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I was recently bestowed with the duty, nay, the honor of hosting our annual fantasy football auction draft at my home. For this momentous occasion I would spare no expense. I dashed out to the store and purchased a beautiful new deep fryer for our many draft day frying needs.

It was a splendid purchase for a glorious day. We fried fish, mozzarella sticks, mini wieners covered in puff pastry, mushrooms, pizza rolls, pickles (spears not the inferior pickle chips), cheese curds, mac n cheese bites; you name it, we fried it!

I was so elated with my brilliant fryer acquisition that I was blind to the future deep fryer backlash rapidly approaching. First, the unavoidable stomach ache from pounds of random fried foods and the numerous visits to my porcelain throne the next day; yes, this fryer post-effect was to be expected and accepted.

But then the greasy fryer oil stench encasing my garage for days to come, this I did not anticipate. Next, there’s the matter of fryer oil disposal. Did you know skunks like heavily used fryer oil? Well they do! Note to the reader: Do not dispose of used fryer oil on the brush pile in your fire pit unless you want a pack of crazed skunks digging holes in your yard.

The point is, we can’t get too enamored with our purchases in real life or in fantasy football. We must consider the opportunity cost of what we’re giving up, what else we might be able to acquire and the possible repercussions of these acquisitions. What might seem like a great purchase today could leave us with  a yard full of skunk holes and an unhappy girlfriend tomorrow. This must be a burden we’re willing to bear as we tread the path to fantasy football glory!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ambulance Chasers is back! This time with a different shaped ball! And here I am along with it — Razzball’s less talented, uglier, less intelligent version of ESPN’s Stephania Bell.

If you’ve ever checked out the baseball side of Razzball on a Wednesday afternoon these past two years you probably/hopefully have snuck a peak at the baseball version of Ambulance Chasers. If you haven’t seen that column — here’s a little primer: basically, Ambulance Chasers is a weekly column where I discuss injured players and whether I think you should stash them (keep them on your roster) or trash them (send them to the waivers because they are garbage people who have wronged you as team owner.) If I declare someone a “trash them” option — I’ll  also give you a recommendation of someone less-owned than your currently injured player who could be a good replacement option. Since there isn’t an option to just “stash” a player on the DL like baseball I won’t be giving you a replacement option if I think you should be stashing someone. And since everyone’s roster is completely different it is impossible for me to say “stash Player A and replace him with player B!.” Instead, if a major player is injured I’ll be letting you know my prognosis on their injury. For example, if someone is questionable I’ll be making my best judgement on whether I think they’ll be starting come Sunday/Monday or not and if their injury might limit their production that week.

Confused? That’s weird — I literally explained it perfectly. Well, here’s some quick examples:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I want to take you back to a simpler time. A time, let’s call it, the era of Blockbuster. Now, do you remember having to drive to an actual brick and mortar store, spend 20 minutes walking up and down several aisles, carry around 4 boxes so nobody took the last copy of whichever movie you decide to take home and watch…Then, the world changed.

Netflix delivered movies to your door, but only 1 at a time unless you paid extra, and heaven forbid you lose the damn DVD or envelope. Well, that was a mess and while an interesting concept, still didn’t quite push out the era of Blockbuster.

Eventually Netflix, among others, decided that streaming movies directly into your house or phone was the way to go. No more driving, no more walking up and down the aisles only to find the 35 copies of the one movie you drove to the store for had all been checked out. You simply scroll through and click on the movie or show you wanted to watch (or in my case, scroll, scroll, scroll, keep scrolling, then watch the same shows and movies I’ve seen a dozen times).

Well, I can’t promise that the world of fantasy football will go to a full fledged streaming service, unless you count DFS, but there are a few positions that can be more easily found via streaming than others. Quarterbacks, tight ends, and defenses are the primary areas that I would recommend potentially using the streaming strategy.

This is a strategy I have long since employed as quarterbacks don’t have the same point discrepancy that exists at other positions; tight ends outside of the top few tend to be very TD dependent; and defenses are matchup based more often than not and we really only have so much information going into the season about how a defense will look. I will give a shallower and a deeper option each week… and here are Week 1 Streamers after the jump…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 1 is almost here! And while I’ve obviously taken a back seat this year (self-imposed, just life maaaaan), I’ll still stop by weekly and provide my rankings. I’ll try to get to questions as best I can, but time, or the lack thereof, is becoming an increasing issue for me. All I can promise is that I’ll try my best, but you can always count on MB, Zach, and the rest of the wonderful Razzball crew to help you this entire season. While I’ve found great success with my rankings, all of our contributors have been offering the content and analysis that complements all of our rankings. I’d hope that you come to rely on them as I have so often the past year-and-a-half. Regardless, as I spoiled earlier, Week 1 is incoming, along with another NFL season, so let’s get Razzasty. I’m actually not sure how to pronounce that…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 1 rankings are tough. You are predicting outcomes against defenses that you haven’t seen yet. It all seems to be based on last year’s performance and off season moves. We don’t have a good gauge of what is going on in the locker room yet and how the new players will mesh with the old. Was the coach of the team A showing his hand in the preseason with RB snaps? Who knows. Beat writers are hit or miss. A running back can be named a starter but might not see a second series until the second quarter. We’ve seen it all before. All we can do is try. That doesn’t stop me from trying to read into every little thing to predict the closest outcome that I possibly can. Here are some players that I like and don’t like before you view my rankings in full.

*Rankings will be updated periodically throughout the rest of the week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, well, well, here we are together again. I know I had to abandon you at the end of the season last year, but I am back again and better than ever baby! I promise never to leave you again. I know you missed me more than I missed you, but that is expected.

For those of you new to The Dungeon, welcome. I am here to please and perhaps give you some insider info to help you dominate in your own leagues. My 5th Annual Black Widow League drafted last night and I sacrificed some picks for you, my Lovelies, to opt for sleepers, rookies, and those lesser named players with the hopes that I can give you first-hand information throughout the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey Razzballers,

Reid here to drop some Week 1 hot takes for everyone. I’m going to be running roughly 5 hot takes a week on this segment so I don’t go out of control. Some weeks there may be fewer, depending on how spicy it is in Buffalo. But for now, let’s get going with this week.

Nick Foles actually performs well in the first three weeks, but is NOT worth a roster spot after Week 3.

The reasoning is quite simple on this one. Nobody in the NFL has an easier schedule for Weeks 1-3 regarding passing defense than the Eagles (The most difficult schedule in that stretch is the Bills). On the flip side, the Eagles have the 2nd toughest passing defense schedule from Week 4 to the remainder of the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Me before every draft this year. I’m not invited back. I’ll admit it. My first love is fantasy baseball. But over the past few years fantasy football has become my mistress. Now usually I don’t boast or brag, but today is different — usually in late August/early September, I’ve got baseball playoffs on the brain. That’s still the case this year (#humblebrag) but there’s just something in this New Jersey air that’s making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Maybe it’s because I’m going to the Giants/Jaguars game this Sunday. Maybe it’s because last year the Giants were out of contention by week 5. Or maybe, it’s because the Giants parlayed that 3-13 record last year into their second overall pick of Saquon Barkley. I haven’t been this excited about a Giants running back since Brandon Jacobs that one time. Or maybe it’s the air pollution…

Now to get into what you’re really here for. Every Tuesday I’ll be giving you the straight dirt on who you need to get your twisted, gnarled, dirty football fingers on. Maybe there’s backup running back who is due for some added snaps because the starter is just a jabroni. Maybe there’s a third string wide receiver who is about to face the Colts porous defense and you need someone who can reach for that brass ring. Or maybe there’s just someone with a dope name who I just can’t ignore any longer (Hi JuJu!) Whatever the case may be — every Tuesday you need to come here as you turn your attention to laying the smacketh down on your next opponent.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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