Greetings! Doing two posts a week, back-to-back, can be quite stressful, especially considering I’m attempting to give you nothing but my pure unadulterated best. Sometimes it’s necessary for me to spend 30 minutes in a steamy hot shower, letting the water pelt my chiseled body, watching the droplets stream down my crevices (anyone else aroused?) like the tear drops cried by the last 3,000 women who attempted to tame me, while listening to hard hitting rap music, in order for me deliver something I deem acceptable. [Jay’s Note: The longest sentence ever…] So, shout out to Drake (for the first and last time), for dropping hot fiery rocks on Meek Mill the fraud and for inspiring me to touch on every single offense playing skill position player drafted in the first three rounds of 2015. I won’t dig too deep, as the majority of your attention span seems to be shorter than a squirrel’s privates, but if you have any specific questions on the named men, then ask them in the comment section and will reward you with a facial of fantasy football information. Remember to look at some of these players from a dynasty perspective, as I know many of you, much like myself, like to pluck them when they’re young, cheap, and willing… When it comes to Lord Beddict, first of his name, remember to hate, not the player, but the game.
I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight, Rookie Edition! Take Heed!
Oh man, oh man, oh man. Not again
Yeah, I learned the game from Grey and Rudy
You can never outdo me
Back to back for the fantasy writers that didn’t get the message
Back to back like I’m on the cover of Lethal Weapon
Back to back like I’m Kukoc ’96, ’97
Whoa, very important and very pretentious
When we look back they may say I’m the greatest ever so pay attention
Yeah, but it’s weighin’ heavy on my conscience
Yeah, so I gotta give you major WR options
My competitors, they be acting hella scary
Hurts my stomach, you gon’ make me stop eating dairy
You gon’ make me buy bottles for f*ckin Matthew Berry
You gon’ make me say Latavius gon average 6 yards a carry
I waited 2 days, Razzball readers, where ya’ll at?
I drove here in a Lincoln, bumpin Fleetwood Mac
Got the Peyote in me, going back to back.
Rookies that will Delight:
Jameis Winston – When I heard NFL coaches that interviewed Winston said he grasped offensive schemes and reads quicker/better than anyone since Peyton Manning, all my concerns were erased. Famous Jameis isn’t the most talented QB I’ve ever witnessed in college by any means, but I expect him to become an above average starting NFL QB within two seasons. With Mike Evans and Austin Seferian-Jenkins, his upside is unlimited, but hey, they said the same thing about Ryan Leaf and Christian Slater.
Marcus Mariota – With elite speed and an accurate arm, Mariota has the ability to accomplish great things in this league. While he lacks the girth and cannon than the quarterbacks he’s often compared to (Colin Kaepernick to name one), Mariota is much smoother running the QB position, and should be far more accurate on intermediate throws. I also love that the Titans drafted one of my faves in Dorial Green-Beckham, who I believe could eventually develop into the greatest receiver in this entire draft class. Kendall Wright, Harry Douglas, and Delanie Walker are also no slouches when it comes to catching the rock. I didn’t mention Justin Hunter, but that’s only because the guy let me down more than the Republican party nominations last season, and I’m afraid to tell you how high I drafted him. Anyways, I believe Mariota will be playing for a new head coach in 2016, so hopefully it’s one handpicked for his skill set, which is a superb one.
Amari Cooper – Looked great in roasting
star cornerback Patrick Peterson last weekend, and I officially expect him to end up the team leader in touchdowns and receptions this season. Derek Carr, David Carr’s much less attractive brother, doesn’t seem to have improved much, which is a tad concerning, considering the possible turnaround of the franchise rests on his shoulders. Either way, I like Cooper to have a Reggie Wayne type of career, and Reggie Wayne is bound for the Hall of Fame so take it how you wanna, aaaaahkaaaay?
Kevin White – Love the upside in dynasty leagues, especially since you should be able to get him much cheaper for this wasted season. It will be worth the roster spot though, as this kid is more explosive than Khloe Kardashian’s diarrhea after a gorge fest at Chipotle.
Todd Gurley – Although I believe Gurley will be a very good running back, probably as soon as four games into this season, I’m not sure that I agree that he’s the greatest RB prospect to come along since Adrian Peterson. In fact, he reminded me more of Trent Richardson, which isn’t a shot at Gurley, for Richardson was a superstar. Gurley is one of the rare running backs that can be a three-down back. And in this day and age, that’s saying something. In dynasty drafts, dude should be a late first rounder, or early second at the latest.
Nelson Agholor – Perfect skill set for his employer. Sort of like Razzball.com and myself. I’ll never forget this peon who used to edit the shizz out of my posts for some other fantasy website, and would tell me I’d be good at Barstoolsports.com or whatever that site is called. He literally would remove half of what I had written. Special thanks to Jay for all only taking out 1/10th. Maybe we should start a Razzball 18-and-over section? Only if you’re nasty!
Breshad Perriman – With Perriman being injured throughout all of pre-season, you couldn’t write up a more awful script to the start of his career if you contracted M. Night Shyamalan. Still, Perriman’s expertise is in going deeper than Peter North on a Wednesday night, and that also happens to be Flacco’s favorite thing to do, so I’d say there’s a very solid chance that Perriman becomes a Torrey Smith type.
Phillip Dorsett – I don’t believe the Colts should be drafting offensive players in the first round for the next FIVE YEARS, as we all witnessed their defense torn apart by the Patriots like Richard Gere’s red eye after that gerbil got through with it, but I suppose that could have just been the deflated footballs. Don’t get it twisted, Dorsett is filthy and a true blazer, so he will get his. The only problem is that the Colts have far too many weapons for Dorsett to be trusted on anything resembling a week-to-week basis, at least for this season. Only the Elder Gods know what the future holds.
T.J. Yeldon – Has looked absolutely lost in the preseason, but I expect Yeldon to develop into a solid NFL running back with multiple 1,000 yard season ahead. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
Dorial Green-Beckham – Top-10 talent in the 2nd round? Yes please! Though Mariota isn’t the QB I was hoping would be throwing bombs to this stallion, he will suffice until proven otherwise, as I’ve seen enough of Mettenberger to haunt my dreams for an eternity. Beckham has more upside than any wideout in this draft. Let’s see if his effort matches his skill set.
Devin Funchess – In a great position to succeed as the Panthers have ZERO quality wideouts now that Kelvin Benjamin has gone down. This big bodied behemoth should become a red zone favorite of Cam Newton right out of the shoot.
Ameer Abdullah – Everybody’s drawls got extra moist after witnessing this run, but I’d like to point out that 1) It was against the backups and 2) He was caught from behind by a bigger player. I believe Abdullah will be solid change of pace back, but have serious doubts he will ever carry a full load. Joique Bell is still the guy to own in Detroit.
Maxx Williams – Hasn’t shown much of the explosive, play-making ability he did at Minnesota, but with a lack of special receiving threats in Baltimore, and with Dennis Pitta possibly never playing again, I like Maxx to become one of Flacco’s most trusted targets, possibly this season.
Clive Walford – Interesting pick by the Raiders in the 3rd round, as I actually like his game a great deal. Coming out of the University of Miami, Walford could end up the most skilled all-around tight end in this draft. Unfortunately, he’s battled injuries this preseason, so we may not see him ball out until 2016. One to keep an eye on.
Tyler Lockett – Lockett is already arguably the most dangerous kick returner in the NFL, as he’s been stunting like his Daddy this preseason, taking two kicks back for scores. It’s doubtful he’ll contribute more than 20 or so catches this season but I’d expect for him to be fantasy playable by 2016.
Garrett Grayson – Just kidding.
Duke Johnson – Admired his work ethic while at Miami and has a chance to steal the running back job in Cleveland at some point this season. Great motor and huge heart.
Ty Montgomery – Had a horrific final year at Stanford when compared to the previous season. I believed Monty had a real shot at being a first rounder. Great kick returner and he has the inside job on Green Bay’s number three WR job as we speak (write?).
Matt Jones – If you like big bodied, tank-a*sed, hog-life, beastly running backs, then Matt Jones is your man. Dude also has some shiftiness to his game and I expect him to replace Alfred Morris, as soon as 2016.
Rookies that will Disgrace:
Kevin White – Anytime you’re a top-10 pick and you’re going to miss your entire rookie season, you’re gonna hit this list. I just said “you’re” 3 times in one sentence. Cool. White’s the only player that made both lists.
DeVante Parker – Love his game but don’t know how well it fits with Tannehill, who’s specialty seems to be throwing 8-yard crossing routes. Also he’s coming off of multiple foot surgeries and has battle injuries his whole career. When has someone like that EVER worked out?
Melvin Gordon – Gordon should end up being okay, but he’s looked horrid in the preseason and the Chargers are fully going the running back by committee route. That absolutely should not be happening if you draft a RB in the top-15. That’s like paying Jean-Claude Van Damme $20 mill to be the lead in Hamlet.
Sean Mannion – Love all the wasted picks of quarterbacks in the 3rd round made every season.
Jaelen Strong – Solid value in the 3rd round for Houston, but I have to put a few prominent names in the disgrace section, right? It’s not that I don’t like Strong as a player, I just don’t believe he’ll ever be an elite option at receiver. I’d say his upside is a WR3 in fantasy, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Chris Conley – I’m normally a sucker for the freak shows like Conley, but being that his greatest skill is going deep and making incredible grabs… and that Alex Smith can’t throw deep to save his life… it just doesn’t seem like a good fit. Conley isn’t some polished wideout that can hop right into Andy Reid’s system… then again, that WR core is thinner than Ally Mcbeal after a purging, so I suppose there’s a 20 percent chance Conley has a solid year.
David Johnson – I don’t envision him unseating Ellington and he’s not a power back or goal line runner, so I don’t see a ton of fantasy value. I do like his game and believe he’ll contribute, but probably not ownable unless Ellington goes down.
Jeff Heuerman – Kind of reminds me of a whiter, slower, Heath Miller.
Thank you for joining me for another edition of Disgrace/Delight. It’s been a pleasure, and to be completely honest, nobody has any clue how this class will pan out, but it’s fun speculating, right? I wish they could all make it, but sadly, that’s just not the case. You have to be realistic about these things. As per usual, your questions and comments will be responded to in the section below. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he loves talking all things football with his dedicated readers. Have a fabulous weekend.
Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Beddict143.