While many of us wondered why we would ever watch a Colts and Texans Oilers (their momma named ’em the Oilers, so I’m going to call ’em the Oilers) Sunday Night Football game, you have to remember that we all make bad life decisions. I mean, what’s the NLCS anyways? Is that like the LGBT or something? But hey, sometimes the games that you give zero efs about with no one to cheer for turn out great. This was not one of those times, at least not until the fourth quarter where we suddenly found ourselves in overtime (where I immediately said to myself: “sh*t, we’re in overtime”). Since the Texans Oilers aren’t a real team, it probably made a lot of sense there was a fairytale ending (thanks in large part to that amazing catch by Jaelen Strong shown above). On top of that, you might wonder why we’re talking about the Texans Oilers, and I’d like to use it as a fantasy football segue… Week 6 is behind us and at this point, and you should know where you are in the great and very metaphorical fantasy football landscape. Much like how the Texans Oilers, now at 4-2, know that they are a team that is in the hunt for the playoffs, they could use a little bit more help from certain players, and a little bit luck to make their push. I’d like to think that describes a majority of fantasy teams out there right now, minus the whole Brock Osweiler thing. What I’m saying here might even describe fantasy teams that find themselves atop their respective leagues, but unfortunately, probably not the teams that find themselves at the bottom with an 0-6 record. Coming back from such a deficit may not be worth thinking about, so in times like this when you are way behind (something I’m quite familiar with… something we all are), my recommendation is to drink up. I mean, don’t drink too much… motionless and face down is not how I want to see anybody. (There’s a great Bill Cosby joke around here somewhere, but I’ll settle for: I’ll take “Things Darren Sharper has never said” for $1,000 Alex.) But if you’re one of the teams lagging a bit behind, let’s say you are 1-5 or 2-4, and desperate hope combined with dark wizardry are the only vehicles driving your will to play until another fantasy obsession distracts you (granted, Texans Oilers games are technically considered torture porn, if that’s your thing), well, now is the time to do wild stuff. Do some crazy trades, make some risky decisions, just let all your inhibitions go. True, this might be like buying an extra bottle of Centrum Silver to help fight stage four lung cancer, but… you’ve got nothing to lose. And for those of you are in the middle of all this mess? Well then, that’s why Razzball is here. Oh, and if you’re a Colts or Texans Oilers fan, I’d appreciate it if you found some different teams to like…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

saints-fan

With the Chargers game won and done with this past Thursday, I can finally ditch my usual Sunday malaise and enjoy football as a true unbiased spectator. And what better way to do that than by watching a riveting 49ers vs. Bills game. Jesus Christ NFL. Alright, alright, you’re right, I won’t go through my often-used diatribe on how this year’s schedule looks like it needed a little bit less cocaine and probably a bit higher literary rate for those who conceived of, so let’s celebrate the good games today. All three of them. First, the Falcons have a chance to start their soul and season crushing six game losing streak against the Seahawks, the Dakboys take on the Packers and an uncharacteristically sh*tty version of Aaron Rogers at the currently unfrozen tundra. And last, and certainly least, the 1-4 Panthers take on the 1-3 Saints, in what should be a fun dumpster fire. Cam Newton should be starting, so don’t add the tires yet… but be sure to keep them on standby.

Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections for Week 6 by clicking here. And as always, our updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Two things were on my mind entering last night’s Thursday Night Football game: First, why are the Chargers wearing a new shade of blue? Second, what soul shattering way would the Chargers lose this week? And if there was a third thing, then I probably would have wondered which Chargers player would get the weekly season-ending injury. But let’s just handle the first two here since no one died last night, besides my liver. (Happens all the time.) So, these color rush uniforms… More like color FLUSH, amiright? Seriously, I’m glad the era of bulb televisions are over and done with, otherwise the Broncos jerseys would have burned a hole into the screen. And you mix in that blue from the Chargers, it’s almost as if someone threw crayons in the washer before the game. And then there was the actual game, which offered us your prototypical Chargers performance… middling at times, amazing at times, all of it masquerading as a vehicle to setup yet another heartbreaking loss in the fourth quarter. What would it be this time? A Rivers pick-six? Another bad snap on a field goal? An alien invasion? A fan rushing the field mid-pass during a game-winning TD with three seconds to go nullifying it all? Oddly, none of that happened. Instead, some field goals, some Hunter; Henry!, and a safety along with the Broncos kind of just fading in the fourth quarter from a combination of costly offensive holding penalties and incurring the penalty of Trevor Siemian holding their offense back. WORD PLAY. Call me, ladies.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Period Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Week 5 9 out of 138 42 32 4 112 56 12
Week 4 5 out of 141 60 15 6 49 4 62
Week 3 22 out of 139 41 18 62 21 7 32
Week 2 96 out of 139 96 116 38 107 13 8
Week 1 66 out of 138 63 73 34 116 32 23
2016 11 out of 133 57 30 9 83 9 8

I’m happy to report that Razzball had another great week with rankings. Tehol finished in the top-10 for quarterbacks, and on top of that, Rudy’s Pigskinator was able to rank first for wide receivers. That’s actually pretty amazing. Not only that, but for those of you who play in IDP leagues, Rudy’s projections finished second overall, and achieved top-10 status for both kickers and DSTs! Just some amazing results all around. And while it might seem self-serving when I wax poetic about our accuracy feats, it’s not just because I love talking about myself all the time (call me, ladies), it’s also because our success hopefully translates to our reader’s success. And if not? Then just do what I always do and blame Obama…

Here are your Week 6 Rankings… (Rest of Season rankings have been updated and can be found here!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sadly, Tehol wasn’t driving, which automatically disqualified him for appearing on the pod, so in his stead, Mike Maher (who writes the Handcuff Report series) joined us so Zach could teach us what Yom Kippur is and why he’s starved himself to only eat food and upset his God. Or Gods. I’m not actually clear how many of them there are, but that’s mainly because I was raised a Catholic, which means I grew up not caring about anything but self-guilt. Mike, Zach, and myself do find time to preview all the upcoming games while also discussing fun topics like: Is Carson Wentz legit? What’s going on with Matt Jones? Should we right the Sammy Coates hype train? Are you buying Todd Gurley still? And why do any of us still thinking owning a Cardinals wide receiver is a good idea? Enjoy!

Note: Week 6 Rankings will be released later today!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

WHAT. A. GAME. And while those Tampa Bay Buccaneers jerseys will never not be ugly, I want to establish that out of the two statements I just made, only one was leaking sarcasm… and I’ll let you figure out which one. Honestly, at what point should the NFL stop serving endless vodka with a heaping side of cocaine when they’re picking matchups for Monday and Thursday night? In a game that featured what seemed like six hours of tied football when Roberto Aguayo wasn’t missing and making field goals in sequential order (because that’s what you want from a field goal kicker) I don’t think we learned much. I mean, except for the fact that Derek Anderson is the consummate professional. He’d been out of the starting role for how many decades now? And as you can see above, he was instantly back to form. Our national nightmare is over everyone, the epoch of Derek Anderson has begun. Again.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Paired up against the second Presidential debate, it was easy to get distracted away from football to see the immediate fallout off the now infamous Donald Trump video, that amongst other things, had him describing how he likes grabbing women’s bathing suit areas as a mating ritual of some sort. (Let’s approach this anatomically really quick… can you actually “grab” someone by the hoo-ha? I mean, wouldn’t that be like picking up a bowling ball with just your thumb? It doesn’t even make any sense…) While I want to acknowledge that there was a very important moment in history that occurred last night in terms of how much you enjoy the consumption of popcorn while watching an 167-car pileup, I would only say this one thing before I move on: I wish someone had asked a fantasy football question. I mean, with all the bye weeks coming up, it IS topical as f*ck, right? So that being said, I’ll continue where the title of our post teases, which is: was that the most Eli game ever? That might have been. I mean, on one hand, Eli Manning somehow led the Giants to two Super Bowl titles. On the other hand, there’s stuff like this: 18-for-35, 199 yards and 1 TD, and the bi-weekly fumble (as opposed to his bi-weekly interception). This sort of relates to him as a fantasy quarterback too (XBox Segue Achievement Unlocked), in that at the base level, he’s a pretty run-of-the-mill option that ends up giving you 3500+ yards and 30+ touchdowns. There’s value to that, sure, and of course the Razzball community knows our policy with quarterbacks in most formats is to delay in the draft as long as you can (like my lovemaking), and this is usually where we end up: a bit below Ben Roethlisberger and a bit above the Andy Dalton line. But what I think separates the quarterbacks in this group are their weapons. Having probably one of the best receiving trios in the NFL is a fantasy boon is something that certainly keeps his value up, even when there are macabre games like this.

Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s Week 5 Sunday games… (Maybe this will be the first week the Chargers don’t lose a high profile player to injury. MAYBE.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

macho-man-browns-fan

Whoo-weee folks, have we got a Sunday for you! Not depressed enough? How about the Patriots and Browns? Want to question life in the most existential way possible? Well, I’ve got the Titans and Dolphins! Are you secret misanthrope ready to break free from those commercial and societal chains? Well then, Washington and the Ravens are just for you… okay, okay, we do have a few interesting games, the mysteriously 3-1 Texans visit the even more mysterious 4-0 Vikings, the Bengals will bring as much mediocrity as they can to combat the Cowboys usual peak levels of mediocrity, and if you squint really hard, like so hard your eyes start stinging and you see as many glowing tiny white lights as a J.J. Abrams movie, the Falcons and Broncos game seems intriguing. And something else intriguing to think about, which may start your alcoholic consumption early today (my rallying call), is that if the playoffs started today, it would included the Texans, Vikings, Falcons, and Rams. Holy. Sh*t.

Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections (which finished 11th most accurate last week) for Week 5 by clicking here. And as always, our updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have to say, during yesterday’s “Dress Like an Empty Seat Day” game in San Francisco, it dawned on me that if you were to do it all over again, I’m pretty sure David Johnson would be your number one overall pick. I’D DRAFT HIM AT BIRTH SON. Obviously, that was literal, but even if you take it figuratively, and probably you’d still go Antonio Brown, but who else is there? And to be fair, I think there were probably more question marks with Johnson than that of Todd Gurley entering the season, but what we’ve seen here is a perfect storm of Bruce Arian’s random play-calling, a passing attack that thinks consistency is a dirty word, and an unwillingness by the other team to do something as fundamental to football as tackling. And all of these things were on full display last night, starting with a first quarter that convinced me the game would end in a 0-0 tie. Granted, I think it became a watchable game after three hours of CBS promotions, but even by Thursday Night Football standards, it was pretty terrible. Are you ready to whine and moan about the quality of the game and everything associated with it it but still watch it every week? These are the tough questions folks. That being said, Jeremy Kerley became a thing. So I guess it’s 2012 again.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Period Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Week 4 5 out of 141 60 15 6 49 4 62
Week 3 22 out of 139 41 18 62 21 7 32
Week 2 96 out of 139 96 116 38 107 13 8
Week 1 66 out of 138 63 73 34 116 32 23
2016 26 out of 135 68 39 14 57 4 10
2015 22 out of 123
2014 31 out of 125

Yeah, so… I started doing this post that tried to provide an inside look into my rankings results, players I hit on, missed, etc. (like this), partly because I liked the idea of providing more disclosure with my process, and partly because I didn’t have to clutter the top of this rankings post with that ugly box of numbers. But let’s be honest, we had no idea what the ef was going on with that new information. Looking at it, I couldn’t really figure out what it actually provided that was beneficial, so I think we’ll just move on from it and do the same old thing we’ve always done. And speaking of which, Razzball had a great week… myself, Tehol, and Rudy all averaged out in the top-25 rankings put together, and separately, Tehol finished in the top-50, and Rudy (and his Pigskinator) finished 11th out of all experts, including getting first overall with quarterbacks! Our success is your success, as one of those motivational posters with a kitten lifting a fire truck or whatever says. One of those.

Please, blog, may I have some more?