there for almost a decade, we have more than that and Space Needle! Regardless, the Chargers are coming off a Monday night loss against the Michael Vick led Steelers, and seeing as how he went something like 2-for-4 with -8 passing yard today, I’m just going to go ahead and witness the Packers destroying any semblance of happiness I could had left this Sunday.

For the record though, the Chargers have one game per season where they overachieve and somehow manage to win against a heavily favored opponent. Is this that game? Totally! (Homerism alert.)

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Greetings! What an exceptional birthday week I just received! I’d like to start by thanking the Elder Gods with continuing to bless me with great health (physically, anyways), and I’d like to thank the big boss Jay(Wrong), for giving me a day off to fully soak in the reality that I am no longer flexible enough to shave my own ass. Yoga it is! What a wonderful place to meet open-minded women! Anyways, I’m a year older, a year wiser, and a WHOLE LOT better at projecting NFL players’s production… hopefully… maybe… okay, so probably not, but I can still have an awesome time trying! Big daddy needs to hit the gym, so let’s get to players I like and dislike this week, aaaaahkay?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start Em’, Sit Em’! Take heed!

Join Jay and your fellow Razzball readers in a special Razzball only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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Greetings! What a splendid treat it is to fill in for my esteemed editor and boss, Jay (Wrong) the Elder blessed! Let us pray that he’s not too hung over to properly edit the gibberish I tend to submit. [Jay’s Note: Let us pray indeed…] Let us ALSO pray that sweet Jay blacked out well before that Chargers game ended, for, as you know, Jay is a die-hard Chargers fan, an animal rights activist, and, did I mention, it was his birthday? It huuuuuuuuurts! Who would have thought that after a good hour or so of Steelers fans calling for Landry Jones on Twitter, that Ron Mexico would rise like the Phoenix and proverbially neuter whatever fans the Chargers have left. At least San Diego-ens will still have some super solid Mexican food  and whatever is left of the upcoming fire-sale of the Padres roster to look forward to when they move the Chargers to Los Angeles. It’s important to always look on the bright side, even when things look bleaker than Christian Slater’s acting career, and for the 2-3 Chargers, that is very much the case.

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firerivers

I think everyone knows of my (now patented!) unbiased Chargers fandom when it comes to the pleasurable sport of football. I find solace in my own restraint, rationality, and humbleness in terms of rooting for a singular team while covering the league. I… ah, who are we kidding. All of us have our vices. Grey sports a mustache. Tehol doesn’t wear pants. And myself? Well, I root for the Chargers. What can I say? I love the smell of hot mediocrity in the morning. But tonight, it’s my night. A Chargers primetime game means I’m going to be in my element. And by element, I mean completely and utterly blackout drunk. How would this be any different than any other Monday you might ask? I’d say: It’s not. I’ll just be doing it in my power blues…

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Eliteflaccow415

During last night’s live thread, I queried: Which Michael Vick would show up? The “watch me earn salary I’m going to do nothing to justify” Vick, or the “I’m going to trigger my disability insurance” Vick. Turns out, it was a little bit of both. I mean, let’s be honest, you can take Michael Vick out of the Jets, but can you really take the Jets out of Michael Vick? While the Ravens 2015 season is still on life-support with a resoundingly dull win in overtime (special thanks to Josh Scobee for doing his best Josh Scobee impersonation, missing like 80 field goals, and all of them in the fourth quarter), it was nice to see Justin Forsett is actually alive and quite well. I had assumed he was legally declared dead, but the gaining of positive yardage was enough evidence to change my opinion on that matter. Despite all of that, watching Scobee slowly (or quickly, depending on how you viewed the game) get into the unemployment line combined with Vick’s underwhelming performance, along with Joe Flacco’s elite everything, all topped off with the worst decision-making by coaches in a long time… well, I’m going to go ahead and call last nights game “Physically Impossible”. Because it sucked and blowed at the same time…

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Stay classy Baltimore!

Stay classy Baltimore!

In what will be the official debut of “Don’t Give a Sh*t Era” Michael Vick, the 0-3 Ravens travel to Pittsburgh to see if their team is interested in a getting a win. Strangely enough, this was the first ever winless September for the Ravens. Unless you count in terms of public relations, then I would say, based on the picture above, that last season’s September winless record is still intact. The Steelers have their own set of issues with the aforementioned Michael Vick starting with Ben Roethlisberger suffering a MCL sprain last Sunday. While I’m sure still having Antonio Brown and Le’Veon Bell is nothing to scoff at, it’ll be interesting to see which Vick shows up tonight; will it be the “watch me earn salary I’m going to do nothing to justify” type of game or “I’m going to trigger my disability insurance” type of game. You’d think both would be similar performances, but then you’d be wrong. The game will probably come down to how productive Le’Veon Bell is, now his second official game coming off his suspension. Logic dictates that since Justin Forsett has been an absolute dumpster fire that the Ravens would not be familiar enough with the concept of a running game to be able to defend against it, but I guess we’ll see. On the bright side, the Ravens do have an elite quarterback…

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We are starting to get more parity between teams. My 8-8 dream is dead. #$*%. I’ll get over it. Injuries are the most frustrating part of football. Every second play, someone gets hurt and I cringe and cry for them. I myself was destined for stardom as a Division 1 basketball player. At age 17, I subsequently destroyed both my ankles and was just a fraction of what I once was. I feel for Tony Romo, Drew Brees, Kelvin Benjamin, Jordy Nelson and others. I especially felt for Big Ben after watching his leg get caved in versus the Rams this past weekend. It slowly had me heartbroken for Antonio Brown owners, but felt happiness for Le’Veon Bell owners. Today we talk about the outlook of the next 4-6 weeks for Pittsburgh Steelers offense sans Ben Roethlisberger.

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Ahhhhh Fantasy Football, how I loathe you. Gentlemen and four ladies, we’re living in a world where Larry Fitzgerald, Dion Lewis, and Tyrod Taylor have more points than early rounders like DeMarco Murray, LeSean McCoy, and the bane of my existence, C.J. Anderson. Speaking of Crunk Juice Anderson, can I vent for a minute? I can? Thanks! So I’ve been playing in a league with some of my former co-workers for about nine years now. [Jay’s Note: This sounds familiar, almost as if I’ve read about this somewhere] Over the years, the league has developed into a 14 team 0.5 ppr league with two keepers that can only be kept for a single year. For the first time in the league’s history, I missed the playoffs last year. Mostly due to a costly oversight on my part where I let Marshawn Lynch go as a first-round keeper for lesser players I perceived to be “better value”. Coming into this season, I found myself in a seemingly “better” situation with C.J. Anderson essentially free as a last-round keeper. I built a rather formidable squad on paper around Anderson drafting Antonio Brown, Peyton Manning, Jimmy Graham, and Lamar Miller. Not bad right? Well I’m 0-3, and the laughing stock of the league once again. Damn you Crunk Juice! Now, I’m not going to say all of those aforementioned lads are without fault this season, but none of them have sucked quite as bad as Anderson. So here’s the question I’ll pose for today: When is it time to move on from a player you heavily invested in? I’m not there yet with Anderson, but Ronnie Hillman is sitting on my bench and I wouldn’t be upset if Anderson missed a few games with an injury. Not wishing it on the guy, but it would make it easier to move on. Right? Anyway, we got byes this week and you might need to fill in a few spots, or maybe you own a sh*tbird or two you’re looking to dump. Well, not to worry, I have plenty of suggestions to fill your voids. Wait… what?

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