If you’re in your fantasy championship and your opponent doesn’t own Alvin Kamara then consider it a very Harry Mistress. I mean Merry Christmas. If you are going up against Kamara then take that lump of coal out of your butt and get back to work, there’s still a glimmer of hope for a Christmas miracle. And if you’re in the championship and you own Kamara, then you won’t be getting any more holiday gifts for the next three years after unwrapping 22 carries for 155 yards with 3 catches for 17 yards and 6 touchdowns! SIX TOUCHDOWNS! Kamara now has 21 touchdowns on the season, not too shabby. Anyway, in this post I’ll go over Saturday’s questionable players to watch closely as well as some sneaky starts for this week, who just might be available in your free agent pool depending on how many players are rostered in your league. Plus, find my freshly updated week 16 rankings below!

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Welcome, welcome! It’s the championship week of the RazzBowl, so I’m sure there’s a couple new bandwagon followers reading this series for the first time. If you’re new here, let me tell you how this works: 15 weeks ago, over two hundred of the best fantasy footballers drafted teams and then ran the gauntlet of best ball, weekly scoring, and cutlines. Now, we are left with ten teams comprised of managers who didn’t draft Leonard Fournette competing for the Razz Bowl trophy, a bunch of merch, Rudy’s Sweet Tools, and the most important thing: internet validation. 

To help everybody get familiar with the championship players, I’m profiling them just like I would a real football player. Let’s get to know the championship tier! 

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It’s Championship Week Folks! Well, for most of us it is at least, I know some leagues go through week 17. I’d like to think that I’ve helped you along the way with some valuable flex plays in these Sexy Flexies articles and I want to do that again for you in a championship week. Last week I was pumped when BOTH of my Sexy Flexies scored touchdowns by 1:20 eastern time and lets hope we can do that again this week. That is exactly why I write this column, to help you make these tough decisions and win your weeks!

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I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football (or Friday Night Football this week) predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Vikings (+7) at Saints

Forecast:  Championship week is upon us and we have Christmas football! In Drew Brees looked more like Drew Carey in his return from 712 broken ribs last week. Remember The Drew Carey Show? It was brutal but one good thing came out of the terrible show: Diedrich Bader nailed his role as Oswald Lee Harvey, landing him the future role of Rex in Napoleon Dynamite. What does this have to do with Drew Brees? Nothing, but I still don’t expect him to be anywhere near 100% against the Vikings on Christmas Day. Fortunately, it sounds like the already weak Vikings defense–who got whooped by Trubisky and Da Bears last week–may be without their best player, linebacker Eric Kendricks, so Drew Carey just might be able to cover the seven point spread. Grab your jingle bells and jump on the Saints. Saints 30, Vikings 21

Wager: Saints -7 (4 Units)

2020 Season: 4-10 (-3.05 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 16 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

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There’s a common occurrence in golf which all avid golfers are familiar with. Here’s how it goes down: a golfer plays a horrific round of golf that they’d like to burn out of their memory like that time you caught your parents in a threesome with your neighbor Randy. Then, on the 18th hole, the golfer hits one of the purest, most beautiful shots of their life. The golf gods always keep you coming back for more. Monday night’s Steelers vs. Bengals game was the complete opposite of this golf phenomenon for many fantasy football owners who played a great season only to fall flat on their face on the next to last hole as Ben Roethlisberger forgot how to play football going 20/38 for 170 yards with 1 touchdown and 1 interception. Big Barf tried to drag the rest of the Steelers’ fantasy weapons down with him, but Diontae Johnson (8 catches for 59 yards and his 6th touchdown) and Benny Snell (18 carries for 84 yards, 3 catches for 23 yards and his 4th touchdown) were impervious as they mopped up the barf. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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It was only two hours before the show when Tony Pollard got the call. Ezekiel Elliott was indisposed. Zeke ate some questionable Mexican food on Saturday night and wouldn’t be able to venture too far from the toilet. Pollard came in, cool as Zeke’s baby wipes, handling 12 carries for 69 yards while snatching 6 catches for 63 yards and his 4th and 5th touchdowns. If Elliott’s still chained to the porcelain throne next week (it’s actually his calf and I expect he’s back) then Pollard would be a solid RB2 against the Eagles. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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Winter is coming. It’s semifinals week and the night is dark and full of terror. It’s time for you to grab you dragon glass dagger and slay your white walking dead opponent on you way to claiming the throne of Fantasy Football Champion. In this post I’ll go over questionable players to watch closely Sunday morning as well as some sneaky starts this week, who just might be available in your free agent pool depending on how many players are rostered in your league. Plus find my freshly updated week 15 rankings below!

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So with MB’s Zoom retirement party happening tonight, DT asked me to step in and do the write-up for Saturday Night Football. I said to DT, “But, Zoom allows like 50 people to join in on a call!” And DT replied, “Yeah, it’s me, MB, and all 48 members of the Japanese pop idol group AKB48. Sorry, we’re full up!” So, sayonara my dear MB. I hope you have fun playing Apples to Apples with your new crowd. 

In the mean time, I’ve got your fantasy roundup for Saturday games: Buffalo vs. Denver, and Carolina vs. Green Bay. 

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Shadow Coverage Tracker
WR Finish Total
1 20
2 11
3 11
4+ 29
Grand Total 71

Team: Detroit Lions

Opponent: Tennessee Titans

WR1: Marvin Jones

Shadow Coverage Matchup: Malcom Butler

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Hopefully you are still playing at this point in the season. If you are, best of luck! Let’s go get those ‘ship! Whether your trophy is more of a dingy or a yacht, go get that boat!

This will be the last TE rankings post of the season, so, if you don’t listen to the podcast, I wish you a Happy Holiday season. 

There’s not much left to do in the way of 2020 ROS rankings, so, let’s ask Doc Brown to fire the DeLorean up to 88 and look ahead to 2021 TE rankings. As it is an early list, wanted to note that I tended to lean on the cautious side for free agents and didn’t rank them too highly. Tight ends are more situationally dependent than maybe any other position in our game, so, where they end up can vastly alter their value. 

ELITE

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Marvin Jones vs. Shadow Coverage
Opponent Games Rec Yards TDs PPG
All other opponents 31 4.4 56.7 0.6 11.5
Vs. Shadow Coverage 4 4.3 48.8 0.3 8.5