Folks, what a crazy week we had. There was this little thing called, err. Wait a minute, my mind just went blank. Like, totally, wow. You know what I’m talking about… you know, that thing that was on this past Sunday? Had this guy with the big forehead running all over the place. Pigskin being thrown about in the air. Yeah, in fact, that forehead dude was throwing that pigskin to the players that were wearing different colors. Su–Suu— Sweater Bowl? Yeah, that’s totally it. That little thing called Sweater Bowl… that was on Sunday. And it had a dude with a big forehead. Then… afterwards? Nothing. Absolutely nothing whatsoever. And that’s what we have to look forward to for, um, about 210 days. Boy, that sounds really depressing. That’s 5,040 hours. I am now officially turning ‘drowning in my sorrows’ mode to the ‘on’ position. Luckily, my sorrow tastes a lot like bourbon. Anyhow, the point is, misery loves company. So be sure to take some time during your Friday to commiserate with me as we go over the weekly off-season news. Because, there is nothing more meaningful in life than sweaters. And football. And maybe sweater vests. NAW, but I had you goin’ there Bob Costas, didn’t I?Please, blog, may I have some more?
So here I am, cruising along with my fantasy year with Jimmy Graham a pick in one of my friends leagues. Then the whole foot issue comes up and my response is ‘O-M-G’ and I’m like ‘I’m a grown-ass man…why am I saying OMG?’ These are all important questions to evaluate as we dip into the psyche of a man who told you to SELL Graham not long ago. To be fair, Tehol and I discussed at length – read: he and I tweeted at each other and I asked ‘Is this bad?’ and he was like ‘bro, it’s bad’ and I was like ‘thanks, brah, you’re right’ and he was all ‘like totes no probs, breh’ and I was all like ‘this is terrible dialogue to post on a website’ and he was all like ‘true, bruh’ – so we felt we had this subject covered. To be fair, Graham has been much more hit/miss than many of his owners would’ve expected given the start. He was the cream of the crop at TE before the injury, how could the injury not affect that? That was a rhetorical question, of course, but thank you for the response. After catching 5 catches for 100 yards, scoring a TD and Shaquille O’Neal’ing a goal post, I think we have our answer. Graham is ‘Godzilla’ to us western folk and ‘Godjira’ to the East. You can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him until his foot falls off. I 100% own that my sell call could’ve been wrong but remember, we still have 4 more weeks until the season is over; if his reduced workload caused you any fantasy playoff heartache, feel free to cry into my abundant bosom. Ok, my bosom isn’t that abundant, leave me go, weeping one. Anywho, I’m sure you’re gonna ask: what do we do with Graham ROS? Well, sell windows have most likely come and gone so that’s no longer an option. Add/drop…who’s dropping Graham and adding fluff? Not me. So your only hope is you start him all week, every week until it pans out right. He hasn’t been terrible since the injury, just frustrating compared to previous numbers. Only so much control can be contributed to this little world we live in for fantasy and sometimes, little jackwads like myself come along and tell you how to do things and find I’m wrong. In other news from TNF from week 12 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
So we almost did something different with our FanDuel post this week. Almost. But Morgan Freeman himself came down from on high to preserve the status quo. One of the remnants from that near-change is the revised title of this piece, which includes a nice wordplay between fantasy sports and fantasies I have in my mind.Please, blog, may I have some more?
No more bye weeks! This is great news for everyone whose team isn’t riddled with injuries. QBs seem to be dropping like flies with concussions and other assortments of injuries, but for some teams (Jacksonville, I’m looking at you), that’s not necessarily a bad thing.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So this was it. This was the night that Matt Cassel could’ve saved his starting job. Could’ve saved the Chiefs from a 1-7 start and from forcing Chiefs fans into watching the Brady Quinn era unfold before their nearly gouged out eyes. Cassel could not have asked for a better matchup to prove his mettle as the Chargers ranked 10th worst in terms of fantasy QBs scoring against them. Ok, he could’ve asked for the New Orleans Saints but he already went against them and failed. This was supposed to be a hungry Matt. A Matt that wanted to reclaim his job and prove he was worthy of a starting quarterback job in the NFL. Instead of seeing resiliency, Cassel treated us to dormancy as he threw for only 181 yards while turning the ball over twice for defensive touchdowns. Sure, the INT could’ve been caught by his receiver but he could’ve thrown it a bit better. No reason to throw a bullet to a guy 10 feet away from you and if you do, maybe you shouldn’t throw it high and a little behind. Actually, if Matt were a country singer that should be his first single: ‘High And A Little Behind’. I’m picturing a sad ballad there. Decent drives turned to mush the moment the Chiefs got in scoring territory as I like to call it ‘the area where your QB needs to be accurate’. The death of fantasy relevance hangs heavy in Chiefdom tonight and the blood will be on Cassel’s hands. Welcome to Brady-ocrity, KC. In other fantasy football news…
Dwayne Bowe - Bowe looked like the WR2 you drafted tonight, despite the fumble: 79 yards on 8 receptions. If it weren’t for inaccuracy, he might’ve tacked on a touchdown. Now he’ll be stuck with the Charlie Sheen offense: Quinning! Doesn’t matter if you have Tiger Blood, you still need to get thrown to and Brady won’t be doing that much. Hard to think the offense could get worse than tonight but believe me, this Brady Bunch won’t be fantasy family friendly.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, last week I promised a 90210 flavored post. My female readers have gone as far as to offer me fellatio to get this done and trust me, I’m working on it. Then again, offers such as fellatio, sometimes aren’t’ enough.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s pretty hard to believe that we’re halfway through the 2012 NFL season. I know there’s 17 weeks, but with most leagues wrapping up their championships in week 16, it’s a good mid-point marker.
When you’re halfway through and have a middling or losing fantasy team, it’s easy to feel like you’re already out of it. But just think about how much time is left. Halfway through Titanic they hadn’t even hit the iceberg. Halfway through the Republican Nomination Race, Herman Cain was leading polls. Point is – there’s still a lot of time.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hit on this point last week, but a lot of times a career game from a mid-level fantasy player will cloud owners into thinking their player is all the sudden an elite fantasy option. This is virtually never the case – the career game an outlier more than a shift in offensive output.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Is there anything better then NFL football? Well, maybe NFL football with NFL referees, but hey, it’s not stopping me from watching. How has this sport not caught on worldwide? Truly befuddling. But who cares about any other countries? This is America baby.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Have you ever opened a brand new pack of Starburst only to find that most of them are yellow? It’s easily one of the worst feelings ever, but even worse is realizing that one or two of your key WRs are going up against one of the top cornerbacks in the league. Matchups play a key role in fantasy football and if you want to be the best, you need to keep your eye out for matchups to both avoid and exploit. You’ll never hear me say you should bench Calvin Johnson, unless he will physically be somewhere other than on the field when the Lions are playing, but even the best wide receivers can have an off day. When they find themselves stranded on Revis Island, for instance.Please, blog, may I have some more?