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Greetings! Tis I, the fabulous Mr. Beddict, here to review some stats I found downright fascinating from the NFL’s opening weekend. You know me as Razzball’s resident fantasy football and now fantasy baseball champion(is it too early to say that?No), philanthropist, model, escort, and part-time stripper. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that when I’m around, women flock like the salmon of Capistrano. And if there’s another thing I know, it’s how to absolutely dominate in the field of fantasy sports. I’m not one to brag or self promote my but my legend runs deeper than the Mariana Trench. Help me help you in winning your fantasy title this season. Brotherhood of Razzball readers; I’d rather fight beside you than any other site and their millions of peasants. Let no man forget how menacing we are. We are lions! Do you know what’s there, waiting, beyond the regular season? Immortality! Take it, it’s yours!

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On a night of this caliber (or calibre if you’re from the other side of the Atlantic), it was really hard to find something that would make girls scream their damn fool heads off like the fab 4 just walked onto the Ed Sullivan show. Trust me, I searched far and wide. The closest I could come was Brady’s hair from circa the ‘damn, he fine’ era. Very boyishly charming and the quintessential anti-foppish response to being clean cut and dandy to make everyone think you’re a gentleman. Well our main story of Thursday Night Football, Julian Edelman, did try to pull off something similar but lets face facts: Pearl Jam > Creed > Edelman. I know it really hurts, bro, but not everyone can pull off the ‘down with the man…whoever that is’ look, especially not a chiseled athlete. It just doesn’t suit you (but nice Beatles shirt). What does suit Edelman, though, you ask? Brady and in particular his love for small white guys running a quick slant. Know what suits PPR owners? Being owners of Julian, of course. Edelman finished the night with 13 receptions and 78 yards on 18 receptions, good for an obscene 20.8 points in our Razzball Commenter Leagues settings. That’s sans touchdowns which could also pretty much sum up this game. With the Pats missing three major targets, Edelman stepped up and…well, he didn’t really do much. I think he had a couple of first down catches. Yeah…pretty much that and a buncha 3-5 yard pops. A 6.0 ypc average would be good…if it were yards per carry and not catch. Ugh, this game was pretty nasty and the weather didn’t help. But let’s stay focused (that was more for me than you). Edelman is going to be a low-end WR2 for the next few weeks for some reasons I’ll discuss later on. If you somehow slept through your first Waiver wire adding period and so did the rest of your league mates, well, your league sucks and go pick Julian up. Here’s what else I saw on Thursday Night Football for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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In my Week 1 Rankings, I mentioned how it’s risky to start rookies in their first career game. The ceiling can be high if a rookie DB is underestimated by an opposing QB, but the floor is also low if a first-year LB can’t adjust to the speed of the pro game. That held true for the most part, as several rookies looked very impressive last weekend, while others… well others didn’t even see the field.

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Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules:

  • You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with. You may join in any week.
  • You can wager on the spread or Over/Under for any NFL game, so long as your pick is made by kickoff of that game. The Yahoo Sports Odds page is a good place to get betting lines: you may use the best line you find available when you make your post, but revisions to wagers are not allowed.
  • Your wager must be in an increment of $10.
  • You must beat the House: Therefore, you only receive 90% of your wager for a win ($9 on a $10 bet), but lose 100% of your wager on a loss.
  • Your wager may be any amount between $10 and your full bankroll.
  • New this year: If you lose your entire bankroll, you are allowed a re-buy for another $1,000. Unlimited re-buys are available.
  • New this year: Bet the Farm staff will keep track of the full leaderboard for all participants. However, any player who has taken a re-buy will be listed below all players who have not taken a re-buy – even those with lower current balances. It’s always better to not lose all your money. Players with two re-buys will be listed below those with one re-buy, and so on.
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There are some things in life that just don’t work out the way you want them to. You want to be a rock star. But you’re an accountant and you sound like Darius Rucker. Hootie and The Blowfish were never a rock band so you’re never going to be a rock star. I know, I’m sorry, the truth hurts. But once you figure that out, you get to pay better attention to what you CAN do and you start singing at college coffee houses to 15 to 20 disaffected youth. It’s a good feeling to know your place. Well, I think the Jags have finally figured out what Blaine Gabbert is: he’s not a rock star. I don’t even know if he should be singing in coffee shops which I’ll say is a euphemism for the CFL. Admittedly, he was hurt last week and probably shouldn’t have played but the facts are facts: his team scored zero points with him at the helm and he was slinging it everywhere but to his receivers. If you don’t believe me, just ask Cecil Shorts. He finished last week with just 3 catches on 11 targets. That’s some straight up Skelton to Fitz circa 2012 if you ask me. Thankfully, this week Cecil gets not one but two benefits. Firstly, Henne steps in to QB the Jags, a man with whom he had a very good rapport in 2012. Secondly, he gets to face Oakland. I don’t know if you’ve heard this one before, but they aren’t very good. This should be a coming out of your Shorts party for Cecil and his backfield bro, MJD and a main reason why I said to Buy them yesterday. In other points of differentiation, I like S-Jax more then others this year week as I’m playing the ‘former team, emotional player’ motif with him and sliding Ray Rice down due to the Cleveland front being better then people are willing to give them credit for. Don’t ask about Amendola, I’ll tell you out right: it’s me praying he plays. I’ll move Edelman/Thompkins up if he’s scratched but until it’s 100% true, I shall stay in denial. Defenses…well, just look at my 8-10 and their comparison to the ECR. Pretty clear how I stand there. I don’t post buys on defenses but Dallas’ approach reminded me a lot of what the Bears do out there: ballhawks everywhere. Could be a good, sneaky hold if you got them for this week the rest of the way. And with me devolving into talking about defenses, it’s time to get on with it. Here’s your weekly rankings for week 2 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Alright, a little self-promotion before we get started. I don’t mean to brag, but I put up 206 points in the Razzball Writer’s League for week 1; outscoring the next closest team by more than 25 fantasy points. Did I mention I did that without Peyton Manning? Will this happen every week? Absolutely not, but if you’re looking for some quick fantasy advice, I have now created a Twitter account (@JRLoudon) for all of your questions. Razzball is still the best place for all your fantasy advice, but a lot can happen between each article’s publication and Sunday’s games so follow @JRLoudon for some additional thoughts and last minute advice.

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Well, the first week has happened and as we all know, the first week means everything. We can pencil in Peyton to throw 112 touchdowns on the year. We can also mark Ray-Ray down for only 576 rushing yards but he will catch 128 passes. In this same vein of thought, I’m leading our season of buys on a game that feels like it was so long ago now because we’re a generation of people who think instant message should equal instant response. I’m looking back over comments and I keep seeing the worry about our man Eric Decker. During a night where Peyton tied an NFL record for touchdown passes in a single game, Decker finished the night with 2 receptions for 32 yards on 7 targets. That’s what the stats say. Wanna know what I say? He t-rexed a back of the end zone touchdown and dropped another 10-15 yard bunny later. His night could’ve easily been at least 55 and a touchdown on 4 receptions. But bad nights happen to everyone. They’re gonna happen to your guys here and there all season. It’s natural. But some nights look worse then others and when it’s your first week of the year in the first game of the year in a Nationally Televised and scrutinized game, it’s painfully clear. The guy who started Decker is panicking right now. Welker went off. Demaryius went off. Orange Julius went off. Hell, even Caldwell caught a touchdown! Decker’s trash! Throw him out with the bathwater! The key thing to remember here is he was third on the team in targets with 7. Tied with your boy Julius. Oh and he was targeted in the RZ on his drop. Then Wes got his second TD of the night on the very next play. I’m not saying you should be throwing your signed Alan Thicke photo in on the deal here, of course. The guy you’re trading with has to be worried enough to cough him up for something of lesser value and I think the fear about Eric should be big enough to make that happen. In other Buy/Sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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It was an exciting opening week for the NFL and we fantasy baller’s are either twerking in celebration or connecting the garden hose to the Tauraus’ tailpipe. It’s probably a little early in the season to do either. Besides, this could happen when the twerk goes wrong. There were plenty of surprises opening Sunday. There were […]

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2013 RCL FootballWeek 1 is in the books!  Thanks to everyone coming out and joining the RCL community.  The official count is 276 RCL teams plus another 12 from Sky’s Expert League and the 12 in our Razzball Writer’s League.  Whoa!  An equal 300.  I feel like we are all wearing togas with spray painted abs.  Blaine Gabbert is like, “my errant passes will block out the sun!” And Andy Reid and the Chiefs say they’ll play in the shade.  It is Arrowhead after all…

Sorry again I wasn’t able to get on the pod to give the RCL top-scorer through Sunday an on-air shout out; Nick was curled up in the corner with his poutines and a bottle of Canadian Club while David Wilson threw up a negative.  “I just can’t even take hearing it from JB again for a whole ‘nother year!”  We’ll get the “technical difficulties” we had this week sorted out, so field the best week 2 team for glory.  This is Sparta!

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I’m not gonna lie to you, this is being typed drunk. How drunk you ask? Well my man Chip Kelly has finally gone from Pinocchio to real boy and most of the next game I had to write up while trying to read the keys through nacho vomit, if that gives you any indication. TMI? Prolly, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that my alma mater’s former coach put on a bit of a ‘yes we can’ response to the ‘you can’t do that in the NFL’ response to the naysayers tonight and I celebrated…maybe a bit too much. How many fingers am I holding up? Yes, yes imaginary reader I’ll admit it looks a bit blurred but no more then the Eagles offense did tonight. What I do see is one finger. Namely the middle. Because that’s what I expect to see from all of you after I tell you to be cautious of your Eagles components, in particular Michael Vick. I’m not a person who always aims for the negative but let me be the developer to your photographer here and point out that – as glorious as Vick’s night was – he spent more time limping then holding his arm up in victory. Vick took a lot of shots tonight and that needs to NOT go unnoticed. Chip’s never been kind to his QBs in terms of abuse received and for all that is great about Vick, his stats tonight (15/25 for 203 yards passing with 2 touchdowns, 9 for 54 yards and a TD on the ground) might be a swan song. I saw a lot of limping and a lot f big hits tonight. Now I’m not here to tell you to sell right off the bat but just be weary that the guy you drafted as a potential QB1 – and Vick really is that – just might be injured too soon to pan out. Next week is San Diego at home and though I do expect a different play out from the Eagles sideline, it’s good to note that Vick is awesome when healthy but unsellable when dead. In other news from Monday Night Football for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Due to “technical difficulties,” the DraftKings Razzball Studio was unable to support having me on the show this week.  We all know that Nick was screening my calls.  He just couldn’t take the reaming he was going to get about David Wilson.  I was frothing at the mouth for this podcast like the end of Old Yeller.  If only there was someone in the fantasy community that has been anti-Wilson since he was drafted!  The David Wilson hot tub gonna be lonely tonight!  All I have to say is none of my teams got that nice little negative 2.10 and Nick is still gonna get it next week.  I mean, the phone system being down then Nick gets to make a one-sentence joke at me to get out of it?  Really?!  REALLY?!  Luckily our resident West Coasters – Editor-In-Chief Sky and Awesome-In-Chief Murph – were able to record their segments on Waiver Wire moves and injuries.  Since I wasn’t able to get connected, as promised an RCL shout out to the top-scoring team through Sunday to Milton’s Street Team in Guru’s Razzbro League putting up 200.78 points led by Colin Kaepernick and Anquan Boldin.  Special shout out to the #2 scoring team Will and the Pirates – my mole in the Nick the Podcast Host League!  I wanted a good friend in that league to be sure Nick’s record stays lower than the Jaguars.  They put up 199.38 led by Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson; should be a tough team.  Go Pirates!  I’ll have a full article recapping everything RCL coming out tomorrow with the official high-scoring week 1 winner and a look into each league’s early front-runners.

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Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football, which is tacitly accepted as the premiere time-slot. This series of 17 (likely) posts will be much like last year. Except we’re going to do a little format change, cause that’s how I roll. First section will be the score and a quick summary of the game. Quick, just the way your mother likes it. The second section will be my DRUNKEN BULLET POINTS. All caps, why? BECAUSE THAT’S WHY. Which totally answers your question. And then next, the world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs. And then a wonderful concluding thought. Because I know you care of such things. So let’s see how this goes with an already indiscriminate amount of bourbon in my system.

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