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Bruce Campbell has become one of those rare actors where people have simply asked him to play ‘Bruce Campbell’. Very few actors can pull this off and make a career out of it. Only other one that comes to mind right now is Christopher Walken. Can they play dramatic roles? Sure but even while Christopher Walken told you about 5 long years of your daddy wearing his watch up his ass, it was Walken telling you. You reach that stage of caricature only a few times with actors and Bruce Campbell is that guy. He plays the smug, badass hero. I mean, there’s a movie called ‘My Name Is Bruce‘, people. Yes, he plays a smug bad-ass like only Bruce Campbell can. Why all this talk of caricatures and playing yourself? Well, one, I’m quoting Army of Darkness for my title and any chance I get to talk about that movie, I make sure and take advantage of. Two, for all the things that Doug Martin has not been this year – superstar in the stats department – he’s still been the 12th best running back off the board in PPR leagues. Though he’s been minimally involved in the passing to date – only 4 receptions – he’s second in the NFL in rushing yardage. You could say he’s a caricature of a star running back because no one is taking him seriously. He’s just there, producing but not wowing anyone. Oh hey, there’s another 100 total yards of offense from Dougie Fresh. Psssh, big deal, seen that before. You see, he’s been productive but not blow you out of the water productive. Now I know there’s a lot of fears going around Tampa Bay right now. The team is considered on death’s door. But that hasn’t stopped them from keeping Martin involved as he leads the NFL in rushing attempts. As the pundits currently say, Martin’s gonna eat. I don’t even really know what that means but I understand it to be a positive. So check in and see if Martin owners are fed up with his solid but unspectacular performance to date. Then when he goes off at the end of the year you can say, ‘Hail to the King, Baby’. God I love that movie. And Bruce Campbell. In other buy/sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Greetings Razzballer’s, before we run down the jammer crammer’s that could save your fantasy season, please join your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru in the Fantasy Hot Tub Time Machine as we take a short spin through the space-time continuum back to the year 1962. *wavy lines wavy lines* What the hell’s going on here? Hey, look out for that iceberg! Oh, it’s 1912, my bad. I’m king of the world! *more wavy lines* I want to welcome you all to the King’s X Cocktail Bar in Oakland, California. Grab a Manhattan and watch as three Mad Men types – Raiders part-owner Wilfred “Bill” Winkenbach, Raiders “public relation” guy Bill Tunnell and reporter Scotty Stirling – create something that will frustrate and anger all of us for the next 50 years…Fantasy Football. Anytime you combine a wealthy owner with a private dick, a headline fabricator and a pitcher of Tom Collins’ “brilliant” ideas are bound to spring up. Thus, that’s how the Greater Oakland Professional Pigskin Prognosticators League turned into this frustrating game we devote more time and energy to than it actually deserves. Now raise a glass to Bill and the boys, lay a few sawbucks on the ’62 Packers and get your fanny perpendiculars back in the hot tub. *yet more wavy lines* It’s time to jam it or cram it.

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2013 RCL FootballAnother great week of RCL action has wrapped up, as the undefeated herd thins with fewer 0-loss teams.  If you still haven’t taken a gander yet, we’ve got the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against your Razzball competitors in your journey to RCL glory.

 

RCL Top ScorerTOP SCORER:  In a slightly down week of scoring across RCLs, Puttin on the Fitz of the Rancho Rajneesh topped the RCL field with 187.84 points and crushing the other 299 teams.  Nice work Fitz!  Crazy as that is, he even had Daryl Richardson put up a zero in his flex, but with no other double-digit scorers on his bench, he wouldn’t have topped 200 anyway.  The Matt Prater game last night shot Fitz into the RCL lead by only 0.22 points!  Led by huge weeks from Antonio Brown, DeMarco Murray and Jimmy Graham, all common players on top teams this week, Fitz moves to 2-1 and second in the league.  With another big week, ReadOptionForDummies moves into second overall in the RCL standings at 3-0.  It should be a tough battle between those two for supremacy atop the Rajneesh!

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There are certain things in life you can’t predict. When the market will drop like it did in 2009, when the Middle East will find peace like it did in never, and when we will find out what Foxes say. If you can solve this mystery, Unca Scooge, you might rewrite history or so Ducktales taught us long ago. One thing that history has taught us and that we can predict is that as long as Peyton isn’t too old to throw the football, he’s gonna be a monster. After spending most of the night having as many incompletions as he did touchdowns, Peyton Manning finished with 3 touchdowns on 32/37 passing for 374 passing yards and his first turnover of the season on a sack/fumble combo. Sure, it wasn’t the night of ages like his 7 touchdowns to start the season but with this game in the books, Peyton is now on pace for 4496 passing yards, 64 passing touchdowns and ZERO int. I put that in caps so you didn’t miss it. Manning at 37 has the best receiving crew he’s ever had surrounding him his entire career and he’s taking full advantage at this point. I ranked him in the Matt Ryan tier behind guys like Russell Wilson, RG3 and Cam Newton. Don’t ask, I must’ve been reading too much into the read option. The ‘he can’t keep this pace’ argument isn’t valid. We know that and we’re not expecting it. But could he pass for 50 TDs this year? Very possible. This is a Bronco team on a mission and Peyton is leading the charge. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

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Oh man, how one single week can change everything!  After looking like a team that was toast in another heartbreaking loss, my Carolina Panthers went beast mode on the Giants in the biggest shutout smack down in our team’s history.  He Hate Me!  So much fun.  And with that shot of adrenaline, the entire Razzball Podcast family was healthy and ready for action this week, with Nick and I breaking down action in the NFC and DraftKings, Jaywrong and Nick going over what the H happened to Jay’s Chargers and the rest of the AFC, Murph bringing us the carnage report on this week’s injuries, and Sky telling you who to nab off the wire.  Good luck to everyone tonight if your game is hinging on Monday Night Football and good luck in week 4!

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Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. It’s been a few weeks, since I already skipped one post assignment… (Which I probably shouldn’t have, since the football gods gave me this ridiculous match-up to cover instead of the NFC West showdown last week. Which actually wasn’t much of a showdown when you think about it, so I guess there’s that.) So yeah, Chicago and Pittsburgh… Ugh. Can I just write about Breaking Bad instead Sky? Please? Sigh… So, how did I make a game like this watchable? That’s right folks, the answer lies in a newly created section for this series. (To go along with my score and a quick summary of the game, DRUNKEN BULLET POINTS, world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs, and a wonderful concluding thought.) And what’s that new section? Follow me after the jump and find out…

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I got a lot of curious looks this week for ranking Cam Newton as my number two QB behind Peyton. Pretty sure I was the only one that ranked him that high. Via FantasyPros, his highest rank was 2 so I guess there COULD be another person just as crazy as me out there, but not moreso. The naysayers said things like ‘The Panthers have looked terrible’ and ‘Cam’s been a bum all year so far’ and ‘You can’t do that on television!’ and other nonsensical senselessness. Well, ok all things true but I’ll say this. For how ‘bad’ the Panthers have looked on offense, the Giants defense has looked like the Invisible Man out there for most of the year. Something had to give and on this Sunday, Cam went HAM on the poor Giants defense, going 15/27 for 223 passing yards, added 45 on the ground and chucked in a total of 4 TDs with one being a rushing TD. I can hear you now saying ‘Is Cam back?’ and all I can say is he’s never really left. Sorry everyone, this is the life of being a Newton owner. He has limited weapons surrounding him unless either LaFell or Ginn step up along side Steve Smith like they did today on a consistent basis. Moving forward, Cam is still Cam and Cam can still go HAM at any given time but this is one of the few times the Panthers have really utilized his wheels as much as they did today. Clearly it was effective and I’m sure Cam and his owners hope this change is here to stay. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

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Well, despite it only being a measly three weeks into the season, it feels like every owner is dealing with a handful of questionables in their line-ups this morning – much to the chagrin to those of us wanting to pregame like we’re in college for our noon football game.  And to those of us with guys in late games.  I mean, c’mon I don’t want to have to watch Chris Berman for three straight hours to get reports on who’s playing!  Although, I wouldn’t mind listening to him on commercial breaks…

It’s already gotten into that time of year when you have to make last second decisions based on news reports coming out mere hours before kickoff.  Right now, I’m torn on Larry Fitzgerald.  Sure everything points to him playing, but is this another Roddy White limited game?  I’m moving Fitz down a few pegs.  And past Fitz there’s a whole Seattle slew of other guys with question marks we will know more about (but still not enough) as we approach kick-off.  That’s why we have the comments section!  I’ll be here all morning with my thoughts on your line-up decisions, along with some picks below.

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Do you remember the days when teams each had one running back to carry the load from 1st through 3rd down? Lumbering through the pain of worn out cartilage in their knees and treating pain killers like a food group. Now we have a world of 3rd down backs, pass blocking backs, full time, part time, short yardage (that use to be called a fullback) and some baby backs….yeah I’m pointing at you David Wilson. With the first two weeks in the books we can walk away from all this with a little bit of sanity knowing what we all didn’t know, we didn’t know together, and what we did know was laced with lies. For those of you that know me as Jack, I’m here to help break down and navigate the wonderful world of handcuffs. To help guide you, please take the contents of the little baggy I put under your seats, oh wait, that’s a different blog. To help guide you, if you are in a shallow league pay attention to the top, if you are in a 12 team, then give yourself a high five and if you are in a deep league pay attention to the bottom.

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Instead of diving in with the usual pizzazz, I want to step back and take a look at something that happened last week. Baltimore running back Ray Rice was held to 36 yards on 13 carries before leaving with a strained left hip flexor.

And then fantasy football showed its dark side. While we can’t see what was sent to him on his timeline (@RayRice27), it’s safe to say there were quite a few vicious tweets and people verbally puking on him.

What the hell is wrong with people? I get that Twitter gives a platform that can give more direct access to athletes than was ever possible before. To take it that far is ridiculous. This is a GAME, folks. It’s not life and death. As a fantasy doctor, I get life and death. Whether your team wins a game in Week 2 isn’t it.

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Greetings! Tis I, the extraordinary Mr. Beddict, here to shoot fantasy football knowledge from my fingertips to your brains. I’m gonna shoot. I’m gonna shooooooot.  After scouring the box scores for days on end, I’ve concluded that some of my guidance in the comment section might have actually been advantageous. And for that I give myself, Tehol Beddict, two snaps and a twist! It’s reigning men out here in the fantasy football world, and my duty here at Razzball is to handpick a squad of these demi-gods every week and dissect their targets and production for your reading pleasure. It’s been said Bill Simmons flogs the dolphin to my posts. There’s been rumors Peter King has my 1997 Playgirl foldout on his wall. What they don’t understand is that no amount of money could ever tear me away from Razzball, the home of legends like Grey, Rudy, and my sensei Sky-dog. Ok, that’s probably an overstatement. Five hundred would probably get the deal done. Enough about me (is that possible?), let’s get to the players we rode like Seattle Slew for the win, or the so called gladiators who performed like gelded steers during mating season:

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It was a nice return to Philly for the Walrus, Andy Reid, as his Chiefs took down his former team. The team that has been a talk of the NFL despite starting 1-1 with a defense made of wet paper with holes big enough to make Jenna Jamison blush has overshadowed Reid’s new team. You know, the one that has flown under the radar to a 2-0, now 3-0 start. This isn’t fantasy relevant, says the casual reader. Well, CR, I have news for you. Entering the 4Q, Jamaal Charles had 10 carries for about 26 yards. He ended the night with 20 carries for 92 on the ground and a touchdown. You getting the fantasy relevance yet? With how quickly the Eagles offense could strike, Reid went to the drain the clock well down the stretch, leading to what was a decent but boring fantasy night and turned it into fantasy gold as Charles finished with 27 total touches – 7 for receptions – for a total of 172 yards and a score. He could’ve another one in the 4th but real football got in the way of our fake football dreams and dashed it. Moving forward, Jamaal’s still the man in KC and still looks to be a top 3 back in the making. Given Smith’s game managing ways, Charles should see plenty of check downs and yardage the rest of the way. To put it in Beatles terms, ‘Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday’. Hrm, well I give up. There’s zero ways to make a drug-induced song by the Beatles relevant to tonight’s game other then the title. Goo-Goo-G’Joob! In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from week 3…

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