After two straight Superbowl appearances, the NFC South is coming up faster than that lady from The Leftovers and this past season of Fargo.  Yes, I know her name is Carrie Coon, I didn’t have to google it, and she’s become my favorite actress.  Some of you already know that I think that the Leftovers is the best show ever made, but I’m also impressed that Fargo was able to pull off another good season for the third straight year.  Fargo has a built-in setting, but coming up with a different cast, story line, and ending every year and doing it well blows my mind.  To put it in perspective it only took a second season for True Detective to suck at the same format.  Well, I guess it didn’t “suck”, the acting was awesome.  I’m one of the few who bought into Vince Vaughn in his role.  The story was a snoozer, I can’t defend that part.

Before we get into our second division preview, be sure to check out Zach’s preview of the AFC East.  Zach will be covering the AFC while I cover the NFC.  Also, we must rejoice that Jay has returned to give you his rankings and predictions for the 2017 season.  Zach and I are going to try and record a podcast every week to get you ready for the football season.  We plan on having a few surprise guests, but most of it will just be us two talking shop.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

ST. LOUIS, MO - SEPTEMBER 7: Adrian Peterson #28 of the Minnesota Vikings rushes during a game against the St. Louis Rams at the Edward Jones Dome on September 7, 2014 in St. Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Michael B. Thomas/Getty Images)

By now, most of you guys are already in the playoffs or at least know where you’re sitting in the hunt.  I’m unfortunately eliminated in my main league and am a bit sour while writing this, so please forgive a bit of my saltiness. My handle may have to change to Rob Gronkowski lying in a hospital bed since that’s where he’s been most of the year (I trusted you after staying healthy last year!). If you’re in the same boat as me, better luck next year. Do it the right way next time and join 10 leagues so you’re guaranteed to win one (that’s how statistics work right?). Yup, we’re way beyond the numbers and I’m not even through with the intro. For those who still have a shot at glory, I’ll suck it up for you guys and do my best to help out. Here are some guys that’ll get you to next week, some to stash for when you get there, and some to avoid all together.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Being that the kind people at Razzball have given me a soapbox, if you will, to share with you all the thoughts that swim within my head, I thought I’d take advantage of said opportunity to rant. If you can bear with me for a few sentences I promise to return to regularly scheduled programming and, as I do on a weekly basis, tender my slightly above average fantasy football advice. And when I say “average” I really mean “mediocre”. And when I say “mediocre” what I REALLY mean is “fvcking awesome”. Okay, so perhaps I’m reaching for the proverbial stars, but why not. After all, I could probably give you crap advice and many of you would still be happy. Stealing a quote from Negan, I could be inclined to say “I just slid my d*ck down your throat and you thanked me”. But that’s not how I roll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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This could go one of two ways. That smug look on Colbert above is one trajectory: pride. Last week’s Working the Waiver, beyond featuring a GIF and link to perhaps the funniest six minutes on the internet (thank you, Eastbound and Down), couldn’t have been more accurate. Okay, fine, it could have been without the Tajae Sharpe egg, but seriously…you could/should have rostered every name on there. But instead of puffing up my #dadbod chest for the masses to gawk over (eat your heart out, Tehol), the prevailing emotion is the second option: desperation. Seriously, I ain’t to proud to beg.

It’s Week 13. For all you non-math majors, that’s a bakers dozen. And in the fantasy world, you know what that means: One. More. Week. It’s the final week before playoffs begin. If you’re still reading this I assume you’re in the race for a playoff spot. And if you’re not, well…you’re the best kind of person. Thank you. Keep fighting even though the ship is now sunk (I’m doing this in a staff league. Gotta get as many points as possible to make my case that fantasy football involves incredible luck. Fourth most points in a 14-team league but miss the playoffs? Wasn’t my fault.). So, as we prep our playoff rosters, there are plenty of targets to either deepen your bench or shore up your FLEX spot. And guess what? A lot of the names are the EXACT same as last week. I TOLD YOU SO! Pick them up! I beg of you.

Here are the top targets to, well…target heading into Week 13!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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‘I can feel it all the way down in my plums.’ I bet you did, Ashley Schaffer, but if you’re name A.J. Green you felt it a little lower down in your hamstring…

Week 11 was highlighted by nothing more than injuries. A.J. Green, LeSean McCoy, Giovani Bernard, C.J. Prosise, Jay Cutler all suffered big injuries that will at least cost fantasy owners their services for the next few weeks, if not the whole season. Or, in the case of that final name that I will not write again, the rest of fantasy football ever. See ya later Cutler! For real, though, these big injuries open up some big windows for new players to step in. However, when examining the positional situation behind the injured stars there’s not a lot available. That is, unless your name is Tyler Boyd.

The rookie was a dark horse, late-round flier in draft season, primed to take the reins as the second option opposite of A.J. Well, that didn’t exactly pan out, and Boyd’s ownership is now under 1%. As of Tuesday morning. I’d imagine 24 hours from now his number jumps significantly after Green’s injury took him out for most of the game and Boyd responded with a 6/54/1 on 8 targets. You can go for Brandon LaFell all you want, but if I’m targeting some Bengals receivers I’d target the two Tylers the most: Eifert and Boyd.

So, it’s those two (Eifert as a trade option, obviously), and here are the other top targets to, well…target heading into Week 12!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Hello everybody and welcome to this week’s Deep Impact! When I first set out on writing this series at the beginning of the season, I had three nagging fears in the back of my head. One, that I would run out of Deep Impact play on words to begin the article (which happened weeks ago), and the second that as the season progressed, it would be more and more difficult to find playable names under 10% owned. Once the season is more than half over, you would expect that the hidden gems have revealed themselves, and that the underperforming players you drafted would be cast aside to make room for them. I have been pleasantly surprised to find that thanks to injuries and late bloomers, along with the general malaise that seems to impact a good chunk of leagues (looking at you, leagues responsible for Jamaal Charles being 27% owned). We don’t always stick to the threshold, but I think we’ve been able to keep the spirit of it alive. What was my third fear? Bees. I guess that doesn’t have anything to do with writing the article but I hate bees. Anyways, check out the rest of the article for some names below (or close to) the 10% owned mark for some Week 11 options…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Drew Brees. (23.83 fantasy ppg in RCL scoring on Yahoo)
Aaron Rodgers.
Tom Brady.
Matt Ryan.
Ben Roethlisberger.
Andrew Luck.
Cam Newton.
Marcus Mariota.
Colin Kaepernick.
Dak Prescott. (19.78 fppg)

This is the Top 10 ranking of average fantasy points per week from QBs. Solid list, but one of these is not like the other. Sure, you could argue the rookie Prescott shouldn’t be in there, but we’ve seen for 10 weeks now that he’s completely legit. Mariota? Nope, there were a lot of paths that could have ended up with him getting here. But nestled in there at #9 is Mr. Kaepernick himself. And who in their right mind would have ever thought in the everest of evers just two months ago that he’d be here? Buried behind Blaine Gabbert, and 6 feet under the scrutiny/scolding of the national media, Kaepernick was relegated to a borderline cut coming out of camp, and a for sure release after this season ends. Would he ever see the field again as an NFL QB? That was an actual question with a lot of credence in early September. Yet, after 10 weeks, the Kaep is back as a top QB option in fantasy football. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

But he’s not the only one, just the first. Here are the top targets to, well…target heading into Week 11!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Hello everyone and welcome to “Please Tell Me When It’s Safe to Go Outside”, Razzball’s new weekly piece where we wonder what the hell is going on, and debate whether or not we should venture into the terrifying outdoors to see what hellscape awaits us. This week, we will discuss fun activities you can do in your home/security bunker, such as knitting, or fashioning ammunition out of various metal objects you may have laying around *answers call from Jay* I’m being told that this will instead be another installment of Deep Impact, and also that things are pretty much the same as they were last week. For now, at least, it is still safe to go outside, but why do that when instead you can distract yourself from the horrifying state of our current political system by playing fantasy football! As we do every week, we’re looking at less than 10% owned players in the Yahoo game to scrounge for starts, and for once I actually held myself to my own threshold. Be proud of me, everyone!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Ladies and gentleman, America has played its Trump card. Just goes to show you just how much this country dislikes Hillary Clinton. They were willing to elect a man with no political experience over one with a lifetime. Good riddance Killary, and congratulations President Trump. You know what they say, every dog has its day. Well, here are my dogs. Speaking of dogs, has anyone gone to or plan to attend a Temple of the Dog show? If so, I’m jealous. While this might not be the best lineup I have presented, 172 points should be more than enough to bring home a win.

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I mean, you do have the Arizona Cardinals with the best record in the NFL. The Miami Dolphins suddenly look like they can be competent for certain stretches of time. One of those times including a game against my Chargers. Both the Colts and Eagles (depending on Nick Foles’ status) seem competent enough to being contenders. Even the Steelers have figured a few things out behind Ben Roethlisberger treating the last two games like he met them in a dive bar bathroom. But I think it’s fair to say that the Broncos and Patriots, fulfilling a narrative wet dream on a continual basis, had to have been considered the two best teams. At least until the Patriots destroyed the Broncos yesterday afternoon. While I’m a constant palm-facer when it comes to Peyton Manning’s “cold-weather” narrative, it seems that his “can’t beat the Patriots” narrative may have something to it. Also, there are way too many narratives. Please no more narratives. That being said, despite having their own problems early in the season, the Patriots have seemingly maintained their status as one of the top teams in the NFL, if not the top team. Now that you’ve figured that part out, for the love of god, can you give the ball to Shane Vereen more? Is that too much to ask?

Please, blog, may I have some more?