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“Oh baby I like it raw. Yeah baby I like it raw.”

We play a fantasy game that tabulates stats from the performances of human beings playing the real game of football. To win, one must devoid emotion from the process and select the players that project to score the most points. It’s a very cold and robotic process, something the NFL (No Fun League) is probably ecstatic about. Yet, we are human. Antonio Brown scores two touchdowns and starts twerking in the endzone? We are on cloud 9 and put Antonio on the short list of baby names. C.J. Anderson fumbles at the goal line, costing countless owners a win, and people flock to Twitter and send death threats and racial slurs. One of the excuses I see thrown around to explain this behavior is that fans are passionate (but that’s not an excuse for stupidity, but that’s another discussion for another day). Okay. But you know what? Football players are humans too!!! And they have just as much passion, if not more than you or I. How else could you explain the willingness to consciously get into multiple car crashes a day?

I’ve seen so much silliness the past week regarding Odell Beckham Jr.

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The Age of Latavius officially commenced on November 20, 2014. That was the night when the world witnessed a 6′ 3″, 230 pound rarity put on a performance that could only be described as, well, out of this world. Four carries, 112 yards, and two touchdowns.

With Darren McFadden and Maurice Jones-Drew in the latter stages of their careers, Murray would take over the backfield and form a young, exciting duo with quarterback Derek Carr. To finish out the 2014 season, Murray rushed 68 times for 258 yards and caught 11 passes for an additional 108 yards. He did not score a touchdown. Entering the 2015 season, there was tremendous optimism for Murray’s prospects, as he was the unquestioned starter on an up-and-coming team. 266 carries for 1,066 yards, 41 receptions for 232 yards, and six touchdowns. Not bad, but not delivered-from-the-heavens great. With an improved offensive line and upgraded defense entering the 2016 season, the stars were aligned. Unfortunately, through three games, Murray has rushed 32 times for 153 yards, caught eight passes for 58 yards, and scored three touchdowns. Ladainian Tomlinson, in his prime, would put that up in one game!

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It has not been a good start for owners of Golden Tate. Not only does he have a stat line of 9 receptions on 16 targets for 54 yards, but newly-acquired Marvin Jones has been ballin’ to the tune of 12 receptions on 21 targets for 203 yards. To make matters worse, Jones was drafted 3-4 rounds later in drafts. The Jones Truthers are “Living La Vida Loca” right now and for good reason. Coming into the season, Jones and Tate were said to be 1a and 1b. After Week 2, it sure looks like Jones is the bonafide #1 now. Is he? I keep hearing about aDOT (Average Depth of Target) as one of the main reasons why Tate will be polishing Jones’ cleats but, I went back and watched the game against the Titans. My conclusion?

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Recently, Bank of America Merrill Lynch said there’s a “20%-50% chance that we’re living in the matrix.” Are they sowing the seeds for their next great transfer of wealth scheme? Okay, I’ll take off my tinfoil hat. If we are living in a matrix, then it makes sense that we continue to mine the data and utilize statistical analysis for the fake game that we all love so much. But, sometimes there are observations made outside of the numbers that can focus our attention on a particularly useful piece of information…

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For the unfortunate few that did not have the pleasure of experiencing Tom Vu in the late 80’s, you truly missed out. His infomercials were the best thing on late night television, which prompted In Living Color, Saturday Night Live, and Family Guy to all pay homage to him. Put all the clowning to the side, though, because we as fantasy football degenerates should emulate the great Mr. Vu. Look past the terrible accent, the allegations of securities fraud and false advertising, the beautiful women, and the fancy cars. What do we have? The OG of VBD (Value Based Drafting). Okay, David Dodds and Joe Bryant over at created VBD for fantasy football, but Tom Vu was VBDing in real life before fantasy football was cool. Look past all the sizzle and you will see that, at the core, he was all about finding value. Scooping up distressed properties (foreclosures, bankruptcies, divorces, tax liens) and milking a profit from them. Sound familiar?

Come to my seminar and I will show you the best value in the fantasy football market today!!!

Virgil Green. Is it any coincidence that the color of money is green? I think not.

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Al Gore has never received the respect he deserves. He was the 45th Vice President of the United States, the Democratic Party’s nominee for President in 2000, Nobel Peace Prize winner in 2007, on the Board of Directors of Apple, and senior advisor to Google. Yet, he’s known as the guy that “invented the internet.” The only problem with that, though, is he didn’t actually say that. What he did say was, “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.” Change a few words, take things out of context then…POOF. A narrative is born. Enough outlets pick up the headline and it becomes a national story.

Frank Gore is no longer receiving the respect that he deserves in fantasy football. According to FantasyPros ADP data, Gore is being selected as the 32nd running back and 75th player overall.

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Jordan and Chicago go together like peaches and cream, Le’Veon Bell and weed, the sun and the moon, the Jets and Al Toon, wind and water, Johnny Manziel and TMZ fodder, night and day, and Razzball and fantasy pay days. The last championship for the Bears was back in 1985. It looks like management is trying to hearken the ghosts of past success by merging the iconic name of Jordan with the Windy City again.

With the 150th overall pick of the 2016 NFL Draft, the Chicago Bears selected running back Jordan Howard of Indiana University. Howard is 6’0″, 230 lbs and runs a 4.60 40-yard dash and 7.14 3-cone. He’s not a gangbanger with speed. Rather, he’s more like an agile bulldozer with NOS. Raise the front blade and watch defenders succumb.

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Today’s entertainment comes from Alice Cooper, who sang He’s Back for the movie Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. Gotta love the 80’s. If you’ve never watched the Friday the 13th movies, all I can say is… For the unfortunate few, a brief synopsis goes like this: Jason, the killer who wears a hockey mask, never dies. He’s worse than the Energizer bunny. The fourth movie of the series was titled, The Final Chapter. The next year, A New Beginning was released. Good times Hollywood. All in all, a total of 12 movies for the series were made. This brings me to the segue for fantasy football. There’s been a certain player that has been hyped incessantly for the past two years. If only he got his chance, the pundits would say. Even when a team cut him, the narrative would remain positive. Now he can showcase his talents, they would say. Rather than ask why he was cut, the “Truthers” would look for the team that would be the best fit for him to finally dominate.

Who is this masked man? Christine Michael.

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I hope I don’t get sued for using the CW logo. Who am I kidding? I’m sure they would appreciate the exposure to the four people that read this article. With that said, they have come a long way from their UPN/WB days. You know, that channel that gave us hits such as Homeboys in Outer Space, The Mullets and Platypus Man. To be fair, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a hit and I got my wrestling fix from WWE SmackDown.

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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When I discovered that Brandon LaFell’s nickname was “JoJo,” I immediately went to YouTube and looked up one of my favorite songs to sing at karaoke. It’s a song that describes owning LaFell in fantasy football. You see… Lately is about a guy that thinks his girl is cheating on him. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it but it’s impossible not to. The signs are smacking him right in the face. At some point, he needs to deal with it and move on.

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