It’s good to be back after my little mini vacation. I went to serve one of my 72 hour blocks at county as part of my plea agreement. Jay was really understanding of my situation, as long as I brought back some pruno. Enjoy! *shudders* It was a well deserved rest and an opportunity to unplug and shake off the fantasy baseball dust. Now I am 100% yours to have at your disposal for all your fantasy needs. Jeez, I sound like a backpage escort.  Except Tight Ends, I can’t figure out the rhyme or reasons going into planning for the week. Look at Larry Donnell last week with his one target and no catches…WTF! Sky shared these nuggets about Donnell with me via Twitter: Falcons sold out to make sure he had very few looks, and added to that: Double cover your guy all game and force it elsewhere. Can’t plan for that. That’s why I hate trying to predict the tight end position. Besides Graham and Thomas, no tight end is a safe bet each and every week. What does this have to do with flex plays? It’s my way of saying I won’t be doing tight ends in the flex battles. Wide receivers and running backs only. Now on to the bye bye bye week ahead.

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Jay went all Beatles in his ranks this week. I’m going all early 80’s MTV and say this is a Good Bye “Week” to You. Yes, this is a gift, not a problem. We got this bro! Have a beer and listen to me ramble for a minute. I can’t believe I remember watching this video when I was seven years old. I can’t believe I remember videos. I can’t believe I went to the “they don’t show videos anymore card”. Should I talk about my first portable audio cassette player that only had fast forward and weighed five pounds? No, it wasn’t a Sony, and therefore I can’t call it a Walkman. I turned 39 earlier this month and I have to say, I’m ready for my mid-life crisis car with T-tops. Last week I got back into form after that miserable Week 2. Lamar Miller and DeAndre Hopkins both won their battles, and I rested easy for once. I take this very seriously, at least the analysis part, because I want to help you win your week. I’m working real hard to give you my best effort when it comes to the tough calls you have to make.

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Last week, I got a big fat punch of what’s happening in my mouth with my flex picks. I don’t think I’ve ever been as wrong as when that one time I thought it was a good idea to draft Jay Bruce ahead of Giancarlo Stanton. Hey dumba*s, wrong sport! You’ll have to excuse me, I’m still stuck in baseball and crossing my sports. To call my calls a train wreck is insulting to train wrecks. On a positive note, and this is me trying to be positive, I’m glad Sammy Watkins had a big game. I see my negativity really rubbed off on him and he threw it back in my face. Thanks for reading Watkins, awesome! This week, I’m going to go position on position. Let’s keep it simple, short and sweet. Well not too sweet, I am Jack Full of Hate, and have more hate in me than NOW has for the NFL… too soon?

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I hope everyone had a great week one. I didn’t. But let’s not dwell on me, because I’m here for you. This week I’m tinkering with the set-up as I seek the best way to go about this. I’m adding in ranks among the fantasy pros and our own honcho Jay’s ranks to give you some perspective. You might be asking yourself: What’s with all this three way talk? Well I needed an eye catcher, and I can’t afford to buy you all a beer, the shipping cost would kill me. What I am doing is a three way battle this week as I pit freshman hype vs. freshman handcuff vs. freshman who dat? Don’t worry, you’re not alone with all this three way talk, probably giving you a flashback of that one time you thought it might happen, only to realize the two girls wanted a ride and you were the safest person to get them home without getting all grabby in the car. Stupid insecure me…wait…I mean my friend with confidence issues named Mack. Yeah, Mack’s crazy insecure.

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What’s a battle flex? Why a battle flex? Obviously, this battle is when we get two guys going head-to-head in a battle to decide which one to play. Like DJ’s in a club, or MC’s on a stage, we are going head-to-head in our flex this year. Should I play this guy or that guy? Or what about this running back or that wide receiver?  This series, though, is going to be a reflection of you readers who also have some kind of battle flex going on in your roster, a sounding board if you will. Whenever I get a question, it is usually trying to decide between player A or player B. So in the spirit of indecision and frustrating insecurity, I bring you the Battle Flex. Each week I’ll do my best to highlight a few battles to represent different sized leagues. I’m also relying on you guys and girls to help me shape this and make this about what you want to see. Got it? Good! Let’s move on…

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I found it fitting to quote the Doors classic “The End” to signal the finale to our FFB season. If your championship is next week then I feel sorry for you because your commish is really bad at his/her job and deserves all the condemnation that is coming to them. Now back to this whole “The End” thing, this is it for me, next week is my awards show, which reminds me that I need to grab my tuxedo T-Shirt from the dry cleaners, and all we have are the real life playoffs. *makes hip thrusting motions at monitor* My Broncos are in, what about your teams? Now is the time to show all your “skills” and hopefully the people you choose will play all four quarters, get their projections +, and they don’t suffer some game ending injury that makes you look terrible at fantasy because when your guys get hurt it’s all your fault. How stupid must we be to play a guy that gets hurt, didn’t you get the crystal ball that came in the box of Captain Crunch. We need to keep a few things in perspective, play smart but not over think ourselves, look at the floor vs. the ceiling if it’s close and keep a box of tissues with us at all times on Sunday. The best thing about this week is we have no TNF, which IMO, is the worst thing the NFL has done since allowing this jackass back in the league. Oh wait, that’s right, they have no integrity…or soul, they can play god with fines for questionable hits and suspend people for smoking some weed but this a**hole gets to play every week? WTF is wrong with this picture?….besides that dudes hair. Hey look it’s a fantasy paragraph below, let’s check it out. Actually two paragraphs down are fantasy sports, the next one is fantasy becoming reality, go ahead Kid A, insert your snark now.

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Knile Davis is getting some real love from Andy Reid these days. Maybe it was all those layers he had to work through? Maybe it’s because the Chiefs are a lock for the playoffs? I don’t really care, it’s here and it’s real. Reid acknowledges that Knile needs more touches and after last weeks audition I would have a hard time arguing against that. Our valiant leader Sky wrote about Knile already once this week, so at least we know that I really know how to suck up to the boss. Great job Sky! Looking good in that new mock turtle neck! The Chiefs offense is like small ball in baseball, mostly because Smith can’t throw farther than 20 yards, or so it appears, and like to pound it out and dump passes to the closest guy in a red and white jersey. I know I might be exaggerating a little here, but I have my reasons…Whiskey. If Knile gets his shot this week, and I’m 99% sure we see 15 touches from Knile, then what we got here might be a winner. The Broncos lost to the Chargers so the door is open and I think the Chiefs come out and knock the crap out of the Raiders. This leads to Davis getting those touches as they run it out against the Raiders and also evaluate a weapon that has been under utilized. Like Sky said, he’s a flex play this week in PPR formats and is probably in a better UPSIDE position than those with a better floor. Next week is the more ideal, but I could see him getting some run.

You might not be in the championship and you might be playing for pride….you always should play for pride. Regardless of where you are, players are still good to stash and use. Here’s a few others that might make some week 15, 16 and 17 play.

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Did you see that? Did you like what I did there? I used Payoff instead of Playoff as a means to be PUNy. *squeezes horn* Yeah, I’m not very funny, the baby’s mama said most people laugh at me instead of with me. Funny I never got that til I met Sky a couple months back. I’m also not very happy right now. I have missed the playoffs almost everywhere, have tried kicking out the stool about a half dozen times and have also drank enough tequila to get the city of Guadalajara drunk. But hey, my therapist says I need to be more optimistic, so I fired him. Why be happy for myself when I can instead be happy for all 12 of you and hopefully help you to playoff gold. My only way to a championship is by living vicariously through my 12 readers. I love you 11 guys and Prezzi. So here’s what were doing here. I’m giving you names to stash, like I did two weeks ago, in the hope they get some play in week 16 or 17 because their teams (real life) are playoff bound and don’t want to injure the starter or are auditioning for next years production of football. To see my last list click here

Here’s how it works:

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Oh how injuries make a man cry, no not the hurt guy, this guy….ME! I’m a Bronco fan, been one since Elway was still at Stanford. My uncle has been a season ticket holder since the team was born in 1960 and my dad went to their first game ever, an exhibition over summer vacation as a teenager. I cry because Montee Ball scares the crap out of me. He could finish the day with 90 yards, 2 TD’s and 3 fumbles….OK, I’m over reacting. He only has three fumbles on the season and the first two were in September, but as they say, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” He’s been getting some playing time lately so we have a baseline to go with. Over the last 4 games he’s averaged 4 YPC, scored 3 TD’s on the ground and caught 6 balls. Dive deeper into that, he had two of those scores vs. the Chiefs in week 11 and we can reasonably expect 1TD and at least 65 yards and 4 catches against them this week. If Moreno is out, Ball’s a flex play in my book, if your league doesn’t have a flex spot then I suggest going on to your league message board and direct your commissioners over here so we can set them straight. We here at Razzball have no problem spreading the good word for proper format.

Last week our resident freestyler never showed up for his return performance. Egotistical rappers! I forgot to put out his bowl of green M&M’s and 6 blunts in the green room. I’m sensing a theme with him. Get out of your camper down by the river and show up Prezzi.

I hope everyone had a memorable Thanksgiving, good or bad, Please share your stories of heavy drinking, fights, delicious food and any small fires or ER trips.

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This might be old news or you might have been on a staycation and turned off all your electronic devices for the last week, but damn, why did the Colts trade for T-Rich? Donald Brown looked really good last week and being that he is averaging 5.9 YPC to T-Rich’s 2.8 you would think he would be the starter and the trade bust would be the waterboy. Oh wait a minute, wrong boy, not the waterboy, the piss boy. I know what you are all thinking, why talk about a guy that is the obvious add when we all know better than to play T-Rich? Because we here at razzball like to beat a dead horse till it’s all glue and dog food….and we still get lots of should I play T-Rich questions. Drop his ass like your internet date dropped you when she went to “the bathroom” and never came back. Last week and part of this week it was all raining Rainey up in here after that suspenseful build up and amazing delivery by the guy who got CUT by the Browns back in October. The Browns should’ve had Donald Brown thrown into the deal. Could you imagine the merch sales of the Brown Browns jersey?

The season is winding down, playoffs are a few hangovers away and Sky is starting to lose it. We need to stay sharp and start going with our best players, study our schedules weeks ahead, and maybe grab some handcuffs in case a stud gets shut down, injured or demoted. I’m not saying to go grab Gerhart in case AP gets hurt but I would stash Bryce Brown, Robert Turbin, Christian Michael, Montee Ball, Dennis Johnson, Bernard Pierce, and Kendall Hunter….oh what the hell, grab Gerhart if you’re really feeling an AP injury is coming. Before you all go WTF J-FOH, I’m not saying to drop someone usable, but if you have 6 WR’s and you are only going to play 3 or 4 of them, and the 6th guy won’t hurt you on someone else’s team then yeah go grab a stash. Rid yourself of your back up kickers and 3rd team defense. You want to be ahead of the game and think about situations that may occur in the last 2 weeks of the season. Most especially if your championship week is the last week of the season. By the way, I think that is the dumbest thing ever and damn all commishes that make the championship week the last week of the year. I can hear it now, ” Hey, I have Peyton, and he’s only playing a couple series this week and I need to start either EJ Manuel or Geno Smith for my championship matchup” I don’t want to see that and will only answer questions like that with really stupid questions. Be smart FFB’s and start stashing good upside guys that MIGHT get some PT. This also goes for WR’s. Lastly, I was really disappointed we had zero hecklers for Prezzi’s freestyles in football bash last weekend. I invite him back again to lay it down like an underground MC in an abandoned warehouse.

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