I was recently bestowed with the duty, nay, the honor of hosting our annual fantasy football auction draft at my home. For this momentous occasion I would spare no expense. I dashed out to the store and purchased a beautiful new deep fryer for our many draft day frying needs.
It was a splendid purchase for a glorious day. We fried fish, mozzarella sticks, mini wieners covered in puff pastry, mushrooms, pizza rolls, pickles (spears not the inferior pickle chips), cheese curds, mac n cheese bites; you name it, we fried it!
I was so elated with my brilliant fryer acquisition that I was blind to the future deep fryer backlash rapidly approaching. First, the unavoidable stomach ache from pounds of random fried foods and the numerous visits to my porcelain throne the next day; yes, this fryer post-effect was to be expected and accepted.
But then the greasy fryer oil stench encasing my garage for days to come, this I did not anticipate. Next, there’s the matter of fryer oil disposal. Did you know skunks like heavily used fryer oil? Well they do! Note to the reader: Do not dispose of used fryer oil on the brush pile in your fire pit unless you want a pack of crazed skunks digging holes in your yard.
The point is, we can’t get too enamored with our purchases in real life or in fantasy football. We must consider the opportunity cost of what we’re giving up, what else we might be able to acquire and the possible repercussions of these acquisitions. What might seem like a great purchase today could leave us with a yard full of skunk holes and an unhappy girlfriend tomorrow. This must be a burden we’re willing to bear as we tread the path to fantasy football glory!
BUY
James Conner – Jimmy C needs to be owned in every league right now. Hurry, go pick him up, I’ll wait! Unlikely as it seems, if Le’Veon Bell chooses to sit out several games to start the year, Conner could fall seamlessly into an RB1 workload to begin the season. Even if Bell reports to camp in the next couple days, Conner should still be a very strong play for week 1.
Geronimo Allison – The Packers have denied shopping Randall Cobb, but nobody believes them. At this point we do have to assume Cobb is staying put, but he’s very injury prone and Rodgers already seems to enjoy the pow wow with Chief Geronimo. If anyone can support three useful fantasy receivers it’s A-A-ron.
Sony Michel – Sony’s fantasy demand has fallen harder than Playstation 2 once XBox came out. People are quick to forget the Patriots spent a first round draft pick on Michel. He’ll have a rapidly growing role as the season moves forward and could be a real difference maker. Act now, the buy window is quickly closing.
Peyton Barber – Ronde and Tiki’s long lost cousin (completely made that up, but it sounds believable), has been gaining steam all the way up to the finish line of draft season. If your league drafted early, the hair trimmer was likely taken in the late rounds. It’s worth sniffing around to see the attachment level of his owner.
Kerryon Johnson – The presence of vulture Blount and hands Riddick have suppressed My Wayward Son’s preseason hype. Remember, the Lions moved up to draft Kerryon much like the Saints did for Kamara in the previous draft. Sure, the Detroit backfield could continue to be a headache, but the upside is undeniable. If his owner is willing to let you touch the Johnson at a reasonable price, get handsy.
Phillip Lindsay – Yes, I’m actually recommending the Broncos’ unknown number three running back. The one they call Tasmanian Devil impressed in the preseason, eventually getting work with starters in the week three dress rehearsal and then receiving an unexpected night off for the fourth preseason game as he’d already made the team: no small feat for an undrafted rookie running back. Currently Lindsay is only a deeper PPR league recommendation, but there’s a chance he’s already the third down back in Denver meaning the stock will soon be rising.
Marlon Mack – Jordan Wilkins is the Colts running back my podcast co-host, B_Don, has been touting since the NFL draft. Little did we know by early September some people would actually be drafting Wilkins ahead of Marlon Mack! Now, I don’t know if Marlon-man is actually good but once he gets healthy I expect Mack to get every chance at the number one job in Indy. You might be able to land him for next to nothing right now.
John Brown – This may come as a surprise, but Donkey Teeth is no sickle cell expert; however, word on the street is Smokey Brown’s condition was exacerbated by the Arizona climate. I’ve also read numerous reports of Brown being a standout in Ravens camp. He went undrafted in tons of fantasy leagues; scoop him up if you have space.
Tre’Quan Smith – DJ Moore and Michael Gallup are the rookie receivers everyone’s talking about this draft season, but don’t sleep on Quan. The third round rookie out of UCF only has to battle with 33 year old Ted Ginn, 37 year old Ben Watson and mediocre Cam Meredith for targets behind Micheal Thomas. Don’t forget the fantastic rookie season Thomas put together with Brees only two seasons ago.
SELL
LeSean McCoy – Real games haven’t even begun yet, so I can’t recommend selling anyone too aggressively. However, Shady is one player I’d be looking to get out from under at first chance. I have no clue if he’ll be suspended, but the risk is very real; the commissioner can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants. Add to this a terrible offensive line and Nathan Peterman at QB…GET OUT! I wouldn’t sell Shady for a used copy of Who is Grey Albright?, but if you kick in some mustache oil and skunk poison then you have my attention!
That wraps it up for this edition of Buy/Sell. This will be a bi-weekly column throughout the season. Feel free to hit me up with any trade or add/drop questions or ideas for solving my skunk issues in the comments. Now let’s watch some football!
Find Donkey Teeth on Twitter @DonkeyTeeth87. Subscribe to his podcast with @DiktaSausagePod: Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports on Itunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.
