Week 7 Fantasy Football Recap

It happens every season: the reigning Super Bowl champ gets shutout in the first half of his game before getting injured in the second-half comeback attempt, while the team that — just last year — was contending for worst team in the NFL so far this young century ends up with 400 passing yards and winning by 3 touchdowns. How’s that for an opening run-on sentence? I mean, you can just call that sentence the Broncos because you can run on it all day. Speaking of unlikely outcomes, the undrafted RB making his first career start — D’Ernest Johnson — dominated Thursday Night Football like he had a controller equipped with extra turbo buttons. Hey, let’s call it Samhain Syndrome — the greats are crushed, and the crushed arise to walk the earth.

Let’s check out what else happened on Sunday in week 7 of fantasy football:

Joe Burrow: Burrow’s been producing massive intended and completed air yards this year, and it was just a matter of time until his primetime receiver [checks notes] C.J. Uzomah would end up with his [double checks notes] 5th touchdown in 7 games. *sigh* Wait, but it’s a good sigh, kind of like when you’re watching the boy scouts clean up trash on the highway. Wait, why are you watching the boy scouts? ENYWHEY. Burrow finished week 7 with 416 passing yards, 3 TDs, and the one-time worst team in the NFL (the Bengals) defeated the Ravens, a team which many had Super Bowl hopes for. Ja’Marr Chase finished the game as the Bengal’s leading receiver with over 200 yards, 8 catches, and a TD. Chase has more receiving yards to start his career than the hagiography of great receivers, and soon the black smoke will arise from the Vatican to announce that Chase has become the Pope of Cincinatti. Congrats Bengals — you’ve proved the world wrong!

Ja'Marr Chase activated the spin cycle and took it 82 yards for the score 😤🤯🔥pic.twitter.com/jxW6R9uMet

— Yahoo Sports NFL (@YahooSportsNFL) October 24, 2021

Rashod Bateman: 3 catches on 6 targets for 80 yards in the Ravens’ loss. A couple of you have been asking about Bateman, and it’s a fine time to add him to your roster because he’s finished the past two games with 6 targets apiece. Soon, those targets will translate to more catches and he’ll be the American Psycho that kills your opponents. Wait, that’s Patrick Bateman…

Zach Wilson: The Jets’ rookie QB who has been warming the fantasy waiver wire bench all season suffered a PCL injury in Sunday’s game and was replaced by Mike White. This, of course, spells trouble for our Jamison Crowder hype pieces, and results in major selling points for Michael Carter (8 receptions and 67 yards). Because we here at Razzball provide you with the most in-depth analysis around, here’s a picture of Mike White that I found on the internet:

Damien Harris: I mean, we all kinda knew the Patriots would get extra rushing game practice going against the Jets, but as the Belichick Bunch marched up and down the field, they did so with a combined 30 rush attempts as a team. Harris took 14 of those, finishing with over 100 yards and 2 TDs. Harris has 3 100+ yard rushing games on the year and has cemented his place as the RB1 in the Boston suburbs (waits for breaking news that the Patriots have signed Frank Gore). Some people thought that the injury that kept Rhamondre Stevenson out of the game would affect Harris, but I think RS’ injury affects more the prospects of J.J. Taylor, who carried 9 times today and scored twice.

Damien Harris is lighting up the Jets early in this game pic.twitter.com/htch0AxsGu

— Ben Brown 🌻 (@BenBrownPL) October 24, 2021

Patrick Mahomes: Scary injury after a leaping defender slammed his unprotected head backwards. I mean, I’ve got some sciatica right now and I can barely stand without falling over, and Mahomes takes these hits like 5 times a game. Fingers crossed that Mahomes will be OK.

Khalil Herbert: Another hundo and managers with David Montgomery are wondering where their process went wrong. Zero RB managers are dancing in their undies shouting, “Told ya not to draft any useful RBs!” They’re in their undies because they lost their shirt gambling in Vegas on 6th round running backs.

Elijah Mitchell: What’s that about 6th round running backs? Is this the year? Hundo in the rain! All these weeks we’ve been watching the 49ers crash, but maybe Mitchell finally holds off Jeff Wilson and Trey Sermon to be fantasy relevant in the second half. Were you looking for this year’s Wayne Gallman? Here he is! But now where is Wayne Gallman this year?

D’Andre Swift: Gained nearly as many receiving yards as his air-yards prone teammate Kalif Raymond. I mean, if the Lions ever start blocking such that Swift can run (13 rushes, 48 yards), we’re looking at the second arrival of LaDanian Tomlinson. But right now, we’re just looking at the Curious Case of the RB Who Was WR8 on the week.

Zach Ertz: 3 catches, 66 yards, and a TD. Kyler Murray isn’t really running anymore so maybe a few more passing yards to share with the desert. You know who else is in the desert? Grey and DT! Look how young and virile they are. And DT even wore a Razzball shirt, possibly because he doesn’t own any other shirts. I dunno. I wear my Razzball gear to the gas station in rural Wisconsin and all I get are strange looks. The cashier shouts at me, “Why did you bring the gas into the station, that’s dangerous!” ENYWHEY. Is it Grey who is short, or DT who is tall? Drop your thoughts down in the comments! And why did they leave me in charge of the site while they’re watching the Celine Dion show? WE NEED ANSWERS.

Jimmy Garoppolo: Sure, let’s end this thing on a humorous note: Derrick Henry had more passing TDs than Jimmy G this week. Or, at least at the time of writing, Henry had more. I dunno. I’m gonna go watch a scary movie instead of waiting for the 49ers game to finish. Know what else is scary? My RazzBowl team which was set up on the assumption that the 49ers would actually play offense this year. Turns out this is Elijah Mitchell’s team after all.

Drop your comments down below, and let us know how your week 7 went!