I’m not gonna lie to you, this is being typed drunk. How drunk you ask? Well my man Chip Kelly has finally gone from Pinocchio to real boy and most of the next game I had to write up while trying to read the keys through nacho vomit, if that gives you any indication. TMI? Prolly, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that my alma mater’s former coach put on a bit of a ‘yes we can’ response to the ‘you can’t do that in the NFL’ response to the naysayers tonight and I celebrated…maybe a bit too much. How many fingers am I holding up? Yes, yes imaginary reader I’ll admit it looks a bit blurred but no more then the Eagles offense did tonight. What I do see is one finger. Namely the middle. Because that’s what I expect to see from all of you after I tell you to be cautious of your Eagles components, in particular Michael Vick. I’m not a person who always aims for the negative but let me be the developer to your photographer here and point out that – as glorious as Vick’s night was – he spent more time limping then holding his arm up in victory. Vick took a lot of shots tonight and that needs to NOT go unnoticed. Chip’s never been kind to his QBs in terms of abuse received and for all that is great about Vick, his stats tonight (15/25 for 203 yards passing with 2 touchdowns, 9 for 54 yards and a TD on the ground) might be a swan song. I saw a lot of limping and a lot f big hits tonight. Now I’m not here to tell you to sell right off the bat but just be weary that the guy you drafted as a potential QB1 – and Vick really is that – just might be injured too soon to pan out. Next week is San Diego at home and though I do expect a different play out from the Eagles sideline, it’s good to note that Vick is awesome when healthy but unsellable when dead. In other news from Monday Night Football for 2013 Fantasy Football…
LeSean McCoy – Re-read what I typed about Vick then add it to this post plus 31 carries. Yikes…if you remember, I’m the guy that told you not to buy in too heavily into Foster coming into the year after a heavy touches year and here’s Shady showing up trying to challenge for 500 carries on the year. What I’m trying to say is that the stats (31/184/1) are very Shady.
Robert Griffin, III – When I say RG3, the ‘R’ might stand for ‘Rusty’ for a while. He started off looking like a guy who just got his first preseason action. Too bad this was game 1 of the season. He slowly gained his sea-legs over time. I’m not looking to sell at this point, I’m marking this down as a live and learn experience for a guy just coming off of injury.
DeSean Jackson – I was really wondering who’d step up and fill the Maclin void tonight. Apparently DJax did a good job of that with his 7/104/1 night. I actually liked him more then Maclin coming into the season and so far the volume has suited him well. Even if Vick goes down, I don’t see a huge downgrade for Jackson moving forward.
Leonard Hankerson – Had a 5/80/2 night as the Redskins played from behind all night. Good night yes, but night I’m willing to buy into big time no. He was still third behind guys in terms of targets on the night and by the end, RGIII would’ve thrown to your mom if she was open. And she is. That was an innuendo about her legs. OOHHH! Where’d Andrew Dice Clay come from to type that?
Brent Celek – I called him a top 12 TE play this week for the rankings. He went for 56 yards on 2 receptions and a touchdown. I’m pretty sure no one saw him on the field in the second half. I’m not going to pat myself on the back for this one but I’m also not going to concede that it was a terrible call because of the numbers. Basically, I’m gonna sit on the fence. And it hurts. Why pickets? Do you know how hard it is to get splinters out of your sphincter?
Pierre Garcon – Had 7 catches for 64 yards on 11 targets. The 11 targets led the team. So did the 7 receptions. Yes, I still love Peter Waiter if he can stay healthy.
Alfred Morris – Had a messy night – 2 fumbles – but there were no Shanahanigens as he finished the night with the most rushes for his team and tacked on a decent but frustrating night with 54 total yards and a touchdown. Hrm, Peter Waiter, The Butler…this is a regular team that prides itself on service. Hopefully weren’t not all sitting at the bar in The Shining here. They always say your credit is fine in there…
Andre Johnson – I keep thinking the other shoe is going to drop and Andre keeps proving there’s more then one AJ in the top 10 WRs this year. After going 12 for 146 and his typical non-touchdown night I yield on my hatred. Texans know how to use him. Just wish they knew his number in the Redzone…
Owen Daniels – I called him unsexy at TE this off-season. So of course he scores 2 TDs the first game…of course. I wouldn’t get involved. To put another way, if someone out there is Owen, I’m not payin.
Philip Rivers – The good was the 4 TDs. The bad was the INT. The reality is he still only had 195 passing yards and was harassed plenty in the backfield tonight. He’ll have good matchups here and there but my dream of Rivers having a good year rests solely of that O-Line and for now I’ll have to Ron Burgundy that idea. F’ you San Diego!
Ryan Mathews – Looked better then expected but also wasn’t what you wanted. How’s THAT for a dichotomy? In reality, the TD catch early on saved a night of futility for Fantasy owners but I’m not willing to put the second ‘t’ in ‘quitted’ yet on this guy.
Matt Schaub – Went for three touchdowns and 346 yards but Texas – much like plenty of gay porn films – was playing from behind. I don’t expect these numbers moving forward.
Vincent Brown – Yep, caught a touchdown and it was a beauty. Cheers! But only had 13 yards on 2 receptions total. Jeers! I still like Brown moving forward but it look like he’s got a bit to learn before he’s start worthy.
DeAndre Hopkins – Went for 66 on 5 catches. Most of his stats were posted when the Texans thought they weren’t going to win. Wish I could say he was an integral part of the offense but he’s probably a second half bloomer at best at this point.
Eddie Royal – I have no words about this. It broke twitter and I need to collect myself.