Your WR top 80 4.0 is here! Now we have some real live NFL data to help make adjustments. Some players were removed due to injury or ineffectiveness, and some new faces have forced their way onto the scene.

This list is not league or format specific, but it is based on 2020 projection only. When thinking through tiers and rankings I asked myself simply – “all things considered who would I rather have on my roster?”

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You ever watch that move Napoleon Dynamite? Come on, you’re looking at advanced statistics for your imaginary football team — I KNOW you’ve got that movie on DVD and a “Vote for Pedro” shirt sitting non-ironically in your closet. ENYWHEY, there’s the character of Uncle Rico, who kept taking film of himself throwing a football in an effort to chuck it over a local mountain or grain field or really, just about any object that could be placed in front of him. Now, after the complete decimation that your fantasy football team received in week 2, are you thinking, nay, hoping that some team will sign Uncle Rico so he can bring his swagger and dynamite — see what I did there? — arm to your favorite team? Well, worry not! Blake Bortles has come back! Undrafted free agent Nick Mullens is taking the field! Taysom Hill is making $8 million to be the third best quarterback on the Saints and he’s completed 6 passes in his NFL career. And Kaep is still on the outside. At this point, let’s give Uncle Rico a shot. Heck, Gardner Minshew is 90% Uncle Rico DNA. Fingers crossed no more QBs get hurt in Week 3, otherwise you should be gearing up to start Dwayne Haskins in your next DFS hot taek.  

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I learned something in our fantasy football group chat this morning. It was a conversation between THE BOOF, DonkeyTeeth and B-Don (they didn’t know I was watching tehehe). If you think about it, it’s kind of obvious, but I’ll bet you two packs of smokes, a bottle of toilet wine, and 3 packs of ramen that you didn’t know that Jonnu Smith is the 0.5 PPR TE1 through two weeks this year! Crap, I keep forgetting that my time has been served for crimes I ALLEGEDLY committed and I don’t have to bet prison items anymore. Which is unfortunate because I really miss that sweet, sweet toilet wine. Another fun fact, getting last place in a prison fantasy league has a little bit harsher of a punishment.. But I digress back to Jonnu. If you followed my rankings in week two, you would have started him in any format! You also might have started Emmanuel Sanders, but it’s not my fault he sucks. I’m just the ranker, sheesh.

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This was bound to happen. This is the least prepared for an NFL season that players have ever been. Limited contact practices, no preseason games. Sadly, this is probably just the beginning of a season that will be filled with injuries. And fines for coaches not wearing their masks! Drama, drama, drama. 

Injury carnage can also create panic trades, even this early in the season. You can imagine how panicked Saquon Barkley, Christian McCaffrey, and Courtland Sutton investors are right now. Even if they are able to get their guys on the waiver wire, you better believe that they will be willing to have some conversations about acquiring some carries and volume in the passing game. Let’s get to the buys and sells of the week.

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What’s the difference between Jon Gruden in September and an overripe California-grown tomato? The tomato doesn’t have to put up with Mark Davis for the next seven years, who, coincidentally (or not?), also looks like an overripe tomato — except Davis does for all 12 months of the year. For Gruden, it’s just about a two-month sweet spot, and who can blame him for wanting to get his bronze on to complete that irresistible visor look? From the TV, he looks like he’s yap-yap-yapping from the first whistle to the last, the same way Pete Carroll is chomping at the bit from the moment he comes out of the tunnel.

Both Carroll and Gruden have attractive fantasy running backs at their disposal as they prepare week after week in the form of Chris Carson and Josh Jacobs. They also appear to be staring at pretty hefty fines from the league office after looking somewhat lax with their mask usage during gameplay on Sunday and Monday. No matter how you spin it, the NFL was hit with a plethora of unfortunate story lines in Week 2, with stars on both sides of the ball doing down with seemingly every ailment underneath the moon. That makes my job entering Week 3 of the season as difficult as it’s going to get (*knock on wood, although Gruden’s mid-section as of late Monday night would suffice*), so let’s fast-forward through the pleasantries and get to the ever-controversial top 60 ROS running back rankings. First, let’s take a quick trip around the league via some player news and updates.

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After the week two Bloody Sunday Massacre, I knew it would be tough watching Monday Night Football this week. Anytime my man Darren Waller touched the ball I flinched in anticipation of another torn ACL or high ankle sprain. My standing Tuesday morning appointment with my fantasy football therapist, where I usually just complain about how unlucky I got in the past week’s matchups, will now be used to work thru this post traumatic fantasy stress syndrome. Fortunately, Darren Waller is one player I won’t need to cry about during that session as he destroyed the Saints’ defense with 12 catches for 103 yards and his 1st touchdown—let’s just hope he didn’t injure his back while carrying the Raiders offense. I ranked Big Sexy Waller as my #3 tight end and #36 overall in my 2020 fantasy football rankings so I’m looking pretty smart, as long as you ignore where I ranked Kerryon Johnson and a bunch of other players. Also, don’t ask why I’m required to wear a helmet around my house. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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We take a half time break from Monday Night Football as B_Don and Donkey Teeth are joined by the great Rudy Gamble to talk about the fantasy hangover that was week 2. We start with the elite RBs that went down in Saquon Barkley and Christian McCaffrey. We discuss their replacements and how much fantasy value we expect them to provide. 

We walk through the Chargers week 2 situation between Joshua Kelley taking carries and Justin Herbert getting the start. The Broncos offense could look different with a backup QB and sans Courtland Sutton. Rudy has some thoughts on how the offenses may vary if it’s Herbert or Tyrod starting in the coming weeks. 

We wrap up the show with some waiver wire adds for each position that we like for your week 3 help. 

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I love any and all samples. The guy hawking his CD at the mall? Sure, why not. I’ll take a listen. The chocolate tray in front of See’s? Is that a rhetorical question? I rarely buy anything at that time, though. But when I go to Costco? They do such a wonderful job of presentation and location that I’ve actually purchased the goods from time to time. With so much carnage happening in Week Two of the NFL season, our eyes got a sample of many of the replacements, particularly at the tight end position. Below, I will go over four tight ends who moved up the depth chart due to injury. Take a look at the samples and see if purchasing is the right thing to do.

Blake Jarwin of the Dallas Cowboys tore his ACL in Week One. This one brought tears to my eyes, as he was one of my favorite late-round tight ends. The next man up was Dalton Schultz. All he did in Week Two was haul in 9 of 10 targets for 88 yards and a touchdown. Schultz is 24 years old, 6′ 5″, and 244 pounds. He was selected in the fourth round of the 2018 draft out of Stanford. Prior to this year, he had played a total of 27 games and started seven. He caught 13 passes on 18 targets for 122 yards. He runs a 4.76 40-yard dash and has an excellent 11.40 agility score according to Player Profiler, which puts him in the 74th percentile. The situation is a juicy one, as defenses have to contend with Ezekiel Elliot, Amari Cooper, Michael Gallup, and CeeDee Lamb, so he will be free to roam the belly of defenses. Last season, Dak targeted the tight end position a total of 126 times, with Jason Witten garnering 83 of those. In addition, with injuries to the Cowboys offensive line, shorter targets to Schultz could be more in the offering. The negative is that he’s lower on the totem pole for targets, so production could be volatile week-to-week. 

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Who does week #2 work for? If you own any fantasy football players, then probably not you. That’s because everyone got injured on Sunday. Here’s a list of all the players who didn’t get hurt in week 2:

1. Frank Gore

2. Cal Ripkin

3. Hingle McCringleberry

I’ll have the interns fact check that list, but I’m pretty sure it’s accurate and complete. Some of the big name players affected by the week two injuryocolypse, include Christian McCaffrey, Raheem Mostert, Cam Akers, Davante Adams, Courtland Sutton, Will Fuller, Sterling Shepard, Breshad Perriman,  Jimmy Garoppolo, Drew Lock and Nick Bosa. But the biggest fantasy news of the day was Saquon Barkley who took 4 carries for 28 yards before being carted off with a knee injury. The Giants fear the worst: a torn ACL. This is terrible, everyone assemble the prayer octagon for Saquon. If the unthinkable is true, Dion Lewis (10 carries for 20 yards, 4 catches for 36 yards and his 1st touchdown) appears to be the next man up, but the never exciting Wayne Gallman (did not play) is still in the mix. Also, Devonta Freeman is now sleeping outside Giants’ headquarters waiting for the call. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?