We made it folks. You know that because #buttfumble. Yesterday was the last Sunday without regular season football for a long time, and I can’t wait to get this season started. I’m just so excited for what we have in store for you this year, but I could also be excited from eating copious amounts of Guinness (part of an essential and balanced meal) on this wonderful Labor day. Even if it’s some strange combination of the two, it matters not, for Football, and Fantasy Football is back. Follow me after the jump to see what we are cooking for you this year at Razzball HQ. Hint: It’s not edible, even though I said we’re cooking. I mean, you can eat your computer if you want, but I would recommend unplugging it first. And probably adding some salt. Also… we don’t really have a HQ, because this sh*t right here is global. MUTHA F*CKING GLOBAL. (You should probably read that in Samuel L. Jackson voice. Really brings out the best in all things, I say.)
There are still a few spots open for our Razzball Commentator Leagues… if you want to take on fellow readers and our own contributors for a chance at some cool prizes, join up here!
Sunday
We’re continuing a trend from last season of hosting a live gameday thread on Sunday for the early games, the afternoon games, and, of course, what is tacitly known as the premier match-up of the week, NBC’s Sunday Night Football. Which is sometimes on Thursday. And Saturday. And was on Tuesday that one time. Who knew these sorts of things were allowed? Not I. Sunday Night Football on Thursday… makes total sense. Regardless, be sure to drop by, hang out with your boy (man) Jay, and try really hard for that restraining order.
Monday
You’ll get your normal recap of all the Sunday games, with my fresh hot takes, which actually makes it sound delicious. Almost sounds like cake to be honest. Now I want some cake. Thanks Obama! As an added note, we’ll be releasing the notes this season in phases. What does this exactly mean? Well, we’ll be releasing our news and notes series at separate times… in that, the early slate of games recap will come out on Monday morning at 3:00 AM EDT, originally our previous posting time. Next up, at 6:00 AM EDT, we’ll go over the afternoon games, and lastly, just a few hours later, at 9:00 AM EDT, we’ll finish up with the Sunday Night Football recap. Now to the why… I noticed last year that I was using a lot of visuals, I mean, not just the GIFs and memes that you all have become accustomed to, but actual video clips (with no sound unless selected, trust me, I am very work-friendly… I mean, unless you are talking manual labor. Then you’re knocking on the wrong door), but these small clips could only be used about three or four times before lagging out slower computers. I heard your complaints about that, and I also heard the praise for using them, so hopefully this will make Razzball news and notes much more user friendly. Just like your mom…
Tuesday
The Monday Night Football recap will, of course, be offered to you as good tidings, by Jay (hey, that’s me!) and then we’ll have one of our returning contributors, RotoLance, go over FAAB strategy for the coming week of fantasy free agent activity (say that three times fast…), giving you his take on who you should be grabbing. (Protip: No physical grabbing, as this is most likely illegal. Figurative grabbing could also be illegal, but that’s only if you have telekinesis. I have no clue what any of this means.) Stan Son will once again be continuing where he left off last season and that’s the Razzball tradition of Bear or Bull, a series about animals. Well, okay, not just animals, but also football players. And whether or not they are animals. Don’t worry, it’ll make sense. I’m also happy to introduce the return of Jennifer who will be bringing you her take on who are the buys and sells for the week. And then to end our “Waiver Wire” themed day, M@ (pronounced… Mah-at?… I’m actually not sure here) is coming back for his second year at Razz to go over the Waiver Wire adds and drops before your deadline passes…
Wednesday
Your favorite specimen blessed by the Elder Gods (his words, not mine, seriously), Tehol will stop by and write about something. He says it’ll be about his Disgraces and Delights, a series made popular by ranking Tyrod Taylor as the number one overall player this season, but honestly, I have no idea what it’s going to be about. If it’s anything like baseball, just expect a lot of Evan Longoria b*tching, and Domonic Brown’s name just copied and pasted all over the place. malamoney (that’s not a typo, he actually doesn’t want his name capitalized, much to my chagrin. Finally, you got your wish here! Dreams can come true Malamoney… sometimes!) returns with the popular Who Are They? series, discussing players that I guess are unknown to all of us… basically they are super spies that are hidden amongst us using a computer surveillance system to track everything that we do. Are they good? Are they bad? Time will only tell. And I may have just described the plot of Person of Interest… Mike Mahar, joining us from our baseball site, is here to mark the return of the Handcuff Report, a community favorite. We all have running backs… but do you have their handcuffs? Also, I hope he talks about the handcuffs that I can buy at that one store down the street. You know the store… oh, you don’t? Never mind then… Finishing off the hump day (see what I did there?), we’ll have a new post going over the contributor’s picks for which teams will win and lose for the week (basically Pick ‘Em), and a way for you, the readers, to play along for a neat prize that I haven’t thought of yet. But it’ll be neat! And not to be outdone, later in the night, you’ll be able to tune in for the official Razzball Football Podcast!
Thursday
This day will be rankings day, because, SPOILER ALERT, our weekly rankings will be released! But that’s not all folks, we’ll have Honcho showing you some numbers in By the Numbers. Sounds exciting and numbery! (That is not a word.) Evan will follow up by bringing you some Bench strategy, or strategery if you hung out around presidential politics 15 years ago. Rounding out the day, before the Thursday Night Football live thread, the Unbreakable MB (he’s made out of adamantium I guess) will spotlight Streaming strategy strategery, whatever, giving you his take on different situations and players to stream with, for all roster shapes and sizes. I always like situational takes, but I guess it depends on the situation. Wordplay is hot. Call me, ladies.
Friday
After the Thursday Night Football recap, assuming that I survived Jim Nantz and Phil Simms (hint, it’ll take a lot of alcohol and non-prescription drugs… and also some prescription drugs), Alex will go deep (hey baby) covering all your deep league format’s needs and wants because we care about niches, oooh baby, let me touch your niche. BUT WE WON’T GO TOO DEEP, because they already made a movie showing the impact of going too deep, and Hollywood would never allow such a crazy thing as an unnecessary sequel, or marketing, or over simplified crowd-sourcing, or blatant advertising and promos to get in the way of creating a strong product for consumer consumption. Never. Parry the thought.
Saturday
Finishing up the football week before we start anew on Sunday, Zach is back (rhyming +5) to go over your starts and sits for Sunday’s games in the aptly named series: Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em. I prefer the sits because I like sitting. It would seem to be my most natural position, well, next to lying down and napping. Which would seem to be my life story…
You ready? Football is back!
