Back in another world years ago, when a fabled legend of football named Marshawn Lynch played, he had a run so thunderous that the viewers at home called it “Beast Mode.” Lynch tossed defenders aside like a knight casting off pieces of armor to which his enemies clenched as he ran to protect his dear castle of the endzone. Alas, the good Sir Marshawn has since retired (2 times so far) and his mantle has been picked up by the fair squire [checks notes] Damien Harris. OK! Apparently, the joke’s on me. Rudy’s Razzball Premium Football Tools had Harris getting a ridiculous number of touches all offseason, and like a patron who goes to their favorite restaurant every week and never looks at the menu and never sees the new and improved specials, I completely missed the hottest RB in the NFL not named “Elijah Mitchell” (RIP). But it’s OK, because everybody else whiffed on him too. So, fellow diners, are we ready to read the menu this time? Let’s check out the specials and see who’s making the list of specials this week and who’s getting sent back to the kitchen.
Damien Harris: I’ve hyped the guy two weeks straight and I feel like this main dish is already getting a bit stale. Harris finished with 62 yards on the ground and most of those came in a wildly destructive Beast Mode-style run where Harris decided he wasn’t giving up until he touched the sweet, sweet end zone. The Patriots picked off Jets’ QB Zach Wilson 4 times (and Wilson nearly handed the Patriots the ball several more times), so Harris had ample opportunity to run for more yards but managed merely 3.9 yards per rush. That’s fine, it’s basically Ezekiel Elliott-style numbers (throws gloves to the ground ready for a fight). We’ll see if Harris’ gaudy start to the season persists as the development of Patriots’ rookie QB Mac Jones progresses. If Harris’ broken tackles were swapped out with broken hearts, you’d call him “Lothario”:
https://twitter.com/BenBrownPL/status/1439663588256403458?s=20
K.J. Osborn: Was one of my early-morning calls on Sunday, right after I called Starbucks and asked for an industrial-sized espresso to be delivered. Also it was broken coverage so it’s not exactly like Osborn torched the defense:
That was fast. #SKOL
📺: #MINvsAZ on FOX
📱: NFL app pic.twitter.com/eoPyIxRglz— NFL (@NFL) September 19, 2021
Cooper Kupp: 153 yards and 11 receptions. Apparently Kupp and his QB Matthew Stafford meet at IHOP every morning and bond over blueberry pancakes. “Let me throw you the ball more!” Stafford says as he drenches his short stack in amber-colored high fructose corn syrup. “I’ll be 5 steps away!” Kupp responds, dropping white-colored hydrogenated vegetable oil into his coffee. Isn’t eating at IHOP romantic?
Michael Pittman: 12 targets, 8 receptions, 106 yards. Who’s left to catch passes on the Colts? Why are you riding a horse on the field anyway?
Deebo Samuel and the 49ers: 6 catches on 8 targets and 93 yards. BRB, I’m pressing CMD-F looking for George Kittle’s receiving stats. Maybe I can check Facebook Memories and remember the days of gaudy TE-receiving stats. I’ve been pressing the Jimmy G redemption story early this year, and we’ve seen that JG’s banking his career on Deebo Samuel, at the fantasy cost of Brandon Aiyuk and George Kittle. JG had an accurate and efficient game, although his passing yards were more in line with his career norms (sub-200 passing yards). The 49ers dominated the time of possession (35 mins to 25 mins) and opposing QB Jalen Hurts struggled with his completion percentages, which gave the 49ers a game script that favored re-establishing their run, which became problematic after giving Elijah Mitchell the ball 17 times and he only made 42 yards of progress. What’s worse, Mitchell left the game with a shoulder stinger. 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan still doesn’t seem to believe in Trey Sermon, as the second-most proflic rusher in the game was none other than Jimmy Garoppolo. Donkey Teeth’s Kerryon Johnson FatHead is very excited about the possibility that KJ sees playing time on the 49ers soon.
Javonte Williams: 13 rushes for 64 yards and got a 50/50 split in rushing touches with Melvin Gordon. Gordon was more prolific in the passing game though, and they ended with about the same yardage from scrimmage. You’ll be frustrated by this split a lot this year, but you knew that coming in, right? It’ll be like trying to watch Sunday Night Football while your significant other wants to watch that rerun of Housewives of Alabama Hinterlands — sometimes you’re just gonna have to put up with Housewives to keep the universe in balance. ENYWHEY. Check out this run by Javonte, who’s going to compete with Damien Harris for “Beast Mode” status:
Javonte Williams refuses to go down!
📺: #DENvsJAX on CBS
📱: NFL app pic.twitter.com/bBUlDkAft6— NFL (@NFL) September 19, 2021
Jonathan Taylor: Hey now, don’t dream it’s over! You and the Finn brothers — a match made in music heaven! Jonathan Taylor finished as RB6 last year. In his first 2020 game, he had 22 yards. In his next game, he got a massive workload and finished above 100 yards, but was still on a 3.5 yard per carry average. Why do I bring this up? Taylor’s been absent this year, like a high school kid sneaking out of science class to cook up some…Hot Pockets. Yeah, kids eat Hot Pockets nowadays, right? I know it’s frustrating from a season-long fantasy football aspect, but this is how top players are made. They don’t run for 150 yards every game. There’ll be a 40 yarder here, an 80 yarder there, and a 3 TD game when game script necessitates it. But between being healthy, being consistently used, and having opportunities for the game to be put entirely in their hands, this is how top RBs score points and become your top values over 17 weeks. Or, you can go spend 80% of your FAAB on Elijah Mitchell, who put up 2 yards per carry and is hurt. Your call.
Matt Prater: 62-yard field goal at the half of the MIN/ARI game, and it went far enough that I’m sure it woulda been good from 70. You think Prater grew up with a poster of Sammy Hagar and scribbled “I can’t kick 55” on it in Sharpie?
Andy Dalton: Congratulations on your next decade of being a backup QB, Andy! Dalton injured his knee and was replaced with future Bears’ QB of the decade, Justin Fields. From a real-life NFL standpoint, Dalton definitely got a bum deal — he was fairly successful with the Bengals until Zac Taylor came to town and crashed the team, purposefully benching the Red Rocket so the team could tank. Dalton then landed with the Cowboys, where he was gifted the chance of a lifetime to takeover a high-powered offense, but he suffered a concussion and gave way to the likes of Ben DiNucci. Then Dalton went to the Bears and was supposed to take over a Matt Nagy-powered offense, until the team drafted Justin Fields, which basically indicated that Dalton would be looking for a job in 2022 again. But the likes of Ryan Fitzpatrick, Chase Daniels, Josh McCown making careers of adequately servicing teams in their time of need shows that there’s still a future for Dalton after he heals. Just, you know, not with the Bears.
Tyrod Taylor: Pulled up lame and left the Texans game, giving way to rookie QB Davis Mills. Tyrod’s 2020 was shortened when the team doctor accidentally punctured his lung during an injection. Taylor’s 2021 could be similarly short if Davis Mills shows any aptitude at QB.
Tua Tagovailoa: Bruised a rib but X-rays showed that nothing was broken. Jacoby Brissett put up 40 attempts as his replacement, which shows that the Dolphins receivers could be in for big games even if Tua misses time.
Carson Wentz: Bonked ankle after putting up nearly 250 yards passing. We await the NFL to violate his HIPPO rights as proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence and let us know if his ankle is busted or merely discombobulated.
Greg Joseph: Kirk Cousins=$30M/yr. Dalvin Cook and Adam Thielen=$13M/yr. The Vikings, fresh off their loss to Zac “I have the worst record as a head coach” Taylor’s Bengals in Week 1, gave the ball to Greg “I couldn’t find a kicking job in 2020” Joseph to finish the game. Joseph missed, and the Cardinals won. Why spend all that money on your big players if you’re going to rest the fate of the game on the foot of a non-descript kicker? Remember a couple years back when the Vikings fired Daniel Carlson after a similar start, before Carlson went out to the Raiders and found his home? If you’re using Jospeh, you might want to look elsewhere soon.
Kyler Murray: 80% completion rate and sliced and diced the Vikings DEF for 400 yards in the air and 4 total TDs, although he did toss 2 picks. Honestly, in most scoring formats, INTs really don’t matter. That’s how Jameis Winston finished as a top 5 QB the year he threw 30 INTs. Murray was supposedly rostered in only 6% of DraftKings leagues, which is astonishing…because I went with Ryan Tannehill in my main lineup thinking “3% usage is even better!” ZONK. Sometimes one can be too contrarian.
Tony Pollard and Ezekiel Elliott: Let’s get philosophical: sometimes you can do everything right and still lose in a game. Picking Zeke wasn’t a bad process in the pre-season. Zeke is a good player. Maybe not a first round value, but he’s still a good player. He’s like Dominoes Pizza: greasy and garlicky and just enough cheese to clog up your arteries, but just pricey enough to make you rethink your Sunday Night Dinner selection (it gets capitalized just like Sunday Night Football, because it is an event). Pollard has outscored Zeke in fantasy points two weeks straight, and you coulda drafted Pollard at the very end of your draft. Pollard is the cheap, frozen pizza that you add a bit of extra cheese and your own toppings to, and you think, “Other than this pizza setting my oven on fire, it’s pretty decent, and my wallet has 15 more dollars in it for adult beverages.” Keep an eye on their usage going forward, but Zeke is still a “buy low” option because he’ll likely regain the 1A running back role as the season progresses.
Julio Jones: Put up nearly 130 yards in his coming-out party for the Titans. Teammate Derrick Henry rushed for 160 yards and 3 TDs. You wondered if there was enough offensive power to feed everybody on the Titans? You wondered right because A.J. Brown was dressed as the invisible man for pre-Halloween (which is my favorite pre-party). We’ll probably see a lot of stat lines line this, where 2/3 of the Titans offense has big days and the third player will be bone dry. That’s a weird saying. We’re made up of 70% water! Speaking of water, AJB was the water boy on Sunday. There we go. Also, please don’t beat me up AJB — I have a luxurious gig as a fantasy football writer that I need to protect.
Maxx Williams: Double X went 7-7 for 94 yards against the Vikes, but with people needing deep TE options, you could consider him. You’ll just have to see him compete with the likes of…
Rondale Moore: 7 of 8 for 114 and a TD. Again, against the depleted Vikings. Remember the Vikings finished as a bottom quartile pass DEF in yards and TDs last year, and they inexplicably brought back the DEF coordinator and most of the personnel save the veterans Bashaud Breeland and Patrick Peterson, each of whom have passed their peak years it appears. Moore is absolutely an acquisition target going forward, but don’t overpay based on his success against one of the worst pass DEF in the league.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Urban Meyer needs a speechwriter to write his motivational pieces. The team released this weird statement on Sunday night, as if to say, “Perhaps this isn’t college football anymore.” When they flip the thing, the one thing about Jacksonville, you know they worked hard.
A message for #DUUUVAL pic.twitter.com/fmB3RGRexX
— Jacksonville Jaguars (@Jaguars) September 20, 2021
Lamar Jackson: He’s gonna get a lot of attention because he started the year in two marquis nationally televised games, much like my eventual appearance on TruTV for whatever heist I’ll pull off in the next decade. Ostensibly LJax has a team around him, but he’s content with producing 75% of the Ravens’ yards week in and week out. At some point, a gameplan to “Just give it to Lamar” won’t work anymore. I hate to say it, but Lamar’s 330 combined yards from scrimmage — which was about 70% of the Ravens’ total yards — was more or less the same fantasy scoring as Taylor Heineke this week. Just like last week, I’m not saying LJax is bad, but the things that must go right in order for him to continue performing at an elite level (i.e., rushing 100 yards per game and getting rushing TDs) are much harder to pull off over time than just passing a whole bunch. In the meantime, let’s enjoy LJax’s aesthetics and not worry about fantasy value:
Lamar with the JUMP PASS pic.twitter.com/hMCKSB8AZp
— Ben Palmer (@benjpalmer) September 20, 2021
OK friends! Drop down in the comments and let me know what you loved about Sunday football this week!
