“All aboard!” Stevens called out, standing at the rear of a semi-truck he had been using to drive the RazzBowl tournament participants across the country for the last twelve weeks. He pulled out a clipboard, took a swig of his blue raspberry slurpee, and read names off a list. Such was the life of the #2 seed in the Razzbowl: always the 1.02, never the 1.01. 

“Jerry Jan–” Stevens started when he was interrupted by a hand shooting up out of the crowd. “HERE!” the voice shouted, its face covered by an Antonio Brown vintage helmet. The figure shoved forward, toward the Razzball trophy that sat un-loved on the asphalt. The figure rushed forward, grasping the trophy’s handle like a lover’s hand. The trophy was cold, its silver-lining frosted frosted from the morning mist in the mountains. “What have they done to you my precious?” the figure whispered through the mouthguard. 

“OK, Jerry, you’re sitting up front with me,” Stevens said. “Everybody else, you’ll be enjoying a free showing of Batman and Robin in the trailer. Now, let’s get the champions in! Next up, Will Weiler…” Stevens trailed off, ignoring the helmet-ed figure heading towards the cab of the semi.

That helmet-ed figure was, of course, not the Razzbowl #1 seed Jerry Janiga. Where Jerry was, nobody could quite tell. In the darkness that followed the hellscape that was Wednesday Afternoon Football in Week 12, the former #1 seed The Joey Wright had “dropped” Jerry from his “roster.” 

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Last December when I released my top 25 and top 50 dynasty rankings for 2020, there were three rankings for which I was mocked most: Kerryon Johnson (way too high at #18, they scoffed), Joe Mixon (way too low at #26, they cried) and Juju Smith-Schuster (way too low at #50, they howled). Two for three would make me the best baseball player in the history of baseball, but in the game of fantasy football dynasty rankings it won’t fly. Also, I missed terribly on a bunch of other rankings including Fournette, OBJ and Hollywood. So now I must be held accountable and take responsibility for ranking my cousin Kerryon Johnson way, way, way too high last year. No excuses! No blame! Even though the freshly-fired-incompetent-coach/GM-duo of Matt Patricia and Bob Quinn seem like pretty good scapegoats—was it really necessary to spend an early 2nd round pick on D’Andre Swift AND sign Adrian Peterson AND not use your talented 23 year old RB Kerryon Johnson at all? Ah right, no excuses. But the sun was in my eyes last year when I was writing my rankings. So this year I brought in a ringer to keep me in check: Pat Fitzmaurice. Pat is currently sitting at #1 (out of 160 experts) in this year’s FantasyPros’ Ranking Accuracy Competition, he also finished #2 (out of 162 experts) in FP’s Draft Ranking Accuracy Competition in 2019 and he holds the title of #1 most accurate draft ranker from 2017-2019. In short, the man is a fantasy football ranking sorcerer and he was kind enough to record a YouTube show with me discussing each of our top 10s—subscribe and give us a like if you don’t hate it.  Anyway, here’s that show, followed by my top 10 dynasty rankings for 2021 fantasy football:

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Its week 13 and in many leagues, this is either the final week of the regular season or the first week of the fantasy football playoffs. If you’re still reading this column that means you are likely still alive in your fantasy football leagues and hopefully I’ve helped you along the way with some valuable flex plays in these Sexy Flexies articles. That being said, let’s get you a couple of solid flex players to use in your lineup this week. That is exactly why I write this column, to help you make these tough decisions and win your weeks!

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Welcome to Razzball’s dedicated gambling column-Teasers and Pleasers! Each Thursday during the NFL season, at 11:00 am EST, TnP will post our top bets for the upcoming week. Just sit back and win some money with us in 2020.

We received some great feedback in the comments section last regarding updating the picks on Saturday or Sunday when injuries are clearer. I will be doing that via Twitter and commenting below this article with any injury-related adjustments to the Best Bets. Thank you all for following along all season, you are one of the MANY resources used to make these selections, but most of the key ones can be found here at Razzball.

Whether you play fantasy football or are in the business of making player prop bets, Rudy Gamble’s Razzball Membership Tools are a must-have. He is giving away a FREE 7-day trial of all the tools you need to cash this week!

Now let’s get to it! Week 13 picks for your betting pleasure.

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It’s a tradition as old as wearing a facial covering while using the public crapper or washing your hands like an obsessive compulsive garbage man: Wednesday Afternoon Football! Since there’s no Thursday Night Football game for me to breakdown with my rankings this week, I’ve decided to nail two Ravens with one stone by recapping the Wednesday afternoon dumpster fire in this introduction for the week 13 rankings. 

Maybe it was the week long uncertainty of whether this game would actually be played, maybe it was the fantasy football gods punishing us all for the NFL’s blind greed, maybe it’s because you put your Christmas lights up 3 weeks before Thanksgiving. Whatever the reason, this was the most boring Wednesday Afternoon Football game in the history of Wednesday Afternoon Football.

Only one Raven player produced positive fantasy results as Marquise Brown (4 catches for 85 yards and his 3rd touchdown) posted the best game of his very disappointing season thanks to his 70 yard touchdown catch late in the 4th quarter. Maybe this kickstarts Hollywood with a much softer schedule on the horizon. The friendly schedule gives me cautious optimism on the entire Ravens offense, including Lamar JacksonJ.K. Dobbins and Mark Andrews, as they all return from the virus outbreak.

On the Steelers side, you could tell they came in expecting to sleepwalk their way to a win and, well, they pretty much did. Juju Smith-Schuster (8 catches for 37 yards and his 6th touchdown), or Shoo Shoo Schuster-Smeeth as they call him on NBC Espanol, was the only Steeler to find the end zone while the damage from their two other (more talented) receivers Diontae Johnson (8 catches for 46 yards) and Chase Claypool (6 catches for 52 yards) was minimized. Benny Snell (16 carries for 60 yards, 3 catches for 33 yards), who I judiciously invested all my FAAB in after week 2, did show some flashes while filling in for James Conner (COVID). Remember, Conner fell into the high COVID risk group as a cancer survivor (diabetic Mark Andrews fell into this category too); not sure if this will actually impact either of their recovery times or if they even experienced any symptoms, but Snell’s worth a roster spot regardless. Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 13 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.

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Well, well, well. Week 12. Do I need to introduce what ended up being one of the weirdest weeks in NFL history? From a fantasy perspective, we watched Patrick Mahomes chase the Chiefs’ record for single-game passing yards (held by Elvis Grbac, you Trivial Pursuit maniac), while also watching Denver Broncos practice squad wide receiver Kendall Hinton make his NFL debut as a QB. One of those situations did not end well. On top of all of that, we’re looking forward to Tuesday Wednesday Night Football. In case you forgot, when Tuesday Night Football that happened earlier in the year wreaked havoc on stats providers who hadn’t prepared for “Y2K,” and some fantasy providers went weeks without accurate scoring. And now we’ve got a WNF, which is also the name of my favorite Korean boy-band. SEW (<- not a boy band). I’m giving you the best information that’s available at the time of writing, and hopefully Week 13 will be a bit easier to navigate. Next week will be the final installment of the rest of season QB rankings, so if you’re hoping to follow me here at Razzball, I’ll ask you to navigate over to the basketball section, where I’ll be doing a weekly player highlight column. 

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Your WR top 80 13.0 is here!  Even though week 12 hasn’t ended yet, we’re on to the final countdown. If you’re 7-5 or better you can probably coast but a playoff seed may be on the line. If you’re rolling at 6-6 or in some leagues maybe even 5-7 this is do or die. Obviously “rest of season” doesn’t really mean much with one game left in the regular season but this is still a relative ranking of the best WRs in our game. As a rule, injuries will always bump guys down. I am generally pessimistic that players will return on time at full strength without a setback. 

This list is not league or format specific, but it is based on 2020 rest-of-season projection only. When thinking through tiers and rankings I asked myself simply – “all things considered who would I rather have on my roster?”

Read all of the QB, RB and TE Razzball Rest of Season Positional Rankings now!

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back to look back at the weird week that was week 12. Update after Monday Night: it looks as though DT has just missed the cut in the Wild Card bracket by 2 spots. B_Don missed the cutline in the Championship bracket by 1 bloody point! (as of Tuesday) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

One thing that is consistent, DA Bears offense is still awful. Meanwhile, Tyreek just went off to single handedly win people match-ups. Is he the top WR ROS though? We discuss Austin Ekeler’s return and where he fits in among RBs coming down the stretch with Herbert at the helm.

We end the show with some discussion about DT’s dynasty rankings that are starting to take shape. How to value age and competing windows are big pieces of the puzzle, which makes dynasty rankings a little more muddied than redraft ranks. Should A.J. Brown be in the same tier with D.K. Metcalf? Should they both be enough to get you CMC? Where do the top QBs fall for each of us? Listen in and find out. 

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Are you in? Are you out? Do you have to grind one more week to make it in? I’m here to help you make that final push. We have to dodge the inevitable postponements and QB rooms being held out of playing. I heard that they are already planning on having three Monday night games. This year is so fun. It’s almost over though! The final two teams are on a bye and that is Tampa and Carolina so adjust accordingly. Here are my rankings for week 13.

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In a casual conversation with my future mother-in-law this past week, she adamantly described Derrick Henry as “sexy.” Now, I’m no expert on the perceived attractiveness of 6-foot-3, 250-pound behemoth running backs, but I do know one thing: there’s only one. There’s only one Derrick Henry, and as he approaches a fantasy playoff schedule as easy as hiding a piece of Thanksgiving stuffing in Matt Patricia’s beard at the end of No-Shave November, we’re likely to see history repeat itself yet again. Remember, Henry averaged 24.2 half-PPR points in his final five games of 2019, which was only slightly better than the 23.1 points he averaged across the final five games of 2018. Historically, Henry is stretch-run hero — a fantasy playoff superman in a class all his own. Even if Henry hadn’t erupted for 37.5 half-PPR points in Week 12, he would likely enter the Week 13 rankings as the RB1 overall, as an upcoming matchup with the Browns is the only thing that stands between him and a remaining schedule against the Jaguars, Lions, Packers and Texans. No matter how your league is structured, those matchups scream league-winning upside, and there’s no doubt in my mind Henry will again have a high ownership percentage on championship rosters. But, since Henry did pop off in Week 12, let’s unpack it: 27 carries, 178 yards, three rushing touchdowns; two receptions (four targets), seven yards. All three of Henry’s rushing touchdowns came in first half, as he legitimately provided three healthy weeks of fantasy value in a single half. Now I understand the “sexy” part. 

While Henry is up to RB1 this week, there’s a lot of other movement on the top-60 list and, as always, an overwhelming amount of injury updates to digest. So, before we get to the rankings, let’s take a quick trip around the league.

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