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The Stats Machine, Week 4: May The Forte Be With You

by: malamoney

A long time ago in a fantasy football league far, far away… I've been waiting for you Le'Veon Kenobi. Le'Veon... Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. The force is strong with the Stats Machine. Influenced by Jedi Masters such as Delanie Skywalker and Yoda, its ability to harness the force is unparalleled. With the highest midichlorian count in the galaxy, the Stats Machine is destined to help you defeat the dark side and bring peace and victory to your league. So grab a Colt 45 with Landry Calrissian (yes the Stats Machine just gave a shout out to Jarvis Landry), fire up a hookah with Jabba the Luck, let out a Chewbacca-like growl with Queen Amendola and get ready to start swinging your light saber. And remember, it’s not the size (or color) of your light saber that matters, it’s how you use it.

Handcuff Report, Week 4: Starters? We Don’t Need No Stinking Starters!

by: Geoff

I've come to a conclusion about my draft strategy for next year. I'm not drafting any starting running backs. Nope! Only handcuffs in the later rounds for me. I won't be fooled by you starting running backs and your supposed "talent". Oh no siree, I'm moving on! In all seriousness though, what the hell is going on? The starters that haven't been hurt, arrested, kidnapped, or shamed into retirement, haven 't been good. Anyone watch LeSean McCoy, Eddie Lacy, or Matt Forte lately? How is anyone winning in fantasy?

Every Fantasy Player You Own is Either Injured or Doing Poorly

September 22, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 119 Comments

by: Jay

So, if you don't know what to make of this year so far, join my club. I just started it, but looking at the numbers... yes, it appears the entire Earth is already a member. There are so many fascinating and ridiculous and unfortunate and just plain dumb things happening all around us this year, it's no wonder that Wes Welker took a Molly. Wait a second... WHAT IF WE'RE ALL ON MOLLY? It's almost as if Rust Cohle is writing my life at the moment. "Someone once told me, 'Time is a flat circle.' Everything we've ever done or will do, we're gonna do over and over and over again." Alright-alright-alright. I'll be sure to tell my grand kids about that. In the meantime, I'll have to seek out some kind of solution as how to grasp the events that this season has wrought upon us all. I hear whiskey is nice this time of the year...

Start ’em and Sit ’em, Week 3: Thy Rodge and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me

September 20, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football | 52 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

Football fans will get to see an offensive explosion of biblical proportions when the Green Bay Packers travel to Detroit to take on the Lions this Sunday -- so what better way to describe this occasion than with an excerpt from a well-known psalm. I'm Jewish (and a mostly non-practicing one for that matter), and even I know this phrase very well. Of course, we have Quentin Tarantino to thank for that (Note: Although Samuel L. Jackson mentions "Ezekiel 25:17" in his immortal quote, he in fact uses lines from Psalm 23 as well). Throughout time, there have been many interpretations of that verse, but when relating it to this week's slate of NFL games, it can only mean one thing: start Aaron Rodgers and Matthew Stafford with confidence. Not only will those QBs give you some relative "comfort", but so should their receivers. As of now, I have Stafford No. 1 in my QB rankings, with Rodgers right behind him. Calvin Johnson is my No. 1 WR (Julio Jones' TNF performance not included), which he'll likely be in most matchups, and after a huge 206-yard performance vs. the Jets, Jordy Nelson checks in as this week's No. 3 receiver. The Packers' "other" wideout, Randall Cobb, is also in my top 10, and in his third game with his new team, former Seahawk Golden Tate makes his way into the top 30. Start all these players with the utmost confidence and take a look below for some more start/sits before you set your lineups prior to kickoff...

Handcuff Report, Week 3: RunningBackalypse Now

September 19, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 53 Comments

by: Geoff

Dear Running Backs, What the hell is going on? Seriously guys, not only are you getting injured at an alarming rate, but your off the field antics are ridiculous, and not ridiculous in a Dennis Rodman fun idiot kind of way. Let's take a minute to reflect. More than likely we the fantasy football collective will be without Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, Jamaal Charles (maybe not), Ryan Matthews, Mark Ingram, Knowshon Moreno, Doug Martin and Jonathan Dwyer for several weeks. Oh okay, yeah, no one cares about Jonathan Dwyer, but you get my point. That's seven starting running backs and we're only two weeks into the season. Early in the fantasy baseball season we talked about the closerpocalypse well this is the runningbackalypse. I fully expect another three to be injured and Matt Forte to be found out as the real life Buffalo Bill by the time this blog posts. It's been that kind of year. As corny dancehall reggae artist Elephant Man would say ju-kno! Well I guess the silver lining is there were plenty of intriguing handcuffs promoted to starter in the last week. Some are temporary, others could be more permanent, and some tried to get in on the runningbackalypse. Either way here are the ones to keep an eye on.

Start ’em and Sit ’em, Week 2: Fire up Philly in Farmland

September 13, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 89 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

Thank god I don't do these posts till Saturday, because you wouldn't have liked my advice had I included Thursday night's players into my start/sits. Everyone knows that Thursday Night Football is a curse for fantasy players. Even Peyton Manning has fallen victim to it. In the final TNF game of the 2013 season, Manning had arguably his worst performance of the year, completing just 65.8 percent of his passes for 289 yards in the Broncos' embarrassing 27-20 home loss to the Chargers. Maybe it's the short week coupled by the night game, or the fact that it's on national television. Who knows. But it doesn't bode well for good statistics. I had Ben Roethlisberger and Torrey Smith pretty high up in my Week 2 rankings, but that was just stubborn of me. You can't get much worse than the nine fantasy points Big Ben put up, Owen Daniels vulturing Dennis Pitta every step of the way, or the one catch for 10 yards Torrey had -- especially after Joe Flacco had said earlier in the day that he expects his top receiver to catch 100 balls this year. Sunday should offer many more offensive fireworks than Thursday night's dreadful affair. There are plenty of matchups to exploit, including the Saints vs. Browns, Patriots vs. Vikings, Chiefs vs. Broncos, Jaguars vs. Washington Football Team, and Cowboys vs. Titans. But none should be more exciting (and fantasy-team boosting) than the Eagles/Colts game. The high-flying Eagles (pun intended) travel to Indy to take on the 900 horsepower Colts (pun also intended). You're always gonna start Andrew Luck, Nick Foles and LeSean McCoy, but their supporting casts deserve a lot of attention this week and are all nearly must starts in most fantasy formats. Fringe fantasy starters like Darren Sproles, Riley Cooper, Ahmad Bradshaw, and Dwayne Allen are near automatic starts this week, and even Colts' tight end Coby Fleener is worthy of consideration in deeper leagues. The only guys I'd be hesitant to recommend are Hakeem Nicks and Trent Richardson, who have proven to be too untrustworthy. Not only will this game have a large effect on the outcome of your fantasy matchups, but we get to wait till Monday night to have it all play out. Now, that, my friends, is what fantasy football is all about! Please feel free to post your start/sit questions below. Until then, here are the rest of my starts and sits for Week 2... (All recommendations are based on PPR formatted leagues)

Handcuff Report, Week 2: Tinder For Handcuffs

September 12, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Handcuff Report | 41 Comments

by: Geoff

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I'm too old and married to have ever used Tinder. I hear the younger guys in my office quite often comparing conquests and potential... ummmm partners. Working at a company with a bunch of 20-something males, the topic comes up with some regularity. I like to think it's sort of like the wavier wire for skanks, male and female alike. No worries peeps, ain't no shame in being a super hoe! This is a judgement free zone, well unless you're this guy. Then I 'm judging the heck out of you. Anyway, much like the wavier wire you take to Tinder to fill a void missing from your life. You might be looking for a one night stand or a one week plug-in. [Jay's Note: Isn't that a type of air freshener? That's a type of air freshener...] Maybe a potential suitor flashes a little skin to get your mind racing with possibilities. The same way a player buried on the depth chart can come in and flash a little potential. We're all looking for something new, shiny, and better than what we have. With this in mind randy fantasy owners took to the wavier wire Monday and Tuesday looking for that potential stud running back to make their dreams come true. I just hope for you Tinder-roni's that your potential hook-ups offer more than this week's hot pickup Justin Forsett.

Tony Romo: Interception Savant

September 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 144 Comments

by: Jay

An artist's depiction of yesterday's Cowboys game.

I've come to the conclusion that the ~~first~~ every Sunday of football should always have the Dallas Cowboys doing whatever that was they did yesterday afternoon. In fact, let's start a petition to have them on Monday AND Thursday night as well. I mean, can we even say that the Cowboys actually did anything in training camp? This looks like the exact same team from last year, and I've already started decorating my house for the holidays seeing as how the Cowboys are already in mid-December form. True, as the sharp and always entertaining (in gouging your own eyes out sort of way) commentating duo of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman informed us, if not for all the turnovers, this would have been a close game. I've never seen something so beautifully and succinctly useless at the same time. If it weren't for the Normandy landing and the eastern invasion of Russia, Germany had a pretty good World War II. And while the game was technically close without including large portions of events that happened during the game, I was left with this one burning question-- What is it called when you throw to a receiver that had 12 people covering him?

Week One: Start ’em and Sit ’em

September 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 86 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

It's Sunday, and the clock is about to strike 1:00 pm. Anticipation is building, and you finally cave, as you remove Stevan Ridley from your FLEX and replace him with Joique Bell. After all, Ridley has been in the doghouse with Coach Belichick and Bell has a great matchup vs. the Eagles. We've all be there before -- at the last minute you completely reverse course from the original starting lineup you had all week long. Sometimes it pans out, but sometimes you're left kicking yourself -- like when Bell cedes carries to a red-hot Reggie Bush and Ridley sneaks in for a couple of one-yard touchdown dives. This column is here to help you make those decisions easier. Each Saturday throughout the NFL season, I will be providing you with a list of some players you should start, as well as some that should take a seat at the end of your bench. I won't be telling you to start LeSean McCoy, 'cuz if you'd ever consider sitting him, well, you've got way more things to worry about than fantasy football (like getting your head checked). Instead, I'll focus more on the fringe players or the sneaky second- or third-tier guys who aren't automatic starts or sits each week.

Handcuff Report, Week One: The 2014 Primer

September 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 31 Comments

by: Geoff

Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we'll be there. If Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we'll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we'll be there. You get the point.... Wait.?!?! That's not what this post covers?.... It's about running back committee's? ...Hmmm I don't think that's right. Jay, I think we have a problem.....I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le'veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay... I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I'll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I'll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I'll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I'll probably switch to more of a "handcuffs to watch format", where I'll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we'll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I'm cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered? Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said "cops use"... do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That's Why!!!

Razzball Writer’s League: Draft Review

August 29, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Our Leagues | 70 Comments

by: Doc Matt

What you will see below are the results of the 2014 Razzball Writer's League Fantasy Football Draft (click here for the results). The league is based on this year's RCL format. If you don't know what a RCL is, man, you are behind the times. Join here for a chance at prizes and glorious bragging rights! The RCL stuff is basically as follows: The 0.5 PPR league is comprised of 12 teams each starting a QB, three WRs, two RBs, one TE, a FLEX, K, and a Defense. If you are interested, go ahead and rank the teams in the comments section below. You can also tell us the reason for your order. Or, you can just tell us how you feel about Tehol's team. Spoiler: I couldn't find Matt Wieters anywhere on the roster, so I'm not sure Tehol really drafted.

2014 Fantasy Football Rankings: Top 200 Overall (Half-PPR)

August 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Fantasy Football Rankings | 54 Comments

by: Jay

2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB So, much has been said of the delay of the Half-PPR rankings, or at least I think much has been said. I'm not a mind-reader folks. But I'm going to assume you've been talking amongst yourselves, and the main topic has been how I'm bringing sexy back. Because I am. The other topic, more minor, is about the lack of Half-PPR rankings, seeing as how, ya know, it's the format this year's Free Fantasy Football Razzball Commentator Leagues (Sign-up here!) use. But guess what? As I'm sure the title spoiled it, we have rankings. Though, it's a lot cruder than your used too. There's still an issue with some sort of thing... a lot of it is technical, and is like a bunch of Star Trek mumbo jumbo mixed with Skynet and wheat bread... none of which I understand, nor will I ever understand. So just fire those phasers at something, amiright? But yeah, just between you and me, those technical hurdles still remain, so like the Olympics athletes that we are (which we really aren't), we're going to have take one for the team here and realize that this format for which I am presenting the Half-PPR rankings is going to have to make due, for at least a little while. That is to say, the format that you are used to receiving these rankings is unavailable from our friends over at FantasyPros, but I'll make sure to update everything as new things come to light. Something like that. Because I am against dark. But not really. This makes no sense.