Lucky charms come in all shapes and sizes, but bugs bringing you good luck is just plain weird. Yes, I am talking about ladybugs. Do you realize there is no discernable history behind the ladybug’s lucky nature? Despite the lack of facts, many believe being a landing pad for these flying critters will serve you well as long as you don’t brush it off! Let her fly away and reap the reward.

The ladybug legend doesn’t stop at luck. It’s told that these feminine flyers can predict your future too! Well, now you have got my attention bugs. Tradition says if you count their spots, it will signal how many kids you’ll have (yikes) or possibly the number of lucky months ahead of you. We have got four months of betting ahead of us. Wherever that four-spotted ladybug lands, I hope it’s on my shoulder.

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Greetings! Tis I, returning to the glorious world of writing after three long years studying the art forms of Yoga, selflessness and celibacy. I won’t dedicate a significant amount of time discussing the past, as I prefer to live in the now, but in order to make an agonizingly long and fascinating story short (Details saved for the book), my Guru instructed me to expunge my pen name, Tehol Beddict; for in order to shed the purest levels of light and love, one must crawl from the shadows, exposing their mind, body, and soul, for all to witness, for all to judge like Sir William Wallace on the execution block. Yes, there’s a reasonable chance I have my genitals and intestines removed with a dull shovel, get stretched like Rita Farr making sweet love to Mr. Fantastic, only to then receive the kind of whooping Adrian Peterson himself would be proud of before ultimately being beheaded……….BUT, there’s also a decent chance that Mel Gibson makes a movie detailing the events of my life. Say one thing for Mel Gibson, say he’s a psychotic anti-semitic, racist, who’s fall from grace has been been more horrendous than celebrity that is not currently rotting in prison. You know who also had a fall from what was a brief grace? My man, Tygod! The Rodfather! Read on, if you’re curious as to why the man is ranked by PFF, ahead of some of your fantasy faves like: Drew Lock, Josh Allen, Teddy Bridgewater, Daniel Jones, my boy Gardner Minshew and Joe Burrow. He’s two spots behind KYLER MURRAY! Interested yet? Take heed! 

 

Those of you who know me from back in the olden days (maybe like two of you) will undoubtedly recall that I was the FIRST analyst to go on the record saying Tyrod Taylor would win the starting job for Buffalo in camp, and be a solid fantasy option at that. There I go again, being the opposite of selfless, but I’m just trying to reiterate the fact that I’ve been Rod supporter since his days at Virginia Tech. The man was able to produce at a high level for the Bills, with arguably the worst weapons we, as human beings, have ever witnessed. Sammy Watkins was injured for what seemed like the entirety of Taylor’s Buffalo tenure, leaving Charley Clay, who was also incredibly injury prone, as his number one option. What Taylor was able to accomplish in that pathetic situation was almost godlike in my opinion. I won’t dwell on the past, as again, I like to live in the present, so no need to speak on the atrocities that occurred in the dumpster fire which some of you refer to as the Browns of Cleveland. Let’s talk about what’s happening in the gorgeous, currently locked down city of Angels! 

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The Razzbowl Guidebook

Welcome everybody!

What is up everyone, and welcome to your one-stop shop for RazzBowl pre-draft materials. If you’re in the RazzBowl, then you’re one of either the lucky Pros or Joes who will compete for fantasy immortality. Come, take a seat, and catch up on some of the articles and “hot taeks.” If you’re not in the RazzBowl, then you’ll still get a lot of value out of this article, like how to draft to win against a large and competitive field of fantasy football heroes, or how to quickly make yourself a fantasy zero. 

This article will be pretty straight-forward: I’ll highlight articles, summarize some tips we learned from studying last year’s winners, and give everybody enough information to have one of the best fantasy football experiences of your life. 

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Since the Rona entered my life, I’ve had to entertain some thought-provoking questions: If I click one more dollar on a random eBay item, will I get stuck with it? More importantly, what’s the over/under on the anger level of my wife if I get stuck with said random eBay item? Yes, I like to live on the edge. But when I saw the DeLorean up for bid, fear was no mas, as it was eradicated by the trance-like mental state I entered. Ooohhhmmmm. Ooohhhhmmmmmm. Then I was falling, falling, falling from the sky. Remember that dream while asleep in class? And the subsequent stomping of the feet before the hysterical laughs from classmates? Yeah. So I heard the Vrooom Vrooom outside and saw my future self delivering my precious DeLorean. What a glorious day indeed. The first order of business was to thank future Son. Or was it past Son? Maybe it was both? Regardless, thanks Son. Second thing on the itinerary was to punch in DEC 29 2019 and watch Boston Scott score 3 touchdowns against the New York Giants. Why? Because after doing due diligence on him, Great Scott! was the only expression that could be heard echoing through the hallways of Son Manor. Well, only after the “You idiot!”

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Five Guys Burgers and Fries and is an American fast-food chain serving…well…hamburgers and fries. They were founded in Virginia by former 1982 NFL MVP (albeit strike-shortened), Mark Moseley, a placekicker for the Philadelphia Eagles, Houston Oilers, Washington NFL Franchise, and Cleveland Browns. Moseley is one of just three non-offensive players in league history to capture the NFL’s Most Valuable Player award. He was one of those straight-on kickers you see in the old films, the last since Dirk Borgognone in 1995 to defy the instep kicking movement.

Mark Moseley earned his MVP by converting 20 of 21 attempts in the ’82 season, a seasonal accuracy record, however, it wasn’t all roses for Moseley. He bounced around the league in his first two seasons, eventually heading back to Texas to install septic systems while practicing his kicking trade with his wife. He worked hard, returned to the league, won that MVP, and is still the Washington NFL franchise leader in points. Not to mention, he nailed it with the burger joint after his career ended. I mean, buckets of peanuts while you wait is just as American vintage as that straight kick.

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As I scrolled thru my Twitter feed Sunday night I noticed a trending hashtag (#WeWantToPlay) led by a host NFL players. Russell Wilson, Patrick Mahomes, J.J. Watt and dozens of other big names took to social media voicing their concerns about the NFL’s “unacceptable” COVID guidelines. Now I’m all for player safety, and I’m not one to side with the billionaire elites, but I’ve also seen reports of NFL players ignoring the NFLPA’s social distancing guidelines for months now. Russell Wilson and D.K. Metcalf—two of the many stars who tweeted Sunday—posted a workout video together just three weeks ago. Brady, LJax and Cam have all been seen gathering with teammates recently as well. And then there’s guys like Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott hosting a pandemic party back in April. This all reminds me of when I used to go to McDonald’s to eat my daily four Big Mac, six large fry lunch. Then I’d have my Jenny Craig beet and kale salad for dinner. On the verge of my fourth heart attack, I took to social media complaining that Jenny Craig didn’t protect me. Why don’t you care about my poor heart Jenny, WHYYYY!? Anyway, I’m sure there’s players out there actually following the social distancing guidelines, and they’re the real losers here. Them and us middle aged 600 pound men cursing Jenny Craig from our mother’s basement while praying for a 2020 football season. But forward we march under the assumption of a pandemic football season; the 2020 fantasy football rankings show must go on!  Last week I gave you my top 40 wide receivers for 2020 fantasy football (which I’ve since tweaked), now on to the top 60 wide receivers for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

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Mike Beers, reigning RazzBowl champion, Co-Owner, VP NFL Data & Analytics at RotoViz, visits with B_Don and Donkey Teeth to talk about his recent roster construction findings. The Razzball guys ask Mike to explain how his approach works and how it might differ depending on format. 

We move on to examine how his approach drafted two very different teams in his RB heavy 2019 winning RazzBowl squad to his 0 RB 2020 Scott Fish Bowl X team. B_Don asks Mike to help him figure out the early weeks with 0 RB strategy. 

Then, the guys ask Mike about some of his players that were on both rosters in Kyler Murray and Kenny Golladay. We move on to a couple of his other receivers in Michael Gallup and JuJu. Finally, we ask if he plans on actually using his FAAB this year or if he’ll just beat us all via the draft again. 

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The Twitterverse is going crazy already anointing Tampa Bay Buccaneers rookie WR Tyler Johnson as the next Julian Edelman. “Tyler Johnson plays the slot. Julian Edelman played the slot. Tom Brady loved Julian Edelman, Tom Brady is going to love Tyler Johnson!” I know you’ve seen it; it reminds me of the old High School math logic proofs. But in this case, “if P than Q” does not mean it is true in THIS truth table! Pump the brakes a little bit people!

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Zigging when you’re supposed to zag. More than one way to skin a cat. I have to say that admitting there is another way to do something is tough. I have preached that you should take defensive linemen first in your IDP draft because it’s a shallow position and that the more productive linebackers are plentiful.  As we begin getting clarification on some ADP trends for IDP leagues, (and it’s not so easy to find because there are too many who don’t play yet), some potential bargains are emerging. These bargains may allow you to draft those reliable point producing linebackers first and go against my commandment.

Please, blog, may I have some more?