The trip continues and by that I don’t mean your face melting off because you’re still LSD. BTW, if you are on LSD I do promise your face isn’t actually melting off. Or is it? Have you checked? Go look in the mirror to make sure. No, the trip we’re on is to the center of the Fantasy Football universe by looking at how we’re ranking these mo’fos for the 2013 season. I already gave you my Top 10 For 2013 Fantasy Football here which you can find in the 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings there. If that doesn’t quell your thirst for random links in an opening paragraph then I give you this. You satisfied now? Good, that means you’re ready to take a look at the remainder of the top 20 for 2013 Fantasy Football with me…
Projections: Running back stats are based on rushing yards/rushing TDs/receptions/receiving yards/receiving TDs. Quarterbacks based on passing yards/passing TDs/INTs/Rushing Yards/Rushing TDs. Wide Receivers and Tight Ends are based on receptions/receiving yards/receiving TDs/rushing yards/rushing TDs. Finally, Kickers are based on…come on seriously, why would that happen?
11. Aaron Rodgers – This is the start of a new tier that goes to Brees. I call this tier the ‘Alcohol With A Foreign Name’ tier because it looks fancy and costs a lot but you’re here to get drunk so why you spending so much, bro? The QB crop this year is pretty deep in terms of production and I don’t see myself getting either of these guys in a snake draft unless they fall drastically (hint: they won’t). There’s not much to say about Rodgers at this point. He’s good, handsome and a terrible dancer according to State Farm. 2013 Projections: 4400/38/10/270/2
12. Drew Brees – Sean Payton is back? Check. Still lead the QBs in fantasy scoring last year despite not having Sean on the sidelines? Check. Wants to prove last year was a fluke and could bust out a huge year to do it? Chiggity check, y’all! Brees could be primed for a big year but even his ‘smaller’ years are bigger than most guys big years. I like ‘big’. Both the movie and the word. 2013 Projections: 5091/40/18/5/1
13. Brandon Marshall – Marshall is the start of a new tier that goes to Green. I call this tier the ‘Superfluous’ tier because I like making you guys look up words. Ha! I keed, it’s called that because these are stud receivers that everyone will want but you don’t really need due to wide receiver depth. Marshall was a stud last year like his name was Magic Mike. Maybe we could start calling him Magic Marshall, eh? Jay Cutler’s ‘throw it to Brandon and pray’ offensive scheme is really nice for fantasy. We should send him a thank you card…or should we send that to his o-line? 2013 Projections: 108/1371/8/0/0
14. Demaryius Thomas – But Wes Welker! That’s gonna be the response. I know, I get it. Wes is the immigrant that comes in and took yer jebs in your mind but in my mind, there’s this weird image of Kate Upton doing the cat daddy in a pool of orange sherbert while I throw cucumbers at her. Hrm, clear sign the meds aren’t working I guess but more to the point, if Welker is going to take away from the players around him it’ll more likely be Decker & Tamme. Grab DT and score TDs, people. 2013 Projections: 101/1636/12/0/0
15. Dez Bryant – Dez’s 2012 season was interesting to say the least and I covered it a bit with my Dez Bryant Breakout review in the off-season. Let’s just say I believe, Agent Scully, and leave it at that. 2013 Projections: 100/1400/10/5/0
16. A.J. Green – Lemme just preface this with I believe in Green but I don’t believe in Dalton. Could AJ break from these ranks and be more than this tier? Sure but Dalton showed some of his true colors in the post-season and let’s just say the drapes don’t match the carpet. Fire crotch! Wait, what? Green is a stud. That’s why I put him here. Don’t think I hate, I just contemplate! 2013 Projections: 94/1344/9/50/0
17. Tom Brady – This is a tier made solely for Tom. I call this tier ‘The Brady Bunch?’ tier because him not being a part of the ‘Alcohol With A Foreign Name’ tier has to do with who’s surrounding him. Though I like the Amendola pick up, Gronk and A-Hern have me a tad worried. Can Tom succeed without them? Rhetorical! We know he can but I don’t think he’s as trustworthy as the other two because of that. And here I am debating the separation of 5 draft positions. Let’s just move on, shall we? 2013 Projections: 4836/35/10/30/2
18. Alfred Morris – The Butler is the start of a new tier and it rounds out our top 20. I call this tier the ‘Forgot About Dre’ tier as all three of these guys for various reasons aren’t being trusted in 2013. Morris is getting the ‘prove it’ treatment despite finishing as the 5th best back in our Top 20 Rankings of 2012 and I guess in a way, I’m giving him the same treatment by kicking him down this far the list. However, I have one word for why he’s down here and one word alone: Shanahanigans. The same guy who said he thought RGIII was medically cleared to play…yeah, you go ahead and trust THAT. Speaking of RGIII, he’s coming back you know, and while he was away, Morris had some of his biggest games of the season. Just sayin’. 2013 Projections: 1462/11/10/70/0
19. Maurice Jones-Drew – Once the cream of the RB crop, he turned into the guano fertilizer we use to feed it…or something like that. MJD had a bad, injury-riddled year in 2012 which makes him a prime buy candidate in 2013. Want a shot at a top 5 running back season who’ll probably go outside the top 25 in most drafts? Here you go. 2013 Projections: 1449/8/45/360/2
20. LeSean McCoy – What I find intriguing about LeSean is that he’s getting more trust than MJD in most places right now. I get that Maurice had more nicks and dings but LeSean’s 2012 wasn’t all that much of a trust building exercise itself with the concussion issues and general problems in Philly. All that said, I think the speed of Chip Kelly’s style of play will fit LeSean like a fat guy fits into a wet suit which is to say it’ll be hella tight, yo! 2013 Projections: 1325/7/60/420/1
And now for the names you normally see but for various reasons don’t. These are guys I couldn’t justify putting in here but should be mentioned.
Jimmy Graham – I hear you shouting ‘Gimme Jimmy!’ back there but I’m not listening to you. Just to give you a little taster, I do have him as my top tight end this year but – and this is a Kim Kardashian-sized but – his numbers slipped a bit last year and he dealt with some wrist issues for most of 2012. Let’s just say I’m getting behind the ‘streaming TE’ philosophy that is sweeping the nation because I don’t trust this stud stays healthy. Graham cracker crunch! 2013 Projections: 95/1250/11/0/0
Julio Jones – On one hand, I do think Julio is poised for a breakout year. On the other hand, his health always seems to be in question and he a way of disappearing that you don’t expect from a top flight wide receiver. On a third hand which is actually just a lego one I glued on my shoulder, wide out is deep and you’re gonna just have to accept that, m’kay? 2013 Projections: 92/1435/11/30/0
Andre Johnson – Had a great year last year. I still like him this year. What I don’t like is Matt Schaub. He looks like Charlie Brown after he grew up and no one really wanted to see that. But more to the point, I don’t like how the Texans offense goes. Andre wasn’t that studly to start the year because Schaub is a bit of a one read and done kinda guy. Just ask Owen Daniels owners with how their fantasy season ended when Andre Johnson owner’s season really began. Exactly. 2013 Projections: 103/1452/6/0/0