I get it. I’ve seen ‘My Strange Addiction’ on Netflix. You’re like Lauren who can’t leave her furry life at home. Nope, everywhere you go, you gotta be wearing your fursona. It’s cool, it’s your thing, just don’t act like it’s not a bit weird, m’kay? We have 4 QBs to choose from here. That’s four for those whose computers can’t read digits for some reason. They say variety is the spice of life and we have as many QBs to rank as we have Spice Girls in the world. Ponder that, ponderer. I’m not gonna pretend like there’s huge discrepancies this week other than Golden Tate. If Seattle is gonna win, a wideout needs to step up and I’m saying it’ll be Tate. That’s my story there. Outside of that…eh, how ’bout them Cowboys? I don’t know what to say here, I’m at a loss. Four flipping games, people! If New England wins, Brady has a huge day. If Denver wins, the Bronco backs have huge days. Up in Seattle, it’ll most likely be a slugfest and offensively pretty blahtastic while we’re at it. It will be interesting to see Kaepernick in a playoff game in Seattle. Most other times he’s looked about as rattled as you’re ever going to see him but he’s proving to be quite the playoff quarterback in his short stint so far. This will definitely be a defining game for him one way or another. As much of a Seattle fan as I am, I can’t help but notice Wilson has underperformed quite a bit the last four to six weeks while the defense has basically carried them. That can’t happen this week if the ‘hawks want to move on because if that doesn’t change, I think San Fran makes the Super Bowl. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by a Broncos and 49ers Super Bowl based on current performance. Just don’t think the passing game is the same without Gronkowski for New England and really don’t think Seattle’s offense can right the ship that’s been going so wrong of late. And now that I’ve talked about nothing that has to do with rankings for about 90% of this, let’s move on. Here are the Divisional Championship rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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It was an odd year for a position that was so high scoring, truth be told. Health played a huge factor in how guys ended the season, rankings-wise, both their own health and the players who they were throwing to. Like my Physics teacher once told me ‘it all matters’! Or was it ‘it’s all matter’…I got a ‘D’, ok. Not like it would’ve helped me writing for a Fantasy Football site, of course. Why strive to be the best at everything when you can be at least average at one thing, that’s what I always say. In 1QB leagues, you could’ve cobbled together a string of guys and put up top 10 numbers but let’s not kid ourselves: it ain’t that easy, hindsight is always 20/20 and we all know how nice it is to plug a QB into your starting lineup week 1 and forget about it until their bye week. It’s a good feeling that few got to experience this year and for those who did, I hope you enjoyed it…you dirty bastards. But enough of bashing my readership, here goes. Let’s take a look back at the top 20 quarterbacks from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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So, that’s what I thought we’d see more of in the regular season. And of course I’m referring to TY Hilton’s wild, wild card weekend when he set franchise records for receptions (13), yards (224), and tied the team record of TD receptions (2) when they defeated the Chiefs at home. In fact, Hilton’s yardage is now the third best single game performance in post-season history. A list that’s headed by the amazing shmun-uh-bluh…yeah, you probably don’t know these guys. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. Probably both. But nevermind all that, let’s discuss a bit on this TY kid. I liked him coming into the season and so wish this were the TY from game one until now but you can’t rush greatness. I’m mentioning my TY love so you don’t think I’m bandwagoning here. What I AM doing is looking at how New England is going to try and match up with the little tyke. And believe me, he’s a little dude and fast as heck. All this simply means Talib is probably not covering him much during the game due to the speed discrepancy. In effect, Hilton could follow up his historic day with another one this weekend as I see Andrew Luck and company in what might amount to another shootout and plenty of passes to go around. Truthfully, I’d be surprised if there were as many fireworks in the other games. Since the playoffs really do play out like a new season – just ask the Andy Dalton who couldn’t match his great home numbers last week against what was considered a poor Chargers defense – your rankings have to reflect who you think is gonna win and how. I think the Colts and Pats are a shootout that’ll eventually turn to Brady and company. I will fully admit I’m worried about PFM and company. San Diego really tried to grind down the clock on them the last two times the teams played. First game, Rivers didn’t play well and the plan looked terrible. Next time? Rivers bordered on perfect. If you’re expecting huge numbers like you’d normally get from your Broncos, I’d err on the side of caution if I’m playing in Daily Fantasy Leagues – and I am and I’m erring – I’m probably avoiding the big price associated. In all, these rankings shouldn’t be too surprising. The good defenses are well reflected except the Panthers. The 49ers are a well-honed playoff team and I think too much jitter is gonna hit Carolina in their first go. If I can avoid owning any Panthers, I’d like to. Eh, I’m rambling at this point so I’m just gonna let’er go. Here’s the second round rankings for the playoffs for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Doc is back and has another room full of patients after last week’s spate of season-ending injuries.

Rob Gronkowski was lost for the season after tearing two ligaments in his knee. Arizona lost safety Tyrann Mathieu to a torn ACL and LCL which ends his strong rookie season. Baltimore wide receiver Brandon Stokely suffered a concussion and is done for the season. Green Bay put seldom-used receiver Myles White on IR with a knee injury and it leaves the Packers few options in the passing game. Brandon Jacobs of the Giants is done after getting a cartilage graft in his left knee.

You get the idea. People are dropping like flies at the end of the season but most of them aren’t fantasy-relevant which makes it easier to sift through the impacts of said injuries.

Gronkowski being done makes Danny Amendola and Julian Edelman better options, especially in PPR formats. When you factor in Kenbrell Thompkins (hip) being questionable for this week, it makes both of those wide receivers Tom Brady’s top targets. Shane Vereen is also back there too but when it comes to deep passes he really has two choices.

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All season long, I’ve been talking about matchups with an opposing team, but what about an opposing weather condition? Fantasy owners who started Matthew Stafford, Calvin Johnson, or Reggie Bush were likely all salivating at the Lions’ matchup with the Eagles, but Bush was a very late scratch after slipping on the field while both Stafford and Johnson failed to get anything going all afternoon. Even kickers, who are usually fairly immune to any real matchup concerns, should almost always be benched when there’s snow coming down.

Sometimes you even need to get more specific. A downhill runner who plows straight through defenses is going to have a lot more success in rough weather than an elusive runner who relies on fancy footwork to shake tackles. LeSean McCoy may very well be the exception to that rule, but he also adjusted his running style for the weather; something Reggie Bush is less capable of and part of the reason the Lions didn’t bother risking him playing in an important game.

I can’t predict the weather and if you ask anyone in Philadelphia, neither can the people whose job it is to do so, but this late into the fantasy season, it is absolutely critical that you check the field conditions prior to kickoff. That being said, there are still football matchups to talk about.

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I hate you Chris Ogbonnaya!  Hate you so much.  Chris O-Bones was a hot pickup as a cheap RB for the PPR upside, but nooooooo…. Luckily with daily leagues, you can wipe the slate, officially never pick a guy again, and move on from your former tribulations.

We’re quickly approaching only a few weeks left until the WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE, and I’m still eagerly trying to get my ticket on the cheap – so I’m rockin’ out in the $2 Fantasy Millionaire qualifier for Sunday’s games.  After feeling extremely confident last week and losing in a few other contests, I’m only sticking to the one lineup this time.  O-Bones be damned!  And if you’re jones-ing for DraftKings while watching on Turkey Day, there’s all sorts of contests just for the Thursday games to hop into.  So DraftKings it up and enjoy the Holiday!

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Football is a funny sport, especially for a team that rarely gets to be in the spotlight. The last time I remember seeing Cam Newton under the watchful eye of prime time, it was Thursday Night Football, week 3 and it was the 2012 season. Heading into the game, the Panthers were 1-1 and were fresh off a win over a division rival – the New Orleans Saints – and were riding high. It was Cam’s second season in the league and people were expecting great things from the young man. And then September 20th happened and the good times left the building. Cam and company left their home turf after a humiliating loss at the hands of the Giants. After a 36-7 loss, a lot of people – both fantasy enthusiasts and real – began to question Supermans superpowers. Was the guy that looked like he was pouting on the sidelines under his towel really a leader? Was the guy who just threw 3 interceptions really the person that was gonna bring Carolina back to prominence? And so on and so forth and the rest of the season played out and people forgave but never forgot the towel-covered Cam. He was a childish athlete who’d never learn how to play within the game, they said. An egotistical prat who lacked the ability to guide a team to victory, they chattered. And for most of 2012, the people were right. But some light must’ve popped on at the end of 2012 as they went on to win 5 of their last 6. Sure, the Panthers finished 7-9 but there were flashes of the team we saw on Monday last year. We were just too blinded by Cam hatred to see. And of that Cam hatred? Well, to help his team go to 8-3 on the 2013 season, Newton finished with 209 passing yards and 3 passing TDs while leading his team in rushing on the night with 62. Yeah, but you ain’t talking fantasy, Sky, this is all about real football. No one cares. Well you SHOULD care, imaginary reader. This team is fighting for the playoffs. It has motivation and incentive down the stretch to actually win their division and a supercharged Cam can be a Superman Cam at any moment and tonight he definitely was that. Cam looked better than he has in a while in the passing game. I don’t know if it was his receivers stepping up or him playing at another level – I’ll defer towards the former but that’s cuz Cam’s been pretty damn good all year, y’all – but there’s reason for JB to be pointing at the back of that jersey tonight. Cam is legit. Panthers are legit. And now I have to write about other guys and I’m completely spent. In other news from week 11 MNF for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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I’m looking across my lineups this week, and I’m feeling like my teams’ narratives  are like The Other Guys.  My Samuel L. and the Rock who were guns blazin’ and taking care of business have gone down to ridiculous injuries, and I’ve got to go with the wild card play of the cop who shot Derek Jeter, then the lanky cop with the crazy Gator past (no not Aaron Hernandez!) to try and fill in.  Marlon Brown last week got me my first desk pop!  Those TDs were nice.  So I’m hoping to be your Michael Keaton and get the police unit to work together, while also trying to keep my Bed Bath & Beyond profitable and my employees from chasing waterfalls.

Going back to last week’s picks, Marlon Brown actually won me a league last week!  I liked that one.  Terrelle Pryor and Josh McCown gave you solid games as deep QB plays, and Le’Veon Bell also was very solid.  My very deep Myles White call was more for James Jones behind hypothetically out, then the Aaron Rodgers injury made things worse, but a loss nonetheless.  For my benchers, Matt Ryan was awful and I indeed got the Vincent Jackson bench right!  I feel like I’ve missed on VJax 4-5 times over the past 2 years.  Fred Jackson was a wash, but Tom Brady and Danny Amendola had huge games.  My bad on that one, I knew the Steelers D was bad, but didn’t think the Pats O would get it together.  Here’s who I like in week 10 and their % started in ESPN and Yahoo, respectively (NOTE – these are not always recommendations for 1-for-1 swaps, just guys I like who are understarted and guys I hate overstarted):

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I’m not one to talk the trash or put someone in a verbal vice-grip, but when it comes down to knocking off my fellow RCL writers I feel the urge to gloat. Just a little. Despite my Red Sox World Series hangover of 2004 proportions, your humble-but-nonetheless-bloviating Guru took down JB’s undefeated team that is cleverly named “JB Gilpin” last week and he spent most of Sunday crying to me on the phone about “bye weeks” and how his cat doesn’t “understand” him. Sorry JB, I don’t know how to help you with Mittens, but bad things happen when you assemble your roster after 14 wine coolers. The one and only “Tis Tehol” also fell to your turban clad friend last week. Of course Tehol was too busy checking the progress of his receding hairline to set his roster again, but I’ll take the win. Tehol, are you so mesmerized by your Drakkar drenched banana hammock that you can’t find a tight end to start? However, my first place 6-2 “Scotch Fueled Gurus” lost to an unknown 12-year-old “expert” somewhere in Pennsylvania Amish country whose trash smackin’ prose made Richie Incognito look like Maya Angelou. The kid told me my turban smells like my grandma’s…well, you know, then he beat me 20 points. I feel so bullied. *one lonely tear drops* However, the jammer crammers have been coming through for us this year. Last weeks jams of Terrelle Pryor and Tim Wright were solid plug ‘n’ plays. Let’s forget I suggested jamming on the New Orleans defense, okay? Overall, we have hit on about 70% of our jammer/crammers in any given week. I’m not ready to surrender my turban just yet, my Razzballer’s. And I certainly won’t hand it over to a prepubescent, Fall Out Boy loving kid that sleeps in his Ben Roethlisberger footie pajamas while his mommy rubs his heiny and tells him how special it is. By the way, kid, my dad can beat up your dad. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

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Ohhhhhh man.  Another week and another 6 teams on bye.  That makes 20% of players gone. So it’s kinda like Tehol’s weekly Writer’s League lineup.

Luckily my one really bad team was the only one hit with terrible byes last week, but this week… Man… Lots of tough cookies.  Guru is already talking smack because my 8-0 boys have James Starks at RB Eddie Royal in there in my flex.  Spoiler alert!  Neither are recommendations below.  Slim Pickens on the wire.  Plus ally of the JB world Justin Blackmon went on a Jessie Pinkman bender.  It’s all coming to an end.  But I must maintain the faith, visualize a redonkulous upset, and hope my path to perfection stays true.

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