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romodw215 Well folks, I promised NFC East derp yesterday afternoon, but the derp levels that were given are almost too much to bear, even a day later. So much derp in fact, that I'll get to tell my grandchildren about how I was there for the (second, or maybe third, could be technically the fourth I guess) epoch of Brandon Weeden. In what was a 6-3 football game essentially (without a special teams touchdown) in the first 40 minutes of regulation, it wasn't quite football, but wasn't quite baseball either. What it was exactly, I can't quite describe. If I had to give some sort of concrete answer, I would probably call it a nuclear weapons test. I will say this, as was alluded to earlier with one Brandon Weeden, the epoch began immediately after Tony Romo suffered a fractured clavicle bone (on the play shown above). Along with the news that Dez Bryant's timetable for a return is murky now at best, this game still probably ended up more demoralizing for the Eagles. True, even with an existential outlook, you could say that the Cowboys lost the first two games they actually won (SO EFFING DEEP), but the Eagles look almost too innovative to be playing football at this point. If Romo (and by extension, Bryant) are out for an extended period of time (likely), and you combine that with the Giants doing very Giants like things, the Eagles have basically ceded the division to Washington. HAHAHAH. But don't worry, Chip Kelly is still a genius. Totally. Here’s what else I saw in Week 2 (with bonus Week 2 knee-jerk reactions to the knee-jerk reactions I had in Week 1. WOOOO!)… New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)
While I always say that Sunday Night Football is tacitly known as the premier match-up of the weekend, I wasn't necessarily wanting to lead-off my first recap of Sunday's games with it, but if the Cowboys and Giants continue the long NFC East tradition of having memorable derp-offs, I have very little choice in the matter. In a game that featured two interceptions and two fumbles (and that was just the Cowboys!), Run DMC being his usual "Run for two feet then drop DMC", coaching you'd expect from the Princeton ginger Jason Garrett and a guy with the last name McAdoo, well, you'd be hard pressed to follow all that up with a fascinating and suspenseful last two minutes. But they did. After an "interesting" (to be kind) play-action call at the one-yard line (I'm assuming even Pete Carroll would call a run play there) with just about 1:40 left in the game that failed with an intentional throw out of bounds by Eli Manning, the Cowboys quickly drove down the field in just 88 seconds, scoring the go ahead touchdown shown above. On that score, Romo was able to connect with Jason Witten after dropping a bad snap, which seems like the most Romo thing ever. Unless it ended up being an interception. Good hustle Cowboys and Giants... I can't wait to see what the derp looks like when the Eagles and Washington get involved. Especially Washington. They were born in the derp. Molded by it... Here's what else I saw in Week 1 (with bonus first week knee-jerk reactions!)...
Well, with the RCL drafting phase almost over for all leagues, there's one last update before the seasons starts, so why not make it a special one? That's what I was thinking, but instead, I just decided to overview the writer's draft which happened last Thursday, with the hangover ending around today. I think. Maybe tomorrow. Before we get down and dirty (Tehol's natural state) with poking fun at all of our teams, I'd like to point out that if you haven't had a chance to join a league, it's not to late in getting in on the action (and there's no limit on joining). I'll be hosting a draft every night until the start of the season, mostly because this is America and I want football to be here, and I want it now. raw But real football is obviously not going to happen until Thursday, so I'm biding the time, as they say, with these Fantasy Football drafts. Who they are and why they say that, I have no idea, but they appear to know what's up. Join up here for those gnarly and tubular prizes! Now onto the mocking of the RCL Writer's League...
First allow me to send my condolences to any of you that have already had your draft and in said draft you drafted Jordy Nelson. This is one of the main reasons I won't allow my leagues to draft more than five days before the start of the season. Ranking players within the same position is relatively easy, but comparing players across positions is a much more difficult task. However, it is an essential exercise in order to figure out who to draft, and when. Using my 2015 projections and both VORP (value over replacement player) and VOAP (value over average player), I have ranked the top 543 players. Here are my first 8 rounds in a 12-team league...
So we're back at it, loosely going over 2014 while also looking forward to 2015. It's an interesting exercise, if only because it's the most excercise I've gotten in a while. Also, seeing as how the 2014 season seems like a while ago, yet 2015 looking so far away, we're stuck in this sort of buffer zone where the biggest news item of the day is Steven Jackson getting released. But hey, at least we're not talking about deflategate. Today, we'll cover running backs, and while we do, also remember that these are way-too-early rankings. I mean, consider how volatile they are, as we already have a new starting quarterback for the Texans in Ryan Mallet. Oh, wait a second...Oh, wait a second...that's probably the worst example I could have used.
What's up Razzicans! If you are still here, you are either still playing or just can't let us go. If it's the latter, then all I can say is watch this and don't take it personal. I'm kidding, glad to have you. We're doing something a little different this week to close out the 2014 fantasy season. I'm also writing this post with my pants on for once. (It's about as awkward as that one time I wore boxers to gym class during wrestling week.) Here is the breakdown, I'm covering the NFC games and my boy Ralph is covering the AFC later today. I'm gonna gloss over the players that should be usable and play the whole game or at least have some level of relevance.

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Well, I think it's official. From this point forward, all Thursday Night Football should be played only on Saturdays. In what could arguably be called two of the best prime time games of the season, Washington, powered by the vengeance of DeSean Jackson and Mark Sanchez's mediocrity, was able to deal a striking blow to the Eagles playoff hopes. (While I wouldn't be surprised at the Cowboys losing two in a row during December, nye, one could almost expect it, the odds are still not with them.) And in Santa Clara, the 49ers looked like the three-time AFC Championship game team we all knew and loved before this season... for about two quarters. Unfortunately for them, the last two quarters, they looked like something you'd normally find due east of San Francisco. Oakland, for all of you unfamiliar with California geography. And with that, the Chargers came back, 21 points down at the half, to win in overtime and keep their playoff hopes alive. So when it comes down to it, Thursday Night Football, Saturday Edition, on the NFL Network, CBS Edition (not acronymed enough to be honest) ended up being two close back-and-forth games, with one ending up in overtime, and plenty of entertainment value (touchdowns) to boot. I'd call that a successful night of football. This is it, all is lost. The world is ending... Week 16 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

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If you didn't notice, or if you didn't read yesterday's post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it's almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child "Playoff Implications". And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of "Major". And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible... in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets'ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn't comparable to reading dildo reviews...

Welcome back, my lovelies! I hope the fantasy Gods have been as good to you this week as they have been to me! Yours truly went a solid 6-0 this week, and it seems you are all finally seeing that I know what I am talking about, as I had to battle some of you on the waiver wires this week as well. Remember, Hell hath no fury…and to the person who beat me on waivers for Gray this week? Well, let’s just say I will be very BLOUNT about my thoughts on that. Remember all, I am a girl who gets what she wants, and when I don’t…well… Hopefully your hoopties (rosters that is) are still rollin’, tailpipe draggin, sure the heat don’t work and your girl keeps naggin’ but hey, its Fantasy Football and no one said it had to be perfect or pretty. Kind of like a toothy bj, it may be painful and not very enjoyable, but hopefully there is still some satisfaction at the end. So, speaking of satisfaction, let’s all lube up and get ready for a good time as I bust open Week 13’s Hit it or Quit it.

Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this... obeck

That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I'd love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you're finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don't worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on...
If you didn’t know the name Jonas Gray before 8pm Eastern Sunday night, nobody would blame you. If you forget his name when you’re putting in your waiver claims for the week, you’ll never forget it. Gray went off in huge fashion this past week with 199 yards and four rushing touchdowns against the Colts. It took him from fantasy afterthought to fantasy pick-up of the week status, and he certainly is that for us. Gray has managed to supplant Shane Vereen as the top man in the New England backfield and should be getting the majority of the work going forward. You’ll have to put up with a tough week this week, as Gray and the Patriots take on a stiff Detroit defense. The defense held Arizona running back Andre Ellington to less than 50 rushing yards last week. After Week 12, Gray’s schedule turns much easier with games at Green Bay, at San Diego, Miami, at the Jets, and Buffalo to close out the season. (Keep in mind we put the full 17-game schedule out there when we talk about remaining games, since some leagues go the full distance.) Excluding the Dolphins, you’re looking at four of the top-12 rush defenses in the NFL for Gray. The match-ups are going to be tough, so you could pick him up now, let him go off against Green Bay, and try for a late sell-high deal depending on your league’s trade deadline. (Yes, most deadlines will pass in the near future but it’s still worth mentioning.) These games should be winnable for New England so Gray should get carries to keep the clock and the chains moving. Eventually, he will find the end zone, but don’t expect anything close to his output against Indianapolis. This is also the final week of byes with Carolina and Pittsburgh sitting out this week. This is key for one reason. It’s time to get rid of the guys on your team who are non-producers and/or have poor match-ups the rest of the way. This is the time of year when you want your decisions on who to start to be incredibly tough since you have to pick from talent, talent or talent.
Have the Saints finally figured it out?  No, not things in general, as their 4-5 record indicates, but do they finally realize the type of talent that Mark Ingram has when given the opportunity?  For years, the Saints went with a stable of backs, and the only ones who have fantasy dependable were Darren Sproles and Pierre Thomas (last year).  But as the injuries have mounted this year, Ingram finally got his chance to shine after teasing us for years.  Sucks for the Saints that he's in a contract year, huh? There's no guarantee that Ingram will stay healthy — he already missed three games this year due to injury — but while he's healthy and Thomas and Khiry Robinson are out, fantasy owners have to ride Ingram until the wheels fall off. Ingram has carried the load for the Saints in recent weeks, and on the season, he has 551 yards on the ground (4.8 ypc) and six scores.  With another juicy matchup on the schedule this week against the Bengals at home, who just surrendered three rushing touchdowns last Thursday to the Cleveland Browns, Ingram is a no-brainer start of the week.