Excuse me, everybody, I’m a bit tired from spending the last week pitching the Razzbowl to the Shark Tank investors. See, I thought we had such a good program here — the best ball, the FAAB, the community — that we could turn this [waves hands around frantically] from the world’s biggest free Pros-V-Joes best ball tournament into a lucrative side-business. Then, Mark Cuban started talking about some team he owns, and I started talking about how I drafted Joe Mixon and Leonard Fournette, and then he started saying something about inexperience and over-my-head, and then I took my prop football and I threw it right over his head. Turns out, if you attack a billionaire, there’s a group of people who start following you, but not in a Korean boy-band kind of way. 

So while I write this from the rest stop in eastern Kentucky eluding the finest private security vans that Cuban could hire, I trust that y’all will learn from my mistakes and do a Kickstarter in the future. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Learn more about our 2020 Fantasy Football Subscriptions!

The best blend of accurate and bold weekly projections for QB/RB/WR/TE + PK + Defensive Teams and IDP as well as a kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!.

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

It’s 7AM Tuesday morning. Blair wakes up. Pours the coffee, adds the half and half. Toast with butter and jam. Three kids shouting about Cinnamon Toast Crunch fill the background. His wife returns home from a shift in the ER. More drunken ATV crashes. The smoke from the west coast fires has arrived in the midwest, the morning sun shining red through the haze.

“It’s time to check the Razzbowl standings!” Blair shouts to his family audience, nobody caring in particular. Phone in one hand, coffee in the other, he opens the NFC app on his phone, looking at the league summary. “First place!” he exclaims. But wait. Razzbowl Satellite Rank: 1. He scrolls up. The Razzbowl Online Rank: 234. A tear forms. “Covid patients for covid reasons last night,” his wife says. Another tear forms. 

Looking for solace, he checks his neighbors in the standings. Ah! Yes, there are some powerful names around me. People from Rotoviz, Rotoballer, people who have big publications. People who are leaders in the industry. Blair thinks back to last year, when he drafted Andrew Luck and then Zay Jones in the 8th round. He was in 6th place in a competitive league at one point! Before, well, falling to 11th place and feeling the sting of defeat. 

Blair scrolls to his roster, eyeing Leonard Fournette. “You can do it, Lenny!” he whispers, hardly noticing the two kids hammering cereal spoons at his shins. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[the following is my pitch for Razzball’s retro sci-fi themed magazine, RAZZBOT

The hallways at Razzball corporate headquarters echoed with the sound of piped-in crowd noise, tuned to the Cleveland Browns channel. The angry barks of Ohioans chanting “BAKER MAKER FAKER SHAKER” showed that the noise generator bot had again glitched, stuck in rhyming mode. This pleased Razzball CEO Donkey Chompers, who was the cyborg iteration of his predecessor, Donkey Teeth.

Following the events of 2020, when Kahale Warring scored 18 receiving touchdowns, the Razzball analysts who had drafted him became world-wide celebrities renowned for their prognostication powers. Most of the Razzball analysts decided a career change was in order. BDon, Coach JB, and EverywhereBlair formed a boy band, The Razzbois. Rudy Gamble started a haberdashery for dogs. MB took up a career as Ben Rothlisberger’s stunt double. But Donkey Teeth wanted to become something…more. Having taken $25 off his NFFC best ball tournament by using the code “RAZZAUG,” he saved enough money to hire a high school robotics team and purchase their cheapest cybernetic augmentation: robot teeth. With his dental hygiene automated, Donkey Chompers had enough free time to devote to his new life goal: finding the next Kahale Warring. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Throughout July, I peppered the site with in-depth analysis of the 2019 RazzBowl and gave you the 2020 RazzBowl Guidebook. So, it’s only fitting that I recap my own draft and let you know whether I followed my own advice, or deviated from the script. I’m most of the way through a RazzBowl qualifier draft as well, so I’ll drop my notes and advice from that draft as well. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last year was the debut of the RazzBowl and it was objectively the best thing that happened in 2019. Like any good host, I took it easy on all of our industry guests (and a few lucky fans), bowing out in the first round of the year one playoffs. I’m not saying I threw the contest, but I could have won and instead I let Mike Beers of RotoViz win. Oh, that’s the exact definition of throwing it? Well, now the gloves are coming off in year two—at least until I have to go out to the grocery store. I ran out of disposable gloves week’s ago so now I’m digging into my supply of magnum condoms which I knew would eventually come in handy for something.  If you missed out on this year’s RazzBowl, there’s still a couple ways to win your way into next years contest and compete against some of the biggest names in the fantasy industry. One of those ways is our NFFC Qualifier Money Leagues which has only a couple spots remaining, sign up here:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Razzbowl Guidebook

Welcome everybody!

What is up everyone, and welcome to your one-stop shop for RazzBowl pre-draft materials. If you’re in the RazzBowl, then you’re one of either the lucky Pros or Joes who will compete for fantasy immortality. Come, take a seat, and catch up on some of the articles and “hot taeks.” If you’re not in the RazzBowl, then you’ll still get a lot of value out of this article, like how to draft to win against a large and competitive field of fantasy football heroes, or how to quickly make yourself a fantasy zero. 

This article will be pretty straight-forward: I’ll highlight articles, summarize some tips we learned from studying last year’s winners, and give everybody enough information to have one of the best fantasy football experiences of your life. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At the highest-stakes Texas hold ’em poker table in Iowa, you put your career on the line. Every Friday, a group of graduate students gathered at a professor’s house. This professor, he was short, balding, and a British footballer. If it was your first time at his table, you’d drink wine for free and he’d chip $10 into the pot for you. He’d grab an LP, something you never heard before but was charming, like The Doves or Interpol. A 500-page book sat at the edge of the poker table, and the professor talked about the awards it won and his Cambridge education. He’d invite you back for another game, but next time, you bring the wine and chip in $20 to the pot. By the fifth game, you’re bringing snacks and booze and maybe some of his groceries. The book was always on the table, as were the stories of Cambridge. One night, the soundtrack would be Tom Waits for three hours straight. Who listens to Tom Waits for that long? Of course, he asked you to get the $60 bottle of wine because you’re enjoying your time so much. Seems like the professor is winning more than usual tonight. Around 11PM, you notice there’s some cards missing from the discard pile nearby the professor. You mention it. The professor stands, his hand on his award-winning book, his mood affected by the Pinot Noir you paid for. He looks you in the eye and says, “You’re accusing an award-winning, full professor in your department, from Cambridge, of cheating?” And you realize: it’s the cost of the wine and the buy-in, or your career. You went swimming with the sharks, and you got eaten. You back down. Tom Waits keeps growling in the background. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Boof. It’s in the name. Every once in awhile he’s going to go Boof and leave Donkey to malpractice all on his own. Fortunately, two of our newest Razzball Fantasy Football writers were standing by to jump in and talk football with me on this week’s episode of the hottest show on all of YouTube—yes, even hotter than the topless chick feeding her cats. So Everywhere Blair and Aaron Pags tagged in to save the day. We talk about Cam Newton in New England and whether we’ll be buying the risky fantasy asset this season. Then we dive deep on the RazzBowl as Blair shares a little about his RazzBowl Success Story article and what it takes to finish near the top of the pack. Then Aaron swoops in to brag a little about his top 6 finish in last year’s contest (don’t forget to read Aaron’s RazzBowl Strategy article). All of this and much more philosophical RazzBowl musing on this weeks Boofless episode of Fantasy Football Malpractice! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You want to win RazzBowll II. Well, the feeling is mutual. I competed in the original iteration last season and made it agonizingly close to achieving the dream. Sixth overall! Making it through the final cutline to the Championship Tier was a massive challenge that required hard work and luck alike. For me, the work began in the weeks leading up to the draft when I formulated a plan of attack.

Knowing the scoring and roster settings beforehand is the first step toward being successful. The RazzBowl used the following positions and scoring rubric: 1QB, 2RB, 3WR, 1TE, 2FLEX, and 11Bench, with 12 teams and a 1 point per reception (PPR) style. The twist was the “better ball” format, where your best lineup scores each week until the cutline rounds begin. With this knowledge, I was waiting to draft a quarterback until the middle rounds, since only one could be active each week. I was going to use the extra FLEX to ignore positions longer than I usually would and find as many players who caught passes as possible.

Ignoring positions allows you to expand the player pool to your advantage. It’s common for fantasy managers to “fill” their rosters either consciously or subconsciously. Those empty RB or WR spots naturally begin to carry more weight, and therefore, the drafter starts to narrow down players based on their needs. If your settings give you the leeway, take advantage and broaden your prospective selections without regard for where they fit the puzzle. Be the puzzle master, not mastered by the problem.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Deep in the hills of Los Angeles, there is a sacred space of learning that the kids call, “UCLA.” For those not familiar with the nature of university, it is like a bank where you can keep borrowing money no matter how bad your report card is. On the outskirts of UCLA, there is a junction where students spend their borrowed money. Hip shoppers stop at the Whole Foods, put their Chase Sapphire cards into a point-of-sale machine, and smile with maskless glee as the POS takes nine bucks from their account for a single watermelon. Across the street, there’s an In-N-Out, where students shout “ANIMAL STYLE” and wait for their slathered beef like it was the first co-ed on screen in a slasher film. 

In the winter, the Rose Bowl celebrates the imagined paradise that is California: the orange groves, the rose gardens, the summer nights on the beach with a Mai Tai. The RazzBowl, however, celebrates the real paradise that is California: Raiders Chargers Rams greasy burgers and expensive watermelons. And just like your friends want you to come out for one more $15 Mai Tai before taking the Uber to your dad’s condo, the RazzBowl wants you on board for the wildest ride in fantasy football. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?