Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. I have to begin by telling you that I took an absolute pounding in my leagues this week. First off in my Contributor’s League, someone with a higher waiver priority than I (I know, the balls, right??!) and also happened to read my article, stole all my Hit Its. Which left me standing there holding my proverbial d**k. It’s ok. That is my Black Widow League, and any of you loyalists know, she does manage to have her way with everyone…everyone. Speaking of which, she feasted like the queen in Week 2. Lots of you lost your moneymakers to ankles, and knees, and concussions, oh my! I was not spared this indignity to an already sparse team in my RCL. Usually it takes about until Week 9 before I have to start picking up grounds crew and concession stand workers to fill holes in my team. Yeah, that’s right, even someone as beautiful and intelligent as I sometimes has a hard time filling her…holes. But I digress. Let’s get to the meat and bones of why you are here. You are here to read me spit out the juiciest pieces of the week, like the Oracle I am. And, since you paid ahead of time and the clock is ticking, why don’t I just get down and dirty with Week 3’s Hit it and Quit it. Enjoy, loves!

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Last week was a mixed bag of waiver recommendations.

I made some great waiver suggestions: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Phillip Lindsay, Geronimo Allison, Brandon McManus. But also some that left both of us scratching our heads: Tyrod Taylor, Jonnu Smith, Washington Redskins and Ryan Grant. I’m pretty confident in my picks for this upcoming week — even the Blake Bortles one! (Oh God, what have I done…)

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LeSean McCoy suffered some severely bruised ribs, so his status moving forward will be murky at best. For those of you unsure if it’s worth picking up his backup, the name to keep an eye on is Marcus Murphy. I know Chris Ivory scored the rushing TD this week, but anyone who follows the Bills knows that Murphy is the real #2 back here and is much more of a threat in the underneath passing game. Rookie QB Josh Allen looked great in shorts before the game and threw a flailing duck 61 yards downfield in another example of him displaying the strongest arm in the NFL already. I don’t mind it in 2QB leagues if you need to use him as a reserve or bye-week fill-in. By the time your starters will be taking their bye weeks, Allen will be working through a much easier schedule for pass defenses. I know I’m going to get killed for this, but there are rumblings that Zay Jones is a preferred target for Allen, and if you need a sneaky waiver wire pickup this week, Jones wouldn’t be the worst option in the world.

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It was a tough day to be a kicker but everything else on Sunday was a lot of fun. I remember at this time last season, the play on the football field was sub par and there weren’t very many close games. Now, the quarterback numbers are outrageous, the games have been pretty close and well played, and the players are better protected. There are still a lot of flags, but that will work itself out when the referees gain more experience with the new rules. Speaking of new, on Mondays, you can now wake up to me breaking down the fantasy numbers for six games. Reid will also pick six games to break down and that will come out around lunch time for the East coast folks. Let’s start with an absolute shootout.

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Welcome to week 2 of this very young NFL season. One of the most potent receivers in the game now doesn’t have a team. That’s just how it goes sometimes in this crazy and sometimes (most of the time) stupid league. You have lineup questions and Zach, Reid, and myself have answers. If you’re the shy type or find us creepy and/or not funny, Jay (who finished 12th on FantasyPros last week), Zach, and myself have rankings that you can check out. Do you play DFS? Rudy just introduced the new Stackonator tool to his premium tool belt. Our contributors had another great week of providing top shelf fantasy football knowledge and now we just await the results. Let’s get to the weather and injuries.

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Last year, all my loyal readers wept tears of unfathomable sadness when baseball ended, as that meant the end of the greatest weekly column in the history of the Internet. Thankfully, Razzball has decided this year that they do not want to disappoint everyone out there who make up my loyal fan base, so they have asked me to write a weekly football picks column. Here’s the important stuff – I will be focusing on FanDuel cash picks. That’s not to say that you couldn’t take my advice and use it for other sites, but each DFS site has its own salary structure, so a good play on one site isn’t necessarily a good play on another site. So if you only play somewhere else besides FanDuel, be very careful with these picks as they’re based specifically on the salaries on FanDuel. Further, the bulk of these picks are for cash games. I will make GPP recommendations wherever I feel it’s reasonable to do so, but if you’re only a GPP player, then while this column will still be useful, just know that it’s a cash-first article. Finally, I will be making occasional references to Rudy’s projections, which you should purchase, because they are quite good. That’s not me shamelessly plugging them – that’s me speaking the truth – they’re quite good and quite helpful for anyone who plays NFL DFS. So with that in mind, onto the picks…

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What’s goin’ on everyone, and welcome to Week 2 of the NFL season!

Hopefully you guys all won in every league last week in what was a true Sunday to remember. We had everything: crazy performances from guys like Patrick Mahomes and Tyreek Hill, an absolute shootout in New Orleans, and a tie between the Steelers and Browns. Let’s hope we get some awesome storylines in Week 2!

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As you are reading this, I may be stranded in an airport as Hurricane Florence bares down on the Carolinas. If all goes well, I will not be able to comment on your posts this week, as I’ll be celebrating our first anniversary with my wife on the beaches of Curacao (and reluctantly missing week 2 and a huge Packers-Vikings matchup). Hopefully she doesn’t read this. Anyway, I’ll be back next week  answer any questions!

In this week’s dive, let’s take a look at some players that are on the tail-end of their careers. They shouldn’t cost much to acquire from a team in re-build. Knowing when to trade future assets for players that will help you now is crucial. Similar to the trade deadlines in Keeper leagues, you have to know when to go all in, or when to sell off your studs. Here are few guys that are worth giving up future assets for.

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The main point I make to people in week one of the NFL season is that you can’t know what to expect. Be wary of who you think is a good team or bad team. That pendulum swings the same way in week two. Don’t think you know who a team is because of a one-week performance. I’m looking at you Tampa Bay. To bring it back to our DFS Donkeycorn analogy, it’s still hard to tell the oasis from the mirage. Let proven producers like DeAndre Hopkins lead you to water. There will be plenty of overreaction to things we saw last week. Capitalize on that. My favorite plays this week:

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