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Your fantasy football team is a disaster. I know with these waiver wire recommendations we will make your team great again. These players are winners. With the help of these players your team will be winning again. I know the best players in the world. I know the good ones, I know the bad ones, I know the overrated ones. The San Francisco 49ers running back situation is a disaster. Carlos Hyde suffered a shoulder injury. Mike Davis is his replacement. Dion Lewis could return to practice this week. Don’t know what to do? Here’s advice from somebody with a very good brain that’s said a lot of things…

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Welcome back, my loyal Horde. We are almost at the halfway point in the season and up until now, things have been pretty busy. Speaking of busy, wow, what an eventful week it has been this past week, right?. It seems that my Black Widow Curse was out in full force in Week 6 and I lost quite a few people, including my starting quarterback. Sorry Ben, nothing personal but at least now you know what it feels like to fall victim to something more powerful than you. Kind of like the co-eds you…oh, wait, I’m going to take the high road here (fill in the blanks if you will). I have to admit, by far, this is one of the worst Fantasy Football seasons I have ever been a part of, if not the worst. I can’t seem to pull a win out of anywhere (and believe me, I’ve tried). My booms are busts and my busts are busts. I am just heaving with such ample bust(s) (in more ways than one) that it’s a wonder that I can get anything done. Oh, the pains of loving something that completely abuses you every week and doesn’t love you back. Now I know how the men I have dated feel. But, it is what it is, and like some women, I am hoping to stay in this thing long enough to change things for the better, but we all know how that works out. I’m going to keep trying though. Not just for me, you see, but for all of you, my loving and trusting horde. Without you, I am still pretty amazing, but you give me some purpose. So, without further ado, let’s see what I can do to satisfy your weekly craving for me by giving you Hit it or Quit it, Week 7.

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I mean, after Sunday Night Football‘s barn burner, could my heart take Jets vs. Cardinals? Uh, yeah. Apparently there was room to spare. I’m not quite sure what else to say about whatever it is I watched last night, but it involved Patrick Peterson dressing up as a tyrannosaurus rex. So there’s that, I guess. Yeah, sure, it might have been interesting to see if the Jets could pull off an upset against a pretty meh Cardinals team as a reason to delude themselves into thinking their season wasn’t over yet… But then you remember it’s the Jets in prime time and you wonder what you did to deserve this. And that’s not even including the fact that you have to deal with Chris Berman. I’m going to get five more jobs and work really hard. Then I’m going to save my money and invest some of it. Then I’m gonna cut my costs down as much as I can. Then I’ll be rich. And then I’m going to launch a satellite into space that has a high-powered rail gun on it. And then I’m going to shoot it at Chris Berman. Oh, and David Johnson is the man. That is all.

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While many of us wondered why we would ever watch a Colts and Texans Oilers (their momma named ’em the Oilers, so I’m going to call ’em the Oilers) Sunday Night Football game, you have to remember that we all make bad life decisions. I mean, what’s the NLCS anyways? Is that like the LGBT or something? But hey, sometimes the games that you give zero efs about with no one to cheer for turn out great. This was not one of those times, at least not until the fourth quarter where we suddenly found ourselves in overtime (where I immediately said to myself: “sh*t, we’re in overtime”). Since the Texans Oilers aren’t a real team, it probably made a lot of sense there was a fairytale ending (thanks in large part to that amazing catch by Jaelen Strong shown above). On top of that, you might wonder why we’re talking about the Texans Oilers, and I’d like to use it as a fantasy football segue… Week 6 is behind us and at this point, and you should know where you are in the great and very metaphorical fantasy football landscape. Much like how the Texans Oilers, now at 4-2, know that they are a team that is in the hunt for the playoffs, they could use a little bit more help from certain players, and a little bit luck to make their push. I’d like to think that describes a majority of fantasy teams out there right now, minus the whole Brock Osweiler thing. What I’m saying here might even describe fantasy teams that find themselves atop their respective leagues, but unfortunately, probably not the teams that find themselves at the bottom with an 0-6 record. Coming back from such a deficit may not be worth thinking about, so in times like this when you are way behind (something I’m quite familiar with… something we all are), my recommendation is to drink up. I mean, don’t drink too much… motionless and face down is not how I want to see anybody. (There’s a great Bill Cosby joke around here somewhere, but I’ll settle for: I’ll take “Things Darren Sharper has never said” for $1,000 Alex.) But if you’re one of the teams lagging a bit behind, let’s say you are 1-5 or 2-4, and desperate hope combined with dark wizardry are the only vehicles driving your will to play until another fantasy obsession distracts you (granted, Texans Oilers games are technically considered torture porn, if that’s your thing), well, now is the time to do wild stuff. Do some crazy trades, make some risky decisions, just let all your inhibitions go. True, this might be like buying an extra bottle of Centrum Silver to help fight stage four lung cancer, but… you’ve got nothing to lose. And for those of you are in the middle of all this mess? Well then, that’s why Razzball is here. Oh, and if you’re a Colts or Texans Oilers fan, I’d appreciate it if you found some different teams to like…

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With the Chargers game won and done with this past Thursday, I can finally ditch my usual Sunday malaise and enjoy football as a true unbiased spectator. And what better way to do that than by watching a riveting 49ers vs. Bills game. Jesus Christ NFL. Alright, alright, you’re right, I won’t go through my often-used diatribe on how this year’s schedule looks like it needed a little bit less cocaine and probably a bit higher literary rate for those who conceived of, so let’s celebrate the good games today. All three of them. First, the Falcons have a chance to start their soul and season crushing six game losing streak against the Seahawks, the Dakboys take on the Packers and an uncharacteristically sh*tty version of Aaron Rogers at the currently unfrozen tundra. And last, and certainly least, the 1-4 Panthers take on the 1-3 Saints, in what should be a fun dumpster fire. Cam Newton should be starting, so don’t add the tires yet… but be sure to keep them on standby.

Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections for Week 6 by clicking here. And as always, our updated rankings are available after the jump!

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Ahh, it’s that refreshing time of year when the scorching heat is finally dying down, and the weather is turning cold enough to completely forget about the summer. With the middle of the season approaching, the fantasy outlook, like the weather, is rapidly changing.  Sure you may have had one of the best teams in the league when Eric Decker and DeAngelo Williams were still producing, but those days are gone and their positions have been filled. This is true for many of the players you drafted, whether they were once putting up great numbers or not, and it’s about time to adapt to the changes. Get ready to trust in players you never thought you would, in this week’s Beyond the Numbers.

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What’s good amigos? Don’t be startled. The door was unlocked so I let myself in. Calm down. Let’s be friends. Here, let me loosen the zip ties and we’ll start with a proper introduction. I’m Honcho, the bearer of good tidings. I’m here to bless you with only the best passing and rushing match ups of the week. Obviously if you own Le’Veon Bell and Tom Brady you’re playing them. They won’t be mentioned below. Deal with it, bro. So anyway, bring your green hat because we’re going streaking! This is such a bittersweet time of the season. I mean, we’re nearly half way through the regular portion of the fantasy schedule and the air is starting to have a chill to it here in the Midwest. That means a variety of things, but most importantly – football season is in full swing. Is there anything better than throwing on your favorite jersey or sweatshirt and gathering around a roaring Galaxy Note 7 to roast some marshmallows with your closest friends? Yeah, that’s the best. Just you and your closest acquaintances debating who gets to dress up as Ken Bone for this years Halloween party. Sounds hot right? Thought so. You know what else is hot right now? Phoenix. They’re prepping for the return of their beloved quarterback and it will be a glorious reunion. You see, Carson Palmer cleared the concussion protocol earlier this week and he’s ready to wreak havoc on the Jets’ and their porous pass defense. As Donald Trump would so eloquently put it: “The Cardinals are going to win – they’re going to win so big on Monday night.” Most of you might be hesitant to believe this, due to the slow start Palmer has produced thus far. But fear not as the Jets have allowed 302.4 passing yards per game this season, that’s good for second worst in the league. The fact that Darrelle Revis is still very questionable for this contest should have you inflating your Bruce Arians blow-up dolls to the legal limit. New York has surrendered 12 passing scores through their first five games while generating just two interceptions. That’s not ideal. What’s worse, they’re allowing opposing QBs an average of 25.8 fantasy points per game since Week 3 along with 13.4 points given up to tight ends. Both rank as second worst in the NFL. Sounds like a date in the desert Monday night. I’ll pick you up at 8:37 PM EST.

Here’s a look at my favorite passing and rushing match ups for Week 6:

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ST. LOUIS, MO - NOVEMBER 15: Todd Gurley #30 of the St. Louis Rams carries the ball in the first quarter against the Chicago Bears at the Edward Jones Dome on November 15, 2015 in St. Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)

Welcome to Week 6! This is my favorite time of the fantasy year. We get to reflect on the last five weeks, figure out the missing pieces that are needed to take our fantasy game to take the next step, and act upon those missing pieces. If things have gone bad for you, don’t worry about it, and if things have gone pretty terribly, don’t worry about it as well. Some situations such as those with C.J. Anderson and Devontae Booker have fantasy owners asking themselves, “Who do I stash?”, or “Who has the better future in hold”? Questions like these might make or break your fantasy year based off of timing and effective Waiver Wire maneuvering. However, not all running backs are being threatened of workload to an up-and-coming rookie in the fold. Some backs have the job locked up, and are even moving on to an increasingly larger workload based off of numerous factors. So let’s head out to L.A. and get started!

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My favorite NFL soundbite is of Vince Lombardi yelling out to one of his legendary Packer teams, “What the hell’s going on out here?” I laugh every time because it’s really a statement that can be used in almost any context. Driving in heavy traffic on the freeway through a construction zone and see a bunch of guys standing around: (insert Lombardi.) Trying to catch up on some “light reading” in the bathroom and your kids sound like a freakin’ parade is going through your living room: (insert Lombardi.) But, because it’s from the football universe, I thought it was an appropriate transition into this week’s RCL updates…

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Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of “I’m Sorry Guys”, our recurring series here at Razzball where I apologize for not being in the comments for last week’s article and for not doing my normal weekly opening paragraph due to major life events. This week, I’ll talk about how I didn’t write the usual lede because I just got engaged this past weekend, and nobody bothered to tell me that planning a wedding is pretty much a second full-time job. How’d I get engaged, you ask? Well, it was a dreary Saturday in Central Park… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that nobody cares how I got engaged (that’s pretty rude, Jay, but thanks for responding to the questions last week). Let’s jump right into these names, folks.

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Two things were on my mind entering last night’s Thursday Night Football game: First, why are the Chargers wearing a new shade of blue? Second, what soul shattering way would the Chargers lose this week? And if there was a third thing, then I probably would have wondered which Chargers player would get the weekly season-ending injury. But let’s just handle the first two here since no one died last night, besides my liver. (Happens all the time.) So, these color rush uniforms… More like color FLUSH, amiright? Seriously, I’m glad the era of bulb televisions are over and done with, otherwise the Broncos jerseys would have burned a hole into the screen. And you mix in that blue from the Chargers, it’s almost as if someone threw crayons in the washer before the game. And then there was the actual game, which offered us your prototypical Chargers performance… middling at times, amazing at times, all of it masquerading as a vehicle to setup yet another heartbreaking loss in the fourth quarter. What would it be this time? A Rivers pick-six? Another bad snap on a field goal? An alien invasion? A fan rushing the field mid-pass during a game-winning TD with three seconds to go nullifying it all? Oddly, none of that happened. Instead, some field goals, some Hunter; Henry!, and a safety along with the Broncos kind of just fading in the fourth quarter from a combination of costly offensive holding penalties and incurring the penalty of Trevor Siemian holding their offense back. WORD PLAY. Call me, ladies.

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tyrone-biggums

Welcome back to the Razzball streamer article.  I was watching the debate on Sunday for a little entertainment (sorry Collinsworth), and began to imagine what it would be like if Donald Trump played fantasy football.  He would be the guy in your league who makes awful trades and brags to you non-stop about them as if they were genius.  Donald Trump would be the guy who is 1-4 at this point but would point out that he is in the top half of the league in scoring but always gets screwed over with who he played against.  Trump would probably be the guy who would be campaigning to be the commissioner next year for no reason other than to threaten to kick the current commissioner out of the league. If Hillary Clinton played fantasy football it wouldn’t be much better.  Hillary would most likely collude with other league members to make unfair trades and when the commissioner would ask for the evidence of whether the trade was fair or not, those text messages would somehow be deleted.  Also trash talk in your league would be closely monitored for things that could be offensive, so that wouldn’t be very fun.  I’m glad we did this.  It wasn’t at all pointless…

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