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It’s rankings time! What does it mean? says Jack Skellington, obsessing over the list with a haunted magnifying glass. Well, if you know me, it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Rankings are merely an attempt at clairvoyance, and I can tell you my subscription to CrystalBall.com ran out. Let’s summarize my fantasy sports philosophy: 

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What’s even better than one set of picks? A whole slew of picks from many different people! It’s time to see the sane picks, the wild picks, the bold picks, and the bland picks. Too bad we didn’t include the ab pics? Next time, next time. But for this time, let’s jump in and see what the Razzbois have to say about their favorite picks for 2021 fantasy football: 

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Let’s get right to the point: don’t be afraid to take whoever you want at the top of the draft. OK, don’t be afraid within reason. You’re not winning your league with Miles Sanders as the 1.01 pick (curse me if it happens this year). But personally, I see people feel trapped when they get the 1.01 pick: they get Christian McCaffrey, or Dalvin Cook. OK, that’s not a bad start, right? But why not Jonathan Taylor or Alvin Kamara or Derrick Henry or Aaron Jones or, or, or? Why do we as a fantasy community argue about “Can Jonathan Taylor be the RB1?” Yes, yes he can! Last year, the top 3 RBs came from the 4th, 5th, and 6th draft spots (Alvin Kamara, Derrick Henry, and Dalvin Cook). In 2019, the top 4 RBs came from the 2nd, 4th, 28th, and 58th draft spots. In 2018, the top 3 RBs came from the 1st, 6th, and 15th draft spots. You see my point, right? The consensus RB1 doesn’t really matter. And the only reason you should concern yourself with the consensus RB1 is if you’re drafting in only one league, which is rarer and rarer in modern fantasy football. Let’s dive into the stats after the jump. 

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Think quick, hotshot! Who’s your favorite type of music? I bet you had an answer already prepared because you’ve answered that question a million times. For me, I love progressive metal. But, I also love chill hop. I also love ambient and jazz and orchestral and and and. Now, think of your favorite band or musical artists. What genre are they in? Me? I would say that the progressive metal band Periphery is my favorite band right now. Would Periphery be any good at chill hop music? Or ambient music? Or country and western or trap or grime or dubstep or honkey-tonk or…you get my drift. The day I see Waylon Jennings cranking out metal riffs is the day I give up writing (please don’t make me give up writing). 

So what do genres of music have to do with fantasy football? A ton. Simply put: there are genres of fantasy sports. And — believe it or not — not everybody is good at all genres. I remember being stunned in Razzball chat one day when Rudy described the difference between him and Grey on the baseball side: Grey was the superior daily lineup player, while Rudy was the superior weekly lineup / best-ball player. At the time, I didn’t think much of this. But as I grew my presence in the industry and met so many other informed players who did all sorts of different kinds of fantasy sports — not only different sports but the different subtypes of games within the sport — I realized that not every format was for me. 

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What is up everybody? I hope you’re ready to see some undrafted free agents and backups this weekend. Me, I don’t really get excited about that stuff. I’m not exactly a Campus to Canton guy. But you? Maybe you dig that first week of preseason football vibes. Just like pre-season baseball, it’s hard to take anything you see in pre-season football terribly seriously — we’re not seeing proper game script, we’re not seeing the first team on the field all the time, and more often than not, we’re just watching to see if teams want to keep their young players on the field or bring in a veteran to eat up some yardage. That said, I also know most “home leagues” are starting up, and you’re looking for the best players to take such that you can embarrass your friends and relatives and win their undying respect. So! Let’s take a look at some end-game players that could really change your season outcomes before the pre-season gets underway. 

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Sleep now, if only for a minute. Dream of wavy grass, pinkish-purple clouds in the sky, and a nearby pine forest that’s yours to explore, if only the deer allow you. You’re moving past the first realms of waking life, where your consciousness is inundated with optimized modernity at every turn. Your black coffee, priced to perfection so Starbucks can open another shop in the busy streets of Somewhere. Your car, the engine valves greased with perfect viscosity so they can land a “green” rating in their miles per gallon despite the rare earth metals scattered throughout. You leave the optimum world, falling into the discontinuous, where you dwell soundly and peacefully. This is *your* place, where *you* live, when you’re within yourself. You look around, and there’s your family — biological or constructed or both — and your childhood pet (still alive and at their prime of health). This is your deepest self. You smile, watching the wavy grass and pinkish-purple clouds in the sky. As you approach the pine forest for a quiet reflective walk, you hear not the clack of antlers or the rustle of grass, but thumping noises. The earth shakes around you. You’re unsettled. The vision of your childhood pet accelerates temporally, and you’re at the vet on their last day. The earth moves, and you’re no longer with your family. It’s that bully from Junior High in your mind, the one that gave you swirlies on the daily. Then, emerging from the forest, a stampeding elephant charges to you. The dust is unsettled, the trees swaying as if in a hurricane. The trumpet of a mammalian orchestra, right in your face.

You awake. What a night! You grab your phone, and wouldn’t you know — you’re on the clock in draft after draft after draft. You load up Sleeper or Underdog or Draft Kings or NFC — it doesn’t really matter, does it? — and make your move to draft. ADP says you should draft yet another share of Courtland Sutton. Is that right? Is it optimal? What about that article you read about Devonta Smith — isn’t he a good option? But wait, Jalen Hurts might not be favored at QB. Maybe you’ll play it safe with Emmanuel Sanders — but what if he doesn’t get targets in the emergence of Gabriel Davis? 

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We’re catching up on a few things today! First, I updated my Pre-Season Rankings, and I’m just going to give you some quick hits about my concerns about playing time right now. To be honest, we’re in the period of coach speak and “motivational moves,” so I’m not going to overhaul the ranks with every tweet we hear about Jalen Hurts. Then, we’ve got the Hall of Fame game summary! Lastly, I’ll go over my RazzBowl draft and give everybody an idea of how I approached a season-long fantasy draft.

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You're Getting a Little High There Banner

What’s up Razzballers? Can’t believe I’m already up for two-a-weeks. I can barely type [pant] this [fast]. How do football players do two-a-days? I’m baffled! [squirts Gatorade all over self] I probably shouldn’t have worn my white T-shirt, eh? ENYWHEY. 

Y’all know that I’m pretty big on abandoning the concept of ADP because as our favorite writer Steve Paulo puts it, “ADP is the consensus of 11 people who lost their fantasy football league.” Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ’em! And for the most part, I agree. But, there’s a market in fantasy sports, and the last thing you want to do in a market is to look at a house and say, “Sure, the market’s high right now, but I’m buying that house even if it is on fire and $2 million over asking price.” See, I could be a real estate agent! So, let’s take a look at some players who are going a lot higher in ADP on ESPN compared to RT Sports [my “sharps” pick for an ADP site] to see where amateur fantasy footballers might be getting influenced too much by groupthink or bad process. 

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“You wouldn’t have liked me when I was younger.” It’s a phrase I taught myself to say as I made it through my 20s in Midwest America, riding my bike across Ames, IA, where I was a graduate student in History at Iowa State University. I later moved to Japan, meeting Anglophones from around the world as we taught English in stuffy community centers and schools without HVAC systems. I made friends and they came and went as friends do, the transitory social graces of living without living in a specific place. You make friends long enough to sleep on their couch or their floor or hope they don’t steal your stuff while you’re sharing space on the floor of a ferry between Osaka and Takamatsu. I came back to the States and researched and worked at the University of Minnesota, developing the odd bonds that scholars do: that trust of leaving out on a soggy bar table the archival material you spent months searching archives for and tens of thousands of dollars in transportation fees and visas to acquire, hoping your colleague won’t spill a lager over your papers, or heavens forbid, your laptop that you haven’t backed up in a year. But oddly enough, the friends who I trusted the most and talked to the most, were the home league players from my ESPN and Yahoo leagues, tracked down in 2007 in some poorly run message board. We called. We texted. We met up. Some of them helped out in Tout Wars. Some wrote for KFFL. Some stole your money and you didn’t talk to them again. I didn’t care if I got scammed out of $15 at the local restaurant trying some gimmick food that tasted like greased bike wheels, I’d still go back and try the black garlic truffle fries. But if you stole the pot money  — no not that kind of pot; I’m talking about the league pot — hoo, there was a special place in Hades for that guy. 

But along the way — from Minneapolis to Ames to Takamatsu and back to Minneapolis — I learned the most valuable lesson in playing fantasy sports: thinking differently. And, actually, I didn’t have to learn it. What I had to do, actually, was unlearn what society had taught me. Turns out, fantasy sports was all about mindfulness. 

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Aaron Rodgers: ticker tease. That’s it, that’s the post! Go home now and tell all your friends about the detailed reports coming out of Razzball. Wait, that’s not enough for you? You need the full D-Monty? Aight, let’s get the scoresheet out and tick off the ways that A-Rog teased us fantasy footballers (<– Grandpa Donk’s word) with his “Davante Double Check.” 

Here’s what I have to say about the Symbiote playing for the Packers: 

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Razzbowl Guidebook

Welcome, welcome, welcome! If I say it three times into the mirror, the Fantasyman comes and gives me Dalvin Cook at 1.12. There’s not even a supernatural catch! ENYWHEY. Welcome to the 2021 RazzBowl, which was voted by the Razzball staff to be “The Most Important Industry/Fan Better Ball Cutline Season-Long Fantasy Football Tournament” three years running! But maybe you’re thinking, “I’m one of those ‘industry’ folx who just has a schtick and doesn’t have any real imaginary football cred,” or you’re thinking, “I’m just a fan — it’s time to seize the day!” Wherever you land in the scope of imaginary football management, I’m here to point you in the right direction to help your draft, help your in-season play experience, and level up your game to the metaphorical “next level.” Meet me after the jump and I’ll give you everything you need to know to succeed! 

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What is up everybody? It’s EverywhereBlair, coming to you from the UP region — no not the Pixar movie, that area near the talon of Michigan — where I’m currently surrounded by a thousand acres of forest and eagles. I’m taking advantage of a rainy morning to bring you — yes you! — a recap of my DataForce Charity League best ball draft, which will help illustrate draft tactics that will be useful for all of you as we enter the main fantasy football draft season. 

Meet me after the jump and I’ll show you Konami Code I used to help my draft strategy against a draft room filled with touts and, well, me.

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