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Order.  ORDER IN THE COURTROOM!  The Law Firm of BenJarvus Green-Ellis, here unto and forthwith known as the plodding plaintiff, is charging Giovani Bernard – who will from henceforth be known as the electric defendant – as a younger, more versatile player with the intent of taking away the starting role of running back on […]

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The NFL Draft is many different things for many different teams. For teams like the Jaguars, it’s a time to regroup and rebuild towards the future. For others like the 49ers, it’s a time for the rich to get richer. For teams like the Cowboys, it’s a time to make confusing picks and further alienate their fanbase. How ’bout dem Cowboys? You ever wonder if Jerry Jones just likes playing with his money but pretends he really cares? Like he goes to restaurants and orders Peking Duck then gives them $100 bills to wrap his leftovers up in then takes it outside and sets it on fire for no apparent reason? Then later announces he doesn’t understand why his leftovers tasted bad? Yeah, me too. But I start with this intro so that we can discuss the Seattle Seahawks and their drafting of Christine Michael. Now clearly anything and everything I say is pure speculation here. I have no insider information nor do I have Spidey senses, though my left arm is tingling. Signs of a possible heart attack. Thanks, WebMD! Though more than likely it’s because I passed out while reaching into a cooler full of dry ice. Yeah, that’s not possible without more serious issues but this is the internet and we lie about shizz all the time. But more to the point, Marshawn Lynch has carried a large load over the last couple of years…hehe, ‘load’. For reals, since 2011 Lynch has touched the ball 351 times. Sure, that’s not a 400 carry pace which always raises the warning flag but you have to consider the running style here. Lynch isn’t exactly someone you’d call a ‘dancer’ in the hole. They don’t call him Beast Mode for nothing as he’s not one to back down from contact and that style of running can catch up to you pretty quickly. When you factor the nagging back injury issues, this 27 year old running back might be closer to a 30 year old one in terms of tread on the tires. Of course and again, this is all pure speculation but it IS odd that the Seahawks would draft a running back of a similar build and style to Marshawn so high in the draft when the team had other spots that many thought would be addressed. Overall, this draft pick could resonate louder after this season but it’s also a sign that the Seahawks do not see Turbin as anything more than a change of pace back and that Christine Michael is the back to own if you are looking to handcuff Lynch for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…oooooooh, I’m not done yet. We’re working on a Razzball Football Glossary Term page like the Fantasy Baseball side has and we want to steal praise your glorious minds by putting your definitions in for some much needed fantasy football funny for terms. We’re totally FUBU around here. So below are some topics of discussion and you’re free to throw ideas out there on other ones as well. We don’t discriminate but we do playa hate. Wait, what? Anyways, your input is needed, Razzball Nation so put on your thinking caps – mine looks like an upside down ice cream cone – and tickle our fancy with your input….oh, a secondary psyching? Yep! We did an off-season podcast last week if you didn’t know about the 2013 NFL Draft and some of the off season moves. We recorded it around a drum circle while @NickCapozzi and @jaywrong did interpretive dance about their affections for Jennifer Lawrence. It was haunting…but for reals, help us out below, we’d greatly appreciate it and love you forever or at least until we forget you were the one that helped us.

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Nick has been trying to chase me down and finally caught me. You’ve been warned: you’re gonna hear my voice on the podcast for the first time here. It will be just as shocking as it was for this little kid but more than likely will end in tears of annoy than tears of joy. For the NFL Draft, we went with a three-headed brigade as Murph will swing the RBs, JB will take on the wide outs and Jaywrong will talk quarterbacks and tight ends and most likely a little Jennifer Lawrence. It’s not stalking if it’s on the internet, right? In any case, here’s to hoping scheduling-wise we can get our IDP guy Kevin Kumpf on the next ‘cast (I can call it a ‘cast cuz I’m now part of the industry) so we can figure out how the draft and some off-season moves will play out for the defensive side of the oblong ball. Unfortch, he’s on vacation. I think he’s out with the Gronk on some tropical island with no legal age restrictions. Totally guessing there. But that’s for next time. For this time, here’s your off season version of the Razzball Podcast for the 2013 fantasy football season…

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Sorry for Partying. That phrase has become synonymous with one of the most explosive Tight Ends to hit the NFL in recent years and though the media makes it sound like fun, we fantasy owners are not amused. Whether it’s having a shirtless dance off after the Super Bowl, hooking up with a Lolita in Aruba or whatever it is he’s doing here, Rob Gronkowski has always been one to take life not too seriously and has some major meat-head tendencies. Not that the NFL hasn’t had meat heads in the past that we all loved to laugh along with. I mean, Brian Bosworth is still making movies to this day with just the same amount of box office success as when he was in his prime. I mean, take a look at Boz’s Revelation Road. It came out in 2013. It’s also streamable on Netflix in 2013. PS, we’re still in April of 2013. As long as you’re not a meat head yourself, the math is pretty basic on how bad of a film that is. All this to say, this meat head lifestyle can work out just fine. But notice I’m not talking about on field exploits here? Exactly my point: sorry for partying isn’t gonna cut it if Rob is sidelined after rumors of another surgery is needed on his left forearm. This surgery would be #4, BTW. There have been infection issues up to this point and now the word is that the healing process on the bones has been ‘non-union’. No word yet on if they’ve tried having these surgeries outside of Wisconsin. But more to the point, whether it’s fair or not, these off field excursions have to make fantasy owners a little worried about a full dedication to his health. If you’re gonna draft a guy in the top 20, you kinda want to have faith that he’ll rehab from surgery correctly and be ready to start the season, no? Rhetorical. Of COURSE you do. The key thing here is that Rob is of a special class of TE, the rare ‘set it and forget it’ type that we all love but we might not have that from him for the 2013 Fantasy Football season and this scares us all greatly. Sorry for partying indeed, Mr. Gronk. If there is yet another surgery and the infection lingers, owners might wanna shy away from Rob for this season in redraft leagues unless he goes low enough. In other news for fantasy football…

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The news hit my twitterfeed like there was a cure for cancer. Arizona trades for Carson Palmer! Finally, Larry Fitzgerald has a real quarterback throwing to him! It’ll be just like old times for Fitzy! And this is much longer than twitter will ever allow for one tweet! It must’ve been broken up over like 5! And I can’t stop using exclamation points!!!…!!! It’s true, the Cardinals finally got their man in Carson to do away with the 3-headed dreck of Stanton, Hoyer and Skelton for the season and it’s also true that Carson will most likely be successful in his stint in the desert. But let’s do like your mother did when you said you’d grow up to marry a Super Model and create a sock that never loses its elasticity: lower your expectations. It’s true that Carson is an upgrade over all those guys – and even Kevin Kolb who’s now with the Bills – but the upgrade that’s still needed hasn’t truly happened. Unless you think being a quarterback in Arizona is linked to the world’s oldest profession, you realize a QB can’t do their job while lying on their back. The Cardinals had either the worst or at least bottom 5 among offensive lines in the NFL last year according to most metrics. Don’t worry, Americans, you don’t have to understand the metric system to get how bad these stats are. The Cardinals line gave up the fourth most sacks (49), had the lowest ‘adjusted line yards’ mark at 2.92 and the team as a whole averaged 3.4 yards per carry on the ground. Those stats are like a surgeon performing a transplant: disheartening. However, the good thing we can say here is the Raiders line was not leaps and bounds better so there’s hope for a reasonable season to come from Carson and from his receiving crew. Just don’t go crazy with the twitter love and exclamation points about it. In other 2013 fantasy football news…

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Sing it with me! His name was Kevin/He was a Cardinal/He had a 6 year 60 mil deal and then played 15 games in 2 years…and on and on and so forth. What, you thought you’d get the full song outta me? BUY THE ALBUM! Kids these days with their Napsters and their Limewire. You could buy the single if you prefer for .99 cents or the deluxe $1.99 one that has an image of me signing a fan’s boobs. I didn’t realize I had such a male following but when you dress to impress, you get to sign flesh. But back to the moral of the story here: don’t sign man boobs when a camera is near by. And for another moral to a story that’s more relevant to the topic at hand, while NCAA fans were getting treated to a Shocker for the first time this weekend, the Buffalo Bills were signing Kevin Kolb to a 2 year deal on Saturday worth a very incentive-laden $13 million. Now here’s where I’m about to zig where a million people are zagging and no I’m not talking about those poor Gonzaga fans out there: I like this move. I’m prepared for the hate, bring it snitches! Here’s what we know about Kolb. We know that he was – for the most part – unsuccessful in his stint in Arizona. However, we also know that no QB was successful in Arizona over the last two years and a majority of this can be put on the offensive line which ranked by many metrics either dead last or in the bottom five for O-Lines in the NFL. Hard to be good with the ball from your backside unless you’re an escort and Kolb is no different. But let’s get back to that ‘for the most part’ statement I said earlier. After stepping in for John Skelton late in week 1, Kolb produced the line of 1,169 passing yards, 8 touchdowns and 3 interceptions and led the Cardinals to a 4-2 start. In essence, he played 5 games before getting hurt against the Bills. Extrapolate those stats across, say, 15 games and you have 24 touchdowns, 9 interceptions and over 3,500 passing yards. Those stats would’ve put him as a top 20 QB for fantasy, possibly a top 15. Now I’m not saying to go buck-wild crazy for Kevin at this point. We still have a draft coming up and it’s very possible the Bills draft Nassib to reunite Marrone with his ‘Cuse QB but Kolb is in a better situation in Buffalo. If he’s the starter for 2013, he’s very worthy of a roster spot in 2QB or 1QB/1QB flex leagues and one to keep your eye on for this year. Sound crazy? Well Ryan Fitzpatrick has been a top 20 QB for the last two straight years behind a solid line with decent skill-position players surrounding him. I do believe that as your floor is exciting enough considering he’ll probably go nowhere near the top 20 QBs come draft day. And with that, here’s a look at some other news going on from this weekend for 2013 fantasy football…

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There is a general inkling in fantasy football that the third year of a wide receiver’s career can and usually is their breakout year in the NFL. Over the course of the off-season, Razzball will take a look at some wideouts heading into their third year in the league and see if they’re a breakout candidate for 2013 fantasy football. This week we will review Randall Cobb.

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Yup, it’s that time of year. The time of year where football is all about the what ifs and the maybes and the possiblies. A time where everyone could have value and no pick could possibly go wrong. So of course this was a great time to have a Mock Draft when the world is your oyster and you get to shuck the hell out of it. So with that mindset, I joined Murph for a little bit of late February, early March mockery of the 2013 fantasy football draft system. Let’s just look at how I did, shall we? Yes, let’s:

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