Week 10: 8-5, Overall: 63-53-1, Locks: 6-1

Greetings! What up doe!? It is I, Beddict, returning to your warm embrace after another successful lock of the week call. Imagine how much dough I’d have if I bet my entire Razzball salary on each of my locks and kept letting it ride! Enough money to get my mom out the hood, with enough left over for a state of the art, chicken coop, for my loving Beatrice. This week, I’m going all in. Join me or sit back from afar, either laughing at my demise or throwing rose petals on the ground, I walk as the Elder God blessed grand champion of gambling ATS. Have you witnessed the ESPN dude’s record this year, or last year for that matter? Yeeesh! I’m already 0-1 this week after foolishly putting my faith in the Bills, but let’s not dwell on the past by talking about how disgraceful the Bills offense was, or even how Ryan Tannehill ended my fantasy life by missing Mike Wallace on two HUGE plays. Seriously, Tannehill is gutter trash when it comes to throwing the football deep. It sickens me to levels beyond human comprehension… but as I said, let’s not dwell on the past…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!?!? F*CKING WHY!?!?!?!?!?

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This looks like a stroke. Someone should call a doctor at some point, yes?

Well, Thursday Night Football was once thought of as an offensive onslaught of the mind, soul, and body early in the season. At least, that’s how it accosted me with all those 50-point blow-outs and Phill Simms repeating “Well JEEEEM” ad nauseum. Then there was a two-week reprieve where normal football things occurred. This, obviously, was against nature itself. We now have some kind of ridiculous regression going on, and in the specific case of last night’s game, the Bills and Dolphins entire first half consisted of “let’s drive as close to the goal line without scoring a touchdown”. Spoiler Alert: The Dolphins came out on top in that intriguing game of chicken with twice as many field goals as the Bills… with two field goals. But hey, if you managed to fight off a brain aneurysm to watch the second half, you were rewarded with two Miami touchdowns, Kyle Orton doing very Kyle Orton things, and the refs doing their own homage to the Thursday Night Football derp.

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When a starting quarterback goes down for a team, it’s usually catastrophic.  Sure, you’ll have your Kurt Warner/Trent Green and Tom Brady/Drew Bledsoe stories, but more often than naught, it means a big blow to the team.  That’s not the case for the Philadelphia Eagles.  Sure, no one wants to see anyone get hurt, but this is fantasy, baby.  It happens, and you look for the new shiny toy to come in and lead you on a run to the championship.

This week, that new toy is Mark Sanchez.  Yes, that Mark Sanchez.  The butt-fumbling, hot dog eating, former quarterback of the New York Jets.  With a fractured collarbone, Eagles’ quarterback Nick Foles is expected to miss quite a bit of time.  For fantasy and real life purposes, that’s perfectly fine.

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I mean, you do have the Arizona Cardinals with the best record in the NFL. The Miami Dolphins suddenly look like they can be competent for certain stretches of time. One of those times including a game against my Chargers. Both the Colts and Eagles (depending on Nick Foles’ status) seem competent enough to being contenders. Even the Steelers have figured a few things out behind Ben Roethlisberger treating the last two games like he met them in a dive bar bathroom. But I think it’s fair to say that the Broncos and Patriots, fulfilling a narrative wet dream on a continual basis, had to have been considered the two best teams. At least until the Patriots destroyed the Broncos yesterday afternoon. While I’m a constant palm-facer when it comes to Peyton Manning’s “cold-weather” narrative, it seems that his “can’t beat the Patriots” narrative may have something to it. Also, there are way too many narratives. Please no more narratives. That being said, despite having their own problems early in the season, the Patriots have seemingly maintained their status as one of the top teams in the NFL, if not the top team. Now that you’ve figured that part out, for the love of god, can you give the ball to Shane Vereen more? Is that too much to ask?

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Without targets, there would be no receptions. Being targeted is the first, and most crucial factor, to the success of a pass catcher. If the ball isn’t thrown in your direction, you cannot succeed. I decided to take a look at how targets were being spread around among each team and then how each player was converting those targets. Below are the results and I’ve included a link to the Excel spreadsheet (Download) containing the full report. This exercise will only be “targeting” wide receivers and tight ends.

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Welcome to the first official installment of Betting With Beddict. Exciting, I know. Last week, I included my picks for the week and was obliterated, going 5-11. Since it wasn’t an official BWB post, we shouldn’t count it. Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? Obviously, I don’t, or wouldn’t bet on each and every single game, as that’s for the rich and stupid. Beddict is in the stay-rich business, and what hurts the most is that the three teams I believed in most of all totally let me down. I believed Seattle [Jay’s Note: LOL], San Fran, and Miami to be full on locks, and was quickly humbled like Ray Rice when thousands of fans lined up to return their Rice jerseys on Friday… or like Christian Slater when he tries to go straight into nightclubs through the VIP line and gets choke slammed and left convulsing on the concrete. Sports gambling is a roller coaster, and if you’re truly taking it seriously, you can’t do what I did a few years ago and just starting betting on every single sporting event that’s going to be on TV. Don’t go there, trust me. I ended up in small village in Nicaragua, sucking the toes and taint of a drug lord’s wife, only so he’d spare my life. After completing my 3 year bid of red eye punching, I returned to the states and usually only picked a few games to throw down on, but you’ll get my take on every game and hopefully it helps you out in some way shape or form. As a bonus, my posts are extremely entertaining (debatable), so at the very least, you’re getting an extra serving of Beddict, and that’s nothing to turn your nose up at.

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Football fans will get to see an offensive explosion of biblical proportions when the Green Bay Packers travel to Detroit to take on the Lions this Sunday — so what better way to describe this occasion than with an excerpt from a well-known psalm.  I’m Jewish (and a mostly non-practicing one for that matter), and even I know this phrase very well.  Of course, we have Quentin Tarantino to thank for that (Note: Although Samuel L. Jackson mentions “Ezekiel 25:17″ in his immortal quote, he in fact uses lines from Psalm 23 as well).

Throughout time, there have been many interpretations of that verse, but when relating it to this week’s slate of NFL games, it can only mean one thing: start Aaron Rodgers and Matthew Stafford with confidence.  Not only will those QBs give you some relative “comfort”, but so should their receivers.  As of now, I have Stafford No. 1 in my QB rankings, with Rodgers right behind him.  Calvin Johnson is my No. 1 WR (Julio Jones‘ TNF performance not included), which he’ll likely be in most matchups, and after a huge 206-yard performance vs. the Jets, Jordy Nelson checks in as this week’s No. 3 receiver.  The Packers’ “other” wideout, Randall Cobb, is also in my top 10, and in his third game with his new team, former Seahawk Golden Tate makes his way into the top 30.

Start all these players with the utmost confidence and take a look below for some more start/sits before you set your lineups prior to kickoff…

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To be honest, I’m not really sure what to do with myself right now. As I’m writing today’s recap (which will be yesterday’s recap when you read this), I find myself essentially writing my first ever obituary. It’s certainly not a fun feeling writing about gruesome, year-threatening, maybe even career-threatening injuries, but seeing as this all came on a day where we saw the Cleveland Browns finally have an opportunity to understand what this “happiness” emotion is that they’ve heard so much about, but have never experienced, and that the Bills are officially on pace to go 16-0, we can try to find some sort of silver lining here. Or just realize that the world is about to come to an end. Also, LOL Jets.

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I was really tired and didn’t think I was going to be able to get through these but I’ve found my second wind and by that I mean my wife handed me what was left of her Rock Star – sugar free, of course – and now my fingers are typing so fast, I fear I might start a fire with how fast they’re going and I can’t stop at this point which is really frustrating because I have to pee and even when I put a period. I just keep going, will someone please stop this madness, I can’t feel my index fingers anymore *wife grabs fire extinguisher*. Phew, that was close. Well, now that I’m back from the ER with my hands wrapped in gauze, I’m here to recap a bit more on 2013. I already brought you the Top 20 Wide Receivers For 2013 Fantasy Football a bit a go but unlike Tight End and Quarterback, that’s really not as in depth as this position needs. Nay, I need TWO whole posts and then there’s nothing left to write about it. Until next week when I start the whole process all over again. I feel like the Fred the Baker from Dunkin Donuts sometimes. But then I think about it and say to myself ‘you guys are worth it’. Then I pause and say ‘maybe you’re worth it, let me think on it for a bit while I make the donuts’. This is a nightly thing, y’all! But enough about my baking skills, let’s throw this dough in the oven and call it good. Here are the Top 40 Wide Receivers from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Razzball Nation!  I’m filling in for Sky this morning in the football recap, as Sky was called by Al Davis for a possible CB job opening.  That would be scary for multiple reasons!  Man Oakland was brutal.  Long live the Chiefs offense!  Jamaal Charles had a historic game (6th highest fantasy output in non-PPR since 1960), making the Raiders D look worse than some of those Raiders costumes.  The real Rocky Horror Picture Show was the pass D, as JC Superstar enlightened fantasy owners with 8 catches (on 8 targets) for 195 yards and 4 TDs.  Plus an extra 20 on the ground with a score there.  Straight video game numbers!  “RB screen, X, X, X!”  Actually that sounds like a porn title.  I’ll have to ask Tehol about that one.  Charles has been effing fantastic this year, and I think easily the fantasy MVP.  Sure you could argue Peyton Manning, but if you have JC and you’re somehow not waltzing through the playoffs than you only have yourself to blame!  Is he fantasy’s #1 pick next year?  I don’t see how you could resist.  If someone really wanted Adrian Peterson, I’d turn to them after that pick ala the 1,000-year old dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and go “he chose poorly…”  While some teams had their dreams melt away, others are marching into the finals with the rest of the week 15 happenings…

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