Welcome back, my lovelies! Here we are again, hooptie-ridin’ into Week 8. Yours truly managed to go a solid 4-2 this past week, which was not too bad considering most of my rosters now are waiver wire pickups and those few grounds crew guys I picked up back in Week 3 (Manuel is currently my all-time points leader). It also seems that the trip to the Voodoo Mambo, to rid me of the Black Widow curse, helped somewhat, as I managed to get through Week 7 without any of my players incurring concussions, blown knees, felonies, misdemeanors, or severed appendages. But, hey, it is Monday night at 8:00 PM as I am writing this, and I still have a couple guys playing tonight, so… anything is possible. Before I decide to feast upon more man souls this week, follow me and my spectacular breasts (they still don’t inhibit my ability to throw down some Fantasy Football knowledge) as we journey together into Hit it or Quit it: Week 8.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, hello there my lovelies! I hoped you missed me as much as I missed all of you? I am sorry that I had to miss out on bestowing Fantasy Football knowledge on you this past week, and that I was not able to get to all of your questions from Week 5. I was forced to travel to the darkest regions of the Cajun swamps of N’Orleans to visit a Voodoo Mambo, with the hopes that she could rid me of this Black Widow curse. Regardless, here we are again, all limping, gimping, hobbling, and dragging our sorry a**es into Week 7. I, for one, have embraced the Hooptie that is my fantasy football rosters and as I roll, tailpipe draggin’, into week 7, one thing is certain, the Cajun Mambo did nothing as my Black Widow Curse is still alive and kickin’. Oh, and before we roll on further, no, the title to this week’s article has nothing to do with the peeps I plan on covering. I just wanted an opportunity to toss out some more adolescent humor that I picked up this week from one of the best Fantasy Football team names I have ever seen. So, with that in mind, let’s get to it, shall we? Razzballers and Razzballettes, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 7.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, well, well, here we are again, my lovelies, creeping up on Week 5 of the 2014 NFL season. Did I say “creeping”? I meant hobbling, limping, gimping, crawling, and generally just dragging our sad, broken and battered remnants of the rosters we once drafted through another week. Heading into Week 5, my Black Widow Curse is still in full swing, and there continues to be plenty of man souls for me to feast upon, or to adorn in my glass trophy case. One of these days I will learn to pick off your rosters, instead of my own, but hey, curses aren’t an exact science, and as I said before, a girl’s gotta eat. Hell, even the stalker in the bushes outside of my house has started to abide by the fifty yards stipulated in the restraining order, for fear that the curse will hit him and he’ll blow out a knee or tear a hammy. [Jay’s Note: Baby steps J-FOH… baby steps.]

If you are in the same position as I am, and many of you are, judging by the comments you left on my last week’s article, we are now rostering many waiver wire players to fill in the gaps. Heck, even Keanu Reeves would be impressed with The Replacements we have going on. But, much like that bomb of a movie, our rosters are also bombing, as we are forced to start the best of the worst. So, I am here again to drop some fantasy football advice, give you a chance to fill in those gaps, break up with some of those rostered deadbeats who aren’t pulling their weight, and hopefully, just maybe, escape my Black Widow Curse for one week. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my lovelies! As anticipated, this week has not fared any better for our gladiators of the gridiron. My black widow curse appears to have caused more injuries, and thereby claimed some more man souls for my glass trophy case. Don’t blame me; I stash them away for later. A girl has to eat, right? I can honestly say that this has been one of the most injury-heavy starts to an NFL season that I have ever bared witness to. How bad you ask? Well, it’s so bad, that players who have retired are now coming OUT of retirement and resigning with their previous teams. Really, James Harrison? Really?? Forget last call. We are now so desperate for starters that we have turned to the fantasy football version of online dating and are taking whatever is thrown at us in a desperate attempt to eke out some action. But, much like some of the creeps, weirdos, and freak show-quality genetic anomalies you find on online dating sites, we have learned that desperation leads to shame and regret. And shame and regret are two things that many of us are feeling right about now. So, with that, I give you this week’s Hit it or Quit it, with the hopes that you won’t need to drink away your shame with bootleg moonshine you made in your pappy’s bathtub.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my lovelies, to this week’s rendition of Hit It or Quit It. Hopefully, this week’s article finds you with your MCL’s, ankles, knees, toes, and elbows intact and where they are supposed to be, unlike the poor bastards on many of our rosters this past weekend. OUCH! Somehow, yours truly managed to squeeze out a 5-1 record for my leagues this weekend, while starting the best of the worst, a few no names, and a couple of poor schmoes who happened to be working the grounds crew at Met Life Stadium (Thanks, Manuel! I needed that turnover!). Did I just get lucky? Right place, right time? Or is this week’s domination in my leagues an indication of my Fantasy Football genius? I’ll let you make the call… (Hint: It’s the latter). So, before the refs from last night’s Bears-9’ers game decide to flag me for excessive celebration, let’s get into this week’s slim pickin’s and outright grenades. Gentlemen, and a few ladies, I give you Hit It or Quit It: Week 3.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, gentlemen (and a few ladies), here we are. My first highly anticipated article, for all of you Razzballers. I know, I know, you are all saying, “Jay? What are you doing bringing a girl on? Don’t you know she has breasts? What could she possibly know about fantasy football?” Well, my steadfastly misogynistic readers, although you are correct, I do have breasts (and they are spectacular), I assure you they do not impinge on my ability to throw down some fantasy football knowledge. One thing I have learned in my years of playing fantasy football is that it’s a lot like dating. Yeah, sure, dating sucks, but depending on where you are picking in your draft, or drafts, your roster(s) can suck too. However, in fantasy football, it is a lot easier to get rid of the deadbeat creeper on your roster than it is to get rid of that real-life creeper living in the bushes outside of my house. [Jay’s Note: I feel like that message came out loud and clear J-FOH.] So, without further ado, join me as I bring you the buys and sells this week, with my first ever “Hit it or Quit” for your viewing pleasure.

Please, blog, may I have some more?