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What’s up Razzballers? Can’t believe I’m already up for two-a-weeks. I can barely type [pant] this [fast]. How do football players do two-a-days? I’m baffled! [squirts Gatorade all over self] I probably shouldn’t have worn my white T-shirt, eh? ENYWHEY. 

Y’all know that I’m pretty big on abandoning the concept of ADP because as our favorite writer Steve Paulo puts it, “ADP is the consensus of 11 people who lost their fantasy football league.” Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ’em! And for the most part, I agree. But, there’s a market in fantasy sports, and the last thing you want to do in a market is to look at a house and say, “Sure, the market’s high right now, but I’m buying that house even if it is on fire and $2 million over asking price.” See, I could be a real estate agent! So, let’s take a look at some players who are going a lot higher in ADP on ESPN compared to RT Sports [my “sharps” pick for an ADP site] to see where amateur fantasy footballers might be getting influenced too much by groupthink or bad process. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“You wouldn’t have liked me when I was younger.” It’s a phrase I taught myself to say as I made it through my 20s in Midwest America, riding my bike across Ames, IA, where I was a graduate student in History at Iowa State University. I later moved to Japan, meeting Anglophones from around the world as we taught English in stuffy community centers and schools without HVAC systems. I made friends and they came and went as friends do, the transitory social graces of living without living in a specific place. You make friends long enough to sleep on their couch or their floor or hope they don’t steal your stuff while you’re sharing space on the floor of a ferry between Osaka and Takamatsu. I came back to the States and researched and worked at the University of Minnesota, developing the odd bonds that scholars do: that trust of leaving out on a soggy bar table the archival material you spent months searching archives for and tens of thousands of dollars in transportation fees and visas to acquire, hoping your colleague won’t spill a lager over your papers, or heavens forbid, your laptop that you haven’t backed up in a year. But oddly enough, the friends who I trusted the most and talked to the most, were the home league players from my ESPN and Yahoo leagues, tracked down in 2007 in some poorly run message board. We called. We texted. We met up. Some of them helped out in Tout Wars. Some wrote for KFFL. Some stole your money and you didn’t talk to them again. I didn’t care if I got scammed out of $15 at the local restaurant trying some gimmick food that tasted like greased bike wheels, I’d still go back and try the black garlic truffle fries. But if you stole the pot money  — no not that kind of pot; I’m talking about the league pot — hoo, there was a special place in Hades for that guy. 

But along the way — from Minneapolis to Ames to Takamatsu and back to Minneapolis — I learned the most valuable lesson in playing fantasy sports: thinking differently. And, actually, I didn’t have to learn it. What I had to do, actually, was unlearn what society had taught me. Turns out, fantasy sports was all about mindfulness. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aaron Rodgers: ticker tease. That’s it, that’s the post! Go home now and tell all your friends about the detailed reports coming out of Razzball. Wait, that’s not enough for you? You need the full D-Monty? Aight, let’s get the scoresheet out and tick off the ways that A-Rog teased us fantasy footballers (<– Grandpa Donk’s word) with his “Davante Double Check.” 

Here’s what I have to say about the Symbiote playing for the Packers: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzbowl Guidebook

Welcome, welcome, welcome! If I say it three times into the mirror, the Fantasyman comes and gives me Dalvin Cook at 1.12. There’s not even a supernatural catch! ENYWHEY. Welcome to the 2021 RazzBowl, which was voted by the Razzball staff to be “The Most Important Industry/Fan Better Ball Cutline Season-Long Fantasy Football Tournament” three years running! But maybe you’re thinking, “I’m one of those ‘industry’ folx who just has a schtick and doesn’t have any real imaginary football cred,” or you’re thinking, “I’m just a fan — it’s time to seize the day!” Wherever you land in the scope of imaginary football management, I’m here to point you in the right direction to help your draft, help your in-season play experience, and level up your game to the metaphorical “next level.” Meet me after the jump and I’ll give you everything you need to know to succeed! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What is up everybody? It’s EverywhereBlair, coming to you from the UP region — no not the Pixar movie, that area near the talon of Michigan — where I’m currently surrounded by a thousand acres of forest and eagles. I’m taking advantage of a rainy morning to bring you — yes you! — a recap of my DataForce Charity League best ball draft, which will help illustrate draft tactics that will be useful for all of you as we enter the main fantasy football draft season. 

Meet me after the jump and I’ll show you Konami Code I used to help my draft strategy against a draft room filled with touts and, well, me.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What is up everybody? It’s time for your favorite article of the year: the one where I rank players and then tell you that the order doesn’t matter. It’s like ordering from McDonalds — you’ll never get what you order! But unlike that McMuffin in your tummy, I want to ease your pains and make you feel calmer about your fantasy football endeavor. So! Grab your favorite beverage — I’ll wait! — and meet me after the jump, where I’ll discuss my process and walk you through how I’m ranking players and drafting in 2021. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s the easiest thing you can do to increase the odds of success for your fantasy football roster, no matter the type of roster you draft? Grab yourself a fine tight end. No, not that kind of grabbing; I don’t want you in jail. In most formats, fine tight ends are about as scarce as a workhorse receiving running back. Meet me after the jump and we’ll talk about some tight end options that you can target in your early drafts.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What is up everybody!? How are you people doing in the back? Good? There’s no back to the internet? OK! Now, huddle up: you’re going into fantasy football mode and there’s a secret you need to know that will win you the most leagues with the least effort and I’m going to tell you all about it. Right after this word from our sponsor! Donkey Teeth, take it away! 

[camera cuts to DT eating ice cream out of the container with his hands] 

Aw crap, we really suck at this advertising thing. Maybe that’s why we here at Razzball just give you the facts without the gimmick. We’re here to be in a community with you, help you win your leagues, and have a bunch of fun while we do it. So, meet me after the jump and we’ll talk about the best way you can set up your teams for fantasy victory. And if you want the TL;DR, here it is: just draft and have fun. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The illustrious wide receiver Julio Jones of the Atlanta Falcons will be taking the Dirty Bird to the Music City. Will the 32-year old wideout make a dent for your fantasy team by swapping Matt Ryan for Ryan Tannehill? What does this mean for Calvin Ridley, who becomes the de facto #1 target in Atlanta? And how can you profit off this in the early fantasy football season? Join me after the jump and learn why you’ll be moaning over Julio Jones. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What is up every baller!? We here at Razzball have been working tirelessly behind the scenes to prepare the next RazzBowl for you! Let’s jump over to our fearless leader DonkeyTeeth for the 2021 update! 

[camera cuts to DT, who is pouring a can of Pepsi into his Cheerios at breakfast] 

Well, well, well! I suppose I should have warned Mr. Teeth about our meeting today. But never fear, for I know that scene you just saw was fake news. DonkeyTeeth is a Dr. Pepper man! I suppose I can catch you up on the updates instead. Like, the 2021 RazzBowl is powered by imagination! Whee! And we have backing from financial sponsors [checks notes] Bernie Madoff and Martha Stewart. Wow, what celebrity power! I better stop while I’m ahead. Let’s get to the specifics and get you signed up for your free shot at fantasy super-stardom! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?