Soon, it’ll be August, that time of year where you get the gang together in the garage for punch and pie and fantasy football drafts. You and your eleven or fifteen closest friends–is that guy across from you Matt or Mark?–are burning the outlets with 10 MacBooks plugged into the same run strip. You’re a couple rounds deep into your draft, and you’ve got running backs, a receiver or two, and maybe a tight end locked up already. You’re feeling good, definitely better than Jerome, who just drafted the Pittsburgh defense in the fifth round and keeps double-dipping the buffalo chicken dip. But you, you’re focused on the draft app and studying for your next pick. Problem is, you’re getting into the middle rounds, and the ESPN draft room is showing you ten receivers who all have the same stats. Four people are ahead of you in the draft, and you’re clenching your tallboy of PBR so hard it’s denting. What do you do? Marvin Jones, of course.Please, blog, may I have some more?
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The doctors (Donkey Teeth and The Boof) reconvene for another week of malpractice and prognostication, this time joined by Razzball’s own B_Don! The underscores were flowing and the fantasy football talking was glowing. Sorry for that rhyme, promise I won’t rhyme anymore.
In the news segment we dove into the Deebo Samuel Jones fracture news and what it means for his fantasy outlook, plus a discussion on Mecole Hardman’s potential snap increase. Later in the soon to be Academy Award nominated feature film, we talk SFBX (Scott Fish Bowl 10) scoring intricacies, draft strategy and mock draft review, including how to value tight ends like Travis Kelce and Zach Ertz, and why Drew Brees is a secret weapon in these leagues. Tune in now to see YouTube’s #1 fake donkey doctor and #2 Boof!Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you been following along with my preseason player profiles, you have probably noticed that I haven’t written a lot about the upper tier of wide receivers. As I have previously written, my fantasy portfolio will have a lot of diversity because of Covid-19, but the only WR I’ll take any chances on in the first round is Tyreek Hill, assuming Michael Thomas doesn’t fall to the back half of the round.
With so much depth at the WR position, I’ll be starting most of my 1-QB drafts RB-RB. This isn’t to be confused with my crazy community college nights where I went streaking with a Beef-n-Cheddar and curly fries in hand chanting, “Arby’s! Arby’s!” If you’re wondering, eat your curly fries quickly while in the middle of a display of public nudity. Cops won’t feed them to you when you’re in handcuffs no matter how nicely you ask.Please, blog, may I have some more?
When looking at defensive back rankings you’ll notice a fair amount of variance. Scoring systems play a role, but attempting to predict how many passes a player will “defense” or intercept is far from a science. It is why the top of most IDP rankings are filled with safeties with high tackle profiles and not the highly touted cornerbacks. Here I’ll highlight players 26-50 after covering 1-25 last week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Like most of you, 2020 has been the best year of my life. It all started while I was watching NFL Network one Sunday morning last December, gearing up for some late season football with my hand down my pants like Al Bundy. Then a commercial flashed across my television screen that would forever change my life:
Turns out the curved erection was the original pandemic, back before pandemics were cool. And after several hard months of treatment, I can officially confirm: you don’t have to live with the curve guys. Right now you’re probably asking one of two things: 1) How can I too ease my Peyronie’s disease? or 2) What does this curved penis nonsense have to do with fantasy wide receivers? I’m glad you ask! 1) Go see Dr. Bent Johnson, he’s the best penis bender in the country; and 2) I can now watch D.K. Metcalf pain-free. The Metcalf erections of 2019 were bittersweet with my condition, but I was still tempted to put the big sexy in my top 10 wide receivers for 2020 fantasy football. I didn’t, but there was temptation. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I love buying my boy toys. Wait. That didn’t come out right. I love buying my child, who is a boy, items to play with for his enjoyment. The smile on his face, the hug I receive, and the “Thank you, daddy. I love you” are what make it all worth it. But, but, but….the better half of me always smacks some reality into my life. “You bought anoooooooooooother toy? He has too many! What about <insert random toy> he just got? You know he’s going to play with it for a week then dump it into the corner like all the rest, right?” This time will be different, I say. Fast forward to a few weeks and…..Yup. Rinse and repeat. That is why she is the better half. Anyways, as with my caveman ancestors, I evolved and stopped buying so many toys. As a result, my boy started going back to the OGs, the old reliables, the go-tos, and they produced and brought joy into his life. I see the same dynamic play out in the fantasy football landscape. The shiny new toy comes in and takes the league by storm, pushing the reliable veteran to the side. For 2020, D. K. Metcalf is being drafted as the 47th overall player while Tyler Lockett has a 58 ADP in NFFC drafts from 5/1 to 6/21. That’s crazy to me and here’s why:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Baker Mayfield is a trend-setter. Remember those Progressive Insurance commercials where he threw a party in an empty stadium? It’s like he knew those stadiums would be empty in 2020! Let’s throw our own party now–you get the grill out and make some bacon burger dogs while I talk about what Baker Mayfield will do for your fantasy football team in 2020. Don’t worry about spilling mustard over the 50-yard line. We know Baker will suck it up (with a hand vacuum! Come on!).Please, blog, may I have some more?
While I have your attention, why don’t you check out our new YouTube show Fantasy Football Malpractice. A fresh new episode 6 dropped with special guest Sam Wallace from Rotoviz! If you like what you see then subscribe for more!
Welcome to the master list of my devy prospects for single QB leagues! This installment will be players ranked 41-60. If you missed it, check out my top 20 devy rankings and top 40 ddevy rankings.
For those new to devy: in a “devy” league, short for developmental, managers can select players who are still in college (or high school) and stash them on a separate, inactive roster until they are drafted into the NFL. In this format, the player values can be all over the place and each manager’s process for player evaluation becomes of utmost importance.
I have previously released articles with my position-specific rankings which describe in more detail my process and what I look for when ranking devy prospects. Check those out here: QB, RB, WR, and TE.
Some of the position rankings have changed as I have moved through the offseason so this is the most updated order.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The last few years I’ve become obsessed with food truck culture. Tacos, burgers, Neopolitan pizza, fried rice. You name it, there’s a food truck for it. I also might just love food that’s going to kill me or the show The Great Food Truck Race. Actually, Food Network in general is just quality programming. They have all the Guy Fieri one person could ever dream of. And I dream a lot about having frosted tips, outdated sunglasses, flame button up shirts, and excessive pinky and wrist jewelry.
Quarterbacks are the food trucks of fantasy football. You don’t need to pay a lot of capital to get quality as long as you know where to look.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Helicopter blades whirl above my head, the whomp whomp of each rotation replacing my own pulse, putting me into a transcendent state where I commune with the all-knowing extra-dimensional beings of fantasy football. I pull a knife from my pocket and cut plastic strips from forty-pound bags of pellets of synthetic mosquito hormone. I lift the bags chest high to hand them to my partner, who dumps them in the hopper attached to the side of the helicopter. Whomp, whomp. “You’re drafting with experts,” I hear from my inner monologue as I cut and lift and cut and lift. “It’s the RazzBowl. You can do this.” In 37 seconds we dump 320 pounds of pesticide into the hopper. When the bags are empty my partner and I step quickly away toward a row of pickup trucks baking in the sun. We secure our waste bags, pull out the sun umbrella, lower the tailgates, and watch the helicopter take off to distribute the pesticide in wetlands across the St. Paul area. I pull out my phone. It’s time. I’m on the clock in RazzBowl. With Christian McCaffery taken at 1.01, I pick Alvin Kamara at 1.02. I shout out my victory to my co-workers, who nod and go back to their League of Legend highlight videos. By the end of the day, I’ve drafted Keenan Allen, and I think–I know!–that I’m going to win in RazzBowl.
[record scratch]Please, blog, may I have some more?