I struggled to pick the team I wanted to talk about today. On one hand, I want to offer you nice exciting players that will do well going forwards, maybe some forgotten players; on the other hand I also want to give you struggling teams that have players to avoid that are generally high marquee guys, so that you don’t overvalue them and fall flat on your face. So I’ve decided to find a team that has both to offer you the best of both worlds! Side note: Celine Dion is performing six live shows in Quebec, Canada if anyone is interested. She is far better than other Canadian artists such as the rude and socially unacceptable Justin Bieber or the narcissistic, selfish, and lackluster Drake. Tehol’s favorite, Tyrod Taylor came back last week and had an average performance that left my team just 10 points shy of a win. Ef you Tehol. Sorry, I didn’t mean it, I love you.
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This week I've flipped the switch on The Stats Machine. Instead of look back, we're going to look forward. Rather than crying over spilled milk, I'm going to try and figure out when the glass is about to be knocked over and keep it from happening. For some time I have toyed with the idea of trying to enhance the algorithms that drive TSM to be able to project fantasy points. While I am still a long way off, today I present to you my first attempt. What you are about to experience is software that I wouldn't even classify as beta. More like a beta to a beta of a beta. Pre-alpha kinda shit. Speaking of Alpha Beta, gotta love Ogre! Or as the Nerds referred to, Frederick Palowakski. When asked what he thought about The Stats Machine, he had this to say: Ogre's response.
...but can you take the Jets out of Rex Ryan? I think Ryan Fitzpatrick is saying... maybe? Or he's just horrified at life.
Regular Razzball readers are quite familiar with my affection for NFC East derp, a very special and pronounced derp, to say the least, but sometimes all of us forget the unique derp that is produced by the non-Patriots AFC East. It's as if the entire east coast can't play a football game without producing a football-like product drenched with the aforementioned derp. And of course, last night, you have the Bills and Jets, two franchises, who in recent memory, you could only tell apart by the Bills sucking and the Jets blowing. True, it was rainy, it was windy in a short week, with two defense-oriented teams with mediocre offenses, but what we saw last night was the best this division has to offer. In this case though, we'll call it the "lest". Add in the bizarre (yet festive!) choice of jersey's for both teams (shown above)... Not only was I in the mood for lime and salsa, but my left retina possibly detached. But hey, someday we'll all get to tell our great-grandchildren that we were there for The Great Jersey Apocalypse of 2015. Unless you're red-green colorblind. Then you're the luckiest one out of all, because you saw nothing.
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Several years ago while I was working on a project at work that required the crawling/scraping of blog sites, I came across a site called "the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks". And it's a hoot. It's basically people submitting photos of misused quotation marks, typically appearing on signs, to which the blog poster will comment with some "witty" quip. You can read the site for ten minutes or two hours for the exact same effect because although it's repetitive, it's still quite an entertaining waste of time. Read on for some unnecessary quotation marks of my own (along with some "completely" necessary ones, I promise), plus somewhere in here there will be a link to that blog, in case you want to check it out. There may even be a questionable quote or two from a "source".
Weeks like this are the worst. Injuries are a daily occurrence in the NFL, but a week with so many big injuries to players who had been feel-good stories makes you want to reset your XBox and start the week over. We can start at the top with Jordan Hicks, a trendy DROY pick who's now out for the year, but still managed to finish as LB2 for the week. Next is Henry Anderson, who cooled off after a hot start but was still a solid weekly DL option, now done for the year with a torn ACL. Despite the surprisingly successful return of JPP, the Giants lost two IDP contributors for the year in Jonathan Hankins and Jon Beason, who can unfortunately never stay healthy enough to be a reliable contributor. Finally, though he's not done for the year, Sean Lee, got yet another concussion and is likely to miss this week's game. Injuries can sometimes open up opportunities for clutch waiver pickups (and I would definitely look closely at Kiko Alonso, Uani' Unga and Anthony Hitchens), but it's never fun to say goodbye to players like this.
Here's what I'm looking at heading into what will hopefully be a much healthier Week 10:
Here are the Week 10 Rankings and FanDuel Week 10 Cheatsheet…
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At home. Drawing pictures. Of mountain tops. With him on top. Lemon yellow sun. Arms raised in a V... Every Forte owner that handcuffed him with Jeremy Langford didn't miss a beat this past weekend. And the owners that were able to snag him from the waiver wire were just as happy. With Matt Forte out with an MCL injury, Langford was given the start and as Eddie has said thousands of times over the years, "Jeremy spoke in class today". He did so with 142 all purpose yards. He carried the ball 18 times for 72 yards and touchdown and caught 3 receptions for another 70. The touchdown was his third of the season. Forte has only two. On the season Forte is averaging 78 yards rushing and 27.3 yards receiving per game. His 548 yards on the ground on 136 carries comes to 4.03 yards per carry. Langford averaged 4 yards per carry on Monday night. Like I said, Matt Fore who? Ok, now maybe that's a bit harsh. After all, coming into this game the Chargers defense was giving up 116 rushing yards per game. Only Cleveland had given up more. San Diego's defense was also near the bottom with respect to receiving yards yielded to opposing running backs. Needless to say this is somewhat of an unfair sample. Nonetheless, it might make for an interesting situation in Chicago when Forte is ready to return.
This week, you will be getting a little family lovin'. It's basically a fantasy kind of lovin' that has a family tree with no branches. So with Week 10 here already and the options to cover every week becoming harder and harder to nail, I figured I would lean to a position that I haven't covered yet during the year. The quarterback position this week has two studs on bye and one that just fell down and broke his crown. So we are looking for the fill-in of the week for the signal callers... enter Kirk Cousins. For the week that you Philip Rivers, Matt Ryan and to some level Andrew Luck owners have a void, he can be a nice fantasy pick-me-up for a nice home tilt against the Saints. Yeah, those same Saints that have been a fantasy goldmine the past several weeks. So we all know why you came, and unfortunately we are all out of the lovely shrimp ring and gourmet cheese plate, so why not stick around for some intimate family fantasy lessons of life and love?
Greetings! Your favorite fantasy writer's favorite fantasy writer (shout out to Apache Kid) is officially back from the islands and fully prepared to drop Elder God-knowledge on the chosen few of you who consistently read my posts. I'd like to begin (I guess this isn't technically the beginning), by apologizing for my single, brief post from last week. Right as I was beginning to outline my usual Saturday post, I received a carrier pigeon from Jay the Elder, demanding that I enjoy my vacation and not submit my Start/Sit column. I'm assuming it had to do with the gutter trash I turned in on Tuesday, but still, I'm grateful nonetheless. Oh, how I've missed this though! I will never schedule another vay-cay during football season ever again. Not to mention, you feel like a piece of rhino dung for sitting inside watching football when you're in Maui, but I just can't help myself. I love this game, my goodmen, and I let you down. NEVER AGAIN!
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!
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I woke up this morning with a pain in my heart. I couldn't quite place what caused it, but it was there. So instead of indulging this pain by calling out sick, and moping around the house all day in those super comfy plaid fleece pants, I decided to go to work and go about my day as if the pain wasn't there. But it was there, oh it was there. I was just in denial, I knew what the pain was, and I knew what caused it. But I was holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't as bad as I thought. But there I was, 1:30 pm EST in the front conference room at the office in a meeting with clients. My phone buzzed, and when I peered down at my screen it was just as I had feared "Dion Lewis out for season with ACL tear". At that moment, I let out a primal scream that could only be matched by the sound of my mighty swinging scrotum pounding the inner-thighs of Tehol's wiz. This is my fate for making light of all you Charles, Bell, and Foster owners in past weeks. In one awkward step a dream was lost, and a little piece of me died. I stand before you jaded and less innocent to life's unfair twists, than I did a week ago. Now, as we always do, we pickup the pieces, recollect, and hit the wire...
A blast from the past with a cute little beat that can make your time on the toilet a little more enjoyable. You're welcome. Now, I'm not an advocate of pursuing O.P.P. (Other People's P???y). It's just not my style and I think it's dirty. With that said, I am considering DGB. Which is worse? DGB is Dorial Green-Beckham, a size/speed freak that was considered the best wide receiver prospect since Randy Moss. He was the LeBron James of high school football back in 2011. At his pro day, he measured in at 6'5", 237 lbs. with 9" hands and 32 1/2" arm length. He ran the 40-yard dash in 4.49 seconds and 3-cone drill in 6.89 seconds.
A week where we saw an undefeated be beaten by the Colts (yes, THOSE Colts) and also some more major injuries, we are getting closer and closer to fantasy football playoffs times and knowing who to have and not to have is important. That is what I do, I tell you who to have on your benches, who to play, and who to drop as well. With some injuries at quarterback and running back, there will be some players who need to be stashed or even better, grabbed and potentially be worth playing. In the past three games, Derek Carr has thrown 11 touchdowns to only one interception and is quickly turning around compared to what he did in his rookie season last year. With a solid run game and two good wide receivers to throw to in Amari Cooper and Michael Crabtree. He has thrown for at least three touchdowns in the past three games as well and thrown no lower than 289 passing yards in those games as well. He is quickly proving to be match-up proof and does not show any signs of slowing down as the season progresses. For owners who may have lost Ben Roethlisberger (again) may need a quarterback on the waiver wire to pick up the slack and there may be no better option right now than Derek Carr as he continues to rack up fantasy points like crazy. And with Matt Ryan, Andrew Luck, Philip Rivers, Drew Brees, and Eli Manning still having bye weeks coming up over the next two weeks, Carr could be the perfect plug-and-play quarterback.
