Greetings! I write this to you, loyal subjects of Beddict, from the trap-house, the one I share on lengthy drug-bingeing weekends with a pink-haired beauty named Maleficent. I’d give the skin off my balls for 20 minutes of slumber, but you know what, upsetting sweet Jay by not having a post submitted today would latch a gonorrhea burn to my soul for the remainder of my days on planet earth, and that’s something I’d prefer not to live with. Let’s proceed, shall we, aaaaaahkay!

So, I’ve noticed many an “expert” have fully turned to the “zero running back theory” this season, and much like the time I accidentally witnessed two men play hide the salami, I’m somewhat curious… Should I adopt this theory as my own, maybe even attempt to say that I invented it after witnessing a distinguished member of my home league run the table on his way to fantasy glory five years ago? I, much unlike Ralph Lifshitz, who stole my entire style and ran with it to fame and glory, don’t have the blackened soul of demon, therefore taking credit for something I didn’t actually do (even though I kind of did) just doesn’t sit right with me. Did I mention Ralph stole my soulmate and now lives with her and my children in an old trap house I used to cook meth at in Boston? WHY, RALPH, WHY?!?!? All I did was gave you a style for you to run with. Smiling in my face, glad to break bread with the God… I’m getting sidetracked here, or should I say: ” I digress”? Do people still say that? Truly got to a point where I’d become furious upon reading that statement. Anyway, “I digress” yet again, and for that I apologize. Where we we? Ahhhhh, yes, zero running back theory. Does it work? Sure, if all the receivers you draft early have monster years and the running backs you draft late all become breakout stars. Or, my goodmen, you could flip the whole game on it’s back and give it the kind of pounding Peter North would be proud of by, WAIT FOR IT, WAAAAAAAAAAAIT FOR IT… taking advantage of your league-mates going to this system, while you sit back, blow a bag to the face, and calmly select a pair of elite running backs in the first three rounds, creating a powerhouse of the likes we haven’t witnessed since the Elder Gods openly walked the earth, burning grown a** men with beams of light from their eyeballs and piping down any women of their choosing. WITNESS!

Yes, I understand that statistics show that running backs are more likely to fall off a cliff statistically or get injured, but hey, guess what? There is a bit of luck involved with Fantasy Football. SHOCKER ALERT! Or hey, how about this: you could also draft a wide receiver early that gets hurt or has a down year. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND!?!?!?! My goodmen, you’ve got to be realistic about these things; even the likes of Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage have had down years, and if it can happen to them, it can happen to Antonio Brown or DeAndre Hopkins. If you go running backs early, the key is reaching a bit on high upside young wideout like Kevin White or better yet, taking a risk on Josh Gordon a round or two early, whom theoretically could easily be a top-five wideout when/if he returns after four weeks. Am I saying Gordo is going to be that? Not necessarily, I’m just giving you a couple examples to work with here. Am I totally against the zero RB theory? That’s a negative, Ghostrider. In a recent “expert” best ball draft, I went wideouts early and then gambled on Matt Jones and Jeremy Langford. Of course I had already drafted LeSean McCoy with my 2nd round pick, but I gambled on the fact that these two had just very recently gotten injured, causing them to slip quite heavily in the draft, giving me major upside at those slots. Now, if both of them work out and have the seasons I believe them capable of, I’m gonna drop more bodies than an Adderall’d out Chris Kyle. What’s the moral of this story, you ask? Other than pissing Jay off by writing and insanely long intro with no real point? The point is, my goodmen, that just as their always has been, there are multiple ways for you to win your fantasy league this season. Look for value no matter what the position, and pounce on studs like a Priest in a room full of teenage alter boys.

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is my Top 200 overall Standard Rankings. TAKE HEED!

  1. Vinny Boombatz says:
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    Brilliant! Thanks for the Ralph dirt, suspected as much. Your vast Hunter Thompsonesque talent is wasted on football.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Vinny Boombatz: Thank you my goodman. where would it be better put to use. I’m ready to go

      • Vinny Boombatz says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: political porn satire.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Vinny Boombatz: interesting. is there money in the field?

  2. CMUTimmah says:
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    It’s almost like comparing candidates for president… I need someone whose ideals line up with my own.

    That being said, just your top 10 rankings mirroring what I’ve penciled in as my own gives me a little chubby and is sure to get you a vote of confidence from me (don’t worry, it won’t count, there will be a hanging chad or something stopping me from mattering in the fantasy prognosticator election).

    I’m looking for some insight though. What is your reasoning behind Watkins being higher than De-De Hopkins? Is it strictly QB related? Because I have more faith in Hopkins’ skill than Watkins QB? Is this really a coin flip for you when it comes down to it? I’m picking first overall, 2nd overall and 4th overall in my leagues that matter.

    The first overall I’m thinking Brown, obviously. It’s a PPR league, and 14 teams, so I’m looking to be in your Aaron Rodgers/Langford area with my second pick. Here is where punting RBs becomes stomachable. Langford is good, but not great, and far from a sure thing to be THE guy in Chicago. Rodgers is nice, but in PPR, QBs aren’t as big of a disparity as WRs/TEs/RBs. So I’m actually leaning towards going WR-WR-WR and taking Marshall and PPR dynamo Edelman… with PPR RBs on the board worth taking a look at in rounds 4-5. Leaving me with a QB in the Bortles/Eli/Rivers area. I’m actually liking those three as QBs with some upside. Thoughts?

    2nd pick – It’s going to be Gurley. Then a standard draft plan from there. That’s only 10 teams, so talent won’t be hard to come by in rounds 4-5, so it’ll be best player fit throughout for that one.

    4th pick – tricky. Non-PPR, so I’ll be happy to see Gurley or Johnson available. Then again, standard draft plan. 12 teams, so I’ll be looking at decent options through round 6 again.

    So to summarize, I think draft position and league size comes into play pretty large here. Additionally, I think you’re able to waiver your way into a top 20 RB way easier than a top 30 WR, as long as you control yourself throughout the season to raise your priority… Thoughts?

    • @CMUTimmah:

      Dude, Watkins had the highest points per touch than any wide reciever but Brown, and had a horrible first 7 games. So, for laymens like yourself, he’s better on a per touch basis, which means he should be higher up the ranks than Hopkins. His Damage Per Offensive Attempt (DOA) score is just sublime. Next article, don’t ask such uneducated questions about top tier WR, please. DO YOUR RESEARCH.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @CMUTimmah: @Sargent Wank-Wank: so what you’re saying, Sargent, is that you agree with where I had him ranked? Love you

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @CMUTimmah: I’m so happy we’re on the same page, my goodman. Appreciate the hard-on. half chub is better than no chub. at least, that’s what my girlfriend says.

      I just like Watkins to have a monster season. as Sargent wank me so eloquently put it below, Watkins absolutely went Green eggs and HAM last season after the first 7 games. imagine those kinds of targets over a full season. Also, the Texans have more weapons on offense this season so I expect Hopkins touches to go down.

      Bottles would be selection out of the QBs you mentioned as I have him as a top 10 option this yea so you’d do well to get him there. Edelman is money in ppr so wherever you take him is all good with me. but uhhhh, where are you getting a running back.?

      Oh Gurley, love him at 2. I’m fine with that and would prob take him there.

      David Johnson or Gurley at 4 is prefect. if they both gone thats Julio or ODB is the pick. Julio for me.

      I agree with your thoughts on it being easier to get a valuable running back off waivers than a wideout, which i believe is the reason behind most people going with that zero rb theory. I just like to think I can do whatever it takes. Have faith in thy self. The Lord believes in you. thanks for the interesting subject matter. I shall think it over and respond again on the morn

  3. Mgeezy says:
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    Hey bud,

    I have 1st pick in a 14 team league :/. This is PPR, no question I take Antonio B? Or do I go Gurley/David J since RBs are tough to get by the time I get my next pick, snake draft

    • SpammerJay says:
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      @Mgeezy: I was in the same boat for 12 teams. I took Gurley/Watkins/McCoy

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @SpammerJay: thats a sexy trio bruh. just came in my thong. kudos G

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mgeezy: If it’s PPR it must be Antonio Brown. tho if Bell wasn’t suspended I’d go there. Gurley or Johnson is def worth the pick but Antonio getting 140 grabs a year making him a an absolute monster. u can find some ppr rbs later like Woodhead/Powell/Lions guys. I’d go Brown. I just did.

  4. I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor and $6000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:
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    i doubt jaywrong is angry about a long intro.

  5. Justin says:
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    Thanks for the rankings! Is there any chance you do 2qb league ranks? Just wanted your take on where to draft Qbs in a 2 Qb league. I have the 9th pick in a 10 team 2 QB standard scoring league.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Justin: No, Justin, Thank you!!!! I could maybe do that for ya! but generally speaking, in Two QB leagues, a lot of people go back to back with first two picks or two of first 3 if you got a sleeper in my mind. its not something I’ve done a lot of but that’s what I would do since it’s so important. Maybe you could get a Tyrod in 3rd or 4th? what you think?

      • justin says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: i was thinking of taking the best WR/RB available with my first pick(which is 9th). and then for my second pick, take the best available QB. and then do the same for round 3(best RB/WR) and maybe in 4th i could do tyrod as you said. that could work well.

  6. justin says:
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    Hey, what do you think about this team. 2 QB league, standard scoring. 9th pick.

    Adrian Peterson, MIN
    Drew Brees, NO
    Sammy Watkins, BUF
    Kirk Cousins, WAS
    Carlos Hyde, SF
    Jeremy Maclin, KC
    Jarvis Landry, MIA
    Coby Fleener, NO
    John Brown, ARI
    Melvin Gordon, SD
    Alex Smith, KC
    Marvin Jones, DET
    Houston Texans, HOU
    Kevin White, CHI
    Darren Sproles, PHI
    Steven Hauschka

    should i have picked russell wilson at 9th instead of peterson?

    • PomPom says:
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      @justin: I play a lot of 2 QB leagues. I would have even waited on Brees. I won several leagues with a similar combination of Stafford/Winston or Palmer/Cousins. Peterson was the right choice there and on your turn, I would have taken the best WR or RB. You can win your league with (2) Top 14 QBs if you have better skill positions.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @PomPom: aaaaaaahkay, so maybe you don’t go QB with first two picks hahaha, again, this isn’t my specialty, but it would be tempting. yep, just got to read your draft. I like your team as is so Im fine with Brees pick as he will go off as per usual. this is a playoff team

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @justin: Nah man, Peterson is great pick there as I have Cousins as a top 10 option. YOU DID GREAT!!!!. receivers look super sexy. Kudos, my goodman. I love what you did here.

  7. PomPom says:
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    .5 PPR /12 man/Auction. I am trying to develop a strategy of getting top tier WR2 that will be WR1 in an auction style draft. I am looking to have a Watkins ($40) Evans (40) and Hilton (30) Cobb (20) D Parker (9) and roughly have about $50 left to fill in the rest of my team with the likes of Langford, Foster, Dewayne Allen, Yeldon , Ivory and any top 14 QB like Winston or Taylor. Do you think my strategy is sound or do you feel you need a Top 10 player ADP to pull a championship off?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @PomPom: I’m higher on Langford than almost anyone so I’m totally fine with that. .that is a savage wideout core. Foster could be fairly relevant and the Jags RB combo would be nice, whichever you end up with . . Yeldon should get some grabs and Ivory all the short yardage TDS plus normal work. this could def work. Im VERY HIGH on ALLEN. love him this year. Tyrod at QB and you could win it all. I would be a tad nervous at RB with this tho. you’ll have to attack waivers which I’m sure you will. this team def has my attention

  8. RicoSuave says:
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    Good stuff Tehol,

    I’m new to Fantasy Football (I’ve done Baseball and Basketball)
    I’m in a 12 team PPR league and pick #12 (snake draft) what do you think my strategy should be? who to target in my first two picks (12 and 13 overall)?

    1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 Def. team, 1 RB/WR/TE and 7 bench spots…

    Thanks in advance

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @RicoSuave: Rico………SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAVE!!!! HOW ARE THINGS!??!!? Great having you on board. Glad you enjoyed. Anywhooooooooooo, its nice being at that spot as you can get two elite players back to back. Read your draft board and take the most talent. Oooooh, it’s PPR? I’d grab your favorite receiver and LeVeon Bell if nobody has taken him yet. If someone has taken him maybe go wideout wideout and hit running back the next time around. lets talk this through

      • RicoSuave says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: awesome! thanks man… and looking forward to reading your write ups…

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @RicoSuave: thanks bruh. glad to have you on the team!

  9. Harrison Ford in Air Force One says:
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    Thoughts on this squad? 10 team standard Yahoo (3WR, 2 RB, FLEX). I’m a little worried about injuries/young guys not panning out, but feel like there’s a pretty high ceiling

    QBs: Romo, Brady
    RBs: Gurley (k), Latavius Murray, Woodhead, Powell, McKinnon, James White
    WRs: Dez Bryant, Jordy, Cooks, Moncrief, M. Floyd, Tajae Sharpe
    TE: Fleener
    DEF: Seattle

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Harrison Ford in Air Force One: you know what, Harrison? I mother Effing love this squadron! Two of my favorite running backs and EXTREMELY nasty wideouts. great job at QB and Defense and Fleener should have big year. backup RBS are a little shaky but White and woodhead both useable . I like what you did. I respect you

      • Harrison Ford in Air Force One says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Haha word, appreciate the feedback. I’m a baseball regular, pumped to be over on the football side of things now too. Let’s have a good year

  10. Spring Blake says:
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    Lord Beddict,

    Keep 3 of the following:

    Ingram-5th round
    Luck – 4th round
    Langford – 9th round
    j matthews -8th round

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Spring Blake: Blake!

      1. Ingram
      2. Langfrod
      3. ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Luck.

      thats a tough call. Matthews should bounce back but he was so ass last year I cant trust him in any way. thanks for checking in

  11. Spring Blake says:
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    Luck was pretty ass too which makes it tough, haha. I like the matthews bounceback too, but so hard to trust him after he tanked a few of my teams.

    Thanks for the answer!

  12. Nick says:
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    Mr Tehol. I’m en-route to Vegas but wanted to share my first team drafted in a 10 team standard league….

    QB- Big Ben
    RB- D Johnson
    RB- D Freeman
    WR- Marshall
    WR- Maclin
    WR-J Brown
    TE- Barnidge
    Flex- L Murray
    K- Gano
    D-Zona
    Bench- Forsett, Starks, Vereen, Snead, S Smith Sr & T Taylor

    So my bench is definitely weak for 10 team & WR worries me a bit. Thoughts? Thanks bud! Also, pick red or black? I’m hoping the elder football gods are on my side this week!

  13. Rondo says:
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    I’m in a 12-team .5PPR league. My two keepers are A. Robinson (4th round) and Evans (7th round).I have the 4th pick in the 1st round and in our format you can start up to 4WR. Who are your top 5 from the list below for me to target on draft day?

    Format
    QB
    RB
    WR
    WR
    WR-RB
    WR-TE

    Antonio Brown
    Julio Jones
    A.J. Green
    Ezekiel Elliott
    Adrian Peterson
    Dez Bryant
    Jamaal Charles
    Le’Veon Bell

    Thanks.

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