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everywhereblair

Author: everywhereblair

Editor for Razzball Baseball and Razzball Football. Told you I'm everywhere! Twitter: EverywhereBlair

Read some of everywhereblair's 158 posts

everywhereblair

Juke Wrld (feat. Z3lliot and D.Schultz)

September 28, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 2 Comments

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Cowboys and Eagles! It’s like a rancher’s dream or a hunter’s nightmare, I dunno. I imagine there’s an alternate universe out there where Clint Eastwood hunts eagles from horseback, his fetch dog trained to track down the poor bird after it plummets from the sky. In a big enough multiverse, there’s also a reality where eagles are hunting Clint Eastwood like some sort of Mothra movie. What should we name the mega eagle monster? Meagle! It’s like some sort of egotistical id-driven avian nemesis. ENYWHEY. In our actual world — where Captain America is busy saving us from Thanos — the Cowboys opened as the -170 favorites over the Eagles, although they were favored to win by only a field goal. Did Zach Ertz finally show up? Did Dak impress? Let’s hurdle over the jump and find out! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
everywhereblair

The Man From Roethlis Dumps His Baggage

September 27, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 21 Comments

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Week 3, how about thee? I spent all day on the phone with Donkey Teeth as he narrated the Red Zone games to me, describing every play in detail. “Kyler Murray passes to Bryan Edwards! It’s 34-10 going into the half! No, now it’s 24-21 and the third quarter is halfway over. Chris Carson runs down the middle and gets Roman male enhancement pills!” Maybe it’s not the most effective way to cover the NFL. Does anybody know a better way than getting your colleague to narrate the games over the phone to you? If you do, list it down in the comments! Here’s the story that I got straight from the Donkey’s mouth: 

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everywhereblair

Week 3 Fantasy Football Primer

September 23, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 31 Comments

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How we doing everybody? 2-0 or 0-2 or somehow in one of those magical leagues that predicts the future and you’re 3-0? What if we just plotted out the rest of the season based on your current standing and roster? Let’s be fair — if you’re running a bunch of teams, a couple of them are bound to be tanked already. Lemme show you the picture of my FantasyCares Eliminator team that I drafted to support charity and Yahoo’s Andy Behrens — from the 16th spot sometime in June. Ugh, I’ve somehow managed to stay alive 2 consecutive weeks with this nightmare roster, mostly thanks to the weird scoring setup and large field (17 participants). Do you have any rosters that are worse than this? Let me know down in the comments! 

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everywhereblair

What is A Career in Jeopardy?

September 21, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 20 Comments

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NFC North fans, unite! The battle of the Lion/Pack for Northern Supremacy entertained all [does the math] 13 people who live up here, and most of them were drunk on Leinenkugels shandy that they got for cheap from the drive-thru liquor store. No, I’m not describing my night…ENYWHEY. The Packers came into the game as massive favorites over the Lions, with the ARog side getting a -560 line to win the game (that’s about 85% chance of winning, amirite degenerate majors?). So, how’d the game go? Did ARog give another thrilling postgame interview dressed in Dereliqute (that luxury-trash fashion house brand from Zoolander), or did he have a thrilling victory against the knee-capping Lions? Let’s check out the highlights! 

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everywhereblair

A Week of Beasts: Sunday Football Roundup

September 20, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Strategy | 27 Comments

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Back in another world years ago, when a fabled legend of football named Marshawn Lynch played, he had a run so thunderous that the viewers at home called it “Beast Mode.” Lynch tossed defenders aside like a knight casting off pieces of armor to which his enemies clenched as he ran to protect his dear castle of the endzone. Alas, the good Sir Marshawn has since retired (2 times so far) and his mantle has been picked up by the fair squire [checks notes] Damien Harris. OK! Apparently, the joke’s on me. Rudy’s Razzball Premium Football Tools had Harris getting a ridiculous number of touches all offseason, and like a patron who goes to their favorite restaurant every week and never looks at the menu and never sees the new and improved specials, I completely missed the hottest RB in the NFL not named “Elijah Mitchell” (RIP). But it’s OK, because everybody else whiffed on him too. So, fellow diners, are we ready to read the menu this time? Let’s check out the specials and see who’s making the list of specials this week and who’s getting sent back to the kitchen. 

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everywhereblair

Fantasy Football Gameday: Week 2

September 19, 2021 | Fantasy Football Gameday | 87 Comments

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G’Mornin, degenerates! Donkey Teeth and I will be switching off the Sunday primers every week in accordance with whichever zodiac sign is dominant in the sky. Also, we don’t have any astrology books around and Grey doesn’t allow Google on the work computers at Razzball Headquarters, so we’ve decided that each Zodiac sign lasts one week. Last week, it was Donkinapoli, the celestial god of ruminating cloven-hoofed animals. This week, it’s Spookii, the celestial lord of pumpkin spice. Now that I’m powered by nutmeg and cloves, here’s the double scoop on the fantasy football news for today. 

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everywhereblair

Week 2 Fantasy Football Primer

September 16, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 18 Comments

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Seriously, I’ve lost track of the days already. Are we having Tuesday Night Football again? Is it 2020? How’s the Mu variant of the coronavirus doing? Why did I draft Drew Brees on my dynasty team? These are all questions I can’t really answer, at least not without the help of my trusty worksheet from the fair maiden Rudy Gamble. What? Rudy’s a man? I’m so out of sorts, I don’t even know who my boss is anymore. Maybe it’s time to jump into the stats and get you ready for Week 2 of fantasy football. 

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everywhereblair

I Am Jax’s Complete Lack of Surprise

September 14, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 4 Comments

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Monday Night Football debuted for the 2021 season with a battle between Lamar Jackson and the Las Vegas Raiders. Oh, I suppose there were some other Ravens in attendance too. How many Ravens are still healthy and playing? Is Terrell Suggs still playing? OK, let’s recap: the Ravens have been haunted by a lower-body abduction spirit throughout the preseason — they lost 3 RBs and a cornerback for the season to various leg injuries. Now with a stable of veteran RBs that had been starring in an off-Broadway production of The Replacements (the movie starring the man known as John Wick, not the ‘ Mats [double parentheses — The ‘Mats are Gods]) and a lead RB sourced from their practice squad, the Ravens are simply trying to make it through the day healthy. Aren’t we all right now? Also, if you watched the Peyton/Eli commentary of the game on ESPN2, I’m basically Eli Manning just getting overrun in conversation every chance I get. Imagine me as confused Eli as we go forward this season. Overtime edit: this game made sense in regulation, where it was a largely defensive effort. Then the 4th quarter came and it turned into a Blumhouse Production of football nightmares and unlikely heroes. The Raiders had to make it one inch to win (that’s what she said!) and instead ended up turning the ball over in the end zone. Then LJax fumbled the ball. Then the Raiders accidentally iced their own kicker and ended up passing the game-winning touchdown to Zay Jones, a player who I have a history with and who Peyton Manning couldn’t even name. 

Here’s what I saw on Monday Night Football for your fantasy football teams: 

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everywhereblair

Week 1 Sunday Roundup

September 13, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 13 Comments

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The horror…the horror…

Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz recites these words before his death in Apocalypse Now, which many historians consider to be one of the more accurate depictions of the Vietnam War. Football is a simulacrum of war, of the battlefield and of attrition. For every victory, there’s a loss. Healthy finishes are balanced by tough injuries. For every career started, there’s a career on the fritz. And it all plays out on our TV and is discussed on social media. Were you a bit embarrassed the last time you stubbed your toe, or slipped on some ice and fell, or biffed it at the gym? Now we’ve got the 8K 120 FPS hyper-zoom of injuries to the likes of Jerry Jeudy. We’ve got Aaron Rodgers crashing in real-time, his State Farm commercials reminding us of what could be if Rodgers went and hosted Jeopardy or did insurance commercials full time like Peyton Manning. It’s OK to lose the love of the game. It’s OK to admit your mortality. It’s not OK to look at Jordan Love and blame him for your downfall. For every commander that wins a battle, there’s another commander that loses. And what we’re left with is a story of the winners — but nobody’s perfect. 

Let’s get everybody caught up on the stats and slates that made the news for Week 1 of the fantasy football season. As we go through, I’m going to focus more on players that you might want to add — you don’t really need me to recap Patrick Mahomes, do you? (If you do, please tell me)

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everywhereblair

Week 1 Fantasy Football Primer

September 9, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Strategy | 58 Comments

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What is up everybody! Got your seatbelts fastened? Masks on? Wallet emptied? Let’s head out on this fantasy football journey together! 

This fantasy football season, I’ll be priming the pump for your fantasy football week and then doing game recaps of the Sunday and Monday night games. Feel free to drop any questions you’ve got below, and catch either me or DT on Sunday mornings to get your lineups in order. On with the good words! 

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everywhereblair

The Darkest Timeline

September 2, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 5 Comments

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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. This koan comes from Fight Club, or more casually, from Buddhism. We are creatures that are all disintegrating cell-by-cell, moment by moment. But the thought process that comes with that knowledge isn’t solved by nihilism, or the idea that we just give up and discover that life is meaningless. But rather, the point of the koan is to be aware of one’s inevitable demise and to draw attention to the present moment and its value to you. [record scratch] What’s this have to do with fantasy football, EWB? You say, kernels of cheddar cheese popcorn falling out of your mouth and landing in your Country Time Lemonade (thank you to our sponsors). 

This sentiment is important to fantasy sports and betting because on a long enough timeline, most players will succeed. Or, at least they’ll arrive at their predictions. And knowing when to be patient and when to cut your losses is one of the most important skills a fantasy footballer (<—Grandma Donk’s words) can have.

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everywhereblair

The Final Countdown

August 31, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Football | 23 Comments

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Friends, family, friends and family…draft time! You’ve seen Donkey Teeth and BDon show off their Friends and Family Drafts, and today, I want to kick off our heavy draft week with a look at how I drafted a .5 PPR Superflex team with the crew over at FTN. There are some notable names in this draft, and a lot of them come from betting backgrounds. In my opinion, betting approaches to fantasy tend to focus on value; you’ll hear a lot about “paying the price” for a player. Gamblers may like a player, but they won’t draft a player at too high of a value. For example, I hear many in the gambling community encouraging their audience to not draft Gus Edwards right now because previous drafters acquired Gus Edwards at a far more affordable draft cost. Of course, that advice applies more to Underdog drafts than Yahoo dogs. Meanwhile, I personally look at the team that I need to create — if I need a player to finish my vision, I’ll take that player regardless of where I am in the draft (within reason). So, without further ado, here’s my team that I drafted from the 5 spot, complete with commentary below. 

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