Overall: 48-42-1, Locks: 4-1
Greetings!! Tis I, Beddict, your favorite chicken lover and gambling extraordinare. Hopefully, you’ve kept up with my picks the past two weeks on Twitter or in the comment section of my weekly Disgrace/Delight column. Oh, you don’t care about point spreads and real betting? What’s that you say? You come here for fantasy football advice, not for some former mankini model to put you up to your ears in debt and possibly ruin your life? Dudes/Dudettes, this is for fun! Chill out! It’s been my lifelong dream to write a weekly betting column, so can you at least pretend to enjoy it? Make your picks every week, beat me and receive thousands of kudos points, possibly even a razzball T-Shirt. Razzball, you know, the greatest website every created. Let’s get involved people! Think you’re more intelligent than me? (Don’t answer that!) Then put your knowledge of the NFL to the test below, for there is no greater challenge on earth than correctly choosing a high percentage of covers.
I made my Thursday Night Football pick in my Disgrace/Delight column, going with the Saints (-3). I was laughed at for calling it a lock, but we see how that turned out. Still, we won’t count it as the lock of the week since I never actually stated it was that. The Elder Gods have blessed me with many great bounties over the years. I have a feeling this week shall be one of my most blessed hauls ever. The quest for the perfect week continues.
Shall we begin? Take Heed!
8-7 with first lock of the week misshap with Buffalo not covering against Minnesota after continually shooting self in foot.
9-6 with hitting the lock of the week which was Miami (-6) on the road against Jacksonville
Lock of the Week: Philadelphia (-1.5) @ Houston. Philadelphia is superior to Houston in almost every facet of the game, so unless Arian Foster rushes for three-hundo, the Texans have no chance at winning this game. Philly had the game won in Arizona last week, but gave up a miraculous bomb to the Elder God-blessed Carson Palmer. Fortunately for the Eags, my Tahitian lover, A’ala, throws a better deep ball than Fitzpatrick. Has a nicer ass too. She hasn’t spoken to me since she found out I left underwear modeling in the rearview and chose to write about fantasy sports for a living. A’ala, if you’re reading, I miss that juicy donk like Shamu misses the ocean. My “dorsal fin” is certainly just as limp. Please call… or write… or email…
San Diego @ Miami (-1.5). With Varrett out, I like the Chargers to continue to struggle against the pass… that is, if Tannehill can reach deep within himself and become a competent downfield passer. Miami has a couple impressive wins in a row (okay, maybe beating Jacksonville isn’t that impressive), and has the look of playoff team. The injuries have begun to show for San Diego as they’ve now dropped two in a row. Still though, this game is more difficult to call than what Oprah’s weight is going to be on any given week. I’d stay away. [Jay’s Note: It should be noted that San Diego hasn’t won at Miami in what seems centuries.]
Jacksonville @ Cincinnati (-10.5). Another game I wouldn’t even think about touching, but I don’t feel comfortable supporting Jacksonville in any form or fashion at this moment (or ever). Cincy’s been more up and down than Nicolas Cage’s bank account, making it even less appealing. Cage, where you at boy?!?! Holla at me! I still watch The Rock at least once a month. I could see Andy Dalton transitioning pretty well to the big screen… just kidding.
Tampa Bay (+6.5) @ Cleveland. Switched this pick last minute, as I still have no faith in Brian Hoyer. I have no idea how the Brown’s run D has been so horrific… I understand Alex Mack is a great center, but that’s no excuse for getting your Charmin-soft running back drilled in the backfield on 75 percent of his carries. The Lovie Smith hiring looks tragic, as the Bucs were at least a competent team to end last year’s season. So now we’re 3/3 in games I wouldn’t feel comfortable betting on… that is, of course, if I wasn’t a total gambling junkie. So you know I’m throwin down on this, maaaaaan.
Washington (0) @ Minnesota. One of these teams beat the Dallas Cowboys on the road last week. The other needed a miracle to defeat Tampa Bay on the road. This is a “pick ’em” game… that’s a zero point spread to the layperson. RG3 is back in action, and I like him to enthrall the world like he once did a few years back. Even he can’t find DeSean Jackson deep, he still has Garçon and Jordan Reed to work the middle of the field with. Teddy Bridgewater has one of the more hideous throwing motions I’ve ever witnessed, and frankly, I don’t trust him. I’m tempted to make this my lock of the week, but that seems drastic. Or does it?
Arizona (+3) @ Dallas. I’m actually shocked Dallas is favored due to the fact there’s a solid shot that Brandon Weeden ends up starting in this contest. If that ends up being the case , I would definitely money-line the Cardinals here. Patrick Peterson should be back to cover Dez Bryant, though he looked horrendous in attempting to cover Jeramy Maclin last week. Patrick Peterson might be more overrated that Kevin Hart, but he’s still a freak athlete that should be able to stay with Bryant downfield. Beddict likes the Cardinals.
St. Louis @ San Francisco (-10). Seems a tad high, but we all remember the throttling San Fran gave the Rams on Monday Night Football in St. Louis a couple weeks back. Maybe you witnessed Kansas City beating the brakes off the team formerly known as “The Greatest Show on Turf”. Maybe you’re like me and refuse to give an ounce of respect to Brian Schottenheimer. Maybe 10 points isn’t enough. Niners all day.
Denver (-3) @ New England. The Broncos are dominating every team they come across lately.
Oakland (+14.5) @ Seattle. Betting against my home team for the 3rd week in a row is embarrassing, as I hadn’t bet against them in the two seasons prior. Buuuuuut, if my team can still win without covering the spread, that’s just as good right? Part of believes the Hawks are going to treat this winless Raiders team in the same fashion professional athletes and entertainers treat the Kardashian sisters, but 14.5 just seems a little high. Oaktown, baby. Peace to Too Short.
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (+1.5). With my favorite NFL corner, Jimmy Smith, injured, I have zero faith in the Ravens pass defense. With Bryant and Wheaton emerging for the Steelers as 2nd and 3rd receiver options, I like Pittsburgh to pull out the win. It’s as simple as that.
Indianapolis @ New York Giants (+3.5). The Colts defense were exposed for the frauds I thought they were last week in Pittsburgh, and I see no reason that Eli can’t decimate this secondary in similar fashion.
And there you have it– another fun filled episode of #BettingWithBeddict. Please make your picks below and feel free to ask fantasy questions as well, since, you know, this is a fantasy sports website after all. Want more intimacy with Beddict? Follow me on Twitter at @Tehol143. Happy Halloween.