It’s here.

It’s finally here.

The Cutline has come and gone. The RazzBowl has bid “goodbye” to half its competitors. There is a Championship Tier, a Wildcard Tier, and from now on, this is one big tournament.

Join me as we examine the latest– significant– changes in the RazzBowl. Shall you?

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The games of Week 9 are upon us, people! In fact, considering I’m writing this on Friday, Week 9 has already begun with what turned into a real barn burner between the Jets and Colts. And as an Elijah Moore owner, I for one welcome our new Thursday Night Football offensive explosion overlords. Let’s dive in to the state of the RazzBowl as of the games of Week 8, so not including my awesome Elijah Moore / Ty Johnson performances!

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With just three weeks of games — and two FAAB runs — left until the first Cutline, the competition is heating up in the 2021 RazzBowl! How does the Top Ten look after last week’s bye-ridden slate? Who blew the last of their FAAB without a runner-up bid? Who flew up the standings, and who dropped like a rock? All this and more is waiting for you inside! So pop the cork on a little frizzante arneis and join me as we explore the current state of RazzBowl 3!

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Yes, yes, dear readers. You are not mistaken. Last week’s installment of your favorite official Razzball-sanctioned 2021 RazzBowl Cutline Tournament Update does not, in fact, exist. I was on vacation to the beautiful Central Coast of California, sampling pinot noir and chardonnay from some of the region’s finest viticulturists. Not that you care about that! No, no — “get on with the RazzBowl Update, Steve!” I hear you yell at your screen.

Fine then. On we go!

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Did it feel like fantasy scoring was just down last week compared to the first two weeks of the season? No? That was just my team? Dang.

Well, hop on in here and take a look at where the RazzBowl sits heading into Week 4.

I think the reason I felt scoring was down last week is I roster a lot of Mahomes and Murray all over the place, and I have way too few rosters with LA Rams on them. Last week the Rams, especially Cooper Kupp, put up a ton of points for fantasy owners.

But the real winners in Week 3 were the owners of some relatively-unsung heroes: Ja’Marr Chase, while a hyped rookie, didn’t really produce in the first two weeks, but he came on strong in Week 3, scoring 22.5 points in the RazzBowl. And Dallas TE Dalton Schultz — I’ve heard of him! I thought he’d be bigger — racked up an astonishing 26 points. 

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How time flies! Here we are, already two weeks of the RazzBowl are in the books. I’d have written you all updates about it, but I was cruising the Rhône river from Avignon to Orange, sampling Châteauneuf-du-Pape from the region’s finest vignerons.

In other words, I was drunk.

Which also explains my $3 FAAB purchase of one Jameis Winston after the games of Week 1. Yikes.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, madames et monsieurs! As the majority of RazzBowl league drafts have wrapped up for the year, I have returned to regale you with the back half of my draft in League 16, and of course, the wine pairings that go with each of my picks!

That’s right! I hope you didn’t think I’d run through this gimmick in just a single article! Ha! Not likely! No no, I plan on driving this Peugeot right off the cliff ala Thelma and Louise, regardless of whether there’s anyone out there who likes it as much as I do–or indeed at all!

So let’s take a look, shall we? Up now, my picks in RazzBowl League 16, rounds 11-20, and the wine that pairs with each of them.

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Razzbowl drafts combine all aspects of fantasy football, including a Bestball format in Weeks 1-9 plus a manager-selected lineup format once the playoffs begin in Week 10. Add in a $10 free agent budget (with no $0 bids) for Weeks 1-10 just for some spice in your life. It’s full PPR but also 6 points per quarterback touchdown. You don’t have to worry about kickers and defense, but all that means is by round 20 the skill position players are looking mighty thin. How can I possible attack a draft like this? The draft strategies in this tournament are as diverse as the league rules, and it’s especially challenging considering the level of competition in each league.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that I welcome you to THE RAZZBOWL!

I will be your humble host for the duration of the tournament. Who am I, you ask? I am the Official Certified Sommelier of Fantasy Football Twitter!

But you can call me Steve.

OK, so there is no official position of “Official Certified Sommelier of Fantasy Football Twitter” but I have been trying to blend my dual passions of fantasy football and wine for many years, like a fine meritage, and I simply decided to stop waiting for the opportunity!

When Donkey Teeth asked me to handle the RazzBowl updates this year, I jumped at the opportunity. What better way to finally bring the worlds of wine and fantasy football together than by hijacking a completely unrelated tournament for my own purposes?!

So here’s how this is going to work: this week and next, I’ll take you through my picks in RazzBowl League 16, and each player will be compared to a wine. Sometimes a grape variety, sometimes a region, and sometimes, even, a specific producer’s specific vintage.

Why, you ask?

Don’t ask. Just enjoy.

By way of a primer, I am selecting from the 8th pick slot. I decided before I began to draft a balanced team as recommended by our very own everywhereblair in his 2021 RazzBowl Guidebook, and more specifically, decided that unless the draft just refused to cooperate, I would target taking a running back in the first round, and a total of three through the first six rounds. Below you’ll find my pick for each round, some manner of rationalization for them, a 2021 projection provided by our own Rudy Gamble, and my pairing, as it were.

Without further ado: rounds 1-10.

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Throughout the ages there have been countless pieces of legendary kitchenware. There was of course that Holy Grail, from which Jesus and his disciples suckled the sweet nectars of enlightenment. Then later there was George II’s silver coffee pot which recently sold for $7 million. And can’t forget Harry Potter’s Goblet of Fire either. Now there’s a new piece of silver-like-material garnering the attention of the world: The RazzBowl. As 189 of the top fantasy analysts in the universe went to battle against 63 of the hungriest fantasy football fans in the multiverse, your benefactor (that’s me, Donkey Teeth) found himself surrounded by wolves and sharks in the early rounds of his RazzBowl draft. Jake Ciely had a crazy look in his eye as he stole Saquon Barkley at pick 8. Rob Waziak took to mental warfare, milking the clock down to fractions of decimals of milliseconds before swiping Diontae Johnson in the 4th round as he lulled the rest of the league into a deep slumber. Joe Bond woke us up by rattling off clever penis inspired league names in an effort to win a free Rotowear t-shirt. All the while I cowered, shaking in the corner, wondering how early I might have to reach for Kerryon Johnson is this league of the undead and unloved. Anyway, here’s the first four rounds of our 2021 RazzBowl draft:

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Razzbowl Guidebook

Welcome, welcome, welcome! If I say it three times into the mirror, the Fantasyman comes and gives me Dalvin Cook at 1.12. There’s not even a supernatural catch! ENYWHEY. Welcome to the 2021 RazzBowl, which was voted by the Razzball staff to be “The Most Important Industry/Fan Better Ball Cutline Season-Long Fantasy Football Tournament” three years running! But maybe you’re thinking, “I’m one of those ‘industry’ folx who just has a schtick and doesn’t have any real imaginary football cred,” or you’re thinking, “I’m just a fan — it’s time to seize the day!” Wherever you land in the scope of imaginary football management, I’m here to point you in the right direction to help your draft, help your in-season play experience, and level up your game to the metaphorical “next level.” Meet me after the jump and I’ll give you everything you need to know to succeed! 

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