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Well, that was certainly a Sunday worth remembering. Especially if you’re like me and reset the ole’ memory banks with copious amounts of bourbon throughout the day. You could say these Sunday notes aren’t just for you, but also myself… So here we are, together in this. And together, we saw some interesting things… the Bucs, the 1-8 Bucs (in case you were confused) destroyed Washington. For context, the Falcons destroyed the Bucs. And the Panthers almost beat the Falcons. So according to that, the Panthers would probably beat Washington by 200 points. In fact, with the Raiders only mustering 200 yards of total offense, I’m pretty sure if they faced off against Washington, both teams would find a way to lose. And let’s not forget the Lions having a throwback game to the Matt Millen Era. Peyton Manning thinking it’s the month of January (to be fair, the weather has me convinced of this.) Mark Sanchez returning to form. And then there’s this… the Cardinals are now 9-1. They are now three games ahead of Seattle and San Francisco, and one has to naturally wonder, how is this possible? My answer? Two quick touchdowns and leaning on your defense for three hours… this has been done before many times. So I’m just going to go ahead and write the Cardinals in as a playoff team. In permanent marker. And then prepare myself for the end of the world.

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Damn these Broncos keep me busy. It seems they’re in a 5 alarm Running Back crisis every three weeks. I’m of course talking about Ronnie Hillman‘s recent foot injury that will likely keep him out for the next two to three weeks. Over the last four games, Hillman had been a savior for Montee Ball owners, like myself. He’s actually been the 9th best Running Back in RCL’s over that time, and that includes last week’s 6 carry game. If we removed week 10 and replaced it with week 6 it would be even higher. Unfortunately it was short lived due to the aforementioned injury.

We now turn to C.J. Anderson and begrudgingly Ball in some cases. Anderson blew up last week gaining 163 total yards and a TD on 17 total touches. He’s also been touted as the team’s “Best Running Back” by Mike Klis of the Denver Post. Outside of one game against the Raiders and the endorsement of a beat writer, there’s not a lot to draw from. He’s had just over 20 career carries and gets mentioned on deep league watch lists from time to time. Will Anderson stick as the starter in what’s been called a “Hot Hand Situation” by coach John Fox? That’s a question I can’t answer. But I do know this, Monte Ball’s never had hot hands, ever. In fact I’m pretty sure even wearing fleece mittens in a sauna he still has chilly paws. Doesn’t mean he won’t find a way to suck value away from Anderson though. Ball has a way of ruining everything, in fact I heard he gave Hillman a hug only moments before his injury last Sunday. Starting to make sense now, right? Yes, Ball is a nuisance and we’d all be better off without him for a long time. Then again, maybe this is his shot for redemption. His chance to provide weeks of value going into the playoffs. Maybe winning over the hearts and minds of the Fantasy Football Collective. Wow, the Fantasy Football Collective sounds like a non-profit organization aimed at saving under maintained fantasy teams. They would all wear button up knit sweaters, and have dumpy bodies, with awkwardly groomed facial hair. Then again these fearless guys and gals are doing the lord’s work, so maybe I should cut them some slack. Oh sorry about my A.D.D there, back to Ball, so maybe this is his shot at redemption, and maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him for flavor of the week Anderson. This is a former 1st round pick from 2013, which is only a year ago. One that was highly decorated in college, being voted an All-American in back to back years at Wisconsin. His career YPC isn’t horrible either at 4.2, though that’s heavily supported by last year’s 4.7. He’s got a real shot to do something if Anderson slips up. So the question remain the same with Ball, “will he finally step up and take the job he’s been handed so many times?” I guess the next few weeks will tell us.

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign upand use us as your guide.

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This week’s waiver wire column is going to explore the returning player. The focus is on the players who are coming back off lengthy layoffs after injuries. Of course, we’ll still try to catch lightning in a bottle too and help your team that way. That said, let’s dive in.

First, let’s talk about Adrian Peterson. He’s not coming back from an injury, but from a suspension… or so we hope. There is going to be some legal wrangling this week over whether or not Peterson can come back to play this season or not, so it will need time to play out. Hopefully a decision gets made this week to give us some clarity. Even if he’s not 100% ready to go, you need to stash him on your roster. If nothing else, ensure that other owners don’t get their hands on him. With his talents and a plush schedule, Peterson could be the ultimate shot-in-the-arm add to any fantasy team. If he doesn’t pan out, you can toss him back and try again. If it does, you have fantasy gold. The thing to keep in mind is there is some internal strife within the Vikings front office about whether or not to bring him back. Minnesota is 4-5 and three games behind 7-2 Detroit for the top spot in the NFC North. Sure, there are other factors at play, but it is worth giving consideration to adding AP. I’ve been picking him up much as in the same way it’s time to get another guy in the same boat.

That other guy is Cleveland wide receiver Josh Gordon. It’s worth checking the wire to see if the dynamic wide receiver is there. He would make awesome trade bait if you can pick him up. Things set up nicely for Gordon with his schedule (HOU, ATL, BUF, IND, CIN, CAR, BAL) and that matchup against Carolina on championship week is inviting. We saw Mark Sanchez abuse the Carolina defense last night and Gordon could go nuts.

Realistically, it would be difficult to see either of them being available on the waiver wire but we mention them anyways. Take a second and scan anyways. Let’s go to reality now.

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Well, well, well, here we are again my lovelies, trudging on into Week 11 of the 2014 Fantasy Football season.  As we near the playoffs, one thing is certain, our hooptied rosters are still plugging along like the good jalopies they are, and the Dominatrix-style punishments we endure week after week are nearing an end.  Thankfully, unlike that Dominatrix, some of you don’t have to pay for this punishment, but unfortunately, there is no safe word.  So take it like the good sex slaves you are.  On another note, the Fantasy Gods have been generous with yours truly this past week, as I managed to squeeze out a solid 4-2 with my teams.  Hell, even the stalker living in the bushes outside of my house has started to watch me sleeping through my window at night again.  Ah, yes, all feels right with the universe.  It is probably because I am completely and utterly satiated on the man souls my “Black Widow Curse” claimed this past week.  Hey, Hall and Oates warned you… “watch out boys, she’ll chew you up.”  All this time I have been fighting it, but in reality, giving in and embracing it for all of its man-soul chewing glory satisfies me more than any piece of chocolate, depraved sexual fantasy of Jordan Cameron ever has.  So, as we march ever onward, follow me, my lovelies, into Week 11’s episode of Hit it or Quit it.

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The injury bug strikes again, and this time it’s a quarterback who takes the beating. Philadelphia will be without the services of quarterback Nick Foles for several weeks after breaking his collarbone in Sunday’s game against Houston. Mark Sanchez, yes he’s still in the league, came in and helped the Eagles the rest of the way to a win over the Texans. So who can you turn to now? Six teams have a bye this week in Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington. There’s a ton of talent to replace and that’s before we jump into injuries. Let’s get into it and see who you can pick up this week to help your team out…

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In what has become a seemingly weekly occurrence the most interesting handcuff in the land happens to be playing in the Thursday Night Game. I think this happens just to spite me. It’s as if the Football Gods force injuries and ineffectiveness on starters the week before they play on the thirstiest of all days. This week’s example of my curse is, of course, former (?) third stringer Brandon Bolden. The man who I had pegged to be taking over the Stevan Ridley “Big Back” role in New England. I figured if Bolden failed, then James White was probably next in line. But of course Bill Belichick did the most Belichickian thing ever and activated Jonas Gray from the practice squad, gave him a few carries, and leaned heavy on Shane Vereen. It looks like Bolden is more valuable to the Pats as a special teamer than a runner, and I have no idea what James White‘s issue is. I was shocked that he was inactive and you have to figure he’s deep in Belichick’s doghouse at this point. It’s really surprising considering how good he looked in pre-season and camp. The only ownable back in this scenario is Vereen.

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Those of you in your 30’s shouldn’t have a hard time remembering George Michael’s Sports Machine. Running from 1984 to about 2007, and airing on Sunday nights, it was a 30-minute television show dedicated to providing the highlights of the past week’s sporting events. I did a quick search on Ancestry.com, and it turns out the Sports Machine and Stats Machine are very distant relatives. I hope George’s estate doesn’t sue me. Now that I have cleared that up, let’s move on.

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I’d like to begin this week’s installment of the handcuff report by apologizing profusely for ignoring Andre Williams last week. I seriously considered mentioning Williams value as a keeper, but ROS considered him nothing more than a deep bench stash or handcuff for Rashad Jennings. I had him buried down in the Duct Tape tier, with the Stepfan Taylor‘s and Ka’Deem Carey‘s of the world. Zoinks! Imagine a world of Stepfan’s and Ka’Deem’s! Oh snap, there is such a place? It’s my Duct Tape Handcuff tier! It exists in my mind, and it’s a shiny silver world where everything can be fixed with a couple inches of the good stuff. Jeez I went off topic real quick, back to Andre Williams. I knew that Rashad Jennings was quickly approaching his highest usage numbers of his career, and I knew that Jennings had some injuries during his time in Jacksonville. I chose to ignore it. Just as I chose to dismiss Williams’ 15 carry, 66 yard, TD breakout against Washington. I thought it was nothing more than some meaningless garbage time magic. After all, Jennings had been getting almost all the usage in the Giants offense. Before the Week 4 blowout, Williams had seen two games of 6 carries, and one game of 8 carries with four looks in the passing game. There was no reason to pay him much mind, and those touting him as a good stash were working off nothing more than a hunch that Rough Shod would break down.

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This past week was brutally tough on running backs. We saw several of them get injured and there are lead backs who will miss multiple weeks from the Denver Broncos and New York Giants. Factor in Kansas City and New Orleans are on bye this week, and it makes for a minefield of running backs to work through. We’ll help you get through it in this week’s column. Here we go.

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Four score and 7 quarters ago…

Considered by many to be the best time traveling movie ever made, Back to the Future is a must see film of the 80’s. Set in Hill Valley, California, Marty McFly accidentally travels back in time (to 1955) using a flux capacitor-powered DeLorean in an attempt to escape a band of angry Libyans. While there… well you know the rest. And if you don’t, shame on you!

Another time traveling masterpiece that gets much less attention, and in many ways is much more excellent, follows the wild adventures of Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted “Theodore” Logan as they travel back in time with the help of Rufus and his magical phone booth to solicit the help of historic personalities such as Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, Ludwig van Beethoven and So-crates, to help them pass their history class assignment. That’s right, you guessed it. I’m talking about Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. This movie was so excellent, it even had a much less excellent sequel entitled Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. Believe it or not, I saw this flick in the movie theaters. Shame on me? I was only 14 years old. But even more believe it or not, a third installment to this pseudo legendary saga is currently in the works. So buckle up folks and get ready for another excellent journey!

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