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everywhereblair

Author: everywhereblair

Editor for Razzball Baseball and Razzball Football. Told you I'm everywhere! Twitter: EverywhereBlair

Read some of everywhereblair's 158 posts

everywhereblair

Gold Diggers Cash In on Monday Night: Week 10 MNF Recap

November 16, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 7 Comments

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I thought this was supposed to be the Van Jefferson and OdB fan club meetup? No? Did we get an NFT of the Steamer? Hey Donkey Teeth, why didn’t you invest in that? These kind of intros are SEO nightmares. On the one hand, Google thinks “Van Jefferson NFT” is super cool but on the other hand…Steamers. We better get into the MNF coverage before this post gets NSFW, but really, nothing could be more on-screen violence than what the 49ers did to the Rams last night. 

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everywhereblair

A Big Week for Swifties: Week 10 Fantasy Football Recap

November 15, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 14 Comments

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It was the middle of the night when the message woke me, it’s incessant buzzing threading the neurons in my brain. It said, Tom Brady’s gonna be useless, start Trevor Siemian today. With my mind on rankings and helping the Average Joe, Jose, and Josephine, I couldn’t fall back into the grasp of the Sandman. I had to tell the people. I had to tell them to run away from Matt Ryan and Baker Mayfield (“Why didn’t they listen to me on Baker?”), and instead ask my unfailing followers to go all in on Gabriel Davis. Wait, did I do that? [checks To Do List] Aww crap I told you to start everybody else. But on the plus side, we didn’t end up with the Bills losing in a battle of field goals, did we? Let’s check out what happened on Sunday for fantasy football: 

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everywhereblair

Fantasy Football Gameday: Week 10

November 14, 2021 | Fantasy Football Gameday | 63 Comments

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Well, it’s been quite the adventurous couple days since we last connected, right? Odell Beckham Jr. is on the Rams after a lengthy battle of “Who could care less.” As fortune would have it, our dear Bobby Trees tore his ACL the next day, leaving him out for the rest of the season and opening targets for OdB. You may ask right now, “What can Razzball do for me in these trying times?” Let’s jump into the articles, and if you still have questions, drop them down in the comments!

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everywhereblair

Fantasy Football Primer: Week 10

November 11, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 12 Comments

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Finally, we’ve made it a metric week in your fantasy football season! Who has 1 kilowins so far? Or I suppose a deciwin? A microwin is all I can hope for…maybe read that sentence back again. Regardless of your system of measurement, we’re stuck in the trenches of fantasy football: the teams that can’t get out to see daylight, the teams that are awaiting reinforcements, the teams that decided to dig a new path forward to see if they can gain any ground on the opposition. And you wondered if sports had any relationship to the armed forces, didn’t ya? Let’s jump into the fray and see if we can’t get a megawin for your team this week. 

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everywhereblair

Fields of Gold: Monday Night Football Recap

November 9, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 6 Comments

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Before the musician Sting spent his free-time digging Bart Simpson out of a well and having tantric Tex Mex — which from what I understand is when you start eating at a buffet and they don’t give you a time limit — he wrote a little ditty called Fields of Gold. Ostensibly it was a song of maturation and memory, but I prefer an alternate history: he was preparing the theme song for Justin Fields. Imagine sampling Fields of Gold like P.Diddy did Every Breath You Take, and then letting Donkey Teeth rap over that while you watch Justin Fields highlights. Now that’s a Monday Night! Let’s see what happened on Monday Night Football: 

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everywhereblair

Underdog by Underdog: Week 9 Fantasy Football Recap

November 8, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 18 Comments

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Friends, it’s OK to cry. A lot of us are broken after this week, and — let’s be fair — our fantasy football therapists are going to get a lot of work. Here’s a quick primer of things to say: “I should have started Colt McCoy,” or, “LeVeon Bell daggered my team,” or, “The Jags out-field-goaled the Bills.” I mean, these are the weeks that enrich those contrarian players and line their pockets with enough gold for a season. Let’s check in on the scores and stats that wrecked us in week 9 of fantasy football: 

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everywhereblair

Week 9 Fantasy Football Primer

November 4, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 35 Comments

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Well, now that the Atlanta Falcons defeated the Houston Texans in the World Series, we’re ready to play some real Blurbsball. Also, apparently, the entire NFL decided to cause trouble this past week and we’re effectively in Bye-pocalypse 2.0: The Directors Cut, wherein EverywhereBlair makes you watch a 45-minute monologue on the terrors of exfoliants. I love the smell of shea butter in the morning! For everybody else who came here for fantasy football takes, I suppose I’ll provide those below, probably with a complete lack of interest because I see no future after the fall of Derrick Henry. 

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everywhereblair

White Shows Up on Orange and Black Day: Week 8 Recap

November 1, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 18 Comments

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I dunno about you, but Halloween is more like a season for me. When we think about those people who leave their winter holiday ornaments up until April, I try to do them one better by leaving out my Halloween decorations until May. It’s kind of like my fantasy football approach: when everybody wants immediate results, I’m out here thinking long term. And by long term, I’m finally celebrating any faith I had in Kevin White finally coming to fruition. Or is it Mike White that I’m celebrating? I get confused at my old age. Quickly, to the recap!

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everywhereblair

Fantasy Football Gameday: Week 8

October 31, 2021 | Fantasy Football Gameday | 32 Comments

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What’s up Samhain Squad! Fresh off my week as FantasyPros’ #1 ranker in the galaxy — nay — the universe, I’m here spending this hallowed eve with you all pretending not to be hitting the rum all day. ACKSHUALLY, Donkey Teeth should have asked Roto Wan to do this post, so we coulda called it Hallow-Wan or Roto-Ween or something performative like that. ENYWHEY. Football — you’re not watching it today because you’re out with your kids trick or treating or maybe you’re still childless and you’re in a zombie pub crawl or you’re of a particular faith that doesn’t observe the banishing of evils or maybe you’re welcoming evils or whatever you gotta do. You do you! Let’s grab the sage and get smudging folx, we’ve got some invited and uninvited guests to manage this week. 

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everywhereblair

Week 8 Fantasy Football Primer

October 28, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 22 Comments

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How did the Bye-mageddon go for everybody? Or was it more of a Bye-pocalypse? Did you support the Bye-din Administration? Or did you get a bit Bye-curious and start changing up your roster? Maybe you finally addressed that Bye-polar condition you have. ENYWHEY (I ran out of Bye-related jokes). The average fantasy footballer (Hi Grey’s mom!) is nearing the playoff stretch already. How weird is that? Didn’t we just start the season? Some of those big leagues have playoffs starting in week 12. And as we all know, the most important league in the world — the RazzBowl — has that week 9 cutline. Lemme check if I’m going to pass go and collect $200…hmmm, gonna be close. My risky strategy to draft the 49ers stack (Kittle, Samuel, Aiyuk, and Lance) did not pay off. So my RazzBowl effort may be closing here soon, but I’ve got a bit of good news after the jump! Join me to celebrate! 

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everywhereblair

Kamara in Space: Monday Night Football Recap

October 26, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 18 Comments

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Folx, it is my 100th article here on the fantasy football side of Razzball! I can’t believe that I ended up outpacing baseball with my football content. It’s like my left hand doesn’t know what my right hand is doing. ACKSHUALLY, what is my right hand doing? Oh, typing. What about? Oh yeah, there was a football game last night. Peyton and Eli decided to re-start their Monday Night Football viewing sessions in honor of my 100th article. Hey, Donkey Teeth! Can we make this article into an NFT? Maybe Peyton will buy it and I’ll finally be able to retire to Razzball Island (located near Easter Island, FYI). ENYWHEY. Let’s check out what happened on Monday Night Football: 

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everywhereblair

Burrow Buries Baltimore: Sunday Football Recap

October 25, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Strategy | 19 Comments

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It happens every season: the reigning Super Bowl champ gets shutout in the first half of his game before getting injured in the second-half comeback attempt, while the team that — just last year — was contending for worst team in the NFL so far this young century ends up with 400 passing yards and winning by 3 touchdowns. How’s that for an opening run-on sentence? I mean,  you can just call that sentence the Broncos because you can run on it all day. Speaking of unlikely outcomes, the undrafted RB making his first career start — D’Ernest Johnson — dominated Thursday Night Football like he had a controller equipped with extra turbo buttons. Hey, let’s call it Samhain Syndrome — the greats are crushed, and the crushed arise to walk the earth. 

Let’s check out what else happened on Sunday in week 7 of fantasy football: 

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