johnbrowntdcel

Real question, is this the first Sunday Night Football game of the week, or is this the second? True, I believe you could technically call the game a few days ago Thursday Night Football, because, you know, the game was on Thursday. But we didn’t get the “NFL/CBS” production, a combination that I still believe is the end of the world as we know it. Trust me, every time I see Phil Simms open his mouth at Jim Nantz’s bidding, tell me you don’t see visions of a huge asteroid hitting the earth… I sure do. Then again, you could probably consider it a blessing in that situation. Regardless, we got the NBC production crew, and I’m actually trying to recall how they addressed themselves on that day. I’m sure they called it Thursday Night Football, but I don’t really have any recollection. It could be because Cris Collinsworth causes me to go into a medically-induced coma whenever he starts talking about his loving relationship with offensive lineman. WE GET IT CRIS, YOU’RE IN LOVE. KISS ALREADY. But at this point, I think it’s safe to say that I was able to fill enough space in the lede without talking about the actual game, because honestly, there is no Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski, and it’s at Arizona. I’m pretty sure I know how this going to go…

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It's gonna be a long year for these Cowboys...

I have to admit, after including some thoughts on today’s remembrance in our earlier live thread, I think the pre-ceremonies around the league were handled pretty nicely for an event that will forever live in infamy. (Hey, if you’re going to quote someone, might as well be one of the best.) And speaking of the today’s earlier live thread, I would be remiss not to mention again that while I’m completely ecstatic that football has returned, and even doubly ecstatic (is that a thing?) that my Chargers are looking pretty good right now against the Chiefs, that for the general NFL fan, there really wasn’t any premiere matchups to open up the first Sunday of the regular season. No pizzazz. No jazz hands, if you will. And if you didn’t know, Football and jazz hands are like pees and carrots, Jet Li and Delroy Lindo, Tom Brady and uggs,… you get the point. But does the afternoon slate give us a bit more in terms of storylines and rivalries? I feel like it’s a resounding MAYBE. That’s how we do resounding here folks, all caps. Forget the Dolphins and Seahawks, or even the Lions and Colts, no, the focus should be on the NFC East matchup between the Giants and Cowboys. Romoless Cowboys, sure, but with all the derp you get from this division, you basically had me at “NFC Eeee”. Speak no further, I’M F*CKING IN. We’ll see the debut of Dax Prescott, Eli Manning consistently throwing it 10 feet away from Odell Beckham Jr. just to see what happens, and of course Troy Aikman and Joe Buck. The last one isn’t really a highlight, but more a cry for help. Or, you know, a reminder to use horse tranquilizers to get through it all…

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iggle

With the Panthers and Broncos Super Bowl 50 rematch in the books thanks to Graham Ganope doing his best impersonation of Blair Walsh, or, you know, the O.G.: Billy Cundiff, the first Sunday of Football has finally arrived! And what a plethora of choices to choose from in the morning portion of today’s schedule… so many historic matchups, so many engrossing storylines… we have the Packers visiting the Jaguars… uh, err. Okay, never mind with that one. We have the Bills taking on the Ravens. Uhhhh no. Hmm. Bears at Texans? Eh… Okay, okay, we have the Browns at the Eagles! Actually, what the f*ck? Oh, wait everyone, I found an interdivisional game with a storyline to boot… the Buccaneers take on the Falcons! Sh*t, that’s from the NFC South, the NFL’s very own dumpster fire. Vikings at Titans? Seriously? Bengals at Jets… Raiders at Saints… Chargers at Chiefs? Okay, honestly, what is going on here? Yeah, excuse me, NFL scheduler? Yeah, you should probably drive over to my house so I can promptly punch you in the ear. Sigh. It’s like they know that we haven’t had any real football for the last 20 years and they are getting rid of all these terrible games in the first week. I’d respect the strategy if I wasn’t stuck watching the execution. Welp, might as well check out the Browns and Eagles, that seems like a game that could reach derp level ten in no time… or cause profound alcohol consumption. Seems good.

Oh, before we get to our updated rankings and all of your lineup questions, if you missed it, Rudy released the Pigskinator (which can be accessed from our Menu above or by clicking here). These tools provide you with in-season weekly projections that you can use on a game-by-game basis. In addition, we also unveiled a brand new Daily Fantasy Bot that’ll help you win some of that cash monies, if you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s money, so you could say I’m a fan. Check these out, as they are completely free to use for the next four weeks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

ganope

Granted, there isn’t a rich history to draw from in terms of “quality football” on Thursdays, but you have to think that this being an actual Sunday Night production, coupled with the fact that we actually haven’t had a real game in what feels like decades, I’m pretty sure I would have been enamored if it was the Vikings playing against the Titans (which we’ll actually receive this Sunday! Wooo?). That being said, the game was actually pretty good on the scale of Graham Gano to those muscles in your arm that benefit the most if you’re throwing a penalty flag. (I mean, there were so many flags this game, it felt more like a United Nations summit, amirite?) Both teams looked sluggish throughout though, which was probably to be expected in the first game of the season. The Broncos and Panthers burned a lot of timeouts too, each for their own derpy reasons. For Denver, they seemingly forgot to count and had multiple downs where 12 men were on the field. For Carolina, five total timeouts from both halves were wasted because of terrible clock management by Newton (though I’m pretty sure Jerry Richardson was only upset with three-fifths of them). In fact, Andy Reid probably uploaded all these timeouts to his PornHUB account. That being said, I have to add that I found myself pretty frustrated with the continued non-calls on what were some brutal hits to Cam Newton. There were at least three blatant roughing the passer calls that were missed (or ignored?), and the last hit, late in the fourth quarter that actually drew a flag (you can see it after the jump), which was a helmet spear of all things, was offset by an intentional grounding. Oh, okay then, that makes sense. But the game was close throughout and quite entertaining, and due to the fact that Trevor Siemian flirted between the lines of profoundly mediocre and downright awful, the Panthers had a chance with seven seconds to win the game with a 44-yard field goal attempt in altitude… so yeah, we know how that turned out. Congrats to your 0-1 undefeated Panthers! Wait a second…

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Riverboat Ron

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, drinking has already started because today is the day. Today is the day football starts! Yeah, I know that you know, but I wanted you to know that I know because I now know that you know. And that’s when my computer exploded. Regardless, not only does the debut of football bring us, you know, football, I also get to debut my beloved Live Game Day Threads. A place where we can hang out, enjoy some memes, discuss the games in front of us, and hopefully learn something. Like in this case, what a Siemian is and what it can do. To be honest, I could tell you better what it could do if one of those vowels were dropped. Like, any of them. But yes, if the GIF above or the just stated close-but-not-so-close sexual innuendo didn’t give it away (or even the title!), our first game of the year features two teams that have a long and storied rivalry dating back to… uh, well, one game. But, to be fair, that game was the Super Bowl (50, or as the Romans would say “L”), a game in which the Broncos defense carried Peyton Manning to another title so he could retire knowing he had one more ring than Tavaris Jackson. It’s important to have goals folks. And while I’m amazed that the NFC South was able to produce a team that actually knew what it was doing last year, an entire offseason has passed since these two franchises met. Will there be a different outcome? Well, unless they’ve figure out how to stop Von Miller, I doubt it… but to be fair, if I still have a Cam Newton combined with the return of Kelvin Benjamin led by the distinguished gentleman known as Riverboat Ro, alln going against a quarterback I hadn’t heard about until a week ago, I’d say your chances to win are preeeetty gooood. Sorry, I’m at the elongated vowels stage of alcohol poisoning…

Our Week 1 Rankings can be found here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Football is back, so naturally, that’s what we talked about in Episode 5 of the Razzball Football Podcast. Tehol and Zach joined me with special guest Ramona from SportsGalPal. And, as the title denotes, we did that with PRODUCTION VALUE. That was the theme of the night, because we had Tehol talking on the phone while driving, which is totally something we don’t condone. Zach eating his mic was a nice issue to have. And I left music on here and there because what do I know about closing windows and pressing buttons on my mouse? Hint? I. Don’t. Know. Much. Despite all this, we do get to every Week 1 matchup with some thoughts, pontifications some would say (probably just me), and predictions for you to consume. Hopefully with an alcoholic beverage. Or some tacos. I don’t know, spice up your experience man. SPICE IT UP. (Is that a saying?) Whatever, Episode 5 is after the jump!

Our Week 1 Rankings can be found here!

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Year Accuracy Rank High Low Percentile
2015 57.5% 22 out of 123 59.9% 51.6% Top 20%
2014 58.1% 31 out of 125 60.7% 50.6% Top 25%

That’s right folks, we made it. Another football season is about to begin, and we’re bringing our Week 1 Fantasy Football Rankings a day early than our normal schedule dictates as sort of a way of celebrating the fact that real football spanning over the next five months (or about a month-and-a-half if you’re an Eagles fan) is just a short 24-hours away. ITS A CELEBRATION! And I would like to proclaim that this real “Football” will, in turn, produce that which will fill our Fantasy Football “holes”. That makes it sound so technical and coarse and sexual… much like my lovemaking. Regardless, with the new season budding with excitement and hope for all fans across the U.S. of mutha effin’ A (unless you live in Philadelphia), it is now time to release the first iteration of our Weekly Rankings, because if there’s anything I’ve learned during my time here, it’s the world needs rankings. Nay… the world demands it. Honestly, what else is the point of having a Fantasy Football site if not to start knife fights over subjective numerical values? So get your best Ray Lewis going and make the jump for our Week 1 Rankings!

Note: With the preseason ending the season beginning tomorrow, we’ve moved our Draft Kit off the main page and into our Tools menu, found above. Our Draft Rankings and Projections have been updated for what will be the last time unless something drastic changes in the next 12 hours, and you can now found our Weekly Rankings (and soon-to-be-released Rest of Season Rankings) on the same menu above. Special thanks to the Razzball community for making this site what it is!

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We had a special presentation last night as we aired, for the first time ever, the 2016 Razzball Writers League Draft. If you were bored, nappy from all the Labor Day BBQ, or just wanting to make fun of Tehol, you had the chance to join us and have a bit of fun! And some of you did! We had a few hundred viewers last night, which was great. I’m happy that this new presentation was well-received, and not to be outdone, we made sure to record the draft as well, for posterity. And to hold Tehol accountable for the things he said. The YouTube recap can be found below, along with the team info and complete draft recap after the jump!

And if you’d like to join your very own RCL, you can here!

Notes: Tehol, Zach, Matt ([email protected]) all joined me for the commentary. If you just want to watch myself and [email protected] analyse and grade all the teams, that starts at the 1:33:40 mark. Thanks for watching!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re going to be having a special presentation tonight as the 2016 Razzball Writers League drafts at 10:00 PM EDT. If you’re bored, nappy from all the Labor Day BBQ, or just wanting to make fun of Tehol, be sure to join us for live video and audio while we draft for the official Razzball Writers League RCL! And don’t forget to interact! Feel free to post your questions, smack talk, and critiques down below in the comment section or in the Twitch chat when the draft goes live…

UPDATE: DRAFT IS OFFLINE! Thanks for joining, we’ll have a recap with YouTube of the stream up soon!

And if you’d like to join your very own RCL, you can here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ah yes, so we meet again… wait, did we actually formally meet? I mean, technically we’re meeting again, we’ve done this before… but did we really meet? Of course I’m an existential crisis waiting to happen, but that’s only because clinical depression requires so much work. I mean, I’d rather jog than emo, ya know? But back to where we started, this is your (and “our” I suppose) official 2016 Razzball picks. Or selections. Or whatever nomenclature you prefer. I guess whatever it takes for me not to force you to read word “nomenclature” over and over again. We do this because, frankly, we just can’t write about everyone and everything that we love or hate. I mean, we’re talking about 1,696 players here. And so this is the quick and easy “viewer-friendly” version that allows you to quickly see our likes/dislikes/predictions for all of you to promptly point and giggle at…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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