Earlier in the pre-season, I talked about the importance of staggering your fantasy football beats, much like J Dilla took his programmed hip-hop beats and swung them into a new genre. Sure, it’s easy enough to say, “Draft good guys,” but it’s also important to have players who fill roles when the veterans disappear or the good guys go bad. It’s like The Avengers series — you need enough characters to carry the franchise so that when there’s a snap…you get the idea. For every Black Panther, we need an Ant Man to move the series forward. You just keep rolling with the B-squad until the third act, and then fantasy glory is at hand!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Author: everywhereblair
Editor for Razzball Baseball and Razzball Football. Told you I'm everywhere! Twitter: EverywhereBlair
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Is Dak Back? 2022 Week 6 Fantasy Football Injury Report
October 15, 2022 | Fantasy Football Injury Report | 9 Commentsby: everywhereblair
Sometimes I wonder why we even worry about injury reports. Take Thursday Night Football for example — two teams that were as healthy as could be. Even the miraculous “got shot 2 months ago and is already the starting RB Brian Robinson” was there. And what did we get for Amazon’s 11 billion dollar investment in TNF? The Commanders topping the Bears in the most baseball-like 12-7 game you could imagine. Bookies literally paid out the under at the start of the 4th quarter — they didn’t even wait for the end of the game. Carson Wentz with a field of healthy receivers against the freaking Chicago Bears couldn’t top 100 yards passing. Like, who cares about injuries if the freaking starters aren’t even playing. We all saw the Justin Fields meme of him literally meditating and checking out in the middle of the game.
Namaste, friends. Seek the center.
So let’s consider the power of change, and see what we can do for all of you who are missing essential players this week.
Please, blog, may I have some more? It’s Steven-SZN! 2022 Week 5 Fantasy Football Sunday Recap
October 10, 2022 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes, FEATURED | 25 Commentsby: everywhereblair
There was some stat floating around the internet that caught my eye, much like that YouTube video that explains in excruciating detail the sharpest tuna-cutting knife on David Attenborough’s Planet Earth. Now that I’ve lost you in 8 sub-clauses and some exciting tuna talk, I’ll reveal the stat: The Detroit Lions — yes, the Motor City Kitties — were the top-scoring team in the league and had only one win to show for it. Your fantasy teams squealed in delight as Jared Goff and Jamaal Williams — your pre-season all-stars, right? — racked up points and millions of bucks for DFS teams. This week, the Lions faced the Patriots, helmed by the esteemed backup to the backup Bailey Zappe. Shoulda been a slam dunk, right? Well, 161 ground yards by Rhamondre Stevenson later, the Lions got shut out, and Zappe got his first career win, a mere week after nearly felling the great ayahuasca plant that is Aaron Rodgers.
Please, blog, may I have some more?The year is 2022. Yogurt is $6 a quart. Starbucks is one of the top 10 largest banks in the world. And all of your fantasy teams are daggered because you drafted Kyle Pitts in the second round. Every team, every time: Pitts, Pitts, Pitts. It was like you were drafting your team based on lithium futures. Now we’re 25% of the way through the season, and you’ve got a 1-3 record (you swear it’s Jameis Winston’s fault) and Kyle Pitts has seen fewer passes than me at Fantasy Football Singles Night (fortunately for you, I’m taken). Now, you’ll need to navigate Week 5 without the Tight End you love to worry about. It’s — literally — the Pitts.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Actual transcript from Razzball Twitter Chat:
CoolwhipRB: “Dameon Pierce! [eyes emoji] Free title: Pierce the Veil!”
EverywhereBlair: “But I don’t listen to metalcore, I’m more a progressive djent guy. Can I name it Pier-riphery? Also, now I have to write about Dameon Pierce.”
If you’ve been around fantasy football a while, you know there are weeks like these where all the projections fail and the contrarians run amok. Did you have Geno Smith vs the Lions backups going for nearly 100 overall points? Leading rusher Rashaad Penny — who out-rushed Derrick Henry and Jonathan Taylor combined? 60-yard field goals (and nearly 2 of them in the same game!)? Something called Bailey Zappe helming the esteemed New England Patriots? It’s OK, these weeks happen. Sometimes there’s a crack in the world that you can peer through to see what it really is — backups all the way down.
Please, blog, may I have some more?“The Amen Break” is probably the most popular drum beat in Western music. If you sat down right now behind a drum kit, you’d try to play it. You’d sound like Oscar the Grouch smashing trash cans, but you’d still try, at least. Meanwhile, “The Amon Break” is the respite from Amon-Ra St. Brown that you’ll feel acutely this week, akin to something like a bad hangover from off-brand tequila. Sure you had fun, but now that’s done and you’re ready to spend the next 8 hours watching HBO you’re “sharing” with your cousin who hasn’t paid rent in three months because his crypto account froze during the downturn. Sure, Kyle, we’ll see your OneCoin investments come to fruition in 2023. But for the rest of us? We’re just trying to get through the week with out Amon-Ra.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Sometime in the Third Egyptian Dynasty, back when humanity was a teenager and kept skipping school, the legendary pharaoh Drew Bledsoe fell in battle and his general, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., took the reins of the empire. Fast forward 17 dynasties and 9 Star Wars movies later, and Tom Brady continues to lord over the football empire that was once the possession of Drew Bledsoe. Now I’m not saying that we’re seeing the next Tom Brady in the form of Khalil Herbert, but a mid-game injury to incumbent Bears RB David Montgomery opened the way to Khalil Herbet to rush for 157 yards on 20 attempts. Sure, it was against the Houston Texans, but we’re so desperate for an RB2 that we’ll take literally any warm body that we can find.
While we were all wondering whether Justin Herbert would take the field on Sunday, our attention really should have been on Khalil Herbert. What should you do in week 4?
Please, blog, may I have some more?My sincere apologies to all twelve of my readers for my lackluster effort in last week’s injury report article, where I clearly had no idea what I was doing. An eagle-eyed reader on Reddit pointed to my deficiencies, which were many, and indicated that he — I assume it was a he because he liked to participate in the Tinder subreddit — regretted giving us a click.
Razzball execs spent the past week discussing how we would manage without that 1/132nd of a cent of ad revenue that we would no longer receive. However, the “Blair has no clue” Zoom meeting ended early when FantasyPros returned their weekly ranks. Guess who topped the running back rankings in week 2? Oh, look, it me.
Please, blog, may I have some more? Waddle up that Hill: Week 2 Fantasy Football Sunday Recap
September 19, 2022 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes, FEATURED | 25 Commentsby: everywhereblair
[starts playing synth riffs] It doesn’t hurt me. Nah, it doesn’t hurt me that the Dolphins/Ravens game — which had an Over/Under of 43 points — ended up with 80 points scored between the teams. Tua Tangovailoa matched 30+ year old Dolphins franchise records with 6 passing touchdowns, equalling Hall of Famers Brian Griese and Dan Marino. Meanwhile, Tom Brady and Jameis Wilson combined threw fewer yards than Tua Tagovailoa alone. This is why DFS players diversify so much — nobody expected Tua to put up a once-in-a-generation performance against the Ravens. But it happened!
For all of your Monday Night Football coverage, join Jordan Loupe and Fantasy Coach JB live as they lead the Fantasy Besties tonight, 6:15 ET:
Let’s Waddle up that Hill and see if I can’t find some Reggie Bush references to sneak in here.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Sometime in the year of our lord Twenty and Blackjack, Razzball’s esteemed podcaster BDon went public with the most heinous thought crime imaginable: he was an anti-Daxxer. He’s even got it in his Twitter profile. And he’s not limited to just Dak Prescott. He hates Dax Shephard. He hates Jadzia Dax. Don’t even get him started on Dakota Fanning. But now, with the great DP on the fantasy football shelf for the next couple months due to a hand injury, BDon has been swaggering around more than usual. Just the other day he posted in group chat a picture of a venti Latte! The nerve!
I suppose we should talk about injuries, though, right? That’s what you’re here for: that good old-fashioned injury pr0n.
Please, blog, may I have some more? My Favorite Burrow is Cincinnati: Week 1 Fantasy Football Recap
September 12, 2022 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes, FEATURED | 44 Commentsby: everywhereblair
For the next 18 weeks, I have the excruciating enviable duty of summarizing your Sunday NFL games for your fantasy football pleasure. If you’ve been here before: How ya doing? Grab a frappucino (on your own dime) and then sit down and listen to my tales of football glory. If you’ve never been here before: Hey! I’m EverywhereBlair, internet celebrity fantasy sportser and occasional watcher of spooky shows. OK, that’s a truth and a lie — I watch spooky shows every day.
The purpose of this article is to recap the fantasy football action and give you some early ideas for add/drops/starts/sits/whatever you want to do in fantasy football. If you have questions, drop them down in the comments.
New for 2022! Our best friends Jordan Loupe and JB Barry will take over the Razzball YouTube channel on Monday night to give their reactions to Week 1 Fantasy Football. Can’t tolerate my writing? Then tolerate Jordan and JB! Check out the Razzball homepage for the article link, subscribe to the Razzball YouTube channel, or follow Grey on Twitter @Razzball for more information.
For everybody else, let’s jump into the Week 1 Fantasy Football action!
Please, blog, may I have some more? From Moore to Green: 2022 Fantasy Football Week 1 Injury Report
September 10, 2022 | Fantasy Football Injury Report | 16 Commentsby: everywhereblair
What’s up, everybody!? Welcome to your first installment of the fantasy football weekly injury report for 2022. Just so we’re copacetic, let’s establish our norms and understand what an injury report is all about:
1) I’m Not Adam Schefter: Sure, I have a personality that’s absolutely made for the internet, but I am not a full-time employee of the NFL or journalistic institution whose job it is to report up-to-the-minute injury status. I hear the mass exodus of readers clicking away right now. But wait! Hang around for a hot minute. All I’m saying: this article is written on Friday night for Saturday morning publication, and the NFL plays games Sundays at noon. If you want up-to-the-minute injury reports, please access those writers who get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars per year to star on ESPN and have locker room access and a rolodex of professional secret leakers.
2) I Am EverywhereBlair: This means you’re getting pretty good fantasy football advice based on injury reports. Is your star injured? I’ll tell you an alternate play. Don’t like that alternate play? Who am I, Tennessee Williams?
3) NFL Teams Lie: Some teams purposefully obscure their injury reports. Is a player actually injured, or is the team just messing with their opponent’s preparation? For this fantasy football injury report, I’m assuming all NFL injury reports are truthful.
Please, blog, may I have some more?