Greetings! Many of you were no doubt overwrought about my possible whereabouts this past week. Yes, slaying Kings in Canada can be quite dangerous, especially when considering the monstrous killer whales, man-flesh desiring grizzly bears, seals that will bite your dong off when you’re urinating off the bow of the boat, bald eagles that would […]
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Author: LT Murray IV
Male model, philanthropist, Follower of the Elder Gods, and a Fantasy Sports Legend.
Read some of LT Murray IV's 106 posts
2015 Disgraces and Delights: Tight Ends
August 13, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Fantasy Football Rankings | 26 Commentsby: LT Murray IV
Greetings! Did you all enjoy that exhilarating Hall of Fame game as much as I did? Landry Jones looks about as valuable as Kim Kardashian before she so eloquently played the meat flute on camera. Seriously, preseason football is harder to watch than that Hulk Hogan sex tape, you know the one where he simultaneously drilled his best friend’s ex-wife AND managed to slip the “N” word out multiple times? Okay, enough about sex tapes. You’re not here to listen to me bash celebrities (or are you?). You’re here to get Beddict’s take on the TE position, a position that I must admit, I’m a little down on this season. Jimmy Graham has been traded away from a high-flying passing attack to a ground-and-pound system that is bound to disappoint. I’d say it’s akin to the falloff from season one of True Detective to season two.
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Greetings! It’s not often that I deliver a double dose of Beddict, but when Jay calls for me, I come flying like an arrow shot by Robin Hood himself! Bullseye Muthaf*cka! By the way, I meant the Kevin Costner Robin Hood, not that flagrantly foul Russell Crowe garbage. Talk about disappointments! I was ridiculously jacked for that flick, but ended up staying up nights, sweating my nuts off, wondering what went wrong. Probably very much like what every night of Adrian Brody’s life has been like since he won an Oscar.
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Greetings!!! Your boy, Beddict the Elder God chosen, has finally been given the blessed opportunity to compete with this great nation’s finest in putting out Fantasy Football Rankings. What difference does it make if 46 people had to quit for the legendary Jay to reach deeeeeeep into his bench to elevate me to this position of power? Did Doug Williams screw the pooch, or did he lead his team to glory in a time of need? Did Tom Brady shizz the bed, or did he become arguably the greatest quarterback of all time and marry arguably the world’s hottest woman? Yep, the Elders say I’m next to blow (blow up, not blow dong), and I for one trust in their judgement.
NFL training camps have started up, and I couldn’t be more excited if I was a middle-aged woman clawing my way to the front row of the latest Magic Mike flick, with the possibility of full frontal scene from Channing Tatum. Hey, the guy can move, ya’ll. With that being said, it’s time to dive in to my first set of rankings, showcasing the most exciting and probably most important position group… Kickers. Aaaaahkaaaay, that may not be true, but I’m still going to ask that you read. NFL offenses are on full tilt these days, spreading the field and chucking the rock, giving kickers more scoring opportunities than ever before, making what kicker you actually end up with even less important… Did I just contradict myself? Probably not the first time, but say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he admits his faults.
I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Last Week: 9-5-2, Season Record: 94-69-4
Greetings! I come to you humbled and begging your forgiveness after my lock of the week pushed this past week, as the Seahawks failed to put their foot on the neck of the Whiners for reasons I’m still struggling to figure out. Myself and the Hawks will make up for it this week, and that’s a guarantee straight from the horses mouth… I’ve been compared to a horse for reasons I’ll leave up to your imagination, and I’m not talking Mr. Ed. Wiiiiiiiilllbuuuuuuur. Put on your big boy/girl thong and let’s get this mula!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Beddict: Sons of Razzball, I am Tehol Beddict.
Razzball Reader: But Tehol Beddict is seven feet tall!
Beddict: Yes, I’ve heard. He has an ass like Hercules, kills men and women in fantasy football by the hundreds, and if he were here, he’d consume our opponents with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I AM TEHOL BEDDICT. And I see a whole army of my readers, here in defiance of coming out a loser this week. You have come to play with these Elder God blessed athletes, and ye are blessed in the same fashion. What will you do with your chosen soldiers? Will you fight?
VETERAN Razzballer: Fight? Against that? No, we will run, and we will start preparing for our fantasy baseball dynasty leagues.
Beddict: Aye, fight and you may lose in embarrassing fashion. Run and you’ll at least have made it the finals and kept some minimal amount self respect– at least for a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell your opponents that they may have boned your wife/husband before you married them, but they’ll never take your FANTASY TITLE?!
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!
Please, blog, may I have some more? Betting with Beddict, Week 15: Niners Remains Eaten by the Birds
December 13, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football | 13 Commentsby: LT Murray IV
Last Week: 9-6-1, Season Record: 85-64-2, Lock of the Week: 8-2
Greetings! Another week, another lock nailed by the hammer otherwise known as Tehol Beddict. Below you will find my NFL picks for the week with a few tidbits of fantasy advice mixed in. Take heed, for when have I led you astray?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Has any one set your gaze upon the mystifyingly glorious Great Pyramid of Giza? Perhaps you’ve often thought about, as I have, about dedicating your lives to attempt to discover the whereabouts of the remnants of the Ancient Gardens of Babylon? Indeed, we’ve all fantasized about having a magnificent statue erected of ourselves, such as the statue of Zeus at Olympia, where we shall ever be remembered for our celebrated conquests and remarkable achievements. Truly you, like me, Tehol Beddict, have ever fantasized about bending over some fair maiden in the Lighthouse of Alexandria, all the while marveling at the thunderous waves crash far below. If what I say is true, and you know it is, then you’ve more than likely often dreamt about the power and the glory that is none other than Julio Jones.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Greeting and salutations! Tis I, Beddict, back from a Thanksgiving vacation full of oiled up women and turkey basters galore. I come to you rejuvenated and ready to finish the season strong. I missed my 2nd lock of the week two weeks ago with Minnesota back-dooring me at home against Green Bay, and I’m just now getting over the burning sensation in my soul that makes the savage sting from a Portuguese man o’ war seem like a nip from a 15-year-old, toothless Beagle.
I sort of made up for it with a 5-0 week during my vacation. Did that pay for my mortgage for a year or just erase my debt to the Russian Mob? I’ll never tell. The quest for the perfect week continues… I suppose I was perfect last week but that wasn’t my usual full slate of games. I’m not one to look for the easy way out… unless of course I’m locked in Sky’s basement again. In that case, I’ll always take the easy way out, for that was one of the most trying and terrifying moments of my life. Let’s get on with it before I have to blow another six figures on my therapist.
Please, blog, may I have some more? Betting With Beddict, Week 12: High and Mighty
November 22, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 18 Commentsby: LT Murray IV
Overall: 71-58-1, Locks: 7-1
Greetings! Beddict here, weak and heavily medicated. For you see, I banged my chin on a flawless white marble kitchen countertop in a home owned by Celine Dion while shooting a soft core porn for Cinemax that should be out sometime in 2016. That’s right ya’ll, Beddict’s got 15 stitches in his chinny-chin-chin, and you’ll witness it on Razzball Radio and The Fantasy Sports Network next Tuesday. I was thinking about taking advantage of the situation and getting a chin implant. such as this one here, but after speaking with the Elders, it was decided that now is not the time.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Greetings!! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, back again to praise those players who went above and beyond in pleasing their fantasy owners. It’s also a place where I purge my detestation of the players who either blew plush match-ups or were just outright dreadful. And there’s something that’s been vexing me as of late. Something more troubling than Nicolas Cage’s career choices, something more perplexing than Jim Carrey and Mike Myers’s epic fall offs, something even more disturbing than my and Sky’s combined porn collections. That something, you ask? Colin Kaepernick. After the Niners made the Super Bowl in Kaepernick’s first year on the job, I envisioned greatness; a taller, stronger Michael Vick. Instead, we’re getting a Joe Webb clone (no offense to Joe Webb. I love that guy. But still…). Except Webb would more than likely have at least ONE rushing TD on the season. Seriously, I haven’t seen a regression like this since Steven Segal after he dropped the classic Under Siege on us, following it with a bunch of DVD’s that I now use as beer coasters. [Jay’s Note: You shut your mouth about Glimmer Man. That movie is a classic.]
The Niners have been a bit banged up on the offensive line, but no more than any other teams in the NFL, so I’m not allowing that as an excuse. The front office has brought in a multitude of new weapons including Stevie Johnson, Carlos Hyde, and Bruce Ellington. I won’t even mention the name of the bum tight end they drafted in the 2nd round last year, but still another offensive weapon nonetheless. When you add Crabtree, Boldin, and Vernon Davis to the mix, we should be talking about one of the, if not the best arsenals in all of football. Instead, Kaepernick has put up the worst QBR of his career and the offense simply isn’t functioning. Over the past two seasons, San Fran has one of the most pathetic red zone offenses I’ve ever witnessed. Much of this has to do with the gross play calling of offensive coordinator Greg Roman. Either Roman needs to go, or Kaepernick needs to go, for this is getting out of hand. I thought Kaepernick was selected by the Elder Gods to take over the NFL. I used to believe he was superior to Russell Wilson. Now I wouldn’t take him over Tyler Wilson.
This is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!
Please, blog, may I have some more? Betting With Beddict, Week 11: Sanchize the Savior?
November 15, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 45 Commentsby: LT Murray IV
Week 10: 8-5, Overall: 63-53-1, Locks: 6-1
Greetings! What up doe!? It is I, Beddict, returning to your warm embrace after another successful lock of the week call. Imagine how much dough I’d have if I bet my entire Razzball salary on each of my locks and kept letting it ride! Enough money to get my mom out the hood, with enough left over for a state of the art, chicken coop, for my loving Beatrice. This week, I’m going all in. Join me or sit back from afar, either laughing at my demise or throwing rose petals on the ground, I walk as the Elder God blessed grand champion of gambling ATS. Have you witnessed the ESPN dude’s record this year, or last year for that matter? Yeeesh! I’m already 0-1 this week after foolishly putting my faith in the Bills, but let’s not dwell on the past by talking about how disgraceful the Bills offense was, or even how Ryan Tannehill ended my fantasy life by missing Mike Wallace on two HUGE plays. Seriously, Tannehill is gutter trash when it comes to throwing the football deep. It sickens me to levels beyond human comprehension… but as I said, let’s not dwell on the past…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!?!? F*CKING WHY!?!?!?!?!?
Please, blog, may I have some more?