So, that actually was about the most predictable outcome, if we’re basing it off of the complete 2014 Thursday Night Football catalog thus far. Needless to say, there were some takeaways from last night’s game that I want to share with you. FedEx field continues to look as solid as RG3’s knee. I have no idea how much longer Tom Coughlin can look that constipated, but 11 years is a magical feat. Get that man some prune juice, stat. Competent Eli Manning? First sign of the Apocalypse. Everyone okay with Jesus? Oh, and Kirk Cousins. Yeah… that happened. And by that, I mean four interceptions and a fumble. Let me tell you, I’ve heard of kissing cousins, but sh*tting the bed Cousins? That’s a new one. Well, like the old saying goes– “When Jermaine McBride gets an interception, the game is over”.
Giants – 45, Washington Football Team – 14
Eli Manning – 28/39, 300 YDS, 4 TD, 1 INT and 1 CAR, 1 YDS, 1 TD. I do not know what to think of this Eli Manning. Hey, wait. I just got it… Manning didn’t suddenly get good, he’s just playing against Washington.
Andre Williams – 15 CAR, 66 YDS, 1 TD. My bench thanks you.
Rashad Jennings – 13 CAR, 55 YDS and 1 REC, -3 YDS. If you’re a Jennings owner, there was really nothing to like about this game. Adding to the frustration, he dropped an easy touchdown pass at the 3-yard line, never to be seen or heard from again.
Peyton Hillis – 8 CAR, 31 YDS. We reached the Peyton Hillis phase of the game last night… ugh.
Victor Cruz – 6 REC, 108 YDS. No salsa dancing, but that’s two straight games of being on Cruz control (sorry).
Larry Donnell – 7 REC, 54 YDS, 3 TD. THIS DONNELL, I CALL HIM LEE HARVEY OSWALD, BECAUSE IF SOMEONE IN WASHINGTON HAD COVERED HIM BETTER, THEN MAYBE THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
Kirk Cousins – 19/33, 257 YDS, 1 TD, 4 INT and 1 CAR, 12 YDS, 1 FUM. Playing the role of Eli Manning last night: Kirk Cousins. And apparently they didn’t even start Kirk Cousins, but Kirk’s cousin.
Alfred Morris – 12 CAR, 62 YDS, 1 TD and 3 REC, 27 YDS. Was able to be fantasy relevant on an offense that will have handicapped a lot of fantasy teams this upcoming weekend. (I’m looking at you Pierre Garçon and DeSean Jackson…)
Prerequisite Alf drop for Alfred Morris.
Niles Paul – 3 REC, 60 YDS. Suffered a gruesome dual (bonus concussion points?) helmet-to-helmet hit. He was later officially diagnosed with a concussion (no surprise there). While he has 10 days to get cleared for Week 5, if Paul or Jordan Reed are not ready, Logan Paulsen will be the primary tight end against the Seahawks. So, yeah… might be a hot garbage type of situation here.
Logan Paulsen – 3 REC, 28 YDS, 1 FUM. HIS NAME WASÂ LOGAN PAULSEN.
Andre Roberts – 1 REC, 18 YDS, 1 TD. Hey! That’s not Garçon. Hey! That’s not Jackson. SMH.
